My Odd New Life

Happiness is not something ready made, it comes from your actions ~ Dalai Lama

So I’m at the end of my first full week inside of my temporary new life here in Florida.  I’ve figured out all of the necessities, where to work out, to buy groceries, do laundry.  I’ve quickly become a fixture at the public library where I’m writing this piece, it’s quite a nice library and a good place to work and read.

I’m settling into a routine, unfortunately I’m having to force myself into being more of a morning person than I really want to be.  Unfortunately, it makes too much sense not to be, now I just need to convince myself to go to sleep at a more reasonable hour.  Between working out pretty hard and diminishing sleep I’m getting a bit tired, but that will change.

A little Arctic sunset shot and a tease for my photos for my upcoming posts on my Polar Bear trip

The big upside of course is I’m writing, at the moment quickly catching up on blog responsibilities, getting ahead on my daily posts and prepping for my annual anti-holiday depression posts.  I’m nibbling at the books I’m here to write, hopefully I’ll dig more deeply in next week now that I have a bit of a routine.  I have a few goals for myself while I’m here, I’m hoping to drop 15 – 20 pounds and add some muscle back to my upper body.  I’ve got 4 books to get done and a fifth to outline so I’m going to be pretty busy.  I also want to get this blog back to daily posts and more consistency.

Of course, this existence of pretty much nothing but gym time and writing also allows me a lot of time to think, that’s good and bad of course.  It allows for lots of introspection and planning, but it also leads to time to dwell on the negative.  Of course, the upside of dwelling on the negative is that is when I’m most productive on the poetry front so I’ve been writing a bit on that side.  Here’s a sample and remember, this is how I burn off negative energy.

My Island                                                       11/11/15

It’s that moment
where you want to scream
throw punches
kick at the walls
punch holes
in reality itself

Followed
by the sinking feeling
that it will make no difference
change nothing
but the alignment
the structure
of the bones
in your hand

Weeping
never really worked for me
but the tears will run
like condensation
on the tent flap
on a colder than you want morning

I’m broken, damaged
but I maintain
not just moving forward
but the very mask
that is necessary to protect you all
from the monster below

I’ve been called
an emotionless robot
the surface theater
more necessary
than any realize
I’ve always been
a great liar
a great actor
the difference
eludes me

The surface calm
necessity
for what lies below
dangerous chaos
an active minefield
unnavigable
by the average human
I’ve watched those who’ve tried
torn to shreds
their souls twisted
into unrecognizable piles

So I sit
the very center
of the deadly storm
unable
perhaps unwilling
to calm the winds
or map the mines
the island
my safety
my sanctuary
my unbelievably lonely safe space

So a new journey is underway, one that will hopefully be productive.  I’ve also planned a little getaway for Thanksgiving and a farewell to this life by celebrating Mardis Gras in Mobile, AL  Things are certainly less adventurous than they’ve been in a while but looking forward to a whole set of challenges and of course, happy days.  ~ Rev Kane