Happy Imaginings: Buzz Aldrin

Buzz Aldrin

I think the American Dream used to be achieving one’s goals in your field of choice – and from that, all other things would follow. Now, I think the dream has morphed into the pursuit of money: Accumulate enough of it, and the rest will follow. ~ Buzz Aldrin

There is a book I’ve always wanted to write called 20 famous people worth having a beer with.  Essentially, I want to interview famous people who actually seem down to earth, people who for as famous as they are, seem like they’d still be regular enough people that you’d want to have a drink with them.  Since it is unlikely that I’ll get that opportunity anytime soon, I’ve decided to make up the interviews.  We all have so many imaginary conversations in our heads, I’ve just decided to have some of mine in the ether and share them with you.  This is meant to be a bit of fun, I hope it’s taken that way and hey, if any of the people I’m writing about, the living ones anyway, want to correct the record with an actual interview, I’m all in. ~ Rev Kane

So if you don’t know who Buzz Aldrin is then you should just stop reading this.  Buzz Aldrin is one of the coolest humans to have ever lived for a number of reasons.  First, raw tenacity, he was rejected by NASA, they only took test pilots, well, until they didn’t and took Buzz Aldrin.  He was the second human to walk on the moon, he’s a huge proponent of going to Mars, simply Buzz Aldrin rocks!

Welcome Buzz Aldrin! It’s an absolute honor to meet you sir!

Buzz: Thank you I’m glad to be here, although honestly, I’ve never heard of you.

Me: Well sir, appreciate you giving me the time today.  So you have a number of firsts for humanity.

Buzz: Yes, well one chief second, the second man on the moon, but you’re correct I was the first to eat and drink on the surface of the moon and the first to take a piss!

Me: The eating and drinking, that was communion wafer and wine, correct?

Buzz: Yes, created quite a stir with that one, wasn’t trying to do that, just wanted to thank God for the amazing circumstances.  People saw it as a Christian thing and technically it was but we went to the moon for everyone on Earth regardless of their beliefs.

Me: Even Bart Sibrel?

Buzz: Yes, even for the idiotic crooked jawed piece of shit.

Me: For my readers, Bart Sibrel is a famous moon landing denier, most famous in my book because after luring you to a hotel on false pretenses he called you a liar and a coward and you punched him in the jaw.  On behalf of all scientists I’d like to thank you for that, bet it felt good.

Buzz: In the moment, yeah, hate that I gave him more coverage.  You’re far from the first person to thank me for doing it.

Me: Tell me about your views on going to Mars?

Buzz:  What a bunch of shit, I can’t believe we haven’t been to Mars yet.  I walked on the moon almost 50 years ago.  Humanity needs to get their shit together and do this, orbit, land and colonize the damn place.  Drives me nuts that people don’t see that value in that.

Me: So, would you go on a one-way colonization mission of Mars.

Buzz: Hell yes, fuck I’ll go be the Mars colony Mayor if they let me.

Me: Well sir, you’d definitely have my vote!  Thank you for talking with me.

Buzz: Sure no problem, who the hell are you again?