The Ministry of Happiness

Why Have You Never Been Married?

Posted on July 4, 2019 by Michael Kane

Why Have You Never Been Married?

So this question is one I get frequently. It usually starts with the standard question, are you married? You see in America, the script we’re supposed to follow says that as an adult you’re supposed to get married. So the question always starts there and then of course they assume that I must have been divorced. When they found out I haven’t been divorced, I get the statement/question in that weird and confusing tone, so you’ve NEVER been married?

Now the tone of that statement is always weird and it’s a really heavily loaded statement because it packs another question inside of it, which is what the hell is wrong with you? It’s an especially fun line to get on a first date. Because obviously I must have wanted to get married, it’s what people do, so if I didn’t there must be something wrong with me.

When people push and really want an answer to this question I have several options. I can go with what Bukowski said:

I could go with my granny’s theory on the subject, which is that the reason I’m not married is that my parent’s codependent wreck of a recurring marriage soured me on the idea. I loved my granny but insight into the complexities of my twisted mind was not her strength. Happily, and luckily for me, her strength was utter and complete unconditional love.

Is it fear of commitment?

I could go with what most people quickly assume, I have a fear of commitment. I find this one particularly offensive if I’m being honest.

I could go with the quick answer that I often give, it’s near the truth and seems to satisfy people well enough to end the question. That answer, is that the timing was never right, I never met the right woman at the right time. And that answer is pretty close to the truth. The added layer is that marriage was never a priority for me. You see that script I mentioned at the beginning, that society has set out for us, well I’ve never really bought into it. Had I found the right woman at the right time I would have been happy to have gotten married. Of course, anyone who knows me, knows that any marriage I would have been part of would have not been standard fare.

Is marriage a priority?

But given that marriage wasn’t a priority, and the realities of my nomad existence, that I never got married is no real surprise. I wrote a piece a last night about Marriage and Love and talked about how to me true love is true acceptance. I’ve been blessed enough to feel that once, but the situation and the timing were unfortunate and so it never happened. But I can tell you, that level of acceptance was magnificent and changed my life.

The script is shit!

What my point is in doing this post tonight comes down to this. We don’t all follow the standard script. Because someone has taken a different path doesn’t make them wrong or weird and we should stop making them feel that way. And please, stop saying to women who aren’t married, “but don’t you want to have children.” It’s such a loaded statement, what they rightfully here is, my god if you don’t have children soon you’re a complete loser who has wasted their life. Please stop making people feel bad because they’ve made a choice different from the one you made, or the one society tells us should have been made.

We are all individuals and the best thing we can do for each other is give each other love and support and help all of us have happy days. ~ Rev Kane

Happiness is a really good story

Posted on July 3, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness is a really good story

I have not ended up where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I intended to be ~ Douglas Adams

I moved to Knoxville, Tennessee in 1994 and very soon after I met my friend Chad. He’s a likable fellow and as such I immediately liked him. However, what Chad would come to be in relatively short order is one of the most interesting humans I’ve ever known. He’s a brilliant guy and the special part of his brilliance is that Chad doesn’t see things the way you or I do. He considers angles we often miss. It would not be unusual at all to roll into the brewpub in town and find Chad at the bar with some found object. Not some crappy little item but some map or piece of art or something else that should utterly not have been on the street. I always loved just talking with Chad, smart, positive and a generally happy fellow who is thoughtful and kind. Now, 3000 miles away I miss our chats.

One day at the bar Chad said, “I wonder how far it is to walk to the ocean from here.” It’s an interesting conversational topic and for most that’s all it would be, not for Chad. Shortly thereafter my friend Chad and his dog Sally was in fact going to walk to the ocean. I had not known the answer to his initial question beyond the fact that is was really, really far. The link below, shared with his permission is my friend Chad’s travelogue of that trip. It will take a few minutes to read, but it’s fantastic. The story is interesting, a little suspenseful, utterly insightful about our fellow humans and will restore a bit of your faith in humanity. Give it a read, and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

A walk to the ocean

Why the Work is Important

Posted on July 1, 2019 by Michael Kane

Why the Work is Important

If you continuously compete with others, you become bitter, but if you continuously compete with yourself you become better. ~ Anonymous

One of the things about moving to a new place is meeting new people. This is something that I’m not particularly good at. It usually takes me more time than most for me to build up any kind of a social circle. This time around I’m doing a little better than I usually do and as a result I’ve been fortunate enough to have some interesting conversations, including some fairly deep ones. Some of the new people I’ve met have been deep thinkers and in the process of the getting to know me have asked some really good and deep personal questions.

Although I’m someone who has spent more than his fair share of time diving into his own head, I haven’t really been there in a while. My most recent year of travel saw me in a really active frame of mind, focused on my situation and travels more than myself. So in these recent conversations I’ve been asked to dive back into myself a little bit and it’s always nice to revisit that introspective part of myself. A realization has come out of that exercise, I may be happier right now than I have ever been in my life. Now, that’s a bold statement, and I don’t mean that I’m happier than any spike of happiness I’ve ever had, but that consistently, on a day to day basis I’m consistently happier than I’ve ever been.

There are a lot of reasons for this, there are of course recent reasons. I’ve taken a new job that looks like it’s going to be a really good fit. I’m living someplace that is fascinating, has great weather and being so close to San Francisco I get to explore a place I haven’t spent nearly enough time in. Additionally, being the attraction San Francisco is, I’ve already had the pleasure of having one friend come through, two more in three weeks and another a couple of weeks after that. I also have friends who live in the area who I will soon make the effort to visit and spend time with. Add to that the new beginnings of a local social circle and things are really good. But that is really only half the story.

The other half of the story is the work that I’ve done over the last thirty plus years. That’s of course a funny phrase, working on yourself, so what do I mean? Well for me, I was unhappy for a long time and fought some heavy depression. There was a lot of anger and despair in my heart and it manifested by turning the anger inward on me and killing my mood. I was almost always functional, I just wasn’t happy. I’ve written about it before, but I was an angry young man, angry at my parents, my situation, hell the universe in general. I didn’t have a lot of coping mechanisms, so I turned to food, booze and drugs. None of them helped of course, not for long anyway, just kind of numbed and dulled everything out.

So eventually I had to get reasonable, had to do something that actually improved my life. That’s when the work started. By this I mean I spent time looking at myself, thinking about my choices, my actions and how they impacted my life and my happiness. Eventually this meant doing some of the big things, finding ways to forgive the people who’d hurt me. Letting some of the people in my life go and more importantly letting some things I was holding onto go, the things that grind around in your brain making you crazy. I had to change some of the ways I thought and acted and the type of decisions that I made. I had to discover ways to burn off the excess energy that would eat me up. That was where my writing came into play, I found that through writing poetry I could burn off the negative energy and then, eventually, through writing about happiness could help build and improve my own happiness by helping others build theirs.

I don’t want to make this sound too easy, the idea is not complicated, the implementation however is a different story. I started in one form or another working on myself thirty-five years ago. I saw results, but it took me into my early forties before I really felt different. It is only now that I truly feel a legitimate sense of happiness and contentment. The work is not over, we can always be better. But I’m here to tell you my friends that the work is worth it. As a soon to be fifty-fiver year-old man, if I’m average I’ve got about twenty years left to live. Twenty years to do all that I’d like to do, to make a mark on my eight nieces and nephews, to make sure that I leave this life with few regrets, in the end, that’s about the best we can do. Now I might get hit by a piece of space junk falling out of the sky tomorrow, but if not, if I get my twenty years, or even more, it’s good to be at the place I’m at mentally while trying to have happy days my friends. Given that most of you likely aren’t has screwed up as I was, hopefully the work you can do won’t take you, as long as it took me, and you can have even more happy days than I do. ~ Rev Kane

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged be happy, blog, contentment, happiness, happy, rev kane, working on yourself | Leave a comment

Happiness is Poetry: Langston Hughes

Posted on June 30, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness is Poetry: Langston Hughes

Love is a naked shadow,On a gnarled and naked tree ~ Langston Hughes

Langston Hughes

What I’ve always liked about the poetry of Langston Hughes is that what he wants to say is right there in front of you, raw, passionate but plain to see. Here’s a couple of his better known pieces, enjoy and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Mother to Son

Well, son, I’ll tell you:
Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I’se been a-climbin’ on,
And reachin’ landin’s,
And turnin’ corners,
And sometimes goin’ in the dark
Where there ain’t been no light.
So, boy, don’t you turn back.
Don’t you set down on the steps.
‘Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
Don’t you fall now—
For I’se still goin’, honey,
I’se still climbin’,
And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

I hope you enjoyed a couple of pieces of the poetry of Langston Hughes, he was one of the early creators of a unique style that some have called jazz poetry. Call it whatever you want his words are powerful.

If you like the poetry of Langston Hughes, check out these poets!

Warsan Shire

Sapphire

Charles Bukowski

More Langston Hughes

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged charles bukowski, happiness, happy, holidays, langston hughes, life, poems, poetry, poetry of, warsan shire | 4 Comments

Otherness – You’re Not Alone

Posted on June 29, 2019 by Michael Kane

Otherness – You’re Not Alone

The cover image for my next book Otherness

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing about. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Hello my friends, I’m really excited tonight to announce that my second book, Otherness, a book of poetry has now been published on Amazon and Kindle. The paperback is available at $9.99 and the Kindle version at $5.99. I really like the way the cover came out.

Otherness

A reminder that my first book Appalachian Trail Happiness, about my time on the Appalachian Trail, including a new way of journaling using 3 questions everyday is also still for sale on Amazon. As with my first book, if you would like a signed copy direct message me, they are available for $15. Thank you all for your support in my various endeavors.

Tonight a few pieces from the book, the first one is is the opening, title poem for the book. ~ Rev Kane

Otherness 3/11/17

I’ve spent most of my life
looking
for the light of a nonexistent sun
living
in the dark
feeling my way along
my fingers bruised, bloody
bumping my head on walls
I would have given up
long ago
were it not for
glimpses and rays
that burnt down upon me
making me believe
that warmth and light
do exist
never long enough
to get accustomed to the light
or truly believe
it was real, or deserved
I’ve become a creature of the dark
having tasted the light
I cannot shake the idea
that there is a world
where I can be engulfed in light
embraced, warm and happy
then my head hits another wall
the wind blows cold
I shiver
a tear blows across my face
where it falls
I cannot see Ω

Reconstructed Heart 6/21/15

How does it pump?
How does it work?
How, does it even fit
in the cavity of my chest?

Blown apart
stepped on
cut
ripped
torn
utterly obliterated
yet.

Here I stand
well, sitting actually
a reconstructed man
with a reconstructed
and still beating heart

So many times
so intricately
have I rebuilt this muscle
the parts, now
are like Lego bricks
with worn and broken connectors
such that reassembly
must include
the use of bubble gum and rubber bands

You know who you are
you vandals and frauds
you, who have been inconsiderate
with the handling of my heart

The only question that remains,
does this reconstructed heart
this reassembled and ragtag organ
still possess the qualities
of the pure and original whole
forgiveness
compassion
love
I don’t know
It’s late at night
I’ve had far too little sleep
and not nearly enough to drink
to have such answers

Trippy Day 4/9/14

It’s been kind of a trippy day
the last 24 hours that is
I think the codeine
might have skewed the day.

It started with the invisible cat
that was caught in my room
I don’t need a lot of space
he could have curled up in the corner
or the foot of the bed
there was absolutely no need
to go jumping about my head
or from corner to corner
on the bed

Phone calls at 3AM
are trippy enough
without being unconscious
and high as a kite

The squirrel ninjas
were a bit much
dangerous little bastards
with tiny little swords
would have been truly terrifying
if it weren’t for the cute little outfits
and the ill fitting masks
had me cackling like mad

I can’t even tell you
about the dreams
seriously
you’d have me locked up

The morning didn’t fare much better
fucking gnome invasion
little bastards
are usually friendly
but this morning
they were hungover
more like a grouchy pack
of Vermicious Knids

Work kept the ball rolling
our HR magician
made a lawsuit disappear
and reappear an hour later

The final meeting was the kicker
the room uncharacteristically dark
door locked behind me
suddenly found myself
gnawed at the ankles
by an Oompa Loompa scrum
beating them off was messy as hell
bastards were all wearing spray tans
and their hands
were covered in chocolate

So the answer
as I sit here tonight
double the dose
4 teaspoons of codeine should set me right

Posted in Happiness is Poetry | Tagged alien, alone, be happy, blog, happiness, loneliness, poem, poet, poetry, writing | Leave a comment

Holiday Happiness: Classic Poets

Posted on June 28, 2019 by Michael Kane

Holiday Happiness: Classic Poets

The holidays are a very stressful time for everyone and an exceptionally hard time for some. So, until the New Year I’ll be posting a Holiday Happiness post each day to try help folks out who are struggling. As always you can reach out to me at Happinesskane@aol.com for a kind word or someone to listen. ~ Rev Kane

Poetry to me is like blues music, the subjects may be intensely sad, but the words somehow make me feel better. So tonight, some words to get lost in from some classic poets, a set of links to pieces I’ve previously done with a whole lot of great poems. Enjoy and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Here are some other poets and poetry posts you will enjoy!

Happiness is Poetry: Great American Poems

Happiness is Micropoetry

Happiness is Poetry: Outlaw Poets

Posted in Happiness is Poetry | Tagged Dylan Thomas, happiness, holidays, maya angelou, poetry, Rilke, robert frost, rumi, william blake | Leave a comment

Random Happiness: Videos

Posted on June 27, 2019 by Michael Kane

Random Happiness: Videos

Tonight a little tour around the web to find some videos to help you have a happier day my friends ~ Rev Kane

The science of happiness – an experiment in gratitude (7:14)

TED Talks

Less stuff more happiness (5:49)

How to buy happiness (10:59)

The happy secret to happy work (12:21)

The surprising science of happiness (21:29)

Posted in Random Happiness | Tagged calvin and hobbes, happiness, living with less, science, secret, TED | Leave a comment

Happiness is a Polar Bear Adventure – Part 4 (A Flying Polar Bear)

Posted on June 26, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness is a Polar Bear Adventure – Part 4 (A Flying Polar Bear)

I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment. ~ Hilaire Belloc

As many of you know, a little over a year ago I sold my house, quit my job and hit the road. I spent the Summer hiking 1000 miles on the Appalachian Trail, my thru-hike ambitions were cut short by a knee injury. But after rehabbing my knee I went north to check off an item on my bucket list that has been near the top for the last couple of years and this is the fourth and final part of my writing about the trip. Here are the links to the previous parts:

Part 1 – The beautiful tundra and our first bear

Part 2 – Polar bears and amazing Northern Lights

Part 3 – Lots of polar bears up close

We left the lovely Tundra Lodge to spend two nights in Churchill. Churchill is a small town, less than a thousand residents. Basically a main street with a couple of side streets. There is some local art on display in the town park and a cool museum we visited, all in all the stay in town was pleasant.

From the museum, my favorite piece at full-size and the rest are thumb nails, just click on them to enlarge them:

So he’s got a knife in his head, he’s smoking a cigarette and petting a polar bear, ONE BAD DUDE!

I have long been fascinated with Churchill, the Polar Bear capital of the world. I had images in my head of having to dodge packs of marauding polar bears in the streets. Reality rarely meets the expectations of my imagination. Don’t get me wrong, people do get attacked by polar bears in Churchill. It’s just not a common occurrence and once you are there you realize why.

These signs are at the edge of the town and the beach areas, anyplace where bears typically come through.

People in Churchill take the threat very seriously. I had heard once that people in Churchill don’t lock their car doors. They do this so people can quickly find shelter if there is a bear on the street. I asked about this when I got there and it’s absolutely true. The town has full-time employees that patrol the town during bear season 24 hours a day.

They typically act to dissuade the bears from coming into town with firecracker rounds, lights, etc… If however a bear cannot be convinced, or if one slips in unnoticed, (we had two in two nights while I was there), then the critter goes to polar bear jail. Basically the bear is trapped and put in a confined area until the ice freezes over.

There are only so many cells however and if the jail gets filled up before the ice comes, or if a film crew just happens to be in town and is willing to pay, they fly bears out north of town. The bears are tranquilized and transported, little bears ride in the seats with their seat belts on, big bears, well, it’s easier to show you than to explain it. The blind-fold by the way is to keep their eyes from freezing shut.

This whole operation was pretty amazing to watch and another major score for an already amazing trip. We really got lucky and got to see almost everything you could possibly see on a trip like this. We had a presentation by a local elder that night after dinner that was amazing, she told the best stories, my favorite and certainly hers was one her grandfather would only tell when her mother went to wash the dishes, it was called, why men never marry skinny women. She was an absolute trip.

The next day we were out scouting wildlife again and had a few sightings worth showing.

However the highlight of the day was an opportunity to go for a dog sled ride. Now, I’m not real comfortable around strange dogs, so the thought of being in a sled dog yard with dozens of large, strange dogs was not something I was looking forward to at all. My opinion was quickly changed once I arrived, the dogs were amazing, friendly, so much so that they would bark and whine if you stopped petting them. We did a quick loop with dogs and met with the owner for a time to learn a bit about the culture of dog sledding, it was another amazing activity and one I hadn’t expected to enjoy.

That night, our last night, we had dinner and another presentation but I passed and crashed as I was tired. I was happily interrupted by people banging on the door, we had Northern Lights again. The display was not nearly as amazing as the other night, but still pretty damn cool and another chance to practice my aurora photography skills, unfortunately town and car lights made it tough. Here’s a few shots of our final night’s lightshow.

Another attempt at an aurora selfie.

The whole trip was magnificent, I spent a LOT of money for the week and it turned out to be worth every penny. We had great weather, cooperative wildlife, amazing auroras, good people and wonderful staff. Even the food was good which was a very pleasant surprise.

Finally, just some random shots that I didn’t find a place for in the pieces, enjoy and have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

Rev Kane relaxing on the rover deck in the snow flurries

Other pieces you might enjoy!

Appalachian Trail Happiness: Precious Moments

Happiness is Swimming with Whale Sharks

Three Questions & Some Thoughts from Anza Borrego State Park

Mount Everest Travelogue

Posted in Happiness is Adventure | Tagged adventure, arctic, canada, churchill, happiness, Northern lights, Polar bear, travel | 6 Comments

Happiness is Giving

Posted on June 24, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness is Giving

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give
~ Winston Churchill

Tonight friends a quick post about giving. We all know that giving and gratitude help us be happier people. This is something I’ve really begun to learn and internalize through my friends, I have some truly amazing and giving friends. The lessons they have shown me have led me to do my own giving, above a beyond the annual college alumni give or the NPR pledge drive, no I’m talking about a more significant contribution. Every other year myself and anyone I can convince to go along with the idea to cut our hair for Locks of Love. A truly magnificent group and cause, they use the hair donations to make wigs for cancer kids who lose their hair during chemotherapy treatments. Additionally we take donations and whomever donates the most gets to wield the scissors and do the cutting. Over the last 10 years we’ve donated over 40 feet of hair and raised around $10,000 for women’s shelters and other charities. I love this fundraiser, it’s not only a great cause but it’s amazing fun watching it go down.

Tonight though I want to give some praise and respect to a friend of mine who just went a lot further than the 10-inch ponytail I normally give up and she shaved her head for the St. Baldrick’s Foundation another wonderful organization that is fighting to end childhood cancer. Here’s a picture of my lovely friend and her lovely shaven dome, she’s an inspiration!

Not that doing this is without a little grimacing, here’s a video of the event.

So tonight my friends, follow her example and give a little bit today, I promise you’ll have a happier day ~ Rev Kane

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged cancer, charity, children, donation, giving, happiness, kids, locks of love, love, st. baldrick's, video | 2 Comments

Happiness Questions – Part 2 (My answers)

Posted on June 22, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness Questions – Part 2

happiness, questions, opus, bloom county

Opus is a happy critter

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

So as promised here are my answers to my post Happiness Questions – Part 1, this a great activity it really makes you go down deep, I highly recommend it but a little warning, it will give you pause about what you are currently doing with your life, have a happy day. ~ Rev Kane

15 Questions

1. What makes you smile? (Activities, people, events, hobbies, projects, etc.)

Children playing and laughing, writing, music, photography.

2. What are your favorite things to do in the past? What about now?

Traveling, sitting and thinking, being in the water, bicycling

3. What activities make you lose track of time?

Thinking, writing, bicycling, photography

4. What makes you feel great about yourself?

Using what I know to help other people, teaching, testing myself, experiencing new things

5. Who inspires you most? (Anyone you know or do not know. Family, friends, authors, artists, leaders, etc.) Which qualities inspire you, in each person?

Charles Bukowski for writing on his own terms, My friend we call Steve for all she’s accomplished

6. What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)

I think very quickly, solve problems well, can talk my way into or out of anything, reading people, teaching, public speaking

7. What do people typically ask you for help in?

Just about everything

8. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?

Science

9. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

I would regret not having traveled, learned other languages, creating a little home/farm, having gone into space

10. You are now 90 years old, sitting on a rocking chair outside your porch; you can feel the spring breeze gently brushing against your face. You are blissful and happy, and are pleased with the wonderful life you’ve been blessed with. Looking back at your life and all that you’ve achieved and acquired, all the relationships you’ve developed; what matters to you most? List them out.

The things I’ve experienced, the ways I’ve helped my selected family, particularly my nieces and nephews.

11. What are your deepest values?

Honesty, fairness, trying to see the world for what it is, self-reliance

12. What were some challenges, difficulties and hardships you’ve overcome or are in the process of overcoming? How did you do it?

Lack of confidence, financial difficulties, addiction – I overcame them with honest self-reflection and hard work

13. What causes do you strongly believe in? Connect with?

Sustainability, a social safety net for society, creating happiness

14. If you could get a message across to a large group of people. Who would those people be? What would your message be?

Decision makers then the world, consider the long-term implications of your actions, act as if to leave no trace.

15. Given your talents, passions and values. How could you use these resources to serve, to help, to contribute? ( to people, beings, causes, organization, environment, planet, etc.)

Teaching people, groups, organizations about sustainability & happiness in their lives.

The Ministry of Happiness

Why Have You Never Been Married?

Why Have You Never Been Married?

Is it fear of commitment?

Is marriage a priority?

The script is shit!

More Posts You Might Enjoy!

Happiness is a really good story

Happiness is a really good story

Similar Posts You Might Enjoy

Why the Work is Important

Why the Work is Important

Happiness is Poetry: Langston Hughes

Happiness is Poetry: Langston Hughes

If you like the poetry of Langston Hughes, check out these poets!

Otherness – You’re Not Alone

Otherness – You’re Not Alone

Reconstructed Heart 6/21/15

Trippy Day 4/9/14

Holiday Happiness: Classic Poets

Holiday Happiness: Classic Poets

Here are some other poets and poetry posts you will enjoy!

Random Happiness: Videos

Random Happiness: Videos

Happiness is a Polar Bear Adventure – Part 4 (A Flying Polar Bear)

Happiness is a Polar Bear Adventure – Part 4 (A Flying Polar Bear)

Other pieces you might enjoy!

Happiness is Giving

Happiness is Giving

Happiness Questions – Part 2 (My answers)

Happiness Questions – Part 2

15 Questions

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

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