The Ministry of Happiness

The transactional nature of relationships

Posted on April 3, 2022 by Michael Kane

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. ~ Maya Angelou

As a manager I pride myself on a few things, one of the things I really try to put a lot of focus on is helping the people I supervise get to what’s next for them. During their annual reviews I end the sessions with two questions, how can I do a better job of managing you, and what’s next for you? I make sure that folks know that I’m supportive of their career advancement if that’s what they’re after. Or, if they want to change directions, I’m here to support that as well. By knowing what their goals and aspirations are, it gives me a better chance of being aware of training and other opportunities that might be available to help them achieve that next step, whatever it might be.

Recently an opportunity popped up that I wasn’t expecting, but was something that I was quite interested in. It was a new job, a position with a fully online college that focuses on helping older students who either haven’t attended college or who had dropped out. The model had specific adaptations for helping these folks, the same types of folks I grew up with and around. Unfortunately I did not get the gig. I’m pretty much an open book with my bosses and people I work with so they knew I was up for the job. This was met with a lot of negative sentiments, comments like, “I hope they hate your guts” and “honestly, I hope it doesn’t go well.” I did my best to take these comments as the compliments they were minimally intended to be.

You see I’m good at my job, and there hasn’t been a history of solid leadership in my position. So my coming in and running the division competently has made a lot of folks really happy. They finally have structure and some place to go to for answers to questions, someone experienced with a good knowledge of the system. They have expressed this to me and have made it clear they are not looking forward to my eventual retirement. On the surface this seems like a mutually respectful relationship, they appreciate what I do for them and in turn like and respect me for doing this work.

However, I was reminded during this job search process, as I need to be from time to time, that almost all relationships are transactional, or conditional if you will. You see it became pretty clear that the people I supervise are only supportive and on my side if I’ll be in position to do for them. But if I’ll be leaving, and not in a position to be able to do for them, well then they are no longer on my side or very supportive. This is the true nature of most work relationships and at times things feel comfortable and more significant, so it’s good to be reminded that they aren’t, and that compartmentalizing my life has always been a good idea.

The fact is most of our relationships are transactional, most people will be your friends as long as you’re providing something for them. Perhaps it’s company to go to events, or being a travel companion, maybe your a shoulder to cry on or just someone giving the attention that they desire. As long as you do these things, they’re your friends. How often have you had someone be a friend who you interact with frequently, who suddenly disappears when they start a romantic relationship, only to return to your friendship when their relationships ends.

We all do this, it’s the deal we make, a social contract if you will, that if you provide for me, I’ll provide for you. It’s not a terrible thing, as long as you remember and understand that the core nature of the relationship is transactional. Of course this is one of the differences with true friends. These are the folks that while we do for them and they do for us, it’s based purely on desire and caring. Transactional relationships are relationships where you typically keep score, in a true friendship keeping score is totally unnecessary.

From time to time I test those relationships that feel like friendships but that I’m unsure about. I typically do this when I start to feel things are getting one-sided. When it’s always my shoulder being cried on, when it’s always me that makes the phone call, or sends the email or makes the effort to visit. Often I’ll just stop reaching out and see what happens, you know it’s transactional when if you stop trying nothing comes back the other way.

I feel really blessed to have four or five people that are true friends. We may fall out of contact for a time, or the relationship may be one-sided for a time, but that happens because of true need, and it’s the fact that you know, they would do the same that makes it so comfortable. While in a transactional relationship you may be weighing the likelihood of some level of reciprocation, in a true friendship it never even crosses your mind.

I hope you have some true friends and that likewise you’re a true friend to them. I have often credited one of my true friends with literally saving my life when I fell apart. That’s how important they are to us. ~ Rev Kane

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged be happy, friends, happiness, happy, life, relationships, transactional relationships | Leave a comment

Family Happiness

Posted on March 28, 2022 by Michael Kane

The Ban Be clan in their Carrol Gardens bakery – Brooklyn

My family is my strength and my weakness ~ Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

How happiness relates to family is one of the most complex things in the universe. Humans are often a mystery to us. Our everyday interactions with others often leave us shaking our heads. The most innocuous of interactions can anger people, or even leave us ruminating over an interaction for days. Add in the additional factor of loving someone, of them being part of your family and everything gets amped up like it’s on steroids. The good things are better and the bad things are way worse. Often, your family are the people who know you best, so they know all of your buttons. That can result in the best of surprises or presents, or it can send you into incredible levels of pain, frustration and rage.

It’s important to define what family is, I know it seems obvious, but I may not define it like everyone else. Most people would say family are your blood, the people you share genetic and familial commonality with through birth and marriage. That’s not how I define my family. I’ve written about it many times on this blog, my childhood wasn’t wonderful. I remember being one of the first kids in school with divorced parents and all the angst, fear and madness that went along with that happening. After the divorce there was never a lot of money, sometimes not even enough. I grew up in a tough neighborhood so I know what it’s like to get my ass kicked, to run from trouble, to know real fear. But it wasn’t all bad, I had people who cared about me and for me. The lessons learned being a street kid have served me well. And as all children do, in all circumstances, I had fun. It’s what I admire most about kids, no matter how bad things are, they find a way to play, laugh, have fun and be amazed by the world.

Throughout my life I’ve had family members who have inflicted great pain upon me and so as I got older and learned about the idea of selected family that is how I’ve lived my life. Being a part of my family isn’t an exercise in genetic inheritance, but a matter of being someone I care about, who cares about me. As such I have family who are not blood, and blood, who are not family.

I want to focus today on some of my family. My little brother is fifteen years younger than I am, I always told my mother I would have a brother, she would laugh. So when he was born I got to name him. My father split again, shortly after his birth, so I helped raise him. We have a unique relationship, he is part brother, part son in the way we interact. My brother is one of the few people in my life who I have never been angry with, never felt betrayed or let down by and I’m incredibly proud of him. He is married to a wonderful woman and they have three of the most adorable kids you will ever see. During the pandemic his wife started making some family desert recipes and selling them. They became popular, REALLY popular, to the point the business has moved from the apartment to a storefront.

From something she did on the side, to a full family business that now also employs my brother. Even their soon to be three year-old daughter has a job, she’s the Chief Baby Officer of Ban Be Bakery and the unofficial mayor of Brooklyn Heights. The bakery has gained some attention and fame as the first Vietnamese-American Bakery in New York City. Their cookie tins have months long wait lists, their pop up events sell out in hours.

Ban Be Founder, and swinging Chief Baby Officer

My sister-in-law and brother are serial entrepreneurs who, like most business people, have had several successful and unsuccessful ventures before seeing this current one take off. They are both amazing people, my tiny sister-in-law is brilliant and feisty and stands up for what she believes in, her 17.21 Instagram page featuring and promoting the accomplishments of Asian Women will soon become a book. My brother is an artist, graphic designer and web designer who has worked with Lincoln Center and the New York Philharmonic, he’s one of the kindest and gentlest humans I’ve ever known. They are also amazing parents. They amaze me how they do everything they do, and do so well. My pride in their accomplishments is obvious and their success makes me incredibly happy. They were featured this past weekend in the New York Times Metro Section.

Interacting and managing your own personal happiness is always complicated. Never forget that your first and foremost responsibility is to you, your significant other and any humans you have created. Take care of that first and you’ll have happy days my friends. ~ Rev Kane

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged bakery, ban be, be happy, brooklyn, cookies, family, happiness, selected family, vietnamese bakery | 2 Comments

Happy bright suns in a sea of blue

Posted on March 21, 2022 by Michael Kane

Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. ~ Stephen Hawking

Recently, as you all know I recently spent some time on a whale watching trip in Baja. I’ve always loved being on the water and one of the great things about this trip was that we were out in this beautiful Pacific Ocean lagoon three times a day. Each trip as we were skimming across the water in our panga it was an opportunity for about a half an hour just to enjoy flying across the water. The return run across the lagoon at the end of the day was always my favorite. The sun would be setting, the temperature was warm and the breeze across the water perfectly cooling. Although we were cruising out of the sanctuary there were still whales and dolphins to be seen. Maybe the best part of this time of day, with the sun lower in the sky you would get the sun dappling effect across the water. Sparkling light across the dark blue see, it was really perfect.

One after noon a really amazing thing happened for me, I’m a person who has always loved being on the water and hundreds of times I’ve been cruising across rivers, lakes and the ocean marveling at the light dancing across the water. Never once had I really looked at this phenomenon with a critical eye and this day in Baja after playing with giant whales I finally did. What I realized suddenly was that each flash of light off of the water was really just a single reflection of the sun as a wave crest hit the right angle facing us. It was the simplest and yet most amazing revelation. So I decided to photo some up close.

So just a little reminder tonight of a simple thing, take time to notice the small wonders in life. My observation on the ocean a few weeks ago was a small one but it tapped a bit of wonder for me, something that doesn’t happen nearly enough. It really made me happy to make this simple observation for the first time and even happier to be able to so clearly photograph it. Looking at all of those reflected suns against the blue sea makes me think of laying on my back at night looking at stars, but the suns in the ocean are so much closer, you can almost reach out and touch them, almost. Have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged adventure, be happy, happiness, life, nature, stars, sun | Leave a comment

Annual Bucket List Update

Posted on March 14, 2022 by Michael Kane

happiness, hiking, appalachian trail — My Polar Bear Selfie

We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. ~ Jawaharial Nehru

There are two ways to look at bucket lists. The first is to create a list you hope to complete before the end of your life and keep checking off items as you go along. The other way is the way I choose to do it, which has been to create an original list and then periodically update it by taking off things I’ve accomplished and adding in new items. Doing it this way you have to be good with knowing you’ll never complete the list. But I like this approach because it keeps me searching for new cool things to experience. When I do my updates, as well as pulling off of things I’ve already done, I also pull off things that I no longer have an interest in doing. For example, in this update I pulled off seeing Rainbow Mountain in Peru. I pulled it because I’ve learned a few things since I put it on the list. First, it’s not quite as spectacular in reality as it is in post produced photos I’ve seen. Secondly, I’ve come to learn there are a lot of similar mountains all over the world.

This exercise is one I really like doing, it both allows me to reminisce about the things I’ve done and go looking for new ideas.

Over the years I’ve been fortunate to do a lot. I’ve hiked in the high passes of the Himalayas, across Scotland, done a thousand miles on the Appalachian Trail. I’ve traveled to some amazing places, Petra, China, Tibet, Marrakesh, Oaxaca and Burning Man. I’ve written three books, Appalachian Trail Happiness, Otherness and Athena’s Addict. I’ve had some incredible experiences in nature, seeing a Jaguar in Brazil, photographing polar bears in Canada and most recently hugging a whale in Baja.

I’m an intensely curious person and there is so much more I want to do. I think as long as you are searching, learning, growing and finding new adventures, you never truly grow old, no matter how many years you’ve lived. ~ Rev Kane

See the Great Pyramid at Giza
Travel to outer space
Complete the Appalachian Trail
Hike at least 500 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail
Go Zorbing
Hike in the Atlas Mountains in Morocco
Hike the Overland Track in Australia
Hike 500km on the Te Araroa trail in New Zealand
Hike to Machu Pichu
Hike in Patagonia
Do a walking tour in Kenya
Hike at least 500 miles on the Trans-Canada Trail
Bicycle across the United States
See Stonehenge
Walk on the Glaciers of Greenland
Go to Iceland
See Mount McKinley
travel in a submarine
Kayak the coast of California
Kayak the Zambezi River
See mountain Gorillas in the wild
See an elephant in the wild
See a lion in the wild
See a hippo in the wild
See a right whale in the wild
See a grizzly bear in the wild
See a tiger in the wild
See a snow leopard
Go on a bigfoot expedition
Photograph the great migration
Swim in the Devil’s Pool at Victoria Falls
See Iguazu Falls in Brazil
Do a cage dive with Great White Sharks
See a Rhino in the wild
Go to Thai Elephant Sanctuary
Learn to wild forage
Hike the Muir Trail
Hike Rim to Rim at the Grand Canyon
Photograph the Wave in Arizona
Go to Tonga
Go to Tuvalu
Go to the Cook Islands
Visit Cappadocia, Turkey
Go to Up Helly Aa
Go to Angkor Wat
Go to the Great Barrier Reef
Visit Australia
Go to Antarctica
Visit the Galapagos Islands
Visit Vietnam
Go to Carnival in Salvador de Bahia, Brazil
Surf a sand dune in Fortaleza, Brazil
Visit Italy
See the Taj Mahal
Backpack in India
Backpack in Thailand
Go to Bangkok
Visit Alcatraz
Visit Norway
Attend Diwali in India
Run with the Bulls in Spain
Visit Cuba
Take a hot air balloon ride
Skydive
Do Peyote
Do Ayahuasca
Search for a buried treasure
Do a century bicycle ride
Pan for gold
Go to Timbuktu
Go to the Louvre Museum
Go to the Van Gogh Museum
Climb Kilimanjaro
On the same day, sunrise from Mt. Whitney, sunrise from Death Valley
Go to Glacier National Park
Stay in an underwater hotel
Swim in a Great Lake
Learn how to surf
Take a long distance train trip
Visit the John Day Fossil Beds
See an Orca in the wild
Meet a penguin
Photograph Antelope Canyon in Arizona
Run a 5K
Visit Bhutan
Photograph the race track in Death Valley
Go Parasailing
Learn how to play the saxophone
Learn Akido
Publish a book of fiction
Catch a stage of the Tour De France live
Swim in Jellyfish Lake – Palau
Attend the Triple Crown
Too personal to post
Hike to Kuang Si Falls in Laos
Take a boat from Manaus to Fortaleza, Brazil on the Amazon
Vagabond for at least 3 months
Create an art prank like fairy houses
Find a meteorite
Swim in Iceland’s Blue Lagoon

Posted in Happiness is Adventure, Happy Travel Stories, personal happiness | Tagged adventure, appalachian trail, baja, be happy, bucket list, happiness, himalayas, travel | Leave a comment

Baja Whale Adventure – Part 3

Posted on March 8, 2022 by Michael Kane

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. ~ Richard Bach

Over the last two weeks I’ve written part 1 and part 2 about this fabulous journey. While the last two pieces were primarily about the adventure itself and most importantly our interactions with the whales, today I want to talk about the family at the middle of the story of the whales of San Ignacio Lagoon.

My guide on this trip was Tony and he was a great guide who has a really close connection to the whales, we called him the “whale whisperer.” He was an incredibly nice guy and very knowledgeable about the sanctuary, the whales biology and behavior. I was fortunate to have him as a guide and even more so as we got to know him. Tony has a unique connection to the whales of San Ignacio. You see, his grandfather Pacheco started all of this.

Guide Tony, Capt. Tico and apparently a comet

The fisherman in the area had a long contentious relationship with the whales. They considered them a problem that interfered with their fishing each year when they arrived and so they called them the devil fish. One day, Pachecho, had a whale under his pachanga, it would spy hop up on one side than to the other side of his boat. This of course meant he couldn’t fish, finally, bravely, he decided to touch it. He did so briefly and nothing happened, so he reached out again and left his hand on the whale, scratched and rubbed it. To Pacheco it felt like the whale enjoyed the interaction. He returned to the village afterward and told everyone about it and of course no one believed him. He also told an American friend who would eventually bring down his family and have a similar experience. Word of mouth then traveled, this was the early 70’s so it took some time, but eventually people wanted to come interact with the whales. This was how the whale watching business started in San Ignacio and led to the Mexican government in the 80’s turning the lagoon into a whale sanctuary. Pacheco tells his own story much better than I do of course and you can watch him do it in the YouTube video, The Whales of Gold.

I also had the pleasure of meeting Tony’s father Ranalfo, someone who has literally grown up with the whaling business and the whales of San Ignacio. I spent an hour one night before dinner speaking with him about the history of the village, his family and getting a look at his birding life list. This was completely fitting because I had met him the first morning of our arrival as I was looking at an Osprey on some nest platforms the locals had built for them.

I felt incredibly honored to have gotten to spend time not just with the whales but with the first family of San Ignacio’s whales, the Mayoral family.

Have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged adventure, baja, be happy, gray whales, happiness, life, san ignacio, travel | 1 Comment

A Whale Adventure in Baja – Part 2

Posted on March 1, 2022 by Michael Kane

Follow your passion, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don’t let anyone limit your dreams. ~ Donovan Bailey

Last week I wrote part 1 of my whale adventure in Baja in the Gray Whale calving grounds two-hours north by plane of Cabo San Lucas. This part will focus around my first whale experience once arriving in Baja, and some really cool history.

We landed on the beach and boated to our island camp. They correctly assumed after being picked up at 6AM, it was now 11:30AM, that we were starving. We had a lovely quick brunch, lox and bagels and sandwiches. After getting settled in our tents we set out on our first whale watch experience in the San Ignacio Lagoon Whale Sanctuary. In the US a typical whale watching experience of three or four hours is considered a great experience if you see six or seven whales.

Between the camp and the sanctuary boundary was about a fifteen minute boat ride. By the time we entered the sanctuary I’d already seen blows from at least four whales. Once entering the sanctuary and slowing down the motor it became really clear how amazing this would be. You see we had incredibly flat water that first day which gave us incredible visibility. Slowly trolling through the sanctuary there were whales in every direction. Pretty quickly we were up close, within about twenty feet of several different whales and I was thrilled.

Now this trip was a bucket list item for me and I had some really specific hopes related to this trip. Of course I wanted to see whales, and see whales up close. But I also really hoped to be close enough to look a Gray Whale in the eye. My next hope was that I would get to touch a Grey Whale and finally, the grand slam for me would be getting to hug a whale. I honestly never thought that would happen, but if I got the rest I’ve be incredibly happy.

We had been in the sanctuary for about twenty minutes when a whale started making a bee line for our boat, our guide Tony said to the captain, “este Loco.” In fact it was Loco, a whale that the guide was very familiar with. Loco came right up to the boat and slid right up beside us. Within a few minutes of showing up I was actually able to reach out an touch a forty foot long, eighty thousand pound Gray Whale.

What would happen over the next thirty to forty minutes would be one of the greatest experiences of my life. Loco would in fact play with us like a Labrador puppy, he would swim up, spy hop to the boat, then like a puppy does, he would rip his head away, spin around in the water, swim under the boat, bump us around and then do it all over again. It was amazing. Loco spent so much time up next to us that I pet him at least seven or eight times, I got to look him squarely in the eye. At one point, he opened his mouth and I was able to reach in and rub his baleen plates. Our guide leaned up and kissed him at one point and then it happened, he spy hopped right in front of me and I wrapped my arms around and hugged him briefly.

The question I first get is what did it feel like? The skin of the whale was really smooth except where the barnacles were attached. The whale felt like a raw roast, firm but a bit giggly underneath, actually felt quite nice. You could tell Loco enjoyed the interaction it was so content to hold itself in front of us so we could touch him. In order to stay so close he actually had to gently move in the water as the boat was moving in the current.

petting Loco

Getting to look him square in the eye was magnificent. If you’ve ever looked a cow in the eye you can see the kind of vacuous stare of an animal not doing a lot of thinking. It was very different with Loco, you could see him focusing around looking at each of us, this was very much a sentient creature I was connecting with. Rubbing the baleen plates was fun, I was a little tentative reaching in but the whale allowed in and then very slowly and gently closed it’s mouth as it was falling away. My hug was quick but amazing, to connect with a whale at that level was literally a dream come through for me.

Loco would in fact come back to our boat two more times briefly in the 90 minutes that we were out on that first trip before swimming off and interacting in a similar fashion with another boat. I would do eight more trips during my three days. No trip would match the first one and I was fine with that, as I told my guide on the way back from the first trip, everything I could have possibly imagine happening had happened with Loco. This doesn’t mean the other eight trips weren’t great. I would be fortunate enough to touch four more whales, and miss touching another three or four by a couple of inches. We would get to see a number of pairs of mothers and young calves, one who even tried and comically failed to breach. I did not realize that Gray Whales breached, but I got to watch a number of whale breaches and they often breach three or four times in a row. We had so many whales spy hop around the boat including at one point three whales spy hopping at the same time all within about fifteen feet of the boat.

On my last trip we had a rhythmically bumpy ride out of the sanctuary. I sat there on the bow of the boat, looking back at the sanctuary. Bouncing along and taking in the amazing beauty around me, the occasional whale or dolphin breaking the surface and it was absolutely magically. It had been a magnificent three days, after nearly three years of the pandemic, of no travel, there, bouncing along on that belt I felt like myself again, the person I’m meant to be, the nomad I’ve always been. More next week. ~ Rev Kane

Posted in Happiness is Adventure, Happiness is Photography, Happy Travel Stories, personal happiness | Tagged adventure, baja, be happy, bucket list, gray whale, happiness, mexico, travel, vacation | Leave a comment

A Whale Adventure in Baja – Part 1

Posted on February 22, 2022 by Michael Kane

We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. ~ Jawaharial Nehru

I’m a nomad, anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time knows that. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve always been an addict, travel is without a doubt my strongest addiction these days. It’s been three years since I’ve done any significant travel and it was wonderful breaking out and hitting the road again. A week in Baja with grey whales was the destination.

I was a biology (ecology) major in college and as a senior I took one of my favorite classes, animal behavior. In addition to the academic understandings of basic animal behaviors, we also learned about a lot of cool behaviors. We discussed things like the great migration, grunion runs on the Pacific Coast, all the crazy and amazing ways that animals attract mates. One of the things we talked about in that class back in 1988 was the fact that down in Baja, in the gray whale calving grounds, the whales actually interacted with humans. That in fact, people actually touched the whales who willingly swam up to the small boats they were in. I was fascinated by this story. You see I’m part of the generation of kids that first grew up with the Jacques Cousteau specials. Those specials touched in me in a very deep way, they drove my imagination and growing up I wanted to be a marine biologist.

In particular what fascinated me most were whales and dolphins, while being amazing creatures in almost every way, what really attracted me to them was their intelligence. In terms of brain size and demonstrated intelligence, dolphins may be as smart as humans, whales are similarly believed to be highly intelligent. Of course knowing exactly how that intelligence is utilized is one of the things that scientists continue to study. One of the things that I was interested in. Unfortunately the reality of becoming a marine biologists means a lot of years of college in one of the most competitive fields in biology, as well as difficulty in getting jobs and then when you do, they have a tendency to be low paying. This reality at some point meant that I decided to pursue a slightly different pathway. I have been fortunate enough early in my career to do some marine work. I worked on sustainable fisheries projects and even a project that built a black lipped pearl oyster hatchery in the South Pacific. I also had some great experiences like measuring green sea turtles and literally catching the eggs as they were being released. But whales and dolphins have always held a special place for me and I’ve done many whale watches in a lot of different locations.

So when I was deciding what would be my first adventure since COVID started, it was an easy decision as to what item to pick off of my bucket list. And I decided that it was finally time to go to the gray whale calving grounds in Baja and see if the stories were really true. So I set out for my first time to Cabo San Lucas.

I spent two days in Cabo San Lucas and it was really quite surprising. Although I’ve heard people talk about Cabo many times, I was not expecting what I got. Cabo San Lucas turned out to be an American tourist haven. American tourism is the driving engine of the economy there, as such, everyone who works in any service industry speaks English. Most of the restaurants and shops take American dollars, you can even find ATMs that distribute American Dollars. The place is loaded with America tourists. This is typically not my kind of vacation vibe, but it was the jumping off point for my trip. What I can really positively say about Cabo San Lucas, is that the resorts are lovely, the beaches are lovely and it is a great place to find activities. Whether it’s fishing, diving, snorkeling, sailing, whale watches or even riding a camel on the beach it’s a great place to find almost any kind of activity. For me, it meant the jumping off point for a two-hour Cessna flight up the coast to the whale watching camp I would be staying at for the next four days in San Ignacio Lagoon.

The morning leaving for San Ignacio was an early one, picked up at my hotel at 6AM and at 7AM we arrived to pick up two more passengers. One was Dr. Tony, pictured at the top of the page, he would be the only other guest in my group. Groups can be up to twelve people so we were really fortunate to be in such a small group. The other person joining us was Fabiola who would be working as one of the hostesses in the camp.

It was a beautiful two-hour flight up from Cabo to San Ignacio where we landed on a dirt runway near the beach. We quickly left the plane, had a glass of champagne and jumped into the panga to head to our camp. Pangas are the traditional fishing boats that have been historically used in the lagoon. What I hadn’t realized pre-trip was that our camp was actually located on an island in the the lagoon.

Our camp was located just outside of the borders of the whale sanctuary. This was absolutely a luxury tour, and my very fancy fully carpeted tent was the size of my studio apartment and quite nice with a living room, king sized bed and full bathroom with running water and shower, we also had wifi.

The sanctuary is one of two protected areas that serve as calving and mating grounds for gray whales in lagoons on the central coast of Baja. During the mating and calving season hundreds of whales gather in the lagoon. While I was there, they estimated that there were 150 whales present in the lagoon. By the height of the season there will be over 300 whales in the lagoon. What this means is that you have a very different experience doing a whale watch in San Ignacio than you see stateside.

You see normally in the US, you get on a 30-40 foot boat, or larger, you sail out for a three to four hour cruise and during that time hopefully you see some whales. Often you get to see a couple of groups of humpbacks, if you’re really lucky you get to see one breach (jump out of the water). Occasionally you see some other whales cruising, a pod of dolphins or rarely some Orcas. In San Ignacio we’d often see four or five whales before we even hit the sanctuary. Then on a 90 minute whale watch, you would see 30 or 40 different whales. You’d see at least 10 very close up, and on average at least one or two really close to the panga. Of course, the pangas are only 15 feet long and close to the water. So when whales got up close at times we got to touch them, and many times had whales blow (exhale) all over us, we were that close.

Over the next couple of posts I’ll lay out in more detail the experiences I had during the nine trips I took whale watching in the lagoon, including my experience with Loco, the whale pictured at the top of the post.

Have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

Posted in Happiness is Adventure, Happiness on the Road, Happy Travel Stories, personal happiness | Tagged adventure, baja, be happy, gray whales, happiness, mexico, san ignacio, travel, whales | Leave a comment

I’ve Always Been an Addict

Posted on February 19, 2022 by Michael Kane

Selfie with my new friend Loco and the sun in my eyes

Addiction is a tough illness, and recovery from it is a hard but noble path. Men and women who walk that path deserve our support, encouragement, and admiration. ~ Sheldon Whitehouse

Hello friends, I’ve been gone a bit, this maybe the longest quiet spell I’ve had on the blog in the eleven years I’ve been writing. But like previous quiet periods, it was for a good reason, I was preparing, executing and recovering from my first real adventure in three years. I will talk a little more about this at the end of this piece and more to come over the next couple of weeks.

I realized very early in life that I’m a person prone to addiction. It manifested itself in small ways early on. I’ve always been one of those people who could eat the same meal a hundred times in a row if I liked it. When I was young I did get addicted to some good things, I got addicted to reading and read like crazy for years. Once video arcades became a thing, I got addicted to video games and dropped an amazing number of quarters into video games. I got addicted to Dungeons and Dragons for awhile as a teenager, and contrary to popular theories at the time, I didn’t turn into a sword wielding serial killer.

My addictive personality took a significant darker turn for me around 18 when I first went to college. I got addicted to alcohol and drugs and spent two years loaded. It took a pretty significant toll on my life and probably the most destructive thing was that it lead me into bouts of depression for the next ten years while I got clean and sober and dealt with the underlying issues of both the depression and the addictions.

While I did a lot of work in my thirties and forties to get my head straight and become a happier person. The core nature of my addictive personality has not changed, I’ve been addicted to a lot of things. I’m a lifelong pizza and Coca-cola addict, I’ve been addicted to love (cue Robert Palmer) in particular I’ve been Athena’s Addict for nearly 20 years, which is also the title of my second book of poetry. But without a doubt my biggest lifelong addiction has been travel and adventure.

With the pandemic happening shortly after I’d taken my latest job I’ve been unable to travel. It’s been almost three years since I did any type of travel that I would consider adventure. The pandemic has been hard on all of us for different reasons. For me, it’s felt like this nomad and gypsy was trapped in a cage. It wore me down and honestly killed my motivation for most things, it dulled my soul and made me basically numb. I was very much existing in a low-level state which is not who I am. I don’t think it really hit me how bad it had become until I was packing for my most recent trip.

Boarding that plane to Los Cabos was like emerging from being underwater, holding my breath and finally surfacing to get that first huge gulp of air. I’m not sure I can convey how much I love every part of an adventure. I love the planning, I love the escape, I love the madness that always ensues at some point in the process. I love solving the problems that arise, rolling with things in a way this control freak doesn’t embrace at any other point in his life. I love who I am on the road, I’m freer, easier and friendlier. My disdain for social situations nearly disappears and I’m excited to meet new people, I love learning about and experiencing new cultures.

Most of all I love doing things that I have dreamed of. I’ve known about the human gray whale interactions that occur in San Ignacio lagoon for almost thirty years. It’s been on my bucket list ever since to visit those calving grounds. What occurred last week in Baja literally blew my mind, met every expectation and woke me up from my pandemic coma. I literally hugged an 80,000 pound, 40 foot long whale!

That’s great in some ways and tough in one other. Giving an addict a taste of his preferred drug makes him crave that drug and want it all of the time. I’ve been back for four days and all I can think about is what’s next? As close as I am to retiring from my current gig, I know I’ll be road bound again soon, and maybe even for a big adventure. I’m starting to think that a year from now, I might just find my feet on a long distance trail again.

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged addict, addiction, adventure, baja, be happy, happiness, mexico, travel, whales | 2 Comments

A Moment for Mindfulness

Posted on January 24, 2022 by Michael Kane

Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Tonight a simple post in honor of an incredible man, Thich Nhat Hanh. A lifelong Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Nhat Hanh, who wrote over 130 books is perhaps the single most important figure in the mindfulness movement in the United States. His books have been incredibly popular in the United States and have made a great impact on the interest of Buddhist philosophy and particularly mindfulness. I have written about him and mindfulness before, so tonight I will bring back some of these pieces in an effort to honor a truly great man.

The words of Thich Nhat Hanh

Happiness Resources: Mindfulness

A mindfulness day as way to happiness

The benefits of meditation

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Let’s all lose weight in 2022!

Posted on January 18, 2022 by Michael Kane

Let’s all lose weight in 2022! The weight I’m talking about is not the pounds around your mid-section but the emotional weight we all carry. These are incredibly stressful times, so it’s time to do some of the things you need to do to lessen the emotional baggage you are carrying, which in turn will reduce the stress your facing and in fact, less stress may make it easier to lose those pounds as well.

The first step in this process is really looking at yourself, not with the blinders we typically wear, but from the perspective of others. So take a look and think about what relationships in your life are causing you the greatest amount of stress. Those are the relationships that you need to cut down or lose to reduce your emotional weight.

Now I know this can be hard, very often the relationships that cause us the greatest stress are relationships that we feel obligated to be in. Typically this means it’s a relative, a long-time friend, or someone you’re romantically involved with. The very act of doing something about these types of relationships can be stressful in itself, however the net effect will be lower stress in your life.

The first step, particularly with relationships that you feel obligated to continue, is to speak up and let the person know that there is tension. It’s imperative to clearly and calmly share your feelings, let the person know how you feel and what is bothering you about the relationship. Your first hope should always be that having an honest conversation can lead to repairing the relationship to a point that it isn’t as stressful.

It’s important to remember that you and your feelings matter, you have the absolute right and responsibility to take care of yourself first. So if the relationships can’t be improved or repaired it may be time to move on from them. My best advice here is the way you end anything, be clear, unambiguous and emphasize that this is what is best for you and that has to be your priority. Try to not be angry and emotional when you make that statement and if you’ve made a good faith effort to make things better, than don’t get guilted into giving people additional chances to change.

Sometimes the relationships, work or other stressors in your life are difficult to deal with, that’s when it’s time to get help. There is no shame in getting help, the stigma around therapy and counseling has really diminished in recent years. Help has also become exceedingly accessible, there are traditional services, but also apps and therapy by phone and online and they’ve become much more affordable.

Finally, a reminder we’ve made here many times, that exercise can help reduce stress. While it won’t fix your relationships, exercise does reduce the hormones in your body that are caused by stress.

So let’s all make a concerted effort this year to lose some emotional weight, I promise it will lead to happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane

Posted in personal happiness | Tagged be happy, emotional baggage, happiness, relationships, stress, weight loss | Leave a comment