Red is such an interesting color to correlate with emotion, because it’s on both ends of the spectrum. On one end you have happiness, falling in love, infatuation with someone, passion, all that. On the other end, you’ve got obsession, jealousy, danger, fear, anger and frustration. ~ Taylor Swift

Where’s the Line?

I’ve been in a bad place for a while now. Humanity has me down and honestly I feel like I’m under some kind of voodoo curse. Literally, every day for the last three weeks, every day something seems to go fairly seriously wrong. And of course, once that starts happening you start to expect it, look for it, and without your normal emotional reserves you’re pushed to anger and frustration far too easily. It is not a place of happiness. I do what I know I need to do to keep my balance, to keep from descending into the well of depression but right now it’s not easy. So it’s through this current lens that I’m viewing the world. A world that seems to be moving in a direction of selfishness, entitlement and more and more toward nonacceptance of difference. All of this honestly tears my soul to pieces.

So the question I’ve been asking myself lately is where is the line? I struggle with this line, and so as not to continue to be mysterious in any way, the line I’m talking about is the line between civility and violence. In our world the ever increasing entitlement and selfishness exhibited by others is constantly putting you into the position of making a choice. Roll over and be taken advantage of and disrespected, or enter into confrontation. No one likes confrontation, we all know that knot in our stomach when there’s conflict, and no civil person enjoys it. So most of the time, most of us choose not to say anything or do anything, just let the little indignities go. But by doing that, we are teaching the selfish, the entitled, the bullies in this world that there behavior is okay, it will get them what they want, that they truly are entitled to always put their needs above others. They are always entitled to be first, to cut in line, to treat people disrespectfully while being immediately angry and offended if they receive any push back or similar treatment to them.

So where’s the line? When is it time to push back on the disrespect? When do we stand up for ourselves and teach the selfish that others are just as important as they believe they are? And where is the line in terms of how hard to push back?

I struggle with that last question most of all. Because honestly I push back a lot, I’m the asshole who speaks up when someone cuts the line or is disrespectful to someone around me, particularly if they are someone who is vulnerable. It leads to more confrontation than I want in my life, but I don’t believe people should should just be free to roll over others because they are bigger or bolder. But I’m tired, I honestly feel like Sisyphus right now, like I’m trying to bail out a boat with a teaspoon. And it leads me to Falling Down fantasies. If you’ve seen that movie you know what I’m talking about. For those who don’t, the character played by Michael Douglas reaches the end of his rope. Now, I don’t identify with the specific character, he’s a horrible person who is angry at society for all of the wrong reasons. But it’s the emotion I identify with, the breaking point of not being able to try or care anymore. Feeling like the whole world is taking and never giving and his character snaps. He becomes a maniac, the type of person that if you bump into him he beats you down with a bat, he becomes that taker. It of course all ends horribly for him, the lesson is clear, this is not the way.

So what do we do? This is a bigger question than just me an you. This is a question for our society as well. How do we build a society where it becomes wrong for people to take advantage of people who are less than they are in some way? Should civilization be civil, shouldn’t the purpose of society be to develop community in such a way that it protects, defends and supports the most vulnerable? Those that don’t fit the typical societal molds should be protected and supported not othered, diminished and ostracized. I say this as someone who has never fit, someone with the perfect camouflage, I’m a white male in America. But someone who none the less has never fit, and likely because of that has always been drawn to others who don’t fit as well. My camouflage and acting ability allows me to pass far more easily than others, but that doesn’t mean I feel like I fit in anymore than others without the costume. And even simpler so, shouldn’t civilization be something that promotes all of us being civil to each other?

So this is what really has eaten into and frankly devoured my happiness lately. So what do you do when you find yourself where I am ? Frankly, in my life there are two things that I can do. The first is withdraw, as a huge introvert the only way I can deal is by limiting my time and level of interaction with people. So I’m taking a week off soon, retreating to the desert, to a spa and some hot springs to hide away from the world. Secondly, and this might sound like an odd answer to my question, but I ramp up my kindness. I find as many small ways as possible every day to be kind to others. It means letting people into traffic more than normal, holding doors even if someone isn’t quite close enough to the door, buying a student lunch if they are behind me in line. Those small acts of kindness serve two purposes. First these acts spread a little more civility and kindness in the world, a way to push back and answer my question in a small way. Second, doing them selfishly also makes me feel better.

By doing what I’m doing, I’m certainly not winning in this world right now and if I was to be completely honest, which I try to be with those of you reading this blog, I’m absolutely fucking miserable right now. But I’m working at it, I’m trying and honestly that’s the best any of us can ever do.

So the lesson tonight friends, be grateful and thankful for what you’ve got. Give grace to others because you don’t know what they are going through, no matter what mask they are wearing or how they appear. And do your best to have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane