We all hope for rebirth breakthrough moments ~ Dane Cook

My three week birthday celebration is in it’s final week as I’m hanging out in Reno. Why Reno? Well, it’s a 4 hour drive from home and I came into town on the Tuesday after Labor Day. I’ve spent a lot of Tuesdays after Labor Days in this town, typically transitioning back to the default world after Burning Man. So as expected I’ve seen a lot of dusty cars coming back from the burn, and have run into a fair number of burners here since I’ve been in town and that makes me happy.

Over the last three weeks, I’ve had some fun, done a bit of gambling, ate some good food. Here in Reno it’s been just laid back time, I’ve got a massage scheduled for tomorrow and the NFL starts tomorrow night. Then back down the hill, a stop in Roseville for good pizza and great cupcakes before I head back to the Bay and hopefully much cooler temperatures.

Driving up here I rolled through a Sacramento record high temperature of 116 and even 117 in Roseville/Rocklin area. Walking around on one stop and being out of the car at 114 in Dixon brought back memories of living in the Mojave Desert for a few years.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts the last year or so I’ve been languishing and really haven’t quite been back to being myself. That happily has changed over the last month or so. It’s taken months of doing all of the things I know I need to do to lift my mood to get there. Unfortunately, what seems to have helped is for lots of tragedy and shit to go wrong in my life. This is an incredibly sad thought, but for me, chaos and tragedy is what feels completely normal to me and I think, helped me come back to normal. We all get wired during our lifetime by how our life happens and how we are taught to operate. For some people, being a doormat becomes normal, for others being aggressive and angry, for me it’s having to solve problems and deal with tragedy. The important thing for all of us is to recognize our wiring and how it impacts our lives. Then if necessary, compensate or if need be, work with someone to get yourself rewired.

Over the last few months there has been a lot of death and illness in the orbit of my life. Nothing I’m personally suffering from physically, but people close to me have become ill and/or died. Too many in too short of a time period, I’ve also had some heavy thinking I needed to do surrounding my retirement decisions and in fact have decided to remain in California and in my current job longer than I had originally planned. This also precipitates some changes in the way I live my life and my future plans. But over the last few weeks, I’ve dealt with what needs to be dealt with, made the decisions I’ve needed to make, and I’m feeling much better.

This doesn’t mean things are perfect, but I’m happier and working on the next things that need to be dealt with, some financial and others. For the first time since the pandemic, I’m really feeling like life has restarted and I’m moving forward again, happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane