To be more childlike, you don’t have to give up being an adult. The fully integrated person is capable of being both an adult and a child simultaneously. Recapture the childlike feelings of wide-eyed excitement, spontaneous appreciation, cutting loose, and being full of awe and wonder at this magnificent universe. ~ Wayne Dyer
I was leaving the grocery store today and I watched a small child drinking a bottle of water, typically an unremarkable act. But as children will do, he’d made a game of it. Instead of directly putting his lips to the bottle and drinking, he tipped his head all the way back and was basically pouring the water from the bottle down to his mouth like a little waterfall. A tiny thing, but it was obviously making him happy.
Something I love about children is the way they can turn anything into a game. Walking in the living room suddenly becomes an issue of lava consumption so you have to jump piece of furniture to piece of furniture to get around, usually much to the dismay of their mother. Walking down the street becomes a game of skipping, crack avoidance or balance work on the curb. Children have a way of taking even the most mundane thing and turning it into tiny bits of fun. Of course as adults, bound by schedules, loaded down with responsibilities, these time wasting games are often a source of annoyance for us.
I’ve always been someone who has done a pretty good job of keeping my childlike wonder of the world and someone who could infuse tiny fun into my life. Watching that child today I realized somehow, I’ve let that go and I’m not happy about it. We need these moments of tiny fun and happiness, our lives are filled with schedules, responsibilities, the needs of others, times where we feel we have no control over our lives.
So my friends, take those tiny moments back. Chase some fireflies, walk a curb like it’s a high-wire, go ahead and push that cart fast across the lot and jump on it for a short little ride, go ahead and full on air guitar and rock out in the car, who cares who sees you. All that matters is to find tiny bits of joy to add happiness to your life. This time of year, one of my favorite things to do, is just to try and catch falling leaves. Sure, from a distance you look like a lunatic, but what’s better than being in the sun on a brisk fall day, staring at the sky and running around laughing. So find some tiny happiness and have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane
Horror is like a serpent; always shedding its skin, always changing. And it will always come back. It can’t be hidden away like the guilty secrets we try to keep in our subconscious. ~ Dario Argento
So we’ve come to my third Happy Halloween Movies – Part 3, in case you missed them remember to check out part 1 and part 2.
Candyman (1992) – This is another movie that I thought I had seen but apparently I never had. We all know the Candyman story, like Bloody Mary, say his name five times in the mirror and he appears behind you to do you in. But Candyman, unlike the first film of most horror series is actually an origin story. Well acted, well written and a pretty decent story, of course you do have to overlook a whole lot of urban culture stereotypes, but all in all a good ride.
30 Days of Night (2007) – And yet another movie that I was sure I had seen, I knew the plot, vampires invade Barrow, Alaska during their 30 days of nights where the sun isn’t out. And this is one of those movies you just have to lay back and enjoy it, best not to think too much. Meaning there are a lot of flaws if you look deeper, the way they represent Barrow, the Alaskan winter and the film really doesn’t feel at all like it covers 30 days. But let all of that go and it’s a really fun vampire movie.
Possession (2012) – It’s the pretty standard demonic possession movie with a Jewish twist, we learn about dybbuk boxes and the evil spirits within. I gave it a run because it stars Jeffrey Dean Morgan, whose character Negan was simply one of the most terrifying characters ever on television. Plus he’s just a really nice guy and a good actor, it also stars Kyra Sedgwick who I also like a lot. It’s an interesting film, if you’re in the mood for a horror film it’s not a terrible option, but there are better ones.
An American Werewolf in London (1981) – This is one of my favorite movies, another one that I was lucky enough to see in the theater originally. It’s not what I would consider a scary movie, it certainly has it’s moments and it’s the first movie I ever remember doing the dream within a dream sequence. All in all a great and fun movie and I highly recommend it.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers, all of them
So I decided to do one more scifi/horror film, Invasion of the Body Snatchers and like Halloween, saw it was on the AMC horror month offering so I DVR’d it. Turned out to be the 1993 remake that I had never seen before. I’m most familiar with the 1978 version and I thought gee I want to watch that now. Then I thought, well heck, should watch the original that I’ve never seen and then realized there was a 2007 remake as well, so I did them all. And my thoughts in reverse chronological order.
The Invasion (2007) – This most recent version stars Nicole Kidman (as a psychiatrist, the versions love changing the occupation of the lead) and has the happiest ending of all four versions. It also has the prettiest people in it and the most big name stars, very happy to see that they had Veroncia Cartwright make an appearance as she was also in the 1978 version and has a great career of supporting roles in science fiction films. She also plays hysterical better than most actors. One thing I really don’t like about this version is that they get rid of the pods. Sure, the whole pod thing is a bit campy, but we’re talking about space pods, copying entire people, the creepiest thing about these movies are the damn half-developed pod people copies. In this version, they try and tighten up the science in this version and by doing so, basically turn this into just another pandemic movie.
Body Snatchers (1993) – This version features a young Gabrielle Anwar, an actress I’ve always found to be incredibly beautiful and intriguing. This version changes the occupation of the person who discovers the problem to an EPA investigator, Gabrielle’s father in the film. This time the story is not set in a city but on a military base and this is their big innovation. It allows them to stuff in some typical horror film plots, pretty young people, a budding love story and they get to go a little Wolverines at the end. It’s a watchable film, but not great, not scary at all and really very little suspense.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) – I saw this version in the theater, as a teenage science fiction nerd this was a big deal. This time the twist is that the film goes to the big city, San Francisco. Donald Sutherland is a city health inspector who with the help of a colleague discover the invasion. This is a really well done film. Good acting, solid suspense and the pod people in this film are by far the creepiest of all of the films. I love this film and it’s a heavy hitter in the science fiction/horror film genre, definitely worth a watch.
This film also features one of the most ridiculously funny moments in any science fiction film, it involves a dog and will definitely scramble your brain for a second.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) – I’d never seen the original and expected that a movie nearly seventy years-old would be pretty campy and not real interesting. I was completely wrong, this is a great movie! In fact I would say the original is just as good as the 1978 remake. The lead is Kevin McCarthy, a local doctor in a made up California small town. He comes back from a medical conference and things just aren’t right. His former love has just returned from Europe and the familiar pairing of a couple on the run that will carry through to every version. The pods are ridiculous, but this is 1950’s special effects so there wasn’t much available to them. They make great use of quick glimpses of developing pod people and it’s a really suspenseful film. I imagine in terrified young audiences in the 50’s.
It’s said that All Hallows’ Eve is one of the nights when the veil between the worlds is thin – and whether you believe in such things or not, those roaming spirits probably believe in you, or at least acknowledge your existence, considering that it used to be their own. Even the air feels different on Halloween, autumn-crisp and bright. ~ Erin Morgenstern
Dark Skies (2013) – This movie, which stars Kerri Russell, who I absolutely love, is a bit different from the others on the list. It’s not your typical horror movie, but it is part horror film, part thriller, part mystery and part I won’t tell you because it would give too much away. This film does the standard slow role horror film build up but once it gets going it first gets uncomfortable, then it gets tense, then it gets nuts! Definitely check this one out.
Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (2023) – So this is a brand new film out this week, it has a lot going for it. It’s a horror film in October, it’s Stephen King adjacent, it’s a prequel, I have a tendency to like prequels. All of those things however are things going for it, pre-viewing. It’s a total dog, I thought it might be, 21% on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s predictable as hell, and worst of all, it follows a recent trend in direction that I absolutely hate. I have no idea if this is being taught in film school, or bails out bad scripts or what, but this trend of filming scenes so dark you can’t really see what’s going on sucks. And Pet Sematary: Bloodlines films the entire crowning twenty minute sequence at the end of the film so dark it’s almost impossible to tell who is who on the screen. You’re welcome, I’ve saved you from wasting 90 minutes on this film.
Smile (2022) – Another pretty recent film and one that definitely intrigued me with the trailer. The film started as expected, the trailer sets up the premise quite well. There’s a little shock value to the beginning, honestly the middle of the film feels a bit long. But the last twenty minutes really heat up, you get several levels of madness that you’re expecting and then a couple that you don’t. I like it when a movie can be a bit unpredictable and surprising, smile makes the cut on that.
Halloween (2007) – So AMC is doing Halloween flicks all month and so I scanned the offerings and set up the DVR to record a number of films, makes it a bit easier that running them down online or paying a rental fee through Prime Video. So I started watching the film and I know I hadn’t seen the film in a long time but I didn’t remember any of the first few scenes. Then Sheri Moon comes on to the screen and I knew something was wrong. I hit the info button on the remote and sure enough, I was watching a 2007 re-imagining of Halloween by Rob Zombie, husband of Sheri Moon. I was enjoying the film and decided to watch it through and honestly it was pretty good. Not really all that scary but well done and I’ve always thought Rob Zombie was a pretty good director. Zombie likes his gore and violent action and this was actually one of his more restrained films. Looking forward to compare this with the original.
Halloween (1978) – Got back to the original Halloween and the original 80’s horror serial clearing the pathway for multiple sequels to Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th, et al… An absolute nod to the original and to the brilliant mind of John Carpenter. But, and this will certainly be horror film sacrilege, I liked Rob Zombie’s version much better. Mostly because there are a lot of plot holes in the 78 version, holes that got closed in the sequels, but Rob Zombie had the benefit of hindsight and did a much better job of closing those holes in his version which made for a much more cogent story. A nod to the original, but check out the 2007 version instead.
The Thing (1982) – I remember seeing this one in the theater my senior year of high school. A beautiful merging of science fiction and horror, second only to Alien, which I will absolutely be viewing and writing about this month. The Thing is not terribly scary but what I really like about this film, unlike most horror movies, it’s not shot in the dark, the monster isn’t hidden and it’s a film truly focused on the characters and the monster. Which is great when you have a cast this good and it’s a really good cast. I love this movie, it’s well done and fun to watch.
Alien (1979) – The single greatest scifi/horror film ever made! For those of you too young to have seen it originally in the theater, you truly have no idea how magnificent this movie was. This film came out 44 years ago. I’ll never forget seeing the first trailer in the theater, I instantly knew I had to see this movie, in space, no one can hear you scream. But sitting in the theater opening night at 15, this movie mesmerized and terrified. The scene where you first see the grown alien slide down from the ceiling was an absolute revelation, and at that time it was the greatest single monster to ever appear on film. Although truly a science fiction film, it connects on a horror level like few other films. It’s a classic monster movie in many ways and the tension of who is next, when will it strike, the moodiness of the scenes shot in the air ducts and maintenance tubes, dark but not to dark to see exactly what’s happening is amazing. It was Sigourney Weaver’s first major film and me and my friends fell instantly in love with her beautiful, badass character Ripley.
For film nuts like me, it was also our introduction to Ridley Scott, a film maker who would go on to make so many films that I love, including his next film, one of my all-time favorites Blade Runner. It may not be my favorite film but it is in my top 5, but without a doubt Blade Runner was the single greatest theater experience of my life. If, somehow, you’ve never seen Alien, watch it, the director’s cut if possible, in the dark, with a good sound system and on the biggest screen you have access to, this is horror cinema at it’s very best!
The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature. ~ Marcus Aurelius
It was a really good weekend, there’s a bigger issue there and I’ll get to it in a bit. But first the weekend, Saturday was a lazy day, I watched some college football and made a homemade stuffed crust pizza. It had suddenly hit me this week that making a stuffed crust pizza really shouldn’t be that hard, and it wasn’t, and it was good.
Sunday was a much different day. We’re entering gift giving season, while I’m not a big fan of Christmas, I am a fan of giving good gifts and this time of year there’s a lot of it. I have a large number of family and friends with birthdays in October and November and then of course there is Christmas. I’ve always tried hard to find gifts that truly mean something to someone, to understand who they are, and find a gift that will both have an impact and surprise them. Especially for my young nieces and nephews.
So Sunday started with a mission, I had a gift in mind for someone dear to me and I headed to Monterey because I was pretty sure I could find the gift there. Monterey is one of my favorite places on Earth and a really peaceful place to walk along the shore. I typically walk about three miles a day, so the plan was simple, find the present, get my walk in and have a really nice seafood lunch. All of that happened, the weather was spectacular, the drive was nice and the halibut I had for lunch was really great.
I wrapped the drive back up with a nice drive north and some grocery shopping, a nice dinner and of course some work on the Ministry of Happiness Blog.
So it was a nice weekend, big deal, but in fact it is a big deal. I moved to the San Francisco area a little over four years ago. When I arrived her I pretty quickly started a new social life, I did a little online dating, and made a couple of social contacts to do things with. Then the pandemic hit and really twisted a monkey wrench into all of that. Between the lockdown, the need to socially isolate and my propensity toward social isolation I became pretty isolated and lonely. I’ve talked before about falling into a state of languishing and that lasted until about six months ago when I finally started feeling like myself, at least by comparison. Where I had, had no motivation, no real ambition and the world had started to feel really bland in every way, I had finally started to do things that made me happy, and really interact with the world a little more fully. It felt good.
In the last couple of weeks though I realize there’d been another change, a gear shift if you will. I think the spark was starting to plan my 60th birthday year long celebration. Planning my trips to the Mojave Desert and Vegas in December, Mardi Gras in February, Baja in March and Burning Man for my actual birthday in August got me rolling again. Additionally, I got my head around work and lost some of the weight I’ve been carrying on that front. Being 15 months out from retirement has given me a whole lot of freedom and stress relief. As the time shortens there are more and more things at work that I can truly not care about.
And that’s the message for tonight, find those points of joy in your life, travel is obviously one of mine. Find the right community to bring along and most of all go for it, whatever it is. Life’s too damn short to languish, so go get it, and have happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane
Halloween is not only about putting on a costume, but it’s about finding the imagination and costume within ourselves. ~ Elvis Duran
I love this time of year, the heat of summer starts to break, the leaves start to change, there’s still enough daylight to enjoy long days outside. It’s also the time of year for two of my favorite holidays, that fall together Halloween and the Day of the Dead. In past years on the blog I’ve focused a lot of energy on the Day of the Dead, so this year I’m going to focus more on Halloween.
Halloween is a really spectacular holiday, from it’s history and Celtic celebrations of a night where they believed the veil between our world and the netherworld thinned, to our modern celebrations of trick or treating and merry making. Halloween, like all costume parties, have a tendency to be just a bit wilder than other parties, something about getting out of yourself and pretending to be someone else lets people let loose of their inhibitions more easily.
So I’ll be celebrating Halloween pretty heavily on the blog this year as it’s a holiday that makes me really happy. I’ve been doing posts on horror movies, I’m watching one a day this month and have already published my first of four posts on this, Happy Halloween Season – Part 1. And tonight I’ll be posting some photos that feel appropriate for this time of year, enjoy! ~ Rev Kane
So I decided to have some fun this October and watch a horror film every day for the thirty days leading up to Halloween. And I’ve decided to share my thoughts on each film here on the blog. Maybe you’ll find a new film to watch, maybe I’ll save you from watching a bad one. I’m not a huge horror movie fan, but of all of the thousands of horror movies that have been made, there are certainly some very good ones, hoping my choices pan out to be good ones.
The Exorcist (1973) – For me this is the original horror flick. Sure there were certainly other horror movies before this one, but this was my most vivid memory. The film came out when I was nine, I didn’t see it til some time later. But my mom went to see it in the theater, I remember because she made a fateful dinner choice that night, she made split pea soup.
I hadn’t seen the Exorcist in a really long time and the first thing that struck me watching it was the incredible cinematography in the beginning of the film, the scenes shot in Iraq, those initial scenes were filmed by Billy Williams and are truly spectacular. This is a great film, great cast, great direction, and at the time it was released unbelievable shock value. This film is a legitimate R rated film, there are scenes that absolutely shouldn’t be seen by children. A great way to start my horror movie journey.
2. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) – This movie terrified me when it came out and watching it now, I have no idea why. I really didn’t remember as much about it as I thought, it’s badly acted and written and features Johnny Depp in his first role. A tad bit of nostalgia but I’d skip it for something else.
3. Don’t look now (1973) – I picked this movie for two reasons, first it’s on every list of great horror movies and secondly, I’ve never seen it. The movie is best known for the controversial sex scene with Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie, scandalous by 1973 standards, fifty years later, not so much. It’s a well shot film, and it’s one of those film school, film critic loved films. So, as usual for those type of films, it’s a bit boring, not really all that scary. It’s known for recurring themes and the psychological aspects of the film. If you’re really into technical film and dissecting and analyzing movies, it’s a good one, if not, it’s more than a bit slow.
4. The Babadook (2014) – Another movie on all of the best horror movie lists. This film starts slow and for the first half it’s a pretty typical set up for a horror film. You think you know where this one is going and honestly I was on my phone a bit playing out the string. Then it started to ramp up, then it kicked into high gear and turned into a bit of a twisting roller coaster. While this movie didn’t necessarily scare me, it is a very unique and well made horror film, definitely worth checking out and definitely intense.
5. Hereditary (2018) – I was really looking forward to this one, I’d heard it was fantastic, it’s on a bunch of best horror lists and it stars Toni Collette who I absolutely love. What a damn disappointment! Honestly, it’s disjointed and frankly kind of boring. It’s a huge pass recommendation from me.
6. Jeepers Creepers (2001) – I freakin love this movie, I remember the first time I saw it, I found it to be really intense, it helped that it was during a bout of insomnia and I first watched it at about 3AM, but it got to me the first time. I like this movie because it has a coherent story, does a nice job of foreshadowing and plays every horror trope. There’s some jump cuts, scary car sequences, dead bodies, a crazy cat lady, a crazy psychic lady, weird townspeople, disbelieving cops, a high school urban legend and a seriously freaking creepy monster. If you’re looking for an enjoyable horror film, this should definitely be on the list.
7. Poltergeist (1982) – How could I not love this film, it came out my senior year of high school, it’s got a great cast, great performances and the cutest, creepiest little girl in film history, “their heeeeeeeere…” Throw in an old built over cemetery and the perfect actresses in all of horror films, Zelda Rubinstein. And finally of course, the Poltergeist series of films is centered around the creepiest dude in all of film, my namesake, Reverend Kane.
Hello friends, I’ve been on vacation for the last two weeks which explains the lack of posts. I haven’t been back to see my family for an extended trip for almost four years. About two years ago I made a quick appearance at a couple of celebrations that were bookends on brief beach vacation to Rhode Island, so I was due to visit and spend some time. And it’s back to the work madness on Monday!
If you read this blog regularly you know that across my siblings I have a gaggle of nieces and nephews from ages four to twenty-one. They were of course the primary focus of my trip and led to a lot of happy moments. I had promised to take my twelve year-old niece for her first sushi experience and it was wonderful. She was incredibly adventurous, at one point reminding me that we didn’t order the octopus. She did great and really enjoyed the experience. The sushi place was across the street from the candy store owned by the actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Negan on the Walking Dead and my oldest niece is a huge fan. Unfortunately he wasn’t there, but the candy was delicious.
A milestone was hit on this trip, for the first time one of my nephews is actually taller than me, given I was 5’6″ when I graduated high school and am just under 5’11” now, I’m excited for him. My other nephew, about the same height, is also bigger than me, I’m quickly losing ground to the munchkins. My two youngest nephews are absolute madmen and I love them madly, they’re still at the age where we can rough house with each other. My littlest niece, four years-old, legitimately beat me at a video game, multiple times which she thoroughly enjoyed. She’s the boss she reminded me repeatedly and is about as stubborn and she is adorable. She also completely melted my heart. I brought her a snow globe, and she told me, “when I miss you, I shake the snow globe and look at it, then I don’t miss you so much.” Her parents are in so much trouble with her.
I did the family rounds and everyone is doing well, it was good to have some time with everyone and a scheduling miracle that it worked out. On the friend side it was much crazier, some were out of town, some were busy, and three different friends had health issues including coming down with COVID. But I did get to have dinner and coffee with a couple of old friends, including a couple of old geezers I’ve known for over 50 years.
I timed it well, it was a beautiful week in New York, sunny and warm for fall and absolutely beautiful. If you’ve seen the news, the very same places I was at last week have been drowned with rain this week.
I had some time do the things that I miss in New York, while in Brooklyn at one point, I had pizza for five straight meals. I don’t know if I could possibly make you understand how much I miss really good New York pizza. A shout out to My Little Pizzeria in Brooklyn Heights, really good pizza, if you’re in the area definitely check it out.
Obligatory slice shot, My Little Pizzeria – Court Street, Brooklyn
Spent the last night in the town I grew up in, and it was one of the type of days I absolutely love in the fall in the northeast. It was a warm, lightly raining day followed by a clear warm evening. A perfect night to walk the city streets I grew up on and take a few shots.
My hometown honors veterans this time of year on the main street with posters featuring veterans who grew up there. There are a group of four brothers who were WW2 veterans featured at the top of the street. Three of them are my great uncles:
The fourth is my grandfather who we lost in 1969, I named him POW as a toddler, perfect photo to be the last one I took in town, kind of brought things full circle.
And to perfectly round out the trip, my farewell NY slices at JFK.
And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. ~ Abraham Lincoln
Every Second Counts
There is a show on FX called, The Bear, it was a runaway hit last summer in it’s first season. The second season came out to great fanfare and I recently watched it. Forgive me for a brief review of the show on the way to my point tonight. I loved the first season of the show, it was fun and absolutely had an underdog feel to it, the main character, totally flawed, is someone you really want to pull for to be successful. It was a high energy rush of good TV. The second season started out really slow, a few episodes in I started thinking the show hit the typical breakout sophomore slump. I was writing and so I kept watching, the next couple of episodes were higher energy but more of the same. The writers were doing an excellent job of exploring the individual characters, but it felt like a letdown after the first season. Then it started to turn, threads started to come together, there’s no shock where the story is going and that might have been part of what left me unimpressed initially. The last several episodes are magnificent, including an Emmy worthy performance by Jamie Lee Curtis. And let me beg a second apology for another turn not on point tonight.
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock (12862761bj)
Jamie Lee Curtis
94th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA – 27 Mar 2022
I have come to love Jamie Lee Curtis, from a nepotistic lead into the industry, she’s the daughter of Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis, to horror movie scream queen of one of the first horror movie franchise Halloween. She’s a beautiful woman, and with a great figure got roles based seemingly on those two traits. There were some good roles, I’m a fan of the movie and her performance in True Lies. In Hollywood, actresses like Jamie Lee Curtis, once they get a bit older and don’t resemble their 20 something selves, roles start to dry up. A lot of actresses lament this, many unfortunately turn to high levels of cosmetic procedures, it’s unfortunate. But I love how Jamie Lee Curtis has addressed this, she’s come at it straight out. For the film Everything, Everywhere all at Once, she insisted they not hide her age. No girdle to tighten up her mid-section, no extreme make-up but generally let the character reflect her 63 year-old self. She’s really great in the film. It was much the same in season 2 of The Bear. She plays a mother with fully grown children, her performance is powerful, intense and emotional, it will flat out break your heart. Here’s a woman who has embraced her age, and over her career has developed her craft to an incredible level, hopefully Hollywood is watching and awards her appropriately, back to the main road.
There is a phrase that underlies the entire second season of The Bear, every second counts. And watching the show that phrase really resonated with me and it’s what I want to talk about tonight. That very simple idea that we live once and we need to make the most of it. There is also something subtle that’s buried in that phrase, the idea of mindfulness, living in and focusing on the moment. This idea also loops back to my post from last week, It’s All About Love. Becoming happier is about learning how to tie these two ideas together. First, knowing and giving your time and focus to those you love, that act brings you both, but really brings them, happiness. Second, understanding and focusing on how precious every single second is kicks up the importance and impact of that time. So it’s not just about making and giving your time, but the second level is about being completely in those moments. This idea, and mindfulness in general, is a really simple and powerful idea, and I can illustrate it this way. When you read a child a story, you have to be completely there, doing character voices, asking and answering questions, being emotionally in sync with their emotions. You can’t be thinking about work and bills and just reading the words, it’s just not the same thing.
So my advice tonight, to follow on from my post last week, making people happy, and by reflection increasing your own happiness, is a matter of giving them your time and attention, but just not that. It’s about giving them your time and attention while being fully there with them, in the moment, making every second count. ~ Rev Kane
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tzu
I’ve been writing a blog on Happiness now for over thirteen years. As I’ve talked about many times, I was not always someone who could even conceive of calling myself happy. But I’ve done the work and now, generally consider myself a happy person. It doesn’t mean I don’t have my down times, it doesn’t mean I don’t face stress and troubles just like everyone else. What it does mean is that I’ve been able to find ways to move past these things, and not let them derail my overall happiness.
Over the time I’ve been writing this blog I’ve written about a myriad of things that I hope, have been able to help people live happier lives. These have ranged from physical and mental wellness, to mindfulness to removing negative impacts and at times people, from their lives. All of these things are helpful, and you can read a hundred books on happiness, go see a dozen speakers and in the end, for me, it all comes down to one thing, love.
When I say it comes down to love, I don’t mean just the grand gestures of love, or the everyday demonstrations, but all of it. At least all of the acts that are truly done with love in your heart. I often take heat from folks because I don’t finish every interaction by saying love you, but if that phrase becomes a rote and thoughtless ending to every interaction, it no longer feels meaningful to me. I’ve heard people who use the phrase so often they actually slip up and say it at work to a colleague because it had become such a habit. Habitual statements are not a demonstration of love, but often to me seem to be said out of fear that your last words with someone won’t be perfect, fear does not bring happiness.
Happiness comes from acts of true love. One of the greatest acts of love I’ve ever received came from my good friend Kara. At what was certainly the lowest point of my life, she was simply there, from thousands of miles away, she simply made a phone call each day and listened. That simple act got me through hell, and I’ll be forever indebted to her. She is simply one of the nicest and most loving humans I know. She shows her love in the simplest ways, a simple message, a statement or just the actual pleasure and joy she shows when we meet, that is the kind of love that brings happiness.
Often the small acts bring the most happiness, last year, my little cousin 3D printed some car jeep toys to try and sell them. Seeing this, I bought a set from him, the opportunity to make him a little happy by giving him a sale, and the ability for me to gift them to the children at my college’s child center to bring them a bit of happiness. The other day in the center, six months after I gave them the little car duckies as they called them, the children were excitedly talking about them to me. The love for my cousin’s child, gifted in toys has spread incredible happiness and connection. This is how it’s done my friends and it was a very simple thing.
I’m very much a loner, but even loners have community. And the love shared within this community is how we create happiness in community. Don’t spend time looking for the grand and amazing gestures, certainly grab them if the opportunity presents themselves. But work for the small and meaningful things on a consistent basis. Cook someone’s favorite meal, gift some cupcakes for no reason, return phone calls and emails, be willing to just listen. This is even more important when dealing with children, it’s not the toys or the trips to Disney that give them long-term happiness, it’s the simplest of things, your time and attention. Just sitting with them, listening to their stories, reading to them, sneaking them a treat or giving a small present, this is what has the greatest impact because your time and attention are of the greatest value. And it’s truly the same with adults. What demonstrates your love more than anything, what brings happiness more than anything, is your time and attention, choosing to share our limited time with someone is a tremendous gift and will make for happier days for all of us my friends. ~ Rev Kane
Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. ~ St. Francis de Sales
So over the last thirty years I have taken up meditating a dozen times. I like what it does, it takes some work for me, but there are definite benefits. But it seems that it’s also something I can easily get out of the habit of doing fairly easily. Well I’ve taken up meditating again, each night before I go to bed. Meditation definitely helps me sleep better and is one of the main reasons I return to it, again and again.
As with most things that I do, I try and read up on it, get some deeper insight into how best to do things. So I was reading an informative piece on meditation and it came up with a question, what do I do if my nose itches? The answer was of course you can scratch it, but first, try to scratch it with your mind. This completely pissed me off, I mean seriously, scratch it with your mind? I saw some amazing things when I was studying Qigong. Things that I could not easily scientifically explain. The most basic one was during our Tai Chi training our instructor would bring two scales to class. Before we practiced our forms he would have us step on the scales. Now two scales means that if you weigh 180 pounds, each scale should read 90 pounds. But inevitably it didn’t, people are unbalanced most of the time in the most fundamental sense. So you’d get on the scale and they would be 92/88 or even 95/85. Then we would do our Qigong exercises and practice our Tai Chi forms for the hour and then he’d have us step back on the scale and they would be 90/90 every time, actual physical evidence of the change that had occurred.
Sure, it’s likely related to tension in the body altering and inhibiting blood flow on one side of the body and the exercises and forms releasing the tension to even things out, but it was a pretty spectacular demonstration. Impressive yes, magic no, but still pretty damn cool. But Tai Chi and Qigong are not Jedi mindtricks you’re not using the force, so the line scratch it with your mind just seem to be the infusion of a lot of new age, hippie dippy horseshit and it annoyed the hell out of me.
Then the fact that it annoyed me so much got me thinking, why is this irritating me so much? And I realized that this was a tension deep in myself that I needed to address. I’ve been under a lot of stress at work over the last six or eight months and it has, to use a highly scientific term, made me prone to being cranky. I’ve been way too reactive to everything good and bad, I need to release this tension. And bam, like that I’ve got a very focused idea to use in my meditations each night. So I’ve been working on letting things go, an eternal battle for harmony that we all undertake. The nice thing about being older, is that it’s not my first rodeo and I have the tools to work on this. It’s part of the reason that one of the ways that I celebrated my birthday for the last couple of weeks was to really shutdown for a week and slowly start coming back to my routines.
Those few days of giving myself permission to do nothing and not holding myself to account for doing nothing was a great start. I’ve been able to reduce my reactions over the last couple of weeks. Not letting the idiots in traffic, or in line at the grocery or even at work set me off. Don’t get me wrong, I still speak up for myself, I’ll never be a doormat, but I’m reducing my reactivity. Which in return seems to be reducing my stress and no great surprise, I’m sleeping better.
My sleep routine that has been evolving for a time is now pretty well dialed in and seems to be working for me. Since I’ve gotten into the groove with this little routine I haven’t had a bout of insomnia, hoping I didn’t just jinx myself. But it’s pretty simple, being good about shutting down my work on electronics (laptop, phone) about a half hour before bed. Doing some back and other stretches and wrapping that all up so I can watch a little TV for 30 minutes with no other lights. Then, right before bed, five to ten minutes on my meditation cushion meditating. After that, in bed, reading a chapter of whatever my current book is before shutting everything down. Finally, I use two white noise machines to distract my mind as I lay down. This little routine seems to allow me to fall asleep pretty quickly and it’s been consistently working.
The point of this post is not an exposition on sleep routines or meditation practices, or even how to help yourself become less stressed and reactive. What it’s really about it paying attention to those things that irritate you. Dig deeper into them, because there’s a reason for why they are particularly irritating, there is something deeper there that you should dig out, you’re pscyche is screaming something at your conscious mind, but as your psyche often will, it doesn’t quite send the information in a straight forward fashion. So my friends, take some time to think about those irritations, and scratch them with your mind. ~ Rev Kane
The Ministry of Happiness 