Bullying has always been around and there will always be people who thrive on the hurt they cause to others. ~ Trisha Paytas
Rev Kane’s Wild Ride: Don’t Punch Down
One of the things I did prior to going into surgery was to leave some goodbye notes to people in my life including some notes of life advice for my nieces and nephews. There was a wide range of advice, most of it about being confident, strong and kind. There was one piece of advice that I wanted to write about tonight.
One piece of advice I left, that seems particular relevant these days, was don’t ever punch down. It’s a simple idea and can also be expressed as not kicking people who are below you. Punching down when you’re a kid often means picking on the small kids, the disabled kids, the different kids. Most of us at one time have fallen into the category of target. What I expressed in the note was that it’s important to only punch up. Save your efforts, your arguments, even your violence for those with more than you, not less. Punching up means speaking truth to power, not being afraid to question authority, particularly when it is coming down on those in society who have the least amount of power.
To me, the measure of a human is their willingness to defend those with less power and privilege than they have. Avoid following the crowd and piling on, and especially, protect those in your family who have the least options and power, because they need you the most.
So don’t punch down my friends and help others have a happy day. ~ Rev Kane
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. ~ Denis Waitly
Rev Kane’s Wild Ride: Gratitude
Today is officially two weeks since they cracked me open like a lobster and played around with my insides for several hours. My recovery has been going well and if you’re just joining this ride, slide back through the blog, there are lots of updates. The big milestone for today was peeling off most of the super glue from my incision site while in the shower, that was a trip. The good news is the site looks really good.
One of the things that the literature warned about before this surgery were some of the post-surgery mental impacts, including a higher than normal risk of depression as well as a higher level of emotionality. I absolutely can see how as the weeks of healing wear on this could really get you down. But I have a plan and lots of support, so I’m not too terribly worried about that outcome. The higher level of emotionality is definitely present, I’ve found myself, particularly when thanking people for their assistance getting choked up. For me it’s the surprise of having so many people willing to help out, honestly, in my entire life I’ve had fewer people here for me than have been here for me in the last couple of weeks. So tonight I did want to take some time to express gratitude for many of the things I’m really thankful for right now while being able to type it, so you can’t see the tears.
First and foremost I’m alive, gratitude in this instance has to start there. I was blessed to have perhaps the best surgeon in all of northern California for this surgery and he and his team did an amazing job. I’m really grateful for the way my nurse woke me in post-surgery recovery. You see in the year before this surgery I’ve had two people I’m connected to have this surgery, one died, one ended up in a coma for a time, so this certainly amped up the trepidation of getting on that table, even though there was no real choice not to. And I’m a planner, so pre-surgery I shaved my beard down super short, my thought was when I woke up, touch my face, no beard or big beard would mean coma. But the first thing I heard my nurse say to me was, “Mr. Kane, you’re at Kaiser SF, you had heart surgery and it’s 3:30PM on the day of your surgery.” It was a brilliant statement that took away a nice chunk of anxiety as I laid there in my drug induced, pain filled haze.
On that theme, I’m grateful for all of the nurses, doctors, PTs and staff at Kaiser San Francisco. They were absolutely spectacular in every way. I received a spectacular level of care from nice, dilligent and pleasant people at all times. Not once did I have anyone who seemed bothered or in a bad mood, or not willing to immediately help, now if only the food was better.
I’m thankful for the visits in the hospital, from people who lived five blocks from the hospital, to others who drove an hour, to others who flew across the country. I’m especially thankful to the Tiny Dean who came to visit only three days after her own appendectomy and even made me a coaster for my drinks.
I’m thankful for Christine, a nurse on the step-down unit and close friend of my assistant for both looking out for me and also keeping my assistant at least semi-sane through the process.
I’m so grateful for this group of people who have been helping me out, I’ve actually had to dial them back a bit because this giant introvert is about peopled out. But I can’t push much, they’ve been caring and giving and so incredibly supportive. I’m truly humbled by these people and their desire to help me out, and if you know me, humble is not my natural state, at all.
I’m thankful for the Kaiser system in general, the pharmacy assistance and warfarin clinic and the home health nurse visits and blood draws.
I’m thankful to Bedroom Express in San Bruno, for putting a bed deal together, delivering and installing within four hours last Saturday, the bed changed has made a world of difference for my sleep.
And while I’m sure I’m missing people or things, the final thing I’m thankful for tonight is the tiny patio garden and it’s lovely tomatoes that are both absolute tiny joys and connections to my Grandpa Kane.
But the final thank you is for my assistant, guiding and caring for me in this process is not a work requirement. She’s been saint-like, she’s fussed, worried, picked me up from the hospital, kept my family in the loop, connected with my care team whether I wanted her to or not :), coordinated visits, groceries, rides and checked in on me every day, sometimes multiple times per day. She’s done all this while having her own family, a job, being her mom’s caretaker and an all around insanely busy person. I will never be able to thank her enough, she’s family now.
Have a thankful and happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane
With music, you often don’t have to translate it. It just affects you, and you don’t know why. ~ David Byrne
Rev Kane’s Wild Ride: The Little Victories
It was a hectic day in my recovery world today. I had seven different visitors which is absolutely a new record for me. During the day I posted a comment about wearing my first non-button up shirt and they replied I guess it’s the little victories, and it absolutely is about the little victories. As with all big challenges whether it’s hiking the Appalachian Trail or recovering from open heart surgery it’s always the mental aspects that catch you off guard and make things hard. So in terms of recovering from heart surgery, each of these little victories helps you see that things will get better and that there is healing at the end of this road. So tonight I just want to celebrate some of these over the last week.
First and foremost, my community of support has been absolutely amazing. Thank you to all of you. Today the person who picked me up for my cardiologist appointment brought their 20 year-old son. A really wonderful young man, as we neared the end of the return trip he said to me, “wow, now I get all the hype, you’re a cool dude.” I’ll take that from any 20 year-old as a 60 year-old grouch.
There are no stitches or staples from my surgery, I’m held together by super glue. So the glue has to be scrubbed and picked off, sort of like when you peel skin after a sunburn. Made some great progress on that today and it’s really, fucking weird. In case you didn’t know, super glue was actually used during the Vietnam War for exactly this reason, here’s a link to the history of super glue.
While I thought things had proceeded in average fashion, my cardiologist told me today that I got out of the hospital faster than any patient she’s had who had this process. I was really proud of that, I worked hard to be ready for this process.
Tonight, I did the longest walk of my recovery so far. Not really that far, but as that distance increases I get happier.
Today I decided to really cook. I make my own meals every night, but with all of the gifted vegetables starting to age and diminish and having seen an African Pepper Sauce recipe while I was in the hospital, I made an African bean stew tonight. After I had already said I didn’t need anything else it hit me that I really wanted some good bread with this dish, my last visitor of the day walked in with a really good loaf of sourdough bread, serendipity!
I’ve also been working very hard to express my gratitude to people, so today, I sent out some thank yous, texts and made a few calls just to say thanks. And thank you all for being here and following along.
Small positive steps is the way! This is know. ~ Rev Kane
Life tends to be an accumulation of a lot of mundane decisions, which often gets ignored. ~ David Byrne
The Deliberate Progress of Patience and Intentionality
As most of you are quite aware I’m at home recovering from open heart surgery. It’s my fifth day home, my eleventh day since surgery. The excitement and fanfare of the surgery are past, the big one, I didn’t die on the table. The second is that there are no obvious complications so far except some bowel liquification from one of my medicines but the home health nurse check ups have been positive, my phone appointment with my surgeon’s office went well and tomorrow morning I have my first post-surgery appointment with my cardiologist as my primary care gets handed over to her. While tomorrow sets up to be hectic as all get out, I’m excited for the appointment and my first real excursion away from home since returning, FIELD TRIP! I’m also planning as part of it to stop at a drive thru and gets some damn french fries as a treat, more excited than I should be about that, but seriously, hot, greasy salty fries and a small coke, yeeessssss.
Mornings are good, especially now as the quality of my sleep is improving. I’ve worked out a good schedule with the Tylenol I’m using for pain management, happily haven’t had to go any harder, and having the new adjustable bed I just bought is a game changer. That was pure providence, found a store with one in stock two miles from my place, $100 off the price as part of their labor day sale, 50% off on delivery and installation since I was so close and the disassembly and removal costs were waived when I mentioned I was recovering from heart surgery, oh and the whole deal start to finish, from call to set up, four hours. I do seem to sunset every afternoon and end up a little loogey at night, and because I’m not super active yet I’m also not super tired and so early evenings have kind of sucked I exist in this haze of being tired, but not worn out and really not wanting to sit down. It’s also the time of day when things slow down, my body aches catch up to me but my mind keeps spinning.
So I’ve started trying after dinner to be a bit more active, after dinner I do my evening walk, take my meds and then try and do some writing standing up. I’m not at a point where I can find a comfortable position for my laptop, so it’s sit down at my work desk or stand up. Standing up keeps me a little more alert, helps keep my blood pressure up a little bit and I can move a bit to the music. Without writing on my lap with TV as background I’ve been putting on music while I write. Tonight I’m writing to the Talking Heads, hence the quote from idiosynchratic and brilliant David Byrne above.
The one thing that has really hit me in this process of existing and healing after the surgery is the patience, intentionality and deliberate nature of every physical move I make. I have to sit and stand a certain way without using my arms, same for getting in and out of bed, picking things up, opening the refrigerator and once something hits the ground it’s gone til I go get the grabber. Of course then it hit me, Watchmen fans will appreciate this, but if you drop it, who grabs the grabber. So I bought a second one today, if I drop both I’ll just call it a day, sit down and watch a movie.
I’m a person who really can be identified as someone who thinks fast, talks fasts, and is almost constantly multitasking and operating, at least mentally, on multiple tracks at all times. Heart surgery has really forced me to slow down, not just physically, but mentally as well, and is forcing me to be more deliberate and intentional. It’s a requirement now, but I think in the long run it’s a good exercise for me. The fact is when I get myself into trouble its almost always from acting too quickly or without appropriate focus, hopefully this time will teach me to be better about that.
So my friends, take your time, be deliberate, be intentional about your life and you’ll have happier days, I promise. ~ Rev Kane
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. ~ Douglas Adams
The number 42 finds constant and cosmic significance in my life. Why is this meaningful? Well, in Douglas Adams’ masterpiece of a book, The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, 42 is the answer to meaning of life, the universe and everything. It’s just that we’ve forgotten the question. I love that concept more than I can explain and that’s the least weird thing in that book or the five that follow. Now is 42 actually significant? Who knows, like most numerology type things we put a lot of the meaning we want into the number, make it significant, notice it more often and then claim those occurrences as divine.
So let’s do a little bit of that tonight as I try and float through the hardest hours of my recovery days. You see I start out great, wake up, after varying levels of sleep, I knew this first week home would really suck on that front. And I do great up until about 5 PM and then I sunset like an Alzheimer’s patient. I typically end up napping for an hour, then I’m just groggy as shit, uncomfortable and incredibly restless until I finally give up and watch something and try to find ways to get comfortable and sleep. It’s a huge work in progress, lots of tweaking pillows and chair angles. If I get a three hour block in my camping chair I’m happy. Then I fumble around the apartment and try the couch. Last night for the first time I slept to my 8:30AM alarm. So I actually slept from 4:30 to 8:30 a new personal best since returning home. The added issue is that I usually wake up to an achy joint, a stiff muscle or joint from being in an odd position. Happily it’s been about comfort and not due to any real pain, I’m actually only taking Tylenol at this point and not even the maximum dosage.
It takes six to eight weeks for your sternum to heal after the surgery. So taking the midpoint is seven weeks, that’s right, 42 days. So that’s the countdown I’m on for my first major healing milestone. At seven weeks I absolutely will be healed enough, barring any complications, to be back to my normal sleeping routines. My initial plan was 1-2 weeks in the camping chair, then to the couch and hopefully week 4-5 back in my own bed. The good news is that I’m ahead of schedule, the bad news I’m not sure that holds up for my plans to return to my very comfortable bed.
So tonight I’m creating a little countdown of 42 days from my surgery date. So June 25th is my goal date to be back to semi-normal.
The really hard part in this is going to be patience. While I’m plenty busy everyday, the fact that I have to do everything deliberately and slowly, as well as my wonderful visits eat up the hours. The days are long and slow and I won’t overdue things or rush but seven weeks of patience will certainly be a test. May Douglas Adams’ ghost guide me.
I hope you’re having a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tzu
One of the huge upsides of this journey I’m on is a deeper connection with my community. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I even truly believed I had much of one before the procedure. Sure there were a few people I knew I could count on, my assistant at work, a close dean friend and a couple of others. But it’s difficult when in almost every interaction at work, it is with people who you supervise. While you can tell who the people are that are general colleagues and good work partners, as their supervisor it’s tough to know how far that truly extends if things get real.
As I’ve mentioned previously, to assist in my recovery, my wonderful assistant has been coordinating a group of volunteers, started as 8, then 12, the 15, 18 and now over 20. And these people have been beyond fabulous. They’ve come over for conversation, brought me more food than I can ever eat and even a lovely plant today. There have been many, many wonderful conversations, something I treasure.
So it’s been great, and the top image is from my 10 year old friend, the Tiny Dean, and really meant a lot to me.
So this is just kind of the first real re-start of my writing after surgery, more, really, a LOT more to come and thank you friends for the words, the comments of support, thoughts, prayers and vibes, it’s all incredibly appreciated. ~ Rev Kane
I’ve come through the surgery relatively well. Just some minor, but not unexpected snags. My blood pressure took its sweet time climbing back to normal. My mobility has been great, but I’m still needing to reduce the amount of liquid in my body and get rid of these temporary cankles I’m sporting. Then once cleared to leave the ICU, there were no open beds for a day.
The really great news is that 2 chest tubes, temporary pacemaker wires, and a neck IV port are all out, and all I have left is one IV port and some electrodes.
The first two days after surgery were brutal, no sleep, lots of pain and nausea, it was truly miserable.
The picture above is my first shower post procedure, I was very happy. I’m sleeping better but super tired still. I’m looking forward to getting home to familiar surroundings, likely on Tuesday.
I’ve been overwhelmed by how supportive people have been, visitors, etc….that’s been wonderful.
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. ~ William Arthur Ward
Rev Kane’s Wild Ride: Surgery Day and Gratitude
Greetings! If you’re reading this around the time it posts I’m currently laying on an operating table in San Francisco, with my heart stopped while some really skilled people replace my aortic valve and repair two aneurysms one below and one above my heart. While I’m in this position I wanted to, via the miracle of technology, send out some gratitude to all of you.
I want to say thank you for fifteen years of the Ministry of Happiness. It was originally something I thought I would do maybe for a year and it has grown into so much more. I would have never thought that a simple little blog on happiness would end up being so personal, have several hundred subscribers and thousands of views every year. Your comments and communications of gratitude for the writing and the work have meant a lot to me.
And while it remains a remote chance, if things have gone south and this truly is a technological miracle of me speaking from beyond the grave, know that this blog, The Ministry of Happiness of The Church of Abnormal Acceptance has been my honor and my joy to write and I’ve been truly grateful for every one of you. Most importantly, have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane
You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye. ~ Hunter S Thompson
Rev Kane’s Wild Ride: Random Thoughts
This is an absolutely selfish post, you see the way I process things is by writing, it’s how I get the energy out and calm my brain down. I’m in the home stretch for my surgery so I’m running a little manic getting last minute things done. Today was a lot. I had to upload my will and other documents to the share site, I had three phone calls from people who wanted to check in before my surgery. I had to do some last minute shopping, check on my mail, pack a box I’m sending out to my littlest niece and nephews. Not to mention all of the standard stuff, laundry, my walk, working out etc… I had to set up the finishing touches on my apartment, move a table, set up my DVD player, pull CDs and DVDs to have them easily available. I had some last minute purchases to take care of including setting up some suction cup hooks in my bathroom.
Then I cleaned out my car, I’m picking up my sister and her friend from the airport tomorrow. I’m starting to pack and making sure I have the things I need ready, checking my medication changes and picked up a gift for my assistant who has been amazing in setting things up for my recovery. Tomorrow I still have a lot of things to do, I need to set up driving instructions for people who are going to be helping me out, including taking some pictures of the complex entrance and parking spots. I need to get some cash into the house so I can reimburse people for groceries and buy the stuff I want in my refrigerator for after I come back from the hospital. It’s a lot.
I think it’s a good thing surgery got delayed a couple of weeks, I never would have gotten everything done at work, or everything I needed to get done if it hadn’t been. In so many ways, this whole process and worked out really well. But honestly, I had hoped the two days before surgery would have been a couple of easy and relaxing days, so much for that idea, but I’ll have three months to catch up on sleep after Wednesday.
I’ve had a lot of conversations about my surgery, some of the conversations are great, some are taxing, all put my head in the space around the what ifs and as such I’ll be writing some notes tomorrow night to go out to people if things go wrong. But my chances are excellent that this all works out well and I’m keeping positive thoughts for the whole thing.
The HST quote that I used tonight seems to be on point, for my surgery I’ll be getting Ketamine, Fentanyl and Propofol as well as that heavy drug Tylenol. And there certainly will be people coming at me with razor sharp objects including scalpels and bone saws. All of this has been surreal enough that HST seems to be the right source for quotes.
Ok, hopefully burning all of that out will let me sleep tonight. This will likely be my last post before the surgery, I’ll likely have a time released post coming out the day of and hope to be back and writing at least something small to say I’m ok by the weekend.
Keep a good thought and have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane
The Ministry of Happiness 