Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tzu

I’ve been writing a blog on Happiness now for over thirteen years. As I’ve talked about many times, I was not always someone who could even conceive of calling myself happy. But I’ve done the work and now, generally consider myself a happy person. It doesn’t mean I don’t have my down times, it doesn’t mean I don’t face stress and troubles just like everyone else. What it does mean is that I’ve been able to find ways to move past these things, and not let them derail my overall happiness.

Over the time I’ve been writing this blog I’ve written about a myriad of things that I hope, have been able to help people live happier lives. These have ranged from physical and mental wellness, to mindfulness to removing negative impacts and at times people, from their lives. All of these things are helpful, and you can read a hundred books on happiness, go see a dozen speakers and in the end, for me, it all comes down to one thing, love.

When I say it comes down to love, I don’t mean just the grand gestures of love, or the everyday demonstrations, but all of it. At least all of the acts that are truly done with love in your heart. I often take heat from folks because I don’t finish every interaction by saying love you, but if that phrase becomes a rote and thoughtless ending to every interaction, it no longer feels meaningful to me. I’ve heard people who use the phrase so often they actually slip up and say it at work to a colleague because it had become such a habit. Habitual statements are not a demonstration of love, but often to me seem to be said out of fear that your last words with someone won’t be perfect, fear does not bring happiness.

Happiness comes from acts of true love. One of the greatest acts of love I’ve ever received came from my good friend Kara. At what was certainly the lowest point of my life, she was simply there, from thousands of miles away, she simply made a phone call each day and listened. That simple act got me through hell, and I’ll be forever indebted to her. She is simply one of the nicest and most loving humans I know. She shows her love in the simplest ways, a simple message, a statement or just the actual pleasure and joy she shows when we meet, that is the kind of love that brings happiness.

Often the small acts bring the most happiness, last year, my little cousin 3D printed some car jeep toys to try and sell them. Seeing this, I bought a set from him, the opportunity to make him a little happy by giving him a sale, and the ability for me to gift them to the children at my college’s child center to bring them a bit of happiness. The other day in the center, six months after I gave them the little car duckies as they called them, the children were excitedly talking about them to me. The love for my cousin’s child, gifted in toys has spread incredible happiness and connection. This is how it’s done my friends and it was a very simple thing.

I’m very much a loner, but even loners have community. And the love shared within this community is how we create happiness in community. Don’t spend time looking for the grand and amazing gestures, certainly grab them if the opportunity presents themselves. But work for the small and meaningful things on a consistent basis. Cook someone’s favorite meal, gift some cupcakes for no reason, return phone calls and emails, be willing to just listen. This is even more important when dealing with children, it’s not the toys or the trips to Disney that give them long-term happiness, it’s the simplest of things, your time and attention. Just sitting with them, listening to their stories, reading to them, sneaking them a treat or giving a small present, this is what has the greatest impact because your time and attention are of the greatest value. And it’s truly the same with adults. What demonstrates your love more than anything, what brings happiness more than anything, is your time and attention, choosing to share our limited time with someone is a tremendous gift and will make for happier days for all of us my friends. ~ Rev Kane