Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life. ~ Marilu Henner

I haven’t worn pants in weeks!

First a sidebar, tonight’s quote is from an incredibly interesting person. Most of you probably remember her as the red-head from the TV show Taxi. But she’s also a real life Sheldon Cooper, by that I mean she’s one of the very rare people with an actual eidetic memory. Must of made memorizing lines easy, but she’s a talented actress, beautiful incredibly smart and possesses this memory gift.

Back to our regularly scheduled program. For a guy who is not vain, I had a little vanity streak run through me a couple of years ago, but I’m passed it now, this experience has been interesting. I really don’t care what I look like. Tomorrow will be four weeks since my surgery, since before the surgery, I’ve not shaved, my beard or my head. I currently have the hair style of every Eastern European prisoner in Nazi death camp movies, but I’m much fatter. Not that I’ve put on weight, in fact, the stress of the surgery led me to put on about seven pounds, I was right around 187 before that and as of today I’m at 188. So for the most part, I’ve lost my pre-surgery stress eating weight.

On the walk I’ve just returned from, I was quite a sight, tiny colorful socks, grey hush puppy looking slip on shoes, gym shorts, gleaming white legs that could save ships in a storm, a black cotton shirt over a tie-dye shirt, topped with my psycho bunny hat, accompanied by lovely oak cane, stained cherry. But it doesn’t matter, the fact is modesty went out the door on surgery day one.

For a week I walked around in the hospital in that damn gown with my ass hanging out for all to see. When Gina, one of the patient care staff, came to assist me with my first shower she brought me “modesty” underwear. Gina was easily in her late 40’s or early 50’s, so I asked her, “how long have you been doing this?” She said 18 years, I looked at her, “is there anything you haven’t seen?” She shook her head no as she laughed and I dropped the gown right there and walked into the shower. She also came in and washed my back, that’s the most action I’ve had in years, she was incredibly nice.

I have no idea what I’m going to do with my hair and beard. Semi-bald afro, old hippy pony-tail, back to bald? As for the beard currently it’s a angry, old sea captain kind of style, maybe I’ll trim it back, maybe I’ll go full Gandalf as my nephew suggested. Hell, I’m still wearing my hospital ID bracelet. And seriously, I haven’t worn pants since before the surgery.

The thing I’m really not wearing right now is stress. I heard some extreme bullshit from work today and laughed it off. While I’m recovering and nervous about my heart-rate, blood pressure, blood thinners, all of it is at least working ok, if not well, my doctors aren’t nervous, so I’m pretty damn relaxed. Just more to convince me never to return to the toxic stress hellhole that is my old job, at least not for very long, it might be fun to reign hell down on people who drove my replacement nuts for a few weeks before I pull the plug.

Honestly, take your pants off, lose the stress anyway you can, it is literally killing you. So get out from under it and have happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane