Life tends to be an accumulation of a lot of mundane decisions, which often gets ignored. ~ David Byrne

The Deliberate Progress of Patience and Intentionality

As most of you are quite aware I’m at home recovering from open heart surgery. It’s my fifth day home, my eleventh day since surgery. The excitement and fanfare of the surgery are past, the big one, I didn’t die on the table. The second is that there are no obvious complications so far except some bowel liquification from one of my medicines but the home health nurse check ups have been positive, my phone appointment with my surgeon’s office went well and tomorrow morning I have my first post-surgery appointment with my cardiologist as my primary care gets handed over to her. While tomorrow sets up to be hectic as all get out, I’m excited for the appointment and my first real excursion away from home since returning, FIELD TRIP! I’m also planning as part of it to stop at a drive thru and gets some damn french fries as a treat, more excited than I should be about that, but seriously, hot, greasy salty fries and a small coke, yeeessssss.

Mornings are good, especially now as the quality of my sleep is improving. I’ve worked out a good schedule with the Tylenol I’m using for pain management, happily haven’t had to go any harder, and having the new adjustable bed I just bought is a game changer. That was pure providence, found a store with one in stock two miles from my place, $100 off the price as part of their labor day sale, 50% off on delivery and installation since I was so close and the disassembly and removal costs were waived when I mentioned I was recovering from heart surgery, oh and the whole deal start to finish, from call to set up, four hours. I do seem to sunset every afternoon and end up a little loogey at night, and because I’m not super active yet I’m also not super tired and so early evenings have kind of sucked I exist in this haze of being tired, but not worn out and really not wanting to sit down. It’s also the time of day when things slow down, my body aches catch up to me but my mind keeps spinning.

So I’ve started trying after dinner to be a bit more active, after dinner I do my evening walk, take my meds and then try and do some writing standing up. I’m not at a point where I can find a comfortable position for my laptop, so it’s sit down at my work desk or stand up. Standing up keeps me a little more alert, helps keep my blood pressure up a little bit and I can move a bit to the music. Without writing on my lap with TV as background I’ve been putting on music while I write. Tonight I’m writing to the Talking Heads, hence the quote from idiosynchratic and brilliant David Byrne above.

The one thing that has really hit me in this process of existing and healing after the surgery is the patience, intentionality and deliberate nature of every physical move I make. I have to sit and stand a certain way without using my arms, same for getting in and out of bed, picking things up, opening the refrigerator and once something hits the ground it’s gone til I go get the grabber. Of course then it hit me, Watchmen fans will appreciate this, but if you drop it, who grabs the grabber. So I bought a second one today, if I drop both I’ll just call it a day, sit down and watch a movie.

I’m a person who really can be identified as someone who thinks fast, talks fasts, and is almost constantly multitasking and operating, at least mentally, on multiple tracks at all times. Heart surgery has really forced me to slow down, not just physically, but mentally as well, and is forcing me to be more deliberate and intentional. It’s a requirement now, but I think in the long run it’s a good exercise for me. The fact is when I get myself into trouble its almost always from acting too quickly or without appropriate focus, hopefully this time will teach me to be better about that.

So my friends, take your time, be deliberate, be intentional about your life and you’ll have happier days, I promise. ~ Rev Kane

PS – God I love the Talking Heads!