Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. ~ Denis Waitly

Rev Kane’s Wild Ride: Gratitude

Today is officially two weeks since they cracked me open like a lobster and played around with my insides for several hours. My recovery has been going well and if you’re just joining this ride, slide back through the blog, there are lots of updates. The big milestone for today was peeling off most of the super glue from my incision site while in the shower, that was a trip. The good news is the site looks really good.

One of the things that the literature warned about before this surgery were some of the post-surgery mental impacts, including a higher than normal risk of depression as well as a higher level of emotionality. I absolutely can see how as the weeks of healing wear on this could really get you down. But I have a plan and lots of support, so I’m not too terribly worried about that outcome. The higher level of emotionality is definitely present, I’ve found myself, particularly when thanking people for their assistance getting choked up. For me it’s the surprise of having so many people willing to help out, honestly, in my entire life I’ve had fewer people here for me than have been here for me in the last couple of weeks. So tonight I did want to take some time to express gratitude for many of the things I’m really thankful for right now while being able to type it, so you can’t see the tears.

First and foremost I’m alive, gratitude in this instance has to start there. I was blessed to have perhaps the best surgeon in all of northern California for this surgery and he and his team did an amazing job. I’m really grateful for the way my nurse woke me in post-surgery recovery. You see in the year before this surgery I’ve had two people I’m connected to have this surgery, one died, one ended up in a coma for a time, so this certainly amped up the trepidation of getting on that table, even though there was no real choice not to. And I’m a planner, so pre-surgery I shaved my beard down super short, my thought was when I woke up, touch my face, no beard or big beard would mean coma. But the first thing I heard my nurse say to me was, “Mr. Kane, you’re at Kaiser SF, you had heart surgery and it’s 3:30PM on the day of your surgery.” It was a brilliant statement that took away a nice chunk of anxiety as I laid there in my drug induced, pain filled haze.

On that theme, I’m grateful for all of the nurses, doctors, PTs and staff at Kaiser San Francisco. They were absolutely spectacular in every way. I received a spectacular level of care from nice, dilligent and pleasant people at all times. Not once did I have anyone who seemed bothered or in a bad mood, or not willing to immediately help, now if only the food was better.

I’m thankful for the visits in the hospital, from people who lived five blocks from the hospital, to others who drove an hour, to others who flew across the country. I’m especially thankful to the Tiny Dean who came to visit only three days after her own appendectomy and even made me a coaster for my drinks.

I’m thankful for Christine, a nurse on the step-down unit and close friend of my assistant for both looking out for me and also keeping my assistant at least semi-sane through the process.

I’m so grateful for this group of people who have been helping me out, I’ve actually had to dial them back a bit because this giant introvert is about peopled out. But I can’t push much, they’ve been caring and giving and so incredibly supportive. I’m truly humbled by these people and their desire to help me out, and if you know me, humble is not my natural state, at all.

I’m thankful for the Kaiser system in general, the pharmacy assistance and warfarin clinic and the home health nurse visits and blood draws.

I’m thankful to Bedroom Express in San Bruno, for putting a bed deal together, delivering and installing within four hours last Saturday, the bed changed has made a world of difference for my sleep.

And while I’m sure I’m missing people or things, the final thing I’m thankful for tonight is the tiny patio garden and it’s lovely tomatoes that are both absolute tiny joys and connections to my Grandpa Kane.

But the final thank you is for my assistant, guiding and caring for me in this process is not a work requirement. She’s been saint-like, she’s fussed, worried, picked me up from the hospital, kept my family in the loop, connected with my care team whether I wanted her to or not :), coordinated visits, groceries, rides and checked in on me every day, sometimes multiple times per day. She’s done all this while having her own family, a job, being her mom’s caretaker and an all around insanely busy person. I will never be able to thank her enough, she’s family now.

Have a thankful and happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane