Just living is not enough… one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. ~ Hans Christian Andersen
Sunshine, freedom and a little flower!
I’m happy to say that the last two weeks have seen my state of mental health improving, by no means am I yippy skippy happy, but I’m doing better and the weight or haze that was hanging over has seem to lifted. Continuing to work the basics does wonders for you and some other really simple things have helped, all described in the quote above.
Sunshine. One of the beautiful things about living in California is that right now, while the rest of the country is absolutely freezing we’re starting to see consistent days in the 60’s. It’s still chilly at night, tonight will be in the 30s, but for a lot of the country 30s would be the daily high. As I talked about in my last post on the basics of happiness, one of the things I’ve been making sure to do is to get at least 20 minutes out in the sun every day. Happily the weather has cooperated and here in the normally overcast Bay Area we’ve had sunny afternoons almost every day. This has allowed me to get at least 20 and some days even 40 minutes out in the sunshine. It’s amazing in the winter how much of an impact that sunshine can have on your mood.
Freedom. I think most people see and understand the insanity of the political situation happening in the United States right now. Freedom, something we take for granted is now in many ways in doubt. So it definitely warmed my heart today to see students on our campus participating in the January 30 walkout and protest. It’s starting in some ways to feel like the 60’s all over again.
Flowers. The beauty of the end of January and beginning of February in California, at least along the coast, means that trees and flowers start to bloom. We are lucky to really see spring here by mid-February so only a few more weeks of cold nights and mornings. Of course this type of weather only solidifies the reality of dressing in the Bay Area. In the mornings it’s in the 40’s, so hats and gloves and big sweatshirts, by noon time it’s in the 50’s so gloves and smaller jacket, by 2PM it’s low 60’s and light jacket time and as the sun starts to go down you reverse the process. But the upside of the weather is that when I’m out for my walk the citrus trees are full of ripening fruit and everywhere there are flowers. So below are a series of some of the recent flowers I’ve seen, enjoy. ~ Rev Kane
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ~ Mahatma Ghandi
The Basics Bring Back Happiness
I’ve said it dozens of times on this blog, and I make no claims that I came up with it. It’s very old Taoist philosophy, to be happy you must secure the basics first.
Eat right
Get enough sleep
Drink enough water
Exercise
Get sunshine
Make sure you are safe
The last four months since I returned to work, still recovering from open heart surgery have been some of the hardest months of my adult life. I’ve been over all of it on the blog over the last few months, so I won’t go over it again. It’s taken a toll on both my physical and mental health. The two are of course interconnected. When my mental state goes to shit I find comfort in foods I shouldn’t eat, mostly carbs and cokes and that leads to bad blood sugar numbers. I’ll get my test results Monday and expect shortly after a call from my doctor that will not find her very happy. The good thing about me, is no matter how bad things get, I at least continue to exercise.
So, one of the benefits of writing this blog for so long is the obligation of being the Minister of Happiness. It forces me to have to walk the walk, no matter how bad I feel. So over the last few weeks I’ve really been trying hard to work on the basics. My eating has gotten better, I’ve been getting back to more regularly using my CPAP and giving myself enough hours of sleep, water is never an issue for me, neither is exercise but I’m being more consistent and regular, I’m working hard to make sure to get out into the sun for at least a half hour each day. Safety, usually an easy one is a little harder to come by right now in this insane country.
The good news is it has worked. Honestly, three weeks ago it was an absolute effort to even get out of bed, especially because it just meant going to work and dealing with shit every day. The worst thing, was this absolute constant feeling of numbness, nothing felt good. Not even a great slice of pizza and a coke. The world was absolutely dull in every way and felt like nothing more than a string of obligation, failure and disaster one after another, again and again like some groundhog day in hell. After three weeks of being diligent it’s better, not good by any means, but better. The numbness has burned off, the world is a little bit clearer, I still can’t seem to catch a break right now, but at least it doesn’t feel so shitty.
The lesson tonight is simple, we all fall into the well, some times, deeper than others, but there’s always a way out and you always need to start with the basics. Once those are consistently secured, then you can try some of the more sophisticated things we’ve talked about, but first the basics. ~ Rev Kane
Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. ~ Epictetus
Happiness is a day off!
As I’ve gotten more and more into coaching higher education administrators and the concepts around work/life balance I’ve landed on a really important core idea. It’s the idea that you should never work seven days in a row. It’s a simple idea, there is no such thing as only seven days in a row. As soon as you work seven, you’re into the next five day week and now you’re at twelve days in a row. It’s amazing to me how much of a revelation this is for a lot of people. So my advice is for folks to make sure there is one twenty-four hour period a week where you don’t work, no emails, texts, phone calls or work of any kind. It really is a powerful idea and technique for helping prevent burnout.
In our real life however, we’re not always so fortunate. I’m living in one of those periods right now. I’m still dealing with finalizing my mom’s estate, taking care of bills, making notifications, running down insurance policies etc… And that doesn’t include dealing with the house she lived in that I own. As the executor of her estate and person on her bank accounts there’s a lot. I’m grateful for the help my sister has provided, she’s been really great through all of this.
So right now, it may not be a work day but I still have estate related things to do. On top of that I’m looking for a new job, so I also on my “days off” doing job searches, writing cover letters etc…
On top of everything else, we’re living in an insanely tense time in America. Our government has released waves of ICE officers into Minnesota and other places. We’ve deposed the leader of Venezuela, threatening to bomb Iran, resuming war in Gaza, and even invading Greenland who is a NATO ally. Throw on top of that the Epstein file saga and there’s a constant level of noise in the background. For anyone informed and paying attention, there is a constant undercurrent of anxiety. But it’s not like a hum, a constant hum is like white noise, you can filter it out. Instead this is like a cat scratching at the door. You’re doing something and scratch, scratch – damn cat, you think. And that scratching is the madness in the world, nibbling at you throughout the day. The worst part is of course, that at the end of the day, when you finally stop running and take a deep breath -SCRATCH, SCRATCH, SCRATCH at an insane level.
All of these things make it an incredibly stressful and anxious time for most of us. So it’s hugely important to find that day off, or at least, a block of a few hours each week where you can do something you enjoy, or just be. Work hard to find that time and you’ll have happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane
Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family, in another city. ~ George Burns
Happy Little Pizza Review
So I was back in New York this past week, a sort of business trip. I was back there both to file the probate paperwork for my mother’s estate as well as have a job interview in central New York. The trip ended up connected to my baby sister’s family in a couple of ways. First, I was able to surprise my niece by showing up to her high school basketball game. I basically landed, got my rental car and drove off into the snow to show up at her game. Upon entering the gym my brother-in-law tapped my sister and said, “hey, isn’t that your brother?” It was a surprise for all of them. It was great to get to watch my niece play, unfortunately they lost but it was still fun for me to watch her play and visit with my sister.
My interview was near where my nephew attends college and so of course I called him and asked the most important question I can ask someone in my family, where’s the good pizza in Oneonta? He directed me at Tino’s on main street. Walking in I immediately felt good about his recommendation, the wall was covered with framed jerseys and minor league baseball pins. The staff had the right combination of attitude and friendliness and looking over the pies in the glass case everything looked good. So I ordered the slices pictured above and they were solid. The right level of crispy crust and the cheese and sauce were spot on. The pepperoni was good not great, but all in all really good slices.
The good news in that is that it meant I needed to text my nephew and let him know he could stay in the family.
When they brought my slices out they also brought out a little back of shredded mozzarella. Apparently it’s something they do they called a slice with cold cheese, so I gave it a try.
It was ok, I’ll never push back on free extra cheese and as it melted in and softened up it did add a little bit to the overall experience, but nothing I would pay for if asked. Of course, a decent pizza place is absolutely one of the criteria for any new place I might live, so we’ll see.
A rebirth out of spiritual adversity causes us to become new creatures. ~ James E Faust
Getting Back to Happiness
The past year has been a nightmare in many ways and absolutely incredibly challenging. It was a year of open-heart surgery, the death of my mother and a nightmare political landscape in America. With society changing at a high rate of speed there has been this underlying buzz of stress and anxiety that has just amplified all of the challenges that we all have faced this past year. For me, it’s also been a year of stress and obligation. Coming back to work I was constantly three weeks behind and it created a massive amount of stress for me all semester to pile on top of everything else. There was so much obligation this year, in the midst of everything I was dealing with, I was dealing with aging and dying parents and trying to support them and even more so my sister who was on the front line where they live(d) answering and dealing with the day to day running around and needs. So I am not unhappy to see 2025 end.
One of the important things about getting an aortic valve replacement at 60 years old is that you are on a clock. Most valve replacements average about 7 years before you need another one, maybe as many as 10 or 12 years if you get lucky. So I’ve got about 6 years where I can confidently do any serious physical challenges I want to take on, before I’m likely under the knife again, or having a TAVR procedure and there are no guarantees how I bounce back from a second surgery much closer to 70. So it’s time to get back to being the guy in the picture above.
This upcoming year will definitely be a year of change for me. I’m not afraid of change, anxious, but not afraid. This year, I will be looking for a change of venue. I have a final interview for a position in NY next week. If that doesn’t work out I’ll continue looking for a position, but I also be moving forward with adventure planning for the new year. I have three in mind. I have in my mind to hike the Overland Track in Tasmania hopefully in April. I have discussed plans with a good friend to do a cruise to Antarctica in Dec/January. If I accomplish both, I will have finally made my goal to set foot on all seven continents, although I may put a leg on my Tasmanian trip to New Zealand so I can grab the unofficial eighth continent, Oceania. Finally, it’s been a really long time since I’ve been out into the ocean, so if I’m on the West Coast Hawaii and maybe a little further, the Cook Islands hold a draw. If I’m on the East Coast, there are a whole lot of Caribbean Islands worth a visit.
The hike also means a focus on training and hopefully getting my blood sugar back into a better range and to drop the weight the last four months of stress have help me put on. My hope for you friends that is in this new year you can find your own adventures, find your way to happiness and that, that results in many happy days for you my friend. ~ Rev Kane
Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them. ~ George Eliot
Living in the Season of Death and Dying
Tis the season I guess, the season of death and dying. My mother passed just about a month ago and we’re still dealing with everything, paying off bills, cleaning out the house, getting her ashes, getting the documents together to file for probate. Having all the conversations, dealing with insane family and near family members losing their shit, or completely being ignored by close relatives. Watching and helping family find their way through grief, it’s a lot for everyone.
And in the midst of that we acknowledge another death anniversary, it was 26 years ago today that my Grandpa Kane, pictured above, passed away. I was reminded today by my aunt who sent me an amazing message, he’d be proud of my tomatoes. A message that may seem insignificant, but my grandfather loved gardening, loved growing roses and tomatoes and he passed those passions on to me, taught me how to grow roses by tricking a little boy. You see, he convinced me to grow roses by telling me step one was to go fishing, and we did. Then we placed the fish into the holes we dug for the rose bushes and put them in. I now know of course, that this was a way to provide nitrogen fertilizer for the plants, and it was a genius approach. I honor and remember him each year by doing something he dearly loved to do, and that is to eat the first tomato of the year like an apple, with a little bit of salt while drinking a beer.
A few months before my grandfather’s death I was visiting and we were having a conversation. He turned to me at one point and said, “you know I’m turning 100 this year.” This was 1999 in the fall and I pointed out that he was born in 1910 and that he was turning 90. He insisted that because it was the millennium, he automatically turned 100. So I suggested it worked that way for me as well, he denied that and we proceeded to have a good natured argument between two stubborn Irishmen for about ten minutes when I finally gave up and said, “the hell with it, you’re so damn old be whatever age you want.” He seemed really excited about turning 100.
So it would be, several months later as I celebrated the new year holiday and the year 2000 by renting a house with a friend in Florida on the Gulf of Mexico. We got down there a few days after Christmas and coincidentally on the same day both of us got a phone call that our grandfathers were dying. Hers in Minnesota, mine in New York. It didn’t seem reasonable for either of us to travel as both were at death’s door but uncertain as to when they would pass. So we resolved to stay. When my father called and said I should come on December 30th, that it would be soon I laughed it off and told him no way. That tough old bastard, he’d survived the depression in New York City, his first action in WWII landing at Normandy, and then being blown up and taken prisoner by the Germans, escaping that camp and being recaptured. I knew he wanted to be 100 and there was no way he was dying before the millenium, and of course he didn’t.
My aunt (his daughter) is a nun, an order that is still full gear penguins, and she’s now Mother Superior of the convent she resides in and my grandpa lived nearby and took care of their gardens. So when he was dying there were all manner of Catholic religious folk around his bed, priests, nuns, hell even a bishop or two. He was in a coma and hooked up to a breathing tube, catheter, and IV’s. The night before he died the nurse walked into his room and he was gone. I don’t mean dead, physically gone, in the bed there were all the tubes but no grandpa, for a moment she thought, holy shit he’s been raptured. Then she heard the toilet flush and he came walking out of the bathroom. That’s right, at 90, he’d pulled out his own breathing tube, I just went through this post heart surgery and I have no idea now he did it. He pulled out his catheter and his IV’s, got up and went to the bathroom. The nurse exclaimed, “what are you doing?” He looked at her like she was an idiot and said, “I had to take a piss.” She got him back in bed, reinserted the tubes and the next morning he passed. So those were his last words. Given the tie to New Year’s Eve, I always think a lot about him this time of year and those amazing last words.
But those are not the best last words in the history of my family. No, those belong to my great uncle, hillbilly Joe Cutlip. By far the greatest character in my family. A West Virginia hillbilly who met my grandfather, Cordato not Kane, in basic training in the army. They would go on to marry two Kentucky hillbilly sisters who when they met them, were barefoot and hanging in a tree. Uncle Joe was amazing, great stories, great jokes, claimed to have been a sparring partner for Joe Louis, had the flattened nose to back it up. He and my great aunt never had children and he worked as an engineer and his one vice was buying a new Cadillac every year and driving up from Jersey to show it off to us in NY. He loved popping me into the driver seat and showing me all the new fancy gadgets and features. He had the first car I ever saw with a phone in it. Well, when my Uncle Joe was dying, he to was unresponsive and my mom’s sister was sitting with him. He suddenly regained consciousness and my aunt called in the nurse. She came in and checked him out, told him she’d call his wife. As she was walking out Uncle Joe turned to my aunt and said, “that nurse has an ass the size of a Bavarian oven.” My aunt chuckled and said, “I never heard that one before.” He smiled and said his final words, “I’ve never seen an ass that big before.”
So in the season of death and dying I’m reminded that before I go, I better have some damn good last words ready. ~ Rev Kane
Approach the new year with resolve to find the opportunities hidden in each new day. ~ Michael Josephson
My New Year Resolutions – For You!
So I’m going to do something a little bit obnoxious tonight, here on New Year’s Day, I’m not going to make New Year Resolutions for myself, instead I’ve decided to do it for you. So here we go, your resolutions for 2026.
Have hope – For many of us 2025 was a very hard year. Let’s start the year off with hope that 2026 will be a better year for all of us.
Stay positive – It’s important to stay positive, and the most important way to stay positive is to view the world from a positive position. Most of the things that happen to us in life are inherently neutral, but what’s important is how we view them. The simplest example is that if something frustrates you, you can look at as an impediment, bad luck, or the world being against you, or you can choose to look at it as an opportunity to demonstrate your determination and resilience.
Do the basics – Something that I come back to time and time again on this blog is how incredibly important the basics are to being happy. Making sure that you are sleeping enough, eating right, drinking enough water, exercising and getting outside, particularly getting some sunlight in the winter. And finally are you safe, and that means both mentally and physically. If not, that is the first thing that you must address.
Give yourself grace – Finally, give yourself grace, or more plainly, give yourself a break. You are never going to be the perfect person, the perfect parent, child, partner, employee, etc… Give yourself some grace in 2026. As long as you are making a legitimate effort, honestly trying to do your best, than you’re doing what you can and that’s enough.
Hopefully these are resolutions that you can take on and keep for the coming year, if you do, I believe you’ll have happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane
Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man. ~ Benjamin Franklin
Happy New Year’s Eve – 2026
Welcome to Amateur Night! My annual New Year’s Eve posts have really become a small homage to my old neighbor Jack Wrigley. Jack was a guy who enjoyed a good party and a beer but he didn’t participate in New Year’s Eve. I asked him why once and he simply said, “I don’t do amateur night.” The quote always stuck with me. When I was drinking, and a full blown alcoholic, I did a few amateur nights and they were always miserable. It’s the one night a year, well maybe two if we count St. Patrick’s Day, where people who don’t normally drink, insist on drinking for hours and getting sloppy drunk. And sloppy drunks means dealing with people vomiting, people saying stupid shit and the inevitable monkey pumped up on liquid courage who is convinced he needs to get into a fight. None of that is fun, so I made Amateur Night a hard pass years ago.
But each year it reminds me of Jack Wrigley. Jack was one of the most laid back humans I’ve ever met. He was the first person I knew with a tattoo, he’d gotten the prototypical anchor tattoo while in the navy. He worked with my father and had a cabin next door to our house and a little pool that he graciously allowed me to use whenever I wanted. Which led to one of the best days of my teenage life, when his smokin hot daughter Renee, maybe the most beautiful woman to come from our county, showed up with a couple of friends to suntan while I was using the pool. It was my first ever experience, I was about 14, them around 19, of having the attention of three gorgeous women all to myself. They thought I was a goofy kid, but it was a glorious hour one summer. So as usual tonight, I’ll raise a glass to the memory of Jack Wrigley.
So whatever you’re doing tonight friends, I hope you have a happy and safe night. Me, I made some pizza, bought some killer brownies and will be watching football and the Stranger Things finale. Should be a chill and good night, hope you have the same. ~ Rev Kane
Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. ~ Helen Keller
Goodbye 2025!
I am happy to say goodbye to 2025. Like any year, good things happened, bad things happened but this has been the most stressful, wearing year in a very long time for me. It was the year that my heart stopped, happily medically and even more happily it started after the surgery. I guess I was technically a cyborg for a couple of hours while my heart was stopped, not something I want to do every year.
This was the year I was supposed to retire, but my heart surgery interrupted that plan. It was the year that one of my bosses tried to trump up controversy and get me fired. And a job that I haven’t liked in a while, had a really shitty year. And delaying my retirement just made it worse. And doing a job search in one of the worst years to look for a job in higher education has not been great. Not to mention that universities, like many businesses now really disrespect job applicants. Essentially a lot of jobs now, acknowledge that they’ve received your application and you never hear from them again. Hell, I was even ghosted once after doing a second level interview.
This year was the year that my parents truly became elderly. They both significantly declined this year. My father fell multiple times, split open his head, broke his leg and hip. My mother declined quickly and finally lost her battle with cancer and passed away in December. It’s not just a death, but the responsibility all around it that wears you down. The impact on family, finalizing bills, making notifications, going through probate, dealing with the house. Finding out that people you are related to really don’t give a shit about you. It’s all a lot, takes a toll on everyone and takes way too fucking long.
This year in many ways has been the loneliest year of my life. It’s been a year when I feel less connected to people than I ever have. I felt isolated and alone this year, even though I received great support during my surgery recovery, this was a year when I have felt more than I have in decades, that I am in the wrong place and I’m here alone.
Finally, my luck has disappeared. The joke I’ve been making is that if there was a game, where there were 100 balls in a jar, and you would win if you picked 99 of them, and only lost if you picked one particularly ball, right now I would pick the losing ball every time. It’s been that bad, particularly the last few months.
So goodbye 2025, I’m not sorry to see you go. Hopefully what you taught me was that I must make things better, even if that means drastic changes. I hope my friends, your 2025 has been better than mine and let’s hope for all of us that 2026 brings many happy days. ~ Rev Kane
I don’t see the desert as barren at all; I see it as full and ripe. It doesn’t need to be flattered with rain. It certainly needs rain, but it does with what it has, and creates amazing beauty. Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/desert-quotes. ~ Joy Harjo
One of My Happy Places
This is one of those posts I hesitate to write a little bit. You see the place I’m going to write about, when I went to for the first time five years ago was really under the radar. Over the last five years that has changed, and with the camping reservation system being instituted in Nevada State Parks, Valley of Fire of State Park has gotten a lot more popular. The park is located about 30 miles or so east of Las Vegas. Approaching it doesn’t inspire confidence, it’s pretty much basic Mojave Desert. But inside the park you find a valley full of color and absolutely amazing geology and often close up views of Bighorn Sheep. I’m usually in the park during Christmas and the week between Christmas and New Years. It’s really crowded with day visitors that week and used to be crowded in the campgrounds, now the campgrounds are absolutely packed. This year I went in a week early and there are a lot fewer day users and far fewer campers on the weekdays. And here’s the one tip that will make the read worth the time if you ever go there. Driving out from Vegas the first turn off to the park, particularly during the holidays and on weekends can mean a 30 minute or more wait to get to the gate. So I recommend continuing up I-15 and going into the park via the east entrance, it’s about a 15 or 20 minute extra drive, but will take you to a gate where the longest line I’ve ever seen is three cars.
I needed this trip this year, it’s been a year since my last vacation and it was camping in Valley of Fire last Christmas. This has been a very long year. Open heart surgery and the six month recovery tied to that, three months at home recuperating, and then back to work. Work has been absolute hell this year, being off for three months meant I spent the last three months constantly behind the eight-ball. Add to that a lot of health issues with both of my parents, the impact that has on my whole family that of course culminated with the death of my mother earlier this month. It is utterly unusual for me to go a full year without a vacation and worse in a really stressful year. I was extremely happy to be out in the desert, it’s absolutely one of my happy places. Below is me eating some gifted ramen on my campsite and I think my face shows how happy I am to be out there.
I grew up on the East Coast and love Eastern Deciduous Forests, it’s where I developed my love of the outdoors, where I’ve spent most of my time outdoors. It’s the environ that made up the majority of my Appalachian Trail hike. I especially love those forests in the fall and winter. When I moved west however, I developed first an appreciation, and then an absolute love of the desert, particularly the Mojave. It’s started with my first trip to Burning Man, then Anza Borrego State Park, and continued to grow as I moved to the Mojave for a couple of years and then found the Valley of Fire. I love the Mojave, especially in the winter. Desert camping has it’s own set of challenges, but after a lot of years I have it down. The Mojave is desolate beauty, often the treasures are hidden below the surface, around a bend, down in a valley. Natural quiet, those moments where you can actually not hear any man-made noise are plentiful and I crave those experiences. And in the Valley of Fire I know where those places are and can literally go and sit there and hear nothing but the sounds of nature.
Valley of Fire is an amazing place because you get so many different types of geography. You can find open large view desert.
You can find wildly colored rock
You can find whole rock walls full of Native American made petroglyphs
And amazing slot canyons
So in the park I spend my days hiking through these amazing places and at night sit around a campfire and stare up at dark skies full of stars.
And usually, in the Arch Rock Campground, mornings involve Bighorn Sheep actually strolling through the campground. This year however, there’s been more rain than normal in the desert, as such, there is still vegetation up high and so the sheep aren’t coming down low to graze. So no sheep this year, but a photo of them last year.
And finally, an annual winter tradition for me, my naked hike in the desert, happily this year nothing exciting, just a nice quiet hike. Last year I had a small ranger interaction, but she was nice about it and just told me to put my clothes on.
We all have our happy places, and as much as possible we need to find time to be in those places. One of the most amazing things I was able to do last week, and it’s a simple thing, was to be able to lay in my hammock in the sun and something unusual for the desert, lay there and just watch clouds float across the sky. Below I’m dropping in a full gallery of the sites from the Valley of Fire.
The Ministry of Happiness 