Happiness and an Attitude Adjustment

Posted on January 26, 2012 by Michael Kane

Happiness and an Attitude Adjustment

Unaka enhancedIf you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? ~ Jesus Christ

We talk pretty consistently about how our happiness is mostly in our control, that whether a situation makes us happy or sad, or has no impact at all is determined by us, our attitudes and outlook on life.  I have recently been reminded of this incredibly important lesson at all places, Taco Bell.  You see at my local Taco Bell, a place I go a little bit too often I must admit, there is a kid there, probably in his late 20’s who is annoyingly nice.  He’s the kind of guy who greets every customer who comes in with a, “hello my friend.”  Asks everyone about their day, wanders around after you’re eating and asks you how everything is, you know a total bastard!

In reality he really did completely rub me the wrong way every time I walked in there.  I didn’t know this kid but here he was asking about my day, asking how my food was, it seemed weirdly personal and totally got under my skin.  It took some time, there he was every time I went in, and now that he had come to recognize me and knew a little about me, my attitude slowly began to change.  I went from annoyance, to acceptance, to actual seeing him as a human being, not just my Taco Bell annoyance.

I was thinking about this the other day, I’ve been eating better and not visiting Taco Bell so often and he remarked immediately that he hadn’t seen me in some time and asked if I was doing well.  He seemed to generally be concerned I hadn’t been around.  I sat there eating my lunch, watching him greet and cheerily talk to people and thought about how ridiculous I had been.

Here was a young man, who was generally nice to people including me, he was making the best out of working at Taco Bell and this annoyed me somehow and that was ridiculous and all about me and not him.  My attitude had already changed significantly about him and instead of being an annoyance his actions actually made me smile the other day.  The only thing that had changed was my attitude. That attitude adjustment took a net annoyance and turned it into a smile a net increase my happiness.  So have a happy day my friends and remember whether or not it is a happy day is really up to you. ~ Rev Kane

And in the end, the love you get is equal to the love you give ~ The Beatles

More Posts You Might Enjoy!

Are You Noticed, Valued, Loved?

Happiness is Love and Unconventional Wisdom

Love, Happiness and Words from my Favorite Writers

Dalai Lama on Love  and Compassion

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Happiness and Love

Posted on January 23, 2012 by Michael Kane

Happiness and Love

love happinessLove is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

Each week I look for inspiration throughout the week for my Monday post, this week it came in the form of a surprise phone call.  You see this week was my wonderful niece’s 10th birthday.   One of the things that makes her so wonderful is the fact that she is the most loving creature I’ve ever encountered.  People say that one of the reasons that their pets are so wonderful is that they give their owners unconditional love; this is how my niece operates.  She’s one of those amazing people whose default position is that people are good and wonderful; she loves immediately, unconditionally and somehow, so far, has not started to get jaded by the disappointments life can bring to a person with that attitude.  One of my greatest memories of her will always be from when she was about three years old.  She wasn’t the most verbal of children, and living on the West Coast and her on the East Coast, I didn’t get to see her very often.  But when she was that age, whenever I showed up at her house she would get so excited the only thing she could say through her grinning face was, “yes”, over and over again, “yes, yes, yes.”

Well on her 10th birthday this past week she got her very own cell phone and she called me, she was so excited to get her phone and to tell me she called me on her phone.  Her excitement and beauty of spirit inspired this post this week.  A question I put to myself, that I now put to all of you, how do we get to a point of loving that completely?  How do we look at not only our lovers, our family and our friends, but how do we engage the world with that kind of love?  I’m not sure I know, but maybe, after studying under my young niece for a bit longer I might gain some more insight, I’ll keep you posted.

It doing a bit of research for this piece I came across a really well written piece on how to love deeply in a blog called The Owl’s Perch, it’s definitely worth a read and I hope you gain something from it, and as always, have a happy day my friends.

love happiness flowers

love, happiness and beautiful flowers

How to love deeply http://www.compassionateresponse.com/_blog/The_Owl’s_Perch/post/How_to_love_deeply/

Thinking about “maitri” today, one of the four elements of love in the Buddhist tradition. Loving-kindness is the direct translation.

Real understanding is needed to truly love deeply. How do we understand each other? Thich Nhat Hanh in his book, “True Love” says that understanding is based on a “deep looking directed toward the person you love.” Can I understand deeply enough what another person’s suffering, joy, and aspirations are so that I can truly love? “Without understanding, love is an impossible thing,” says Hanh. And he doesn’t just use this term for those we’re “in love” with!

So when I look at the person behind the checkout counter at the grocery store, the person in the car that just cut in front of me or the children who rang my doorbell trick-or-treating last night… can I look deeply into them and “see” who they are, what their story is, what their pains are, what their joy is? I wonder what might be different in my day if I did that. What might be different in their day? Might I get a different sense of what’s going on in the world?

And then if I hold that stance for those I do love in a more traditional sense, what more is available in the relationship? It reminds me (okay maybe a bit sappy) of the expression of love in the movie “Avatar” when the Na’vi say to each other “I see you.” I know what it feels like to be “seen.” And I know what it feels like when it appears that I’m invisible. In this sense, I’m using so much more than my eyes to see… I’m listening to every clue from every source possible! And the potential richness of the relationship expands exponentially!

Don’t we all hunger to be seen? I know I do. And, I think it starts with me looking deeply into those around me, even if only for a moment to get a sense of who’s there. I’m going to give it a try–care to join me? ~ Rev Kane

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Happiness, Wedding and Love

Are noticed, valued and Loved

We hear you, we see you, we love you

Happiness is Love and Unconventional Wisdom

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Deng Ming-Dao on Initiative

Posted on January 21, 2012 by Michael Kane

On our search for happiness as in all things we must play our part, nothing comes to us just because it has come to our mind, wouldn’t that be wonderful.  We must work, we must struggle, we must persevere, not a sunny, happy idea perhaps, but the reality that achievement takes effort.  More than that, it takes experience, we need to get out into the world, travel, experience and learn.  Today we present a meditation from Deng Ming-Dao on this very idea.

Let us not be confused
With kaleidoscopic reality.
Using wisdom and courage to act,
Let us not add to the confusion

The world is a storm of myriad realities, yet we cannot allow ourselves to be swept into the vortex.  To do so is to be lost and to lose the true center where all understanding will come.  We must act, but in the right way.

Action must be guided by both intellect and experience.  We learn from teachers, elders, and others.  But we must also test what we learn in the world.  It is not enough to simply meditate, and it is not enough just to have theoretical knowledge.  We need both in order to be wise.

Only when wisdom, courage, timing and perseverance are combined can one have a sound basis for initiative.  The action must be complete.  It must burn clean; it cannot leave any bad ramifications or lingering traces.  An act that leaves destruction, resentment, or untidiness in its wake is a poor one.  Then initiative is insufficient, and Tao has not been attained.

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Friday morning wisdom from the Dalai Lama

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Michael Kane

There is a saying in Tibetan that “at the door of the miserable rich man sleeps the contented beggar.” The point of this saying is not that poverty is a virtue, but that happiness does not come from wealth, but from setting limits to one’s desires, and living within those limits with satisfaction. ~ Dalai Lama

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Happiness, Success & Rewards – Part 2

Posted on January 17, 2012 by Michael Kane

Happiness, Success & Rewards – Part 2

So I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago detailing some success I’ve had on the weight loss and health fronts, for those of you who didn’t read it, here’s the link:  https://ministryofhappiness.wordpress.com/2012/01/09/happiness-success-rewards/

In that post I talked about giving yourself a reward when you successfully reach your goals and I was struggling with what exactly I should do to reward myself.  My normal mode of course being a large pizza, a couple of cokes and a really big bowl of ice cream, not exactly what my doctor ordered.  So I asked for advice and heard from a number of you and I appreciate the thoughts you provided.  One comment I got was particularly good in that it really suggested I do something no food related and non-monetary, to maybe go do a hike I’ve been wanting or some other outdoor activity.

During the time I was contemplating what action I would take I found myself in lieu of the bigger reward, taking lots of little rewards.  Now this isn’t usually a big deal but those little rewards were food related, heavy carb related as well.  I found myself eating some chocolates, a cookie here or there, and then of course I broke down and ordered a small pizza.  My favorite pizza place screwed up the order and one of the reasons they’re my favorite, they gave me my pizza and the mistake, two for the price of one.  Of course that also meant I not only was eating too much pizza, I was eating way too much pizza.  Also as a child I listened to the whole don’t waste food bit, so that turned out to be a wonderful rationalization for eating both pizzas over the weekend.

So yesterday I recommitted myself, did my normal weekly fast and then today was back in the gym and hit it pretty hard, I’m even planning on being up early in the morning and hitting the gym early since I’ve got responsibilities at night this week.  And last night I found my reward, a signed first edition of Charles Bukowski’s Crucifix in a Death Hand along with a promotional flier for the book, and I scored them for roughly 50% of the appraised value of the book from a really reputable book dealer.  Bukowski is my favorite author and I collect signed first edition books so this is definitely a double bonus situation.

Now unfortunately it was a monetary based reward, I still have some growing to do on this front, but it’s a good reward and one I’m really excited about.  Now it’s time to rededicate to my next goal, another 20 pounds by August 1st and between now and the next holiday for me, Mardi Gras I need to buckle down.  I hope you are doing as well on your goals and have a happy day my friends.

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Happiness, reacting and emotional triggers

Posted on January 16, 2012 by Michael Kane

Happiness, reacting and emotional triggers

The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mode of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.  ~ Charles L. Morgan

It’s happened to all of us, you’re driving to work, you’re late and trying to hurry when the idiot on the cell phone, paying no attention cuts you off and you spill your coffee.  Immediately your yelling, on the horn and flipping him off.  Afterward you begin to the think of the consequences, he could have been nuts, could have been carrying a gun.  Of course you’re also wired out for the next ten minutes from the adrenaline pumping through your system.  None of it feels good at all.

Now for most of us this doesn’t happen every time you get cut off, hopefully it’s only when you’re extra stressed out and having a bad day.  Regardless, it’s not a good thing and there is a benefit to keeping things on an even keel.  So how do you do it, first of all it’s important to know what your emotional triggers are and finding ways to deal with them.

Searching on the web I found a great piece on this topic and figured I would pass it on:

http://www.examiner.com/holistic-wellness-in-national/how-to-deal-with-emotional-triggers

Have a happy day my friends.

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Happiness and Simplicity

Posted on January 14, 2012 by Michael Kane

Happiness and Simplicity

If one’s life is simple, contentment has to come. Simplicity is extremely important for happiness. Having few desires, feeling satisfied with what you have, is very vital: satisfaction with just enough food, clothing, and shelter to protect yourself from the elements. And finally, there is an intense delight in abandoning faulty states of mind and in cultivating helpful ones in meditation ~ Dalai Lama

hpp5

Today I want to bring you some resources on happiness and simplicity.  Simplicity is one of those elusive goals that can really bring us true happiness:

7 ways to find happiness through simplicity

Simplicity of Happiness

A really beautiful post

Simple living blog

An offering from Zen Habits

Have a happy day my friends! ~ Rev Kane

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Happiness and a simple, hokey good morning

Posted on January 13, 2012 by Michael Kane

Happiness and a simple, hokey good morning

happiness

Ok friends this morning we are admittedly going to get more than just a little hokey.  But every once in awhile you need something a little simplistic, childlike and sweet to kick off your day, here you go and as always have a happy day my friends from me to you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKKjqzkGo3o

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Happiness, Success & Rewards

Posted on January 9, 2012 by Michael Kane

Happiness, Success & Rewards

Recently we have talked about our goals and about focusing on the positive in our quest to be happier people.  Today I’d like to talk really personally about something I’ve mentioned here before and that’s the fact that due to health reasons, and sure a bit of vanity, I’ve been trying to lose weight.  Happily I can report today that I’ve been successful in achieving my first goal which was to lose 30 pounds.  Today for the first time in over 15 years I stepped on a scale, looked down and saw three numbers that started with a 1 instead of a 2.  It feels incredibly good.  As we’ve said before it is important to set achievable goals and even some that are a stretch for us to make, for me, this one was a bit of a stretch.  The more of a stretch the goal is, the more satisfying the accomplishment will be for you.

The problem that I now confront with this success is how to reward myself; I am a very firm believer in rewarding yourself when you succeed.  Sure, were I perhaps a better person, a more self-actualized individual, maybe I could smile and say the achievement is enough of a reward.  I’m not that guy yet, I’m trying my friends but I haven’t gotten there yet, so I need a reward.  Of course for me, my typical reward falls in the realm of banh beo, pizza or especially cupcakes all of them raging with carbohydrates and calories and off the menu at this point except for my one cheat meal a week.  So what am I to do for a reward as I make this change?

I’d love your suggestions my friends as I work on this problem and I’ll keep you posted as to what I end up doing, most importantly, have a happy day my friends.

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Happiness via Zen Habits

Posted on January 7, 2012 by Michael Kane

Happiness via Zen Habits

I’ve referred to one of my favorite sites on happiness a number of times, Zen Habits.  So today, a list of some of their most popular pieces on how to live a happier life.

1.  Breathe http://zenhabits.net/breathe/

2.  I really love this very short piece, a brief guide to life 

3.  Solitude

4.  72 ideas to simplify your life 

5.  Simple mindfulness  

Enjoy and have a happy day my friends!

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