Happiness advice if you’re feeling down right now

Happiness advice if you’re feeling down right now

Love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

12

It seems this year and particularly this week a lot of people I know have been feeling down, dealing with family or other issues, it seems the holidays just ramp up the pressure.  So today I wrote a note to a friend and I’m sure many of the things I said to her apply to those of you who are feeling down.   I hope what I said might help some of you have a happier day my friends ~ Rev Kane

My friend – of course I can send positive thoughts, all the light I can assemble and muster and send your way is yours for the taking.  I am sorry for the rollercoaster year you have been on full of both frighteningly tall highs and heart shattering lows.  I’m here for you, if you need an ear, a shoulder, a hug, you know that.

A couple of things from an old dog who has spent the last couple of years spending a lot of time thinking and writing about happiness.  First, let me rely on what the Taoist’s say in relation to when your life is not what you want it to be, when things are going wrong.  There are three things that you have to focus on, are you safe, are you eating right, are you getting enough sleep?  This really gets to something called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and it really follows the same thing.  First you have to meet your physical needs, I know this sounds so stupid and simple but you have to rest, you have to eat good food, you know all of that but when things get bad we often stop doing the little things we know we have to do.  Next is security, is your living situation safe, are people around you protecting and supportive or are they attacking you?  From there it moves up through love, self-esteem to self-actualization that kind of euphoric, hippy-dippy, smiling, purpose filled reality.  Look at these things and do what you can do make sure they are under control.

My friend the world is full of light and shit, just like your last year has been, when we are feeling good we focus on the light and rainbows but when things go wrong we focus on the dark and the shit.  That’s where you are right now darling, looking down and focusing on the dark and the shit.  It’s hard but you have to start looking up, focusing on the light.  Our energy follows our focus, focus on the light, our energy builds, things look brighter then you see more light, it’s a self-feeding cycle.

I am so unbelievably proud of you, over the last couple of years you have amazed me, our friendship grows even though we live a thousand miles apart.  I know, if I called today and simply said I need you here, I know, if it were at all possible you would be here, that’s who you are, that’s one of the many reasons I love you.  I’ve learned a lot of from you: I’ve watched you live your life by hanging your immense heart on your sleeve, giving of yourself til it hurts, and loving everything and everyone you can without restraint.  I admire that and you have shown me it’s actually possible to live that way instead of bottling things up and being afraid of the world and being hurt.  Sure, your way you do get hurt and when you lose someone it’s beyond devastating, but if you total it all up, you’ll quickly realize the good far outweighs the bad, you’re an inspiration.

You need to know that everyone in my life knows who you are, You are the shit, take that, hold on to it, pick up your head and focus on the light.  You’ve overcome so much in your life, you are easily the strongest and kindest person I know and one of the most wonderful.  Take a break, whatever time you need, rest up, then get up, and when you are ready to get up, if you need a hand, just look around, there’s a lot of people who will give it to you and I’m one of them.

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Happiness is Poetry: David Lerner

Happiness is Poetry: David Lerner

poet, poetry, outlawPoetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.Leonard Cohen

David Lerner is another poet I found in the Outlaw Bible of American Poetry.  If you’ve read my other poetry posts you know that I like poets cut in the mold of Bukowski, poets who paint the rawest picture of reality warts and all.  It’s why I like Sapphire, Warsan Shire, and Doug Draime.  So tonight a few pieces from another poet in this vein, enjoy and as always have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

 

David Lerner, “Mein Kampf”

all I want to do is
make poetry famous

all I want to do is
burn my initials into the sun

all I want do do is
read poetry from the middle of a
burning building
standing in the fast lane of the
freeway
falling from the top of the
Empire State Building

the literary world
sucks dead dog dick

I’d rather be Richard Speck
than Gary Snyder
I’d rather ride a rocketship to hell
than a Volvo to Bolinas

I’d rather
sell arms to the Martians
than wait sullenly for a
letter from some diseased clown with a
three-piece mind
telling me that I’ve won a
bullet-proof pair of rose-colored glasses
for my poem “Autumn in the Spring”

I want to be
hated
by everyone who teaches for a living

I want people to hear my poetry and
get headaches
I want people to hear my poetry and
vomit

I want people to hear my poetry and
weep, scream, disappear, start bleeding,
eat their television sets, beat each other to death with
swords and

go out and get riotously drunk on
someone else’s money

this ain’t no party
this ain’t no disco
this ain’t no foolin’ a

grab-bag of
clever wordplay and sensitive thoughts and
gracious theories about

how many ambiguities can dance on the head of a
machine gun

this ain’t no
genteel evening over
cappuccino and bullshit

this ain’t no life-affirming
our days have meaning
as we watch the flowers breath through our souls and
fall desperately in love

this ain’t no letter-press, hand-me-down
wimpy beatnik festival of bitching about
the broken rainbow

it is a carnival of dread

it is a savage sideshow
about to move to the main arena

it is terror and wild beauty
walking hand in hand down a bombed-out road
as missiles scream, while a
sky the color of arterial blood
blinks on and off
like the lights on Broadway
after the last junkie’s dead of AIDS

I come not to bury poetry
but to blow it up
not to dandle it on my knee
like a retarded child with
beautiful eyes
but

throw it off a cliff into
icy seas and
see if the the motherfucker can swim for its life

because love is an excellent thing
surely we need it

but, my friends…

there is so much to hate These Days

that hatred is just love with a chip on its shoulder
a chip as big as the Ritz
and heavier than
all the bills I’ll never pay

because they’re after us

they’re selling radioactive charm bracelets
and breakfast cereals that
lower your IQ by 50 points per mouthful
we get politicians who think
starting World War III
would be a good career move
we got beautiful women
with eyes like wet stones
peering out at us from the pages of
glassy magazines promising that they’ll
fuck us till we shoot blood

if we’ll just buy one of these beautiful switchblade knives

I’ve got mine

 

The Future Task of Language

the future task of language
is to
drive a cherry-red Mercedes Benz
into the heart of hell
and place a bet on God

the future task of language
is to
burn itself down in prayer and
invent a new code for beauty

the future task of language
will be to invent a way of
dealing with loneliness

the future task of language
is more like a guess written in fire
than a new coat of ideas and a
real close shave

the future task of language
is more like something erupting
than something figuring itself out
over and over again

the future task of language
will be to do whatever the fuck it wants

the future task of language
is unknowable, impossible, grief-struck, mad,
endless, touching,
wired, wild and weary,
broken-down, dragged up, smashed, floating
in the wind

 

Why Rimbaud Went to Africa – David Lerner

Poetry isn’t literary
poetry isn’t sure which fork to
use
poetry can’t name the parts of speech
fill out a grant application
logroll

poetry doesn’t like cappuccino
poetry doesn’t want to be printed in a
small press edition with its name on the
cover and get reviewed in 2 little magazines
read by 3 people
argued over by 8

poetry doesn’t care about glory
glory is nice but poetry figures it’s
dessert
poetry doesn’t want to get laid
poetry might want to get drunk but
that’s only self defense

poetry doesn’t want to traipse around Europe
and collect stray bits of wisdom
from ruined empires
that it can show like slides when it gets home
poetry has a headache

poetry is a slingshot
a war you can carry in your pocket
a better way to die
the kind of fire that never goes out
and never gives an inch

poetry wants to be on every street corner
hissing from the cracks in the sidewalks
from the columns of print in the newspapers
on the lips of people on buses going to their
miserable jobs in the morning

poetry wants to be
in the prayers of dogs and the
screams of acrobats
in the terror of politicians
and the dreams of beautiful women

poetry wants to be
an eye through which the world will see itself and
tremble
poetry doesn’t want to
die in the gutter
it already knows how

poetry doesn’t want to sparechange strolling professors
and millionaires
wear anything but blood

have conversations with college students about
the meaning of life

because a bad wind is coming
you can smell it in the air

the pollution of the cities
mixed with the odor of rotting souls

the wind will climb

it will have little sense of humor
it will not want cappuccino
or reviews
or girlfriends
or anything else

except the death of
everything we love

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Staying Positive When You’re Taking Criticism

Staying Positive When You’re Taking Criticism

happiness

 

 

 

 
Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things. ~ Winston Churchill

I suck at this, even when criticism is truly constructive criticism without any malice I take it badly.  I’ve learned over time to react appropriately, to put on a good face but it always hurts.  Somehow I don’t think I’m unusual in this respect but it’s something I need to work to get better at.  The inspiration for this post occurred recently as someone contacted me to give me some information that probably will make things better for me in the long run.  However the advice felt like criticism in the moment, it impacted my mood and left me annoyed for a few hours.  The more distant I got from the moment, the more I began to understand that the person really was doing a good thing for me.  As a result of this information I’ve made a change that in the end is the right thing to do.

So how do we do it my friends, how to we learn to handle this better?  The reason that criticism hurts so much is that it usually hits one of our internal landmines, one of spots of insecurity.  The trick therefore is to reduce our areas of insecurity and to increase our confidence.  However, we get caught in a vicious loop, at least initially, in the fact that the way to increase confidence is to take risks and we’re never so unconfident as when we’re trying something new.  The secret in all of this however is that it’s a long-term game, sure, stepping out is risky, we’ll likely face criticism in the beginning.  However over time, the more times we try, and the more times we succeed the more confident we become and the fewer insecurities we have.  This is all part of the work we need to do to grow, to be more confident and to have happy days my friends ~ Rev Kane

Related Articles

Building Self-confidence: Preparing Yourself for Success

25 killer actions to boost your confidence

How successful people deal with criticism

How to deal with criticism well: 25 reasons to embrace it

 

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Happiness on the Road: Anza-Borrego State Park

Happiness on the Road: Anza-Borrego State Park

happiness, desert“It’s the oasis,” said the camel driver.
“Well, why don’t we go there right now?” the boy asked.
“Because we have to sleep.” ~ Paulo Coehlo, The Alchemist

As many of you know I’ve quit my job, sold my house and am traveling across the United States towards my appointed start date of February 26th to do a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail (AT) from Springer Mountain, GA to Mount Kathadin, ME (2189 miles). ~ Rev Kane

The Oasis

So a week or so before heading to Anza-Borrego, a couple of friends mentioned that they did a wonderful hike up to an oasis in the park. So I was excited to realize that the trail head for the hike was just outside the campground I was staying in. It was a beautiful little hike with a lot of nasty little boulders on the trail. Which was a good workout for my ankles and knees, I haven’t hiked any bad trails in a while and I’ll definitely see some bad trail on the AT.

So here’s a few photos I took on the walk and a little sound worm to drive you nuts and make you smile.

Get this out of your head, go ahead try: Your earworm

happiness, desert

I love this one, look to the right and you’ll see a man standing there, it gives the scale of how big these palms grow.

oasis5 oasis3 oasis2

 

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Happiness and our precious time

Happiness and our precious time

 time

So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Our gift of life is such an amazing thing, I know, we often lose track of this between work and families and responsibilities and the hectic pace of our day-to-day lives.  The oldest cliché is also the truest, it’s so important to stop and smell the roses.  When we do we also often realize how fleeting this precious life is, that can be scary.  However that fear is also an opportunity.  We can use that fear as the motivation to deal with those things in our lives that are keeping us from being happier.  We know what or more likely who these things are and we want to deal with them.  However we don’t because it is difficult, could lead to conflict, will make us feel guilty, often we’re being manipulated by the very people who are making us unhappy.

So perhaps, take that moment of fear when you realize how precious and fleeting our life is and use it as a counterbalance to the things that are holding you back.  Make the most of your precious life my friends and be happier.  Below is a poem that I feel gets to the point of this, unfortunately I was unable to find out who the author is, enjoy and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Life is so precious
And each day a gift
So enjoy every minute
As it were you last to live

Cherish your loved ones
Hug them tight
Share with them your heart
And your time

Nothing is forever
And life goes so fast
Each minute that passes
Is one you can’t get back

When troubles arrive
And knock you off your feet
Stand up and smile
And remember life is too sweet

Every morning when you wake,
Decide right from the start,
That “Today will be a good day”
And let it all in with an open heart

Other Happiness Posts!

Ministry of Happiness: Our Best Posts

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Remember the Sweet Things

 

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You matter! You deserve to be happy!

You matter! You deserve to be happy!

monks

Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you ~ Lao Tzu

You matter!  I’m not sure there is any more significant set of two words related to your personal happiness, with the possible exception of thank you.  We’ve talked about how important it is to be grateful here before, but today I want to talk about understanding that you matter.

The inspiration for today’s post came from a conversation I just had with a former student.  She’s kind of stuck, not sure what to do next and like a lot of us has let the pressure build up to the point where she’s stressed out, not sure what to do next  and starting to doubt herself.    She reached out to me because I’d given her some useful advice before, she reached out in hopes that I might make her feel a little better about what she needs to do.  In a lot of ways, I think all she really needed to hear was that in fact, she was smart and strong, and that she can do what she wants and needs to do to achieve her goals, that she matters.

And of course she does matter and she’s done impressive things in her life.  She’s an immigrant, she’s become educated, runs a small business is raising four children, big things.  However she’s in her early 30’s and our society and her culture tell women enough, you’re in your 30’s, you have children it’s time to raise them and stop thinking of yourself.  This of course is wrong, your children feed off your energy and learn from what you do!  If you work hard and strive for a better life, sacrifice to become more educated then they realize that is important as well.  If you work to be a happier person, they will realize that happiness is important as well.

You matter and your happiness matters and whether you attain it by striving for some goal or whether you gain it as Lao Tzu suggests by becoming content with where you are or what you already have, it matters and you matter.  It’s funny sometimes a simple idea or phrase can have so much power.  Simply telling someone as David Best does at Burning Man, that it’s not your fault, or telling someone that they matter can have a profound impact.  Take it to heart my friends, you matter and you deserve to be happy.

The funny thing about helping others, is that it is almost never a one-way process.  My former student called today to get help from me, to have me help her feel better about her life.  I believe I was able to do that to a degree, but in the process, she did at least as much for me.  She was able to show me that the advice I gave her in the past had been good, had helped her and most of all that advice had a lasting impact, the advice mattered and she provided a nice reminder that I do as well.

So remember, you matter, you deserve to be happy and you can start by having a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Happiness and the Benefits of Gratitude

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Happiness is a Choice

Writing Away the Darkness

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My Student Loan Gratitude and Happiness

My Student Loan Gratitude and Happiness

Recently there was a story on Marketplace about student loan debt.  It banged on the student loan system a bit and although I agreed with some of the points, I felt like I needed to respond and point out that student loans can also be a good thing.  And that I’m grateful and even happy about my loan debt. ~ Rev Kane

Dear Mr. Ryssdal,

That sounds funny to me, after to listening to so many episodes of Marketplace it feels odd not to call you Kai.  I’m writing in respect to a story you did recently on student loans and to be completely open, I’m posting this letter as a post on my blog the Ministry of Happiness (Revkane.com) and I’ve posted the post link at the top of the email if you prefer to read this there.

My name is Michael Kane and I think I have a unique perspective on student loans and student loan debt issues.  You see when I ended an excessively long college career (19 years) in 2002 I had $200,000 in educational debt.  I owed $140,000 in federal student loans as well as $60,000 in short-term credit card dept.  Additionally, both during my education and since, I have worked in higher education in various roles from academic advisor, instructor, program director and the last 15 years as a dean.

Most people assume that I am someone who would be rather upset about student loan debt and the system around it.  And don’t get me wrong, I see the issues and problems with the providers and the way the system is administered and have my own ideas about changes that could be made.  However, the major feeling I possess around student loans is gratitude and happiness.   I grew up with a single mom who didn’t make a whole lot of money.  When I first went to college in 1982 I was a smart kid who had some scholarships and had chosen a really good engineering school to go to, the Rochester Institute of Technology.  It took me almost two years but I failed out of that college.  I failed out due to a lack of maturity, some personal issues, and a really poor choice of major.  Leaving the college, for the rest of whatever academic path I would follow I was after that on my own to pay for it.  I’d blown the one chance my parents could afford to give me and I blew it up in fairly spectacular fashion.

After some time I got my shit together and started to move forward again.  Again, I’m a smart guy, I got scholarships, I worked while I went to school, I became a resident assistant.  Basically I did whatever I needed to do to get my education, because I knew it was my path out of a life I really didn’t want to live.  But I also wandered through 14 undergraduate majors, got a master’s degree, then took a left turn through law school for a year and eventually through a PhD program that ended with me being ABD, all but dissertation.  With all of this you might think again, that I’m bitter, I’m not.  You see my educational journey was full of learning, amazing people and experiences.  I’ve ended up working in the California Community College system.  At this point, 15 years into my career, I have a great job.  I make more money in a year than twice what my father ever made in a single year and four times more than my mother ever earned in a single year.  Basically, in many ways, I am the very definition of the American Dream and I fear the last generation that will have the opportunity to be that.

So education, even in the twisty and nutty way I traveled through it, did what it promises to do, it changed my life for the better which of course then impacts the future generations of my family.  So for that reason alone, I’m grateful to what education has done for me and I couldn’t have done it without the support of the student loans I received.

The story I recently heard on your program talked about how problematic it is that students come out with 20 or 30K in debt.  How this keeps them from starting a family, buying a home, basically delaying all of the things required in the American Script.  Not that I’m implying that doesn’t happen, but questioning how that is a problem, if in return for that delay people have climbed the economic ladder thus improving their future and their family’s future?

There have been a lot of problems with the way we do higher education in America.  My career direction discussion in high school happened with my counselor, who also had been my little league coach, and it took five minutes.  I was good in math and science, dad worked for a power company, tadaaaa electrical engineering.  I said ok, filled out the applications and went to college.  Now we know better, we’re reaching out to eighth graders and getting them started, doing programs like guided pathways that help students ease into more general areas before picking a final major.  We work more to develop connections for the students, the number one reason they drop out is lack of connection to the college.  We are also getting better coaching students through successful transfer and or job entry.  Making sure students have work experiences and the type of things that make them more attractive to employers.  And even in one of the least expensive higher education systems in America, we’re working on ways to make community college cost even less, or free.  We’re even working with students at the high school level who know their pathway, through dual enrollment, to get these students done even more quickly and less expensively.

Even with all of this, students who come from modest or worse financial backgrounds, may still need assistance via student loans to achieve their educational goals.  These are good student loans and good student loan debt.  These students coming out with 20 or 30K in debt are not doing themselves a disservice, they’re investing in and changing their lives.  I have sympathy for these folks but honestly, I doubt they are the ones complaining or upset about their loans.  They likely get, as I do, the opportunity it has provided them.

The people I really have absolutely have no sympathy for, are people like a woman I read about who went $160,000 in debt to get a photography degree.  I’m not saying people should only take loans to get high paying careers, or even match their loan debt reasonably to what their careers will pay, but it is a reasonable way to approach student loan debt.  But to amass the type of debt I did, to go into a field with relatively little employment opportunity and low salaries for those who do get work seems personally irresponsible and not a reason to condemn the system.  I recently met someone who has over $200K for a degree in holistic medicine to really drive home the point.

We need to improve the system.  There have been some recent fixes to the teaching loan forgiveness programs and this is a good start.  We need to change the for-profit nature of the student loan business and assure interest rates are at a reasonable level and don’t vary so wildly.  We need to make sure that loan forgiveness programs are reasonable, easy to participate in and clearly state their criteria.  I’m also not against some student loan forgiveness in general, but I admit that forgiving people who just made irresponsible decisions doesn’t sit well with me, even if having these programs in existence would benefit me and the remaining $80,000 in debt I still have.

Finally, educational systems are doing a better job of informing and educating students about the process, loans and the financial consequences of their actions, but we need to continue to get better and to make education more affordable.

So in summary, I think we need to not be so harsh on the idea of student loans, but do a better job with them, some of us have far better lives than would have ever been possible, without the existence of these types of programs.  Thanks for listening ~ Michael Kane

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Happiness Resources

Happiness Resources

dogs happiness happy

Happy Dogs

Good evening friends, our weekly tour around the net to see what we can find to help us on our path, have a happy day ~ Rev Kane

Nine happiness lessons we can learn from dogs.

What makes us happy?  A piece from the Atlantic Magazine 

Are extroverts happier than introverts?  A piece from Psychology Today

And finally a little Bob Marley to make us all a bit happier

 

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Happiness at the Margin

Happiness at the Margin

desert sunset

All experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades for ever and for ever when I move. ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

So it’s been a crazy few weeks.  I’ve driven a couple of  thousand of miles while I’ve been driving up and down the state of California interviewing for jobs, drove 800 miles over two days last week.  I’ve got a little break, hopefully this all wraps up soon, and so I decided to float down to one of my favorite places Anza-Borrego State Park.  I checked the weather and it’s unseasonably cool for late April, highs in the low 90s, lows in the high 50’s.  It is still the desert and so you hunker down when the sun is high and you emerge in the mornings and in the late afternoons.  There are almost no tourists here right now, it’s the beginning of the hot season and they have, for the most part, all fled.

So it’s absolutely beautiful and absolutely quiet here right now.  This morning I went out to the pool, had it all to myself, and got my allotted 10 minutes of sun after a little swim.  Then just laid in the shade for an hour and took in the silence, no book, no phone just me and the breeze and the palm trees.

As the sun slid behind the mountain I went out for a walk and headed into town to get some dinner.  There’s a place here that makes an amazing Enchiladas Verdes and I stop in every time I come through Borrego Springs.

I love the desert, especially when it’s quiet and uninhabited.  There is something here, at sunset, at the margin of everything that brings me peace.  My head clears, I feel a bit more alive and a bit more connected here, at this time,  than anywhere else except maybe the ocean.  So a quick little post tonight about peace and quiet and how important it is to find it and just stop for a bit. Have a peaceful and happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

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Happiness is Art: Van Gogh, Picasso, Monet & Chihuly

Happiness is Art: Van Gogh, Picasso, Monet & Chihuly

01The main thing is to be moved, to love, to hope, to tremble, to live.                       ~ Auguste Rodin

01Tonight we revisit some of my favorite art posts, enjoy and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

The Paintings of Van Gogh

The Art of Monet

02

The Glasswork of Chihuly

The Art of Pablo Picasso

01

Some Other Posts You May Enjoy!

Happiness is Art: Storytelling

Great Paintings

Street Art

The Art of Burning Man

Sculptures in the Desert

Happiness is Sculptural Weaving

 

 

 

 

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