The Ministry of Happiness

Happiness & Deeply Loving

Posted on January 25, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness and Love

Deep love

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own ― Robert A. Heinlein

Each week I look for inspiration throughout the week for my posts, this week it came in the form of a surprise phone call. You see recently it was my wonderful niece’s birthday. One of the things that makes her so wonderful is the fact that she is the most loving creature I’ve ever encountered. People say that one of the reasons that their pets are so wonderful is that they give their owners unconditional love; this is how my niece operates. She’s one of those amazing people whose default position is that people are good and wonderful; she loves immediately, unconditionally and somehow, so far, has not started to get jaded by the disappointments life can bring to a person with that attitude. One of my greatest memories of her will always be from when she was about three years old. She wasn’t the most verbal of children, and living on the West Coast and her on the East Coast, I didn’t get to see her very often. But when she was that age, whenever I showed up at her house she would get so excited the only thing she could say through her grinning face was, “yes”, over and over again, “yes, yes, yes.”

Well on her 10^th birthday this past week she got her very own cell phone and she called me, she was so excited to get her phone and to tell me she called me on her phone. Her excitement and beauty of spirit inspired this post this week. A question I put to myself, that I now put to all of you, how do we get to a point of loving that completely? How do we look at not only our lovers, our family and our friends, but how do we engage the world with that kind of love? I’m not sure I know, but maybe, after studying under my young niece for a bit longer I might gain some more insight, I’ll keep you posted.

It doing a bit of research for this piece I came across a really well written piece on how to love deeply in a blog called The Owl’s Perch, it’s definitely worth a read and I hope you gain something from it, and as always, have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

How to love deeply http://www.compassionateresponse.com/_blog/The_Owl’s_Perch/post/How_to_love_deeply/

Thinking about “maitri” today, one of the four elements of love in the Buddhist tradition. Loving-kindness is the direct translation.

Real understanding is needed to truly love deeply. How do we understand each other? Thich Nhat Hanh in his book, “True Love” says that understanding is based on a “deep looking directed toward the person you love.” Can I understand deeply enough what another person’s suffering, joy, and aspirations are so that I can truly love? “Without understanding, love is an impossible thing,” says Hanh. And he doesn’t just use this term for those we’re “in love” with!

So when I look at the person behind the checkout counter at the grocery store, the person in the car that just cut in front of me or the children running across my lawn last night… can I look deeply into them and “see” who they are, what their story is, what their pains are, what their joy is? I wonder what might be different in my day if I did that. What might be different in their day? Might I get a different sense of what’s going on in the world?

And then if I hold that stance for those I do love in a more traditional sense, what more is available in the relationship? It reminds me (okay maybe a bit sappy) of the expression of love in the movie “Avatar” when the Na’vi say to each other “I see you.” I know what it feels like to be “seen.” And I know what it feels like when it appears that I’m invisible. In this sense, I’m using so much more than my eyes to see… I’m listening to every clue from every source possible! And the potential richness of the relationship expands exponentially!

Don’t we all hunger to be seen? I know I do. And, I think it starts with me looking deeply into those around me, even if only for a moment to get a sense of who’s there. I’m going to give it a try–care to join me?

Happiness & Embarrassment

Posted on January 25, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness & Embarrassment

Happiness is Embarrassment

Perplexity is the beginning of knowledge. ~ Kahlil Gibran

I love Kahlil Gibran, I found my way to him by way of a friend’s wedding, I was asked to read a passage and instead of the standard Letter from Paul to the Corinthians, the reading was from his book The Prophet. The funniest thing about doing that reading was that as I stood on the altar, reading this passage I felt a little breeze and came to the sudden realization that my fly was undone. I was momentarily mortified that here I was, having been given the honor of reading at my friend’s wedding and I was standing up there on display for all the world to see. I continued to read and finished, quickly making my way to my seat only to figure out that my suit jacket had effectively concealed my wardrobe malfunction. Later as I relayed this story to my friend the bride, I was happy to find out that no one detected either the wardrobe malfunction or my embarrassment, but everyone got a great laugh out of the story.

I chose the quote above for a purely selfish reason, this past week has been perplexing at best. I spent the week really losing faith in my fellow man in a lot of ways. So here is hoping the perplexing nature of this week is the beginning of a new learning experience and I wish you all a great weekend and I leave you a thought from Fyodor Dostoevsky.

Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it. ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky

Happiness & Aging

Posted on January 25, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness & Aging

My issue isn’t about physical aging; my issue is about wanting to remain vigorous and youthful in my spirit. ~ Rob Lowe

I had a job interview last week, it went ok, I was definitely a bit rusty and not at my sharpest. Being completely out of the work environment for fifteen months will do that to you. In my mind I was doing two things at once during the interviews, both with the committee and with the president of the college. I was both answering the questions and also evaluating my performance in real-time, trying to compensate for bad answers, think of the connections between questions while still being myself. I know that sounds a little nutty, but that’s how my brain works, there are always multiple tracks running at once.

One of the things I noticed about my answers was how much my grandparents informed what was going on for me in the interview. I actually directly mentioned my grandfather, in terms of aging and my personality. I love telling people that he got in a street fight at age 87, particularly because the result of that was him telling me the following; “I hit that guy up in his gut with everything I had and he didn’t go down. I think I might be getting old.” The reason I love that so much was the authenticity in his eyes when he said it to me. It really seemed that he had never truly considered the idea before that he was getting old. He wasn’t a moron, he obviously knew he was aging, but he was someone who in spite of aging, walked everyday, gardened and truly enjoyed life.

During the interview my Granny was also on my mind. I didn’t take one of her best pieces of advice to me on the writing assignment, do the hard thing first, and in addition to mishearing the timing it caused me to have to turn in an incomplete result. Hopefully it didn’t kill my chances at the job. But I thought about her words a lot on the way to the committee interview. But I also knew what she’d be saying to me at that moment, it’s over, can’t change it, get over yourself. I smiled at that thought and let it go, I got a second shot to talk about that exercise in the interview and so hopefully it all worked out ok.

Granny doing her best Lou Reed inpersonation.

Granny doing her best Lou Reed impersonation.

Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength. ~ Betty Friedan

Both of my grandparents, my Grandpa Kane and my Granny Cordato lived until they were 90. I hope like hell I get that many years, part of what I think got them 90 years were their attitudes. You see they were both tough, Granny was a hillbilly who had survived poverty in Appalachia, a hard up bringing, the early loss of a husband, breast cancer and the loss of her vision in one eye. She was sooo tough and was always a fighter, and yet always had so much love in her heart particularly for her grandchildren.

My grandfather survived Normandy and being a prisoner of war in World War II in Germany, not only that but he once escaped and was recaptured. The Germans reported him dead, we didn’t talk about PTSD in the 50’s but I’m sure he suffered from it. His marriage also dissolved right after the war and he never remarried. He was tough as nails, always a brawler, literally into his 80’s. But like my Granny, gave unflinchingly and was much softer with his grandchildren than with anyone else.

They’re lives taught me that attitude counts for so much, so my friends, be fighters, but take the other lesson as well, love people, be soft with the little ones, they have enough hardness in their world. Stay positive and have purpose it matters, it will keep you young, and above all, forget about getting old, we all have to age, but none of us have to get old. Remember that and hopefully you’ll have many, many, happy days my friends. ~ Rev Kane

Happiness Resources: The Components of Happiness

Posted on January 21, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness Resources: The Components of Happiness

A quick web survey tonight for articles related to the components of happiness below are a few links that you might find rewarding:

Six components of happiness

Satir’s Mandala – an interesting take on happiness

A really interesting piece on happiness and contentment

Happiness from the Positive Psychology movement

Life is Hard, But We Keep Moving

Posted on January 19, 2019 by Michael Kane

Life is Hard, But We Keep Moving

We don’t develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. ~ Barbara de Angelis

A warm winter in some ways seems like a blessing, an escape and/or temporary reprieve from the ice and snow. But this winter has seen it’s share of hard times for my family and friends. The butcher’s bill has included the death of my Granny and my Great Aunt Catherine. This has made the holidays tough for the family, both women were feisty women, one a hillbilly, the other the prototypical Irish mother and both lived into their 90’s. I wrote a couple of pieces about my granny when she died as well as a resource piece on overcoming loss:

Life Lessons from Granny

Happiness is my Granny

Happiness Resources: Overcoming Loss

I have another friend who is struggling through a divorce and I’ve watched this dance before. No matter how amicable people try to be in the process, the inevitable pain and hurt involved spills out. I’m far too familiar with divorce, it has been an ever-present companion in my life, one I would have happily done without.

My friends and their friends have not been spared either. An old friend and fellow blogger has also just written a really amazing piece about moving forward with cancer. She’s a two-time survivor of cancer and a really wonderful person and as the title of the piece says, In A Blink of an Eye, Everything Changes check it out, it’s a great piece and definitely worth the short-time to read it.

I’ve had my own emotional struggles in the last month and I’m happy to say I’m doing much better with my own issues. Things really can turn on a dime just from getting the right information or word at the right time.

But tonight’s piece is not a downer, tonight’s piece is about hope. The fact is things can get better, not by ignoring what’s happening, but by facing, accepting and working through the adversity you are facing.

We get stronger through overcoming adversity, I wish it wasn’t true but it is, but there is good news within that reality. The good news is that you can overcome the bad things that happen in your life and you’ll be more ready for what comes next. My biggest advice is that you never try to take on these things alone, I operated that way for a good part of my life, it was a mistake. There are people who will listen to you, help you, give you a shoulder to cry on, and ear to listen to your troubles. Often, you find out in these times who the best people in your life really are. At one point in my life, at one of these times, I would come to realize that my friend Kara, was a saint and one of the best people I know. The more clouds that exist, the more opportunities there are for silver linings.

Here’s a short and excellent piece from essentiallifeskills.net, Tips for Overcoming Adversity. The advice in the piece is really solid and I think reinforces some of what I’ve said above. One of my favorite quotes is that it’s always better in the end, if it’s not better, it’s not the end. Keep fighting through my friends, and have a happy day. ~ Rev Kane

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged adversity, cancer, divorce, friends, happiness, life lessons, survivor, wisdom | 4 Comments

Happiness is Candy

Posted on January 16, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness is Candy

So I’m back in Harpers Ferry as I get ready to walk back to New York on the Appalachian Trail. My absolute favorite thing in this town is the True Treats candy shop created and run by Susan Benjamin.

The reason I love this place so much is that it is the perfect fusion of sugar, nostalgia and education. In the shop you can find candy of all types, including the candy of your childhood.

Or your parent’s

The candy is separated by decade and even by century. But what I find neatest about the shop is the education, either by Susan, her lovely staff:

The history of candy is ever on display and utterly fascinating. There are even historical candy packs that allow you to taste how say licorice has changed through the ages. Of course including a little scroll with the candy’s history.

Here are a couple of other images from the shop, and Susan is coming out with a new book and expanding her web presence this fall so stay tuned. Having a really happy day – Rev Kane

Posted in Random Happiness | Tagged appalachian trail, Candy, Confections, happiness, harpers ferry, history, Sugar, treats | 5 Comments

How to be Happy Everyday

Posted on January 16, 2019 by Michael Kane

How to be Happy Everyday

Every Sunday morning I start out the day wondering what I will do for my Sunday night post. I try to make these more reflective, a little more focused on my everyday life. I try to eat fairly low-carb, a result of having inherited some blood sugar issues and having a small addiction to Coca-Cola. So I watch what I eat and usually don’t eat cereal but occasionally I get a craving for fruit and cereal and buy a box. I am particularly fond of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but there’s a trick to this, like many cereals. You see, you have to soak it in milk long enough to slough off enough cinnamon to form the cinnamilk at the end, but not so long as to lose the crunchiness of the cereal. As I was admiring the fact that I had pulled off that delicate balance this morning, it hit me that I had my post for tonight. Appreciating the small things.

You see we can talk all we want about the big changes in life that will make us happier. Those things are legitimate and what you should strive for in the end. But what can you do to be happier along the way. Recently a study identified gratitude as the single most important factor in happiness. Whether or not that is true, it certainly is one of the key things that makes people happier. Long-term happiness is typically most closely associated with strong ties to family (biological or selected) and friends.

For tonight I want to talk about gratitude. We need to be grateful for the things we have in our life that make us happy, the small as well as the big. Sure we are grateful for family, friends, good health, the money, food and shelter that has been provided for us. But if you want to be consistently happy you have to do two things. First, you have to remember that your attitude, how you choose to react to things, determines most of your happiness. The second is to appreciate all of the little things around us that bring us happiness. A beautiful blue sky, a partridge running across the yard, a magnificent sunset or maybe the roses in your garden.

I often see in November people post 30 days of being grateful to their Facebook pages, that’s great, but if you only have that level of gratitude in November, well then it’s sort of like a fad diet. You make yourself happier for a time but then lose those gains when you stop. What I’d rather see people do is a gratitude Monday once a week, that way at least gratitude would stay on your mind year-round. Maybe I’ll start doing a post on gratitude once a week.

So tonight my friends, be grateful for what you have, remember the little things that make you smile and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Happiness and Cycles

Posted on January 15, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness and Cycles

Taoism, happiness and cycles

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. ~ Lao Tzu

Taoist philosophy says that the wise never get too excited when things go really well, they understand that nothing is forever and so even at the zenith of happiness, they prepare for sadness. These cycles even exist for happiness. This may seem unfortunate, that at the happiest point that you should prepare for sadness. However the perspective has a better look when you consider the flipside. The wise also understand that bad times likewise are not permanent, so even at your saddest, at your worst; you should begin preparing to be your best and happiest self.

Philosophy is a wonderful thing, an intellectual exercise that is fun to play with, however the only philosophy worth anything is that philosophy which can truly improve our lives or expand our minds. I’m writing tonight because it has been this very philosophy I’ve been dealing with lately. Things haven’t been so good for the last couple of weeks, a good friend of mine seems to have disappeared from my life, another friend was diagnosed with breast cancer, work has seemed a bit more pointless than usual and the plans I have to improve things have seemed further away then they usually do.

But in reading my daily meditations I came across the idea I discussed above and I was patient. Not passive, I did what I always do when things go south and my mood starts to dip. First, the essentials, good food, exercise and get enough sleep. Then of course preparing for things to get better. For the last three weeks things have seemed pretty dismal, but in the span of a few days things have turned. My friends illness may not be as bad as previously thought, she’s recovering well from her surgery. Some opportunities have presented themselves and my plans again don’t feel so far away or as unachievable as they once did. Even at their worst, things will get better these are the cycles of happiness. Remember this and remember to have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

Fun and Funny Posts

Posted on January 11, 2019 by Michael Kane

Fun and Funny Posts

Kids explain Santa & Christmas

Fun Internet Memes

The Onion & The Oatmeal

Funny Kid Pictures

Happiness is Laughter: Funny Signs

Happiness is Star Wars

Amazing Festivals for your Bucket List

Funny Baby Images

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged children, Christmas, fun, funny, happiness, internet memes, kids, memes, santa, the onion | Leave a comment

Happiness Resources: DIY Happiness

Posted on January 10, 2019 by Michael Kane

Happiness Resources: DIY Happiness

Maybe the truth is, there’s a little bit of loser in all of us. Being happy isn’t having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it’s about stringing together all the little things. ~ Ann Brashares

A quick tour around the web and a bit of a focus DIY happiness, sites with specific tips on what to do to have happier days my friends ~ Rev Kane

How to be happy, tips for cultivating happiness from the Mayo Clinic

How to be happy, 11 steps you can take to be happier from WikiHow

The habits of supremely happy people from the Huffington Post, a really detailed and interesting piece

Six unconvential scientific ways to be happier from LifeHacker

Also from LifeHacker, Want to be happier, stop doing these things now!

Posted in happiness resources | Tagged DIY, habits, happiness, life, personal happiness, science, self-help, self-improvement | 2 Comments

The Ministry of Happiness

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Happiness & Embarrassment

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Happiness & Aging

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Happiness Resources: The Components of Happiness

Happiness Resources: The Components of Happiness

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Life is Hard, But We Keep Moving

Life is Hard, But We Keep Moving

Happiness is Candy

Happiness is Candy

How to be Happy Everyday

How to be Happy Everyday

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Happiness and Cycles

Happiness and Cycles

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Happiness Resources: DIY Happiness

Happiness Resources: DIY Happiness

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