The Ministry of Happiness

Fear is often our immediate response to uncertainty. There’s nothing wrong with experiencing fear. They key is not to get stuck in it. ~ Gabrielle Bernstein

Happiness When You’re Stuck

I’ve talked about this a bit over the last year, it’s been a hard twelve months and I’ve felt stuck or in limbo, I’ve known what I want my next steps in life to be, but I haven’t been able to get there. This starts on the job front, I’ve wanted to leave my stressful, frustrating, people management oriented position for some time. My hope has been to step into another position where I can still serve students, still apply my considerable skills but not have the same level of responsibility, frustration and people management. I also want to be somewhere that is more affordable than the Bay Area of California and out of California so I can retire from my current system and start collecting my retirement while I’m working, which will support the lower salary of a less responsible position. In terms of a lower cost of living, I want to be able to buy a house, with some property and engage in the things I love, gardening, hiking, making, canning and storing food. I also have a few things I’d like to learn more about including nature foraging.

A big part of what also needs to change is my social connection environment. While I have some great friends, none are close, and over the last year all of the people I’ve had consistent social connection with are essentially gone from my life. So there is also the need to start over on that front and build community. Of course securing the job and moving are step one and that has been a disastrous failure.

So I find myself at an interesting point in life once again, still stuck in limbo in many ways, but unwilling to remain in this state, life is too short. For me that means adventure and of course when you’re in hiring processes it’s hard to run off on an adventure when you have to be available for interviews. I’ve just run through two interview processes, one job I was extremely well qualified for, had direct experience and a lot of success. I was notified I didn’t get another position, and it looks like I didn’t get this one either. So at the moment, I’m not actively in any processes and looking at the prospect of being stuck in my current position longer is utterly depressing, it’s time to act.

Two weeks ago I was in Cape Cod, me and my immediate family were there to spread my mom’s ashes. While there however, I really kicked off this new start, I did my first ever surf lesson. It’s been a bucket list item for sometime and was a complete blast. I didn’t fully get up on the board, but I did go and had so much fun. Most of all, it was a little adventure, it was a stretch out of my normal life. Doing it with my niece and brother just made it that much better.

My plans had been for my next adventure to be hiking the West Highland Way in Scotland in mid-September. I’ve been ramping up my walking and have been dealing with an issue for some time. In doing long walks my upper back has really been tightening up. It’s manageable and I get through with some stretching during the walk. This past week I pushed things, four consecutive walking days, two four mile days, then an eight mile day and a ten mile day. By the end of the second day my back was really tight, I stretched it out and was fine but sore. This really hit me in thinking about the trip I am about to book. While the West Highland Way isn’t a huge thru-hike (96 miles), it’s eight days in a row around twelve miles each day. It’s an inn to inn kind of hike, so you don’t have to carry a lot and I certainly have the cardio fitness and the legs to do the hikes. But given this is eight straight days with no down days, I’m concerned that my back may get to a point that’s really bad. So I’ve made the really difficult choice to change my plans.

This was a hard decision and came after a really hard existential conversation with myself around age. The first thought that hits, am I too old for this kind of thing? The answer is absolutely not! But I need to get my back sorted, it’s a result of carrying a belly and spending far too much time on computers like this one right now, my shoulders hunched over. I can train my way into hiking shape, work on my back and shoulders, improve my posture, lose some weight, however four to five weeks is just not enough time to make sure I’m ready. It’s a huge disappointment, and a hit to my psyche as a hiker, but I’ll get back and be ready.

I’ve made new tentative plans, mapping them out today. I think I’ll head for the desert, catch some meteor showers, pamper myself a bit. But that’s not the big decision.

You see the real decision is to keep going, start scheduling adventures, keep training, keep getting more fit and simply start living again. I’m doing some other things as well, I’m fully writing a memoir/autobiography, I’m already about 30,000 words in. I’ve engaged a new social situation and am doing something wholly uncomfortable for me this week, I’m doing a group dinner with five strangers, the fact that I paid for this opportunity is even more annoying. I’m engaging in some Artificial Intelligence training classes, I creating some advertising structures around my existing books and finally I’m going to start more fully developing my coaching business as a business and not just a low-key service.

Finally, I’m continuing my job search, a little less shotgun approach, more sniper shots at jobs I really want or fit all of my needs at a high level. And also taking some really wild shots, I’m about to subscribe to a journal that lists caretaker opportunities. I really need to get out of my current situation and am open to a job that’s also an adventure.

Socially, I’ve stopped driving relationships. I’m usually the person who reaches out, who plans get togethers, who travels the biggest distance, the one who makes the call. Except for a few good friends this how things go, and I’m no longer driving things. I’ve written off a lot of people, you know the ones: hey let’s get together – they never call; next time I’m in town -you see them posting from your town; and the classic, we’ll do lunch – they don’t ever call. I’ve let them go, and honestly, not surprisingly, you don’t hear from them, the connection was never real and at this point in my life, I want real, I no longer have the patience or time for anything without substance.

A couple of points I really want to drive home tonight around what I just talked about:

1. Age is a damn number – you can get fitter, you can create opportunity, you can alter things to make them work. Giving up and sitting on the couch is a mistake that too many people make, you have one life, live it.
2. Change is always possible, but patience is required – change can always happen, but it takes patience and action. Sit back, think, plan then most importantly act. Nothing happens if you don’t act and it’s absolutely ok to make a mistake, a bad choice and have to pivot and try another way.
3. You have to take care of you – for many of us, we do a great job of taking care of others, friends, families, coworkers, strays, hell even strangers. But at the end of the day, you have to take care of you, you can’t count on anyone else making sure you get what you need out of life. And here’s the good news, you’re FUCKING AWESOME! You’ve got a lifetime of experience, you’ve survived a mountain of shit, and you know what makes you happy!
4. Don’t ever forget, happiness starts outside your comfort zone – you have to stretch yourself, it doesn’t have to be in big ways, but you have get outside of your normal routines, the things you know, the things you’ve done are great, but you have to try something new, or in a new way, or in a new place in order to stretch, change and become happier.
5. You deserve to be happy – no matter what your life situation, what obligations you have or put on yourself, whatever your lot in life, you deserve to be happy!

It’s time, make the plans, get off of the couch, climb out of the rut you’re stuck in, stretch yourself, expand in ways you didn’t think possible and do what you need to do to get better, to make your life better and have happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane