While social media can without a doubt be a cesspool of terrible information, occasionally you come across something that is really useful, I found the image above to be just that. So let’s talk about these ideas.
Ikigai – I really love this concept, I think we all do, but it’s a really hard concept to enact in life. While finding all three of these characteristics in a job that also pays the bill is wonderful, most of us do our best to get as close as we can. But I would suggest my friends, is that just because you may not be there now, don’t give up. Maybe like me, you’ll have to hold out to hit all three in retirement, the point is to always keep getting closer to this goal. Which is conveniently the next concept, kaizen.
Kaizen – This is the idea of always just doing a little better. This can be applied to every part of our life. Today, try and eat just a little bit better, exercise a little bit more, get a little more sleep. Consistent incremental change over time can lead to big life changes.
Hara Hachi Bu – Here’s one I really need to learn and need to apply the idea of kaizen to every day. I think it’s hard from me because I grew up tough. If you’ve ever wondered whether or not they’ll be enough to eat tonight, you have a tendency to want to eat until your full. I haven’t been in jeopardy of not getting a full meal in over fifty years, but those childhood traumas are often hard to overcome.
Shoshin – I really think this is the secret to staying young, regardless of your chronological age. Keeping a child-like curiosity, being will to try new things, go on adventures, to do things you are unsure you can do well keeps us learning, growing and smiling.
Oubaitori – Stop trying to keep up with Jones is the way we say it in America. The quickest way to feel bad about yourself is to continue to compare yourself with others. Why? Because we most often compare ourselves to the best and the brightest and no one is the best at everything. Take things in their own time, in a way that best suits you and you’ll live a happier life.
Wabi Sabi – Stop trying to make life so complicated and grandiose. Sure, in America, we’re fond of the phrase, go big or go home it’s what our culture emphasizes and rewards. It’s also in my opinion, one of the reasons that we’re a society full of stress and anxiety. Simplify, relax, enjoy the twists and turns of life, try and enjoy every moment. It’s not easy, I know, but it’s the attempt that counts.
These concepts, pulled together can absolutely help you have a better life and happier days my friends and that’s what matters. ~ Rev Kane
My tiny patio garden has become a tiny patio jungle
Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings obliteration. I will face my fear and I will permit it to pass over me and through me. ~ Frank Herbert, Dune
Hello friends and welcome to the apocalypse, I personally refer to it as the shambling apocalypse, instead of the one day societal fall we see in all the movies, this one seems to be wobbling around and slowly progressing. I’m going to start tonight’s post by triggering all of your fears. All of the things I’m going to mention are legitimate concerns, reason for fear/anxiety and many of the things many of you are doom scrolling endlessly on your phones. If you are easily triggered, all the bad new is in red below, so just skip over it and move on to the black type.
So welcome to July 1st, let’s start with the good news. For the first time in 469 days the world’s oceans are not at the highest temperature in recorded history. The bad news is that they are still basically at the highest temperatures in recorded history, leading to yesterday a hurricane being the first ever recorded category 4 hurricane in the Atlantic in the month of June. Hurricane Beryl is currently blasting Caribbean Island nations with 150 mph sustained winds. To all my Caribbean, Mexican, Southern and Eastern coastal readers, buckle up it’s going to be a really nasty hurricane season.
In the world of COVID, we are currently seeing a spike double the size that we did last summer, still not winter flu season numbers but you might want to wear a mask in the crowd, particularly if you’re unvaccinated or immune suppressed in some way.
Politically, the US Supreme Court has recently ruled that government agencies can only regulate something very specifically, and previously laid out by law. Meaning that any new situation can’t be addressed without a new law. Shouldn’t be an issue given how harmonious, quickly and efficiently our congress works, oh wait…. They’ve also ruled that presidents essentially have total immunity, can’t imagine how that could go wrong.
On the international political front everything is calm and great, just kidding. France has given a potential parliamentary majority to the far right, lead by Marie Le Pen. Nothing to see there, she’s only the daughter of an unabashed Neo-Nazi who expressed those views herself until she got a more palatable political makeover about five years ago. With the rise of far right influence in Europe and the US focusing around immigration, it’s like the white people of the world are saying to all the non-whites, go back to where you came from, completely ignoring that non-whites only make up around 10% of the world. Native Americans reading this are just silently shaking their heads.
The Ukraine-Russian War rages in Europe with more involvement by the EU, NATO and US every day. Israel is still leveling GAZA and killing large numbers of women and children every day. Hezbollah in Lebanon and Israel creep closer to war, Iran has let it be known if it starts they’ll unleash all of their proxy groups on everyone. Russia and North Korea are getting chummy, World War III is potentially 12-18 months away.
Finally your weather report, it’s hot, record heat wave coming to California where I live, starting later today and extending through the next week or so. People in the Northeast are just ending a similar one they have faced. But here’s the good news, because of global warming, this is likely the coolest summer of the rest of your life.
So what the hell do you do!?
Do nothing. Be still. Sleep. Rest in the arms of the dragon. Dream.
If you just read that line in the voice of Nicol Williamson, who played Merlin in Excalibur, you’re my kind of people, we should hang out.
The large, complicated and existentially dreadful portions of life are often generally ignored by people who go about their daily lives like those things don’t exist. That’s both good and bad, when things are truly an existential threat, like climate change and world wars, apathy is not a good thing for humanity. But in your day to day life, these things typically don’t have a massive impact and paralyzing anxiety is a solution to nothing.
So here’s my recommendation, do what you can, when you can, to positively impact the bigger issues in the world. Whether that’s working for a political campaign, raising awareness or donating to an issue you should do what you can up to a level that doesn’t negatively impact your life. If you are fighting against global climate change to leave a better world for your children and grandchildren but in the process of fighting neglect any relationship with them, well, maybe that’s not the best answer. By doing what you can, when you can, hopefully you’ll then have the headspace to be more mindfully engaged in your day to day life in a positive and meaningful way.
To bastardize a line from, V for Vendetta, an apocalypse without dancing would be an apocalypse not worth having. And what that very powerful quote expresses, is the idea that no matter what the situation of the world, or your life, you have to find time for joy. You have to take the time to nourish the art, joy and love in your soul. Even in the midst of horror, it’s ok to find some beauty.
So make appropriate time to impact the world as best you can, but also make time to garden, to be in nature, to paint, or sing or play music. Make time to just sit and be, better even if that’s by a stream or an ocean. We are all afraid, all of the time, at some level. Don’t let that underlying current of anxiety and fear prevent you from experiencing beauty, love and joy, don’t let it prevent you from living a happy life. And most of all, let yourself have happy days my friends. ~ Rev Kane
Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. ~ Mother Teresa
Tonight a post for the lonely people, sure, might benefit you all but I’m writing specifically to the lonely amongst us. First off, I’m one of you, haven’t always been. But lately I find myself feeling pretty lonely. It’s not something I’m unfamiliar with, there’s a reason my favorite Beatles’ songs is Eleanor Rigby. Being lonely from time to time is natural for all of us, it’s when you start feeling and being lonely all the time that the bad things can happen. Loneliness is both at an epidemic level in America and can lead to a large number of negative mental and physical outcomes. These can include anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and even premature death. It has become a major issue for older Americans in particular, but younger Americans (18 – 30) are reporting increasing rates of loneliness.
Let’s talk about what loneliness is. People have a tendency to think of loneliness in only one way, a lack of social interaction. It’s the same uni-dimensional way they often think of people being introverted. But loneliness is not determined by the frequency of social interaction. I can tell you honestly, sometimes the loneliest I feel is in the middle of a social interaction, a condition my fellow introverts will likely identify with. Loneliness is about having deep social connections. So while someone to have a drink or coffee with is nice and certainly helps a bit. What cures loneliness is having contact with people in your life where you can connect on a deeper level. To say it another way, people you can be your true self with, without fear of judgement or rejection. The type of people you can tell anything, people who may disagree with you, but will never judge you or reject you. Understandably, most of us have only a few people in our life who fit this definition. And the frequency of interaction with them does matter, but those people have a tendency to be in contact enough.
One of the reason that seniors in America are increasingly facing loneliness is that often those people in their lives are spouses and close longtime friends. As you get older unfortunately, people die and older folks can often lose all of the people they have deep connections with. Suddenly finding yourself living alone without those you are most deeply connected with can make people feel deeply lonely. And it’s not so easy to find these people in the first place and so much harder when you’re retired, less mobile and living alone. It’s hard at any level to make friends but harder when you get older, sixty year-old guys don’t just walk down the street, see another old dude and say, “hey let’s me and you be friends.” Maybe we should, we might learn a bit from the toddlers I get to interact with at our Child Development Center, because they’ll do exactly that, just walk up to another person and ask them to be friends.
So what do you do if you’re feeling lonely. The first thing, like any issue, is to admit that it’s an issue for you and actively work to correct it. While social interaction doesn’t eliminate loneliness on it’s own, having more social interactions give you more opportunities to encounter and connect with people who may become the type of friend you need to help alleviate your loneliness. So participating in volunteering opportunities, joining social groups or even taking classes can help you find people who can make you feel less lonely. While social media can be a desert of real connection, it can also be a way to connect with people. Utilizing social media by joining specific groups where you can talk about things you’re interested in can be a way to connect with like minded people without the venom associated with social media political interaction. Finally, loneliness like any other issue is exacerbated by us not being at our best. So we must always come back to the basics, are you eating right, sleeping enough, exercising and feeling safe in your environment. And always, if you’re doing what you can and it’s not helping, then seeing a professional counselor can certainly help.
It’s also important to carefully plan your life and situation to avoid social isolation. Plan ways to make sure you’re interacting with people and putting yourself in situations where you can find opportunities to be more social, again, increasing your chances of making those deeper connections. For me this is relevant to me in terms of my plans for retirement. I’ll need to work for a few years until I reach medicare age. So my plan is to take a job at a four-year institution at a lower level working directly with students. As dear as community college education is to my heart, a four-year college will afford many more opportunities to attend sporting events, art and cultural events as well as opportunities to listen to speakers coming to campus. These are the activities I hope to you use to prevent myself from becoming socially isolated in retirement.
Finally friends, it’s scary but never be too afraid to reach out and take some chances on people. Someone may seem pleasant, but not the type of person you would normally deeply connect with, go have a cup of coffee or a meal anyway. Occasionally people might surprise you or even through them you might meet someone you can make a deeper connection with and then hopefully, you’ll have happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane
When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive. ~ Alan Paton
We all have things that we are working on, I’ve done a lot of work over the years on myself. I’ve made a lot of progress and honestly I’m proud of what I’ve been able to do and change over the years. Probably the one area I still have the most work to do on is forgiveness. Intellectually I understand the concept, the quote above is really on point. There is a process and a cycle to all things. In order to heal from being hurt, to finally and completely heal we need to forgive those who have harmed us. This is not an easy thing for me.
Awareness: The first step in emotional healing is becoming aware of the emotional pain and trauma that needs healing. This involves recognizing the feelings and behaviors that are causing distress and identifying the source of the trauma.
Acknowledgment: The second step is acknowledging the pain and trauma, and accepting that it is a part of one’s life. This involves admitting to oneself that there is a problem and taking responsibility for one’s own healing.
Acceptance: The third step is accepting that healing is possible and committing to the journey. This involves letting go of any doubts or fears about the healing process and trusting that it is possible to move forward.
Feel the Pain: The fourth step is allowing oneself to feel the pain and trauma without judgment or avoidance. This involves experiencing the emotions and sensations that come with the trauma, even if they are uncomfortable or painful.
Grieving: The fifth step is acknowledging the losses that have come with the trauma and allowing oneself to grieve them. This involves recognizing the things that have been lost as a result of the trauma, such as trust, safety, or a sense of self, and allowing oneself to mourn these losses.
Forgiveness: The sixth step is forgiving oneself and others for any harm caused by the trauma. This involves letting go of anger, blame, and resentment, and finding compassion and understanding for oneself and others.
Moving Forward: The final step is making a commitment to move forward with a new sense of purpose and direction. This involves creating a vision for the future and taking steps to make that vision a reality, such as setting goals, seeking support, and engaging in activities that promote healing and growth.
I do great with the first five steps of the process, it’s the sixth step where I get hung up. For me I think it’s too difficult for me to get past a sense of fairness. I get bogged down in the idea that if people suffer no consequences then they can’t learn and grow from the experience. And if they don’t learn and grow from the experience, then they’ll likely do it again. I need to put greater faith in Karma and the fact that people who create negativity in the world very often suffer far more themselves than they put on others. But I struggle in truly believing this.
This doesn’t mean I haven’t forgiven, or at least gotten to something really close in my life. We all know that if you’re still angry, if you still have that energy then the pain still owns you and therefore, the person that hurt you is still in control. Given my difficulty in getting to forgiveness, what I look for in life when I’m trying to heal is a lack of energy. When I no longer have energy around something, I feel I’m able to get to moving forward, perhaps not in the life actualization realm, but the issue and by connection the person are no longer controlling any part of my life. Perhaps what I get to is forgiveness light at some level.
The point I hope you pull from this discussion tonight isn’t all that complicated in theory. It’s important for us to clear our lives of the things that bring us down, effect our energy and mood and therefore diminish our happiness. We have to work through the processes needed to rectify these situations. Sometimes this means self-reflection, sometimes it means counseling, sometimes it means cutting the person or situation out of your life. Whatever you have to do, the most important thing of course, is to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know that you’re working on getting better, getting healthier and having better days. ~ Rev Kane
The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever. ~ Jacques Yves Cousteau
So, I have been doing a bit of a farewell California tour the last couple of months. Preparing for my move in February and my subsequent Appalachian Trail hike. If you want to read more about my last hike, my book Appalachian Trail Happiness is on sale on Amazon. Hopefully the next trip will provide me with enough adventures and stories to do another book.
Appalachian Trail Happiness
This past weekend my apartment complex was doing some repair work on our parking lot so I decided to split Thursday night and head to Monterey for the weekend. Returning to where I started my California Community College career back in 2002. After having visited in 1988 I fell in love with Monterey and promised myself I’d live there someday, that day came in 2002. I really loved my time in the area, living and working in Salinas. The students I had in the MESA program at Hartnell were the best students I’d ever worked with and I had a lot of success at that college including winning a national award.
Living in the Monterey Bay area was fantastic, I love Pacific Grove, the bay, Elkhorn Slough and the Monterey Bay Aquarium is one of my favorite places. I got to spend a lot of time near and on the ocean while living there. It’s one of the more specific natural environments on Earth.
Whale watching was also really easy to access and I did a whale-watch this past weekend. It was a great day, we saw over 30 humpback whales, dozens of Risso Dolphins, Pacific Whiteside Dolphins and even a really rare bird, the Black-footed Albatross. It was wonderful and I got this video of a forty foot humpback whale doing a full-body breach.
It’s nice to visit old places as long as you don’t get too mired in nostalgia. I did the whale-watch, walked around, ate lots of great seafood and generally was just happy to be in such an amazing place. No real wisdom tonight beyond reminding you to do things and go to places that feed your sale and give you happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane
Yoga is the settling of the mind into silence. When the mind has settled, we are established in our essential nature, which is unbounded Consciousness. Our essential nature is usually overshadowed by the activity of the mind. ~ Patanjali
Happiness on a bed of nails?
Like many other humans who have a job done primarily at a desk, I keep my tension in my upper back and shoulders. I also don’t have great posture, have never had great posture, if I had a dollar for every time I was told to stand up straight…
The last couple of weeks my back has been particular bad. I spent a little too much time laying on the couch, it puts my back at an awkward angle and doesn’t allow it too relax. I know this, but it’s comfortable in the moment and I’m a lazy man. So my back has been a complete mess. I haven’t found a good massage therapist where I live and the nearest good one I know of, is too far to travel to unfortunately.
So I’ve been doing what I normally do, stretching, flexing my back on a device I own and doing self massage using a tennis ball against the door. All of this helps, as well as staying off the couch. So my back was getting incrementally better. Of course my back hurt and that’s the time you see every chirp wheel, yoga routine and back stretching ad. I’ve also been inundated with ads for Shakti mats and I’ve had a friend recommend this to me as a way to help me get better sleep.
Now if you don’t know what a Shakti Mat is, technically it’s an acupressure mat, but when you take a look at them, they are in fact a minor torture device. I stuck my hand on one of the tines the second I unpacked it and it hurt like hell. They tell you with the mat that it will promote better circulation and relaxation in your back, that sounded great. They also tell you that the first forty seconds will be intense. So I initially laid on it with a t-shirt on but I could tell it was dulling the effect too much. So, I took my shirt off, and the first forty seconds is fucking intense! The swearing is required to truly represent the intensity. You do get used to it, during the first forty seconds that doesn’t seem possible. I expected not to last the recommended twenty minutes and set my phone alarm for six minutes. I made the alarm at six minutes and then extended out and did the full twenty minutes. You can’t move around, as soon as you do it sets you back to the first forty second feeling again.
They describe a range of changes you’ll go through as you lay on the mat, from pain to prickly, to your back feeling really hot, to relaxation. I didn’t expressly feel all those stages, but remarkably after a couple of minutes it actually is quite comfortable. So I’ve been tracking my progress.
Day 1 – Learned a lot the first day, needed to change around my set up a bit, but surprisingly it was relaxing. Although I’m doing it on my bed which is supposed to make it less intense.
Day 2 – The set up is now solid and I’ve added listening to a twenty minute sleep meditation on YouTube, not sure how much it’s helping my back muscles in addition to my normal routine, but it’s definitely a good way to relax and get back into meditating each night.
Day 3 – It felt a bit routine tonight, didn’t change the set up at all and I say routine, once the initial period passed. Laying down on the mat honestly doesn’t get any easier and getting up off of the mat is just as painful but happily briefly so.
Day 4 – Skipped the mat tonight, totally exhausted when I went to bed.
Day 5 – I’m enjoying the 20 minute guided sleep meditation I added to the practice, both as a timer and as a way to help keep me focused on my breath, it’s very relaxing.
Day 6 – Same as day 5, tried a different sleep meditation tonight, not as good, will go back to the one I’ve been using.
Day 7 – Stayed up way too late, really tired, skipped the mat tonight.
Seven day update, I can say that there is some benefit for sure in terms of sleep. I’m actually falling a sleep more quickly and feel like I’m sleeping more deeply. Still up two to three times a night but that’s more of a prostate/blood sugar issue.
Day 8 – Decided to up my game a little, have put the mat down on my meditation rug, directly on the floor and laid down on it tonight. Definitely much more intense, had I started on the floor I’m not sure I would have lasted the full 20 minutes early on. The initial intensity and yes, read that as pain, was higher, to the point I actively felt my body tensing against it and had to force my shoulders and legs to relax. Once the first minute or so had passed however, it was a very similar experience. What has shown up after is that I can feel the effects of the pressure much longer after getting off the mat. But damn, I need to learn how to levitate off the mat, getting off, after finally feeling good and relaxed sucks.
Day 9 – 11 Quick trip to New York so I wasn’t using the mat.
Day 12 – Was a little worried about returning to the mat after a few days off, but except for the first minute, it was sailing through my breathing and meditation as always.
Day 13 – Honestly it’s getting to be a bit routine, other than the first minute and getting off the mat which still and I think will always suck.
Day 14 – In addition to the mat each night I do self massage against a door using a tennis ball. I do this primarily to work on the muscles around my shoulder blades which are always tight for me. My old massage therapist and I used to jokingly call them my angel wing knots, teasing that this is the base where I lost my angel wings. This is of course, up for debate. What I’ve noticed is that these knots have been consistently smaller and less tight than normal. I have to feel that the shakti mat has had something to do with this.
So my recommendation is that if you’re having tension issues with your back, the shakti mat is worth a try. Of course I also believe the benefits both to my back and sleep are related to both the mat and the twenty minute meditation that goes with it as there are well-documented benefits to consistent meditation.
So my friends, lay down on a bed of a nails, it makes for happier nights, you know, except for the first and last minute. ~ Rev Kane
1955: Mike Costello, otherwise known as Blondini or the White Yogi, lying on a bed of nails whilst balancing a woman on his chest. (Photo by Reg Coote/BIPs/Getty Images)
Surprise is the greatest gift which life can grant us. ~ Boris Pasternak
A Happy Surprise
Mostly because big brother lives 3500 miles away, my mother rarely has her three children together at any one time. Last weekend my brother, sister-in-law and three children decided to take the train up from NYC to see my mom. My sister who lives locally was going to join them for lunch in the town I grew up in. I was included on all of the group texts between everyone including my aunt, Mother and my father. Within the group text my brother happened to screen shot the train his family was taking upstate. This planted a seed of an idea in my head. The seed began to grow and realizing my parents and aunt are all in their eighties, who knows if this group will ever be together again. So the seed of an idea bloomed into a full plan.
I booked a flight east on Saturday, booked a room in Time Square, and bought a ticket for the same train my brother’s family would be taking the next morning. I was in a room in Manhattan when I made my weekly call to my mother, I was laughing as she was asking me about the weather in San Francisco and what I was up to for the day. I even liked a post made by my family’s bakery that I could smell the baking from here, here of course was the next borough over, not across the country.
A giant Memorial Day hot dog in Time Square
So Sunday morning I headed down to Penn Station to ambush my brother’s family. But as the boarding call was made I hadn’t found them so I needed to board the train. Sitting on the train I figured I’d text my brother once the train was rolling and find them then. At about this time I see my brother coming down the car carrying my littlest niece. I leaned into the aisle, “can I help you sir?” The look on his face was amazing, it was somewhere between recognition and confusion. I was wearing a mask and pulled it aside and watched his and my niece’s eyes go wide and he asked, “what are you doing here?” It was a wonderful surprised and I sat with my littlest niece and littlest nephew on the two-hour train ride. My niece never stopped talking. I loved it, but man can that kid talk.
Arriving in my old hometown, Hudson, NY I waited and exited the train from a different exit than my brother’s family. Coming toward the station a couple of minutes behind them, I suddenly heard my sister exclaim, “Oh my god, it’s Uncle Mike!” Everyone was incredibly shocked, I enjoyed the disbelief on their faces as people said hello and hugged me.
We even brought in my aunt the Mother Superior
We spent the day walking the city, including walking back through the old hood where I grew up. I played tour guide for my brother’s family and then fourteen of us had lunch together, followed by ice cream. Wrapped the day by walking my brother’s family back to the train. I spent the night in town and caught breakfast with some of the family the next morning before boarding my own train back to Penn Station.
My brother and I in front of the house we grew up in, I hate how I look in this photo
It was a whirlwind tour, three hotels, two 6AM flights, two Amtrak rides, two Long Island Railroad rides and a couple of JFK Airtrain rides all over three days. An upgrade made one leg business class and the other first class so at least the flights were comfortable.
All in all it was a very happy surprise, and of course, there was a lot of pizza.
Surprises are wonderful, I’ve always felt people don’t create enough surprises, but they make for happy days my friends. ~ Rev Kane
I’ve been writing this blog for fourteen years now. Over that time I’ve talked about so many aspects of happiness. Some of the things I’ve talked about are on the positive and easy side, even if the act itself isn’t that easy. But things like the basics, getting enough sleep, eating right, exercising and having a safe environment take work but don’t cost much.
There are harder things that we’ve discussed over the years. Things like making major life changes because you’re on the wrong path, fighting addiction and working a recovery program. Perhaps the hardest thing that we have talked about is cutting people out of your life who constantly drain you of your happiness. It’s hard when these people are “friends”, but so much harder when these people are family, particularly when your culture teaches you that you are eternally obligated to your family. Sometimes the cost of happiness can not just be be high, but too high.
The Paulo Coehlo quote I used as this weeks image really hit me because of something that recently happened at work. Our district has a very interesting human resources policy, that policy says that if the work is at the same level, you can be given an unlimited amount of additional work at that level and you are entitled to no additional pay. In fact, often as a dean in charge of a division, our district will assign a second full division to a dean’s responsibility for up to a year. During the pandemic I was given an additional full assignment for fourteen months with no additional compensation, hell, without even a thank you.
Given that the average number of hours a dean works in our district is about 50 hours a week, this means that essentially we are being assigned the equivalent of 100 hours of week with no additional pay. Now, even if you account for some kind of economy of scale, and if you say naively that dean’s only work their normal schedule of 37.5 hours per week, discounting the second job by thirty percent, we are still being asked to work 60 hours a week for 37.5 hours of pay. Our jobs are incredibly stressful, we are the prototypical middle managers with all of the responsibility and almost no authority. Our job is intense people management, I have a ridiculous number of people who are direct reports, in my current position, over seventy. Stress levels amongst my colleagues are insanely high.
Recently, due in large part to our college not doing any kind of transition planning, I was asked to take another division. This was the moment that Paulo Coehlo’s quote came to me. I literally do not have the right to refuse this additional assignment. So I took another path and told my boss that I would take it on, but I would not work more than my contracted 37.5 hours per week, and whatever didn’t get done, didn’t get done. It was then my boss backed off to suggest I’d only have to cover half the job, I reiterated my position and was told they would think about it and get back to me.
Here’s the reality and the lesson for tonight. If the cost of anything is your happiness or peace, it’s not worth it. Taking this extra position is a benefit for the college. I have more knowledge about the work than anyone else on campus, plus the district would be getting two jobs done for one salary, a savings in salary and benefits of over $300K per annum. So effectively a $25K per month savings, of which they are not willing to compensate me a penny. Of course, if I were to fully engage in both jobs, it would mean several months of me working 70 – 80 hours per week. This of course would mean a huge negative impact on my health. Working that much and adding a ton of extra stress to my life means I’ll end up eating worse, exercising less, both of which will impact my sleep. The cumulative impact of this on my particular health means higher blood pressure which impacts my aortic aneurysm, it makes it harder to manage my blood sugar, both quite frankly that lead me to an earlier death. And this doesn’t even address the potential mental health impacts of the additional stress, and less downtime. This reality makes it easy for me to take the position I took.
But often, people are in a position where the impacts are not so clear and obvious, but still as severe. They just don’t see the impacts because they are further down the road and less immediate. But other impacts can include less time with family and friends, could even negatively impact the size of your social circle and number of social interactions. All of which negatively impact your happiness.
So the question we need to ask, when people are asking us for something, favors, time, or more work, is whether or not the cost in time in our precious life and the cost to our peace and/or happiness, is worth what is being asked of us. If it’s not, then we all need to do a better job of learning how to say no and prioritizing our peace and happiness over acquiescing to the needs and desires of others. Learning to do this will bring you happier days my friends, I promise you it will. ~ Rev Kane
Everyone has a right to their own opinion about me, and that’s fine. I’m just going to keep being myself and living my life. That’s all I can do. ~ Dan Bilzerian
Rev Kane Reminders: Where to find me
Hello friends.
Periodically I like to drop a post to remind everyone of where my writings can be found, where you can buy my books and any other relevant info I have to share.
Social Media
Twitter: @ministryofhappy
Instagram: @michael_rev_kane
Threads: @michael_rev_kane
Blogs
Ministry of Happiness – weekly blog since 2010 reflecting on life, life’s challenges and how we can live a happier life. Site also features a page with my pizza place reviews.
Higher Ed Mentor – blog that I don’t write regularly enough on around the topics of being a higher education administrator. Next year this will also be the home site for my consulting business where I will be offering coaching and mentoring services for higher education professionals.
Alien Bluebook – a site I developed for fun to get some experience working with Artificial Intelligence, posts about everything related to aliens, UAP/UFOs with a side order of Bigfoot just for fun.
Forgiveness isn’t just the absence of anger. I think it’s also the presence of self-love, when you actually begin to value yourself. ~ Tara Westover
Renew your commitment to self-care
I was fortunate last week to be asked to present on an Association of California Community College Administrators (ACCCA) professional webinar on self –care. My co-presenter was Nan Ho and I think we complimented each other well in the seminar.
The seminar was focused around the idea of how people can practice self-care as well as strategies for creating a better work/life balance. It was well attended and well received, I think you’ll enjoy it.
The link below takes you to the seminar page, scroll down to Renew your commitment to self-care, and put in the passcode below at the video site to access and play the video, and have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane
The Ministry of Happiness 