Don’t Lie to Yourself

I fell into a conversation the other day, a very interesting conversation.  It was about the internal dialogue we all have with ourselves.  You know, the conversation inside our heads that we are constantly having with ourselves.  When I end up talking with someone about this, the focus is usually on how we can use this voice to make us happier.  An exercise I often ask people to do, is to work on changing their internal dialogue, particularly in creating a more positive self-image.  I ask people, three times a day, to look in the mirror and tell themself how awesome they are.  I ask them to do this to counteract the negative messaging we all get both from external sources and from our inner dialogue.  As you all know, internally we are often our harshest critics.

But this conversation the other day was a bit different.  We were discussing the level of honesty we possess in our own inner dialogue.  I have often said that human beings possess two superpowers, rationalization and denial.  We seem to be able to rationalize anything we do to protect our own well-being.  In the process we are also seemingly able to deny almost anything, even reality.  We all know people who have issues, who no matter how plainly they are confronted, are able to first deny that they have an issue.  Then seemingly incredulously, if you can get them past the initial realization, can fully rationalize how their behavior really is ok.  Addicts are the true masters of this ability.

But that’s not the type of internal lying I’m talking about tonight.  I’m talking about the lies we tell ourselves to avoid telling ourselves the whole truth.  For example, we end a relationship because the other person is not right for us.  However, the real truth is that it really is you, not them.  The real reason the relationship had to end was that there is some issue you need to resolve within yourself, not something they needed to do different.  That deeper realization is what we really need to understand in order to help ourselves become happier.  That’s the real work that you have to do in order to improve your life.

Getting to that truth is not easy, it often takes accepting things about yourself that you’re not proud of, or make you highly uncomfortable.  It’s important to take time to face and address these issues for they are at the core of the things that can destroy your happiness.  It may seem a daunting task to discover what they are, but it really isn’t that difficult.  These are things we already know about ourselves, it just takes some quiet time, and some honest reflection about who we are and why we do the things we do.  Give it a try, take some time, focus on the why of your decision making and tell yourself the truth, I think the effort will be illuminating and bring you happy days my friends. ~ Rev Kane