If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. ~ Henry David Thoreau

To be happy, you don’t have to get ahead

Welcome to America and American values and expectations in life. We all know what the American script is, graduate high school, go to college, get a career, take a two week vacation every year, get married, buy a house, have two kids, climb the career ladder, send your kids to college, get some grandkids, retire and die. I’ve always had a problem this script, it has never quite made sense to me. The first is, that in this script, there is no space for non-conformity, creativity, joy or happiness.

In America we all know, hell, we are told from birth, that the goal is to climb the career ladder, get the next big job, the next raise, the big promotion, work your way up to the corner office. This pretty much all comes down to money and capitalism. What passes for success in America, is how big is your home, how big is your car, where did you take your vacation this year? Did you go to Myrtle Beach, go skiing in Vail or Aspen? It all ends up being about status and appearance, the question is how much do you impress others? The question never is what makes you happy?

I hope that I had something to do with this as he was growing up, but I’ve always admired my brother for taking a giant left turn off of the script. At eighteen he didn’t go to college, he pursued a career in music, moved to Orlando, took his shot, had some success and eventually came around to the idea that a college education would be beneficial. Not because it was part of the script or what’s next, but because it fed and enhanced his interests in life. He was perfectly exhibiting the idea of higher education that Robert M Pirsig laid out in his book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. A book that he famously rights is not at all about Zen, and has very little to do with motorcycle maintenance and a book I credit with saving my life.

In this book he suggests that education should work this way. Someone is interested in fast cars, so they train and learn how to become a mechanic so they can make a living and make their car faster. After a time, they get really good at it but they hit a wall, a point where tweaking the existing engine can’t make the car go any faster. At this point, the only way to make the car faster is to re-engineer the engine, so at this point this person starts to study engineering to become an engineer who redesigns engines. It’s the idea that education should be driven by interest, desire and need, not by what’s next on a checklist in life or what pays the most.

I’m bumping up against this idea of always climbing higher right now in my job search. I’m in a somewhat unique position. My career has allowed me to be in a place where I can currently retire with a decent retirement. Not live in San Francisco level retirement, but live comfortably in most of America level retirement. I also have a dream about my life, about the type of property I want to live on, the type of life I want to live. In general, I want things to get smaller, simpler and more real. I want some property where I can be in nature, do significant gardening, wild crafting and not have neighbors on top of me. I want to build community around this idea. I need to work for another few years before Medicare due to the ridiculous way health insurance works in America and I no longer want to be in charge of everything and everyone every day. I really no longer want to manage a hundred employees and all of the constant personnel issues that come with that level of faculty and staff. Then tack on a few thousand students taking classes and their issues and it’s all too much at this point. I want a smaller, simpler locus of control, the opportunity to do good work and then go home and forget about it at the end of the day. Of course while applying for jobs, and I’ve been on enough hiring committees to know this happens, there is always someone who questions anyone doing anything atypical. In my case I can hear it, “why would a dean be applying for a director position, what’s wrong with him?” I’m used to this in my life, I don’t do things the way everyone else does and there are always people who assume different is weird or wrong. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this question, “so you’ve never been married, what’s wrong with you?” I have female childless friends who have similar been asked why they don’t have children, in a America, different is considered wrong and weird.

But I’m here tonight friends to tell you it’s ok. I’m not going to tell you that it’s an easier path but I will tell you that it’s almost always more rewarding in the end. You have to be true to yourself, it’s the best path to happiness. And often this means that you don’t have to follow the script. If not going to college is the best path for your life and happiness, great. If not having children is the right choice for you, great. If becoming a teacher or a professor but never becoming a principal or dean, great. If the choices that you make are informed, well thought out and best for you, your family and happiness, then they are the right choices regardless of what others think, with only one caveat, that those choices don’t hurt anyone else.

So be bold my friends, take the chances, make the choices that will make you and your life better and happier. To hell what other people think, it’s your one life to live, make it the best that you can and be the happiest you can be and always have happier days. ~ Rev Kane