Life is Hard, But We Keep Moving

Life is Hard, But We Keep Moving

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We don’t develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. ~ Barbara de Angelis

A warm winter in some ways seems like a blessing, an escape and/or temporary reprieve from the ice and snow.  But this winter has seen it’s share of hard times for my family and friends.  The butcher’s bill has included the death of my Granny and my Great Aunt Catherine.  This has made the holidays tough for the family, both women were feisty women, one a hillbilly, the other the prototypical Irish mother and both lived into their 90’s.  I wrote a couple of pieces about my granny when she died as well as a resource piece on overcoming loss:

Life Lessons from Granny

Happiness is my Granny

Happiness Resources: Overcoming Loss

02I have another friend who is struggling through a divorce and I’ve watched this dance before.  No matter how amicable people try to be in the process, the inevitable pain and hurt involved spills out.  I’m far too familiar with divorce, it has been an ever-present companion in my life, one I would have happily done without.

01My friends and their friends have not been spared either.  An old friend and fellow blogger has also just written a really amazing piece about moving forward with cancer.  She’s a two-time survivor of cancer and a really wonderful person and as the title of the piece says, In A Blink of an Eye, Everything Changes check it out, it’s a great piece and definitely worth the short-time to read it.

I’ve had my own emotional struggles in the last month and I’m happy to say I’m doing much better with my own issues.  Things really can turn on a dime just from getting the right information or word at the right time.

03But tonight’s piece is not a downer, tonight’s piece is about hope.  The fact is things can get better, not by ignoring what’s happening, but by facing, accepting and working through the adversity you are facing.

05We get stronger through overcoming adversity, I wish it wasn’t true but it is, but there is good news within that reality.  The good news is that you can overcome the bad things that happen in your life and you’ll be more ready for what comes next.  My biggest advice is that you never try to take on these things alone, I operated that way for a good part of my life, it was a mistake.  There are people who will listen to you, help you, give you a shoulder to cry on, and ear to listen to your troubles.  Often, you find out in these times who the best people in your life really are.  At one point in my life, at one of these times, I would come to realize that my friend Kara, was a saint and one of the best people I know.  The more clouds that exist, the more opportunities there are for silver linings.

Here’s a short and excellent piece from essentiallifeskills.net, Tips for Overcoming Adversity.  The advice in the piece is really solid and I think reinforces some of what I’ve said above.  One of my favorite quotes is that it’s always better in the end, if it’s not better, it’s not the end.  Keep fighting through my friends, and have a happy day. ~ Rev Kane

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Happiness is Candy

Happiness is Candy

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So I’m back in Harpers Ferry as I get ready to walk back to New York on the Appalachian Trail.  My absolute favorite thing in this town is the True Treats candy shop created and run by Susan Benjamin.

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The reason I love this place so much is that it is the perfect fusion of sugar, nostalgia and education. In the shop you can find candy of all types, including the candy of your childhood.

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Or your parent’s

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The candy is separated by decade and even by century. But what I find neatest about the shop is the education, either by Susan, her lovely staff:

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The history of candy is ever on display and utterly fascinating.  There are even historical candy packs that allow you to taste how say licorice has changed through the ages. Of course including a little scroll with the candy’s history.

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Here are a couple of other images from the shop, and Susan is coming out with a new book and expanding her web presence this fall so stay tuned.  Having a really happy day – Rev Kane

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How to be Happy Everyday

How to be Happy Everyday

27Every Sunday morning I start out the day wondering what I will do for my Sunday night post.  I try to make these more reflective, a little more focused on my everyday life.  I try to eat fairly low-carb, a result of having inherited some blood sugar issues and having a small addiction to Coca-Cola.  So I watch what I eat and usually don’t eat cereal but occasionally I get a craving for fruit and cereal and buy a box.  I am particularly fond of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but there’s a trick to this, like many cereals.  You see, you have to soak it in milk long enough to slough off enough cinnamon to form the cinnamilk at the end, but not so long as to lose the crunchiness of the cereal.  As I was admiring the fact that I had pulled off that delicate balance this morning, it hit me that I had my post for tonight.  Appreciating the small things.

26You see we can talk all we want about the big changes in life that will make us happier.  Those things are legitimate and what you should strive for in the end.  But what can you do to be happier along the way.  Recently a study identified gratitude as the single most important factor in happiness.  Whether or not that is true, it certainly is one of the key things that makes people happier.  Long-term happiness is typically most closely associated with strong ties to family (biological or selected) and friends.

For tonight I want to talk about gratitude.  We need to be grateful for the things we have in our life that make us happy, the small as well as the big.  Sure we are grateful for family, friends, good health, the money, food and shelter that has been provided for us.  But if you want to be consistently happy you have to do two things.  First, you have to remember that your attitude, how you choose to react to things, determines most of your happiness.  The second is to appreciate all of the little things around us that bring us happiness.  A beautiful blue sky, a partridge running across the yard, a magnificent sunset or maybe the roses in your garden.

25I often see in November people post 30 days of being grateful to their Facebook pages, that’s great, but if you only have that level of gratitude in November, well then it’s sort of like a fad diet.  You make yourself happier for a time but then lose those gains when you stop.  What I’d rather see people do is a gratitude Monday once a week, that way at least gratitude would stay on your mind year-round.  Maybe I’ll start doing a post on gratitude once a week.

So tonight my friends, be grateful for what you have, remember the little things that make you smile and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Happiness and the Benefits of Gratitude

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Happiness is a Choice

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Happiness and Cycles

Happiness and Cycles

Taoism, happiness, cycles

Taoism, happiness and cycles

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.  ~ Lao Tzu

Taoist philosophy says that the wise never get too excited when things go really well, they understand that nothing is forever and so even at the zenith of happiness, they prepare for sadness.  These cycles even exist for happiness.  This may seem unfortunate, that at the happiest point that you should prepare for sadness.  However the perspective has a better look when you consider the flipside.  The wise also understand that bad times likewise are not permanent, so even at your saddest, at your worst; you should begin preparing to be your best and happiest self.

Philosophy is a wonderful thing, an intellectual exercise that is fun to play with, however the only philosophy worth anything is that philosophy which can truly improve our lives or expand our minds.  I’m writing tonight because it has been this very philosophy I’ve been dealing with lately.  Things haven’t been so good for the last couple of weeks, a good friend of mine seems to have disappeared from my life, another friend was diagnosed with breast cancer, work has seemed a bit more pointless than usual and the plans I have to improve things have seemed further away then they usually do.

But in reading my daily meditations I came across the idea I discussed above and I was patient.  Not passive, I did what I always do when things go south and my mood starts to dip.  First, the essentials, good food, exercise and get enough sleep.  Then of course preparing for things to get better.  For the last three weeks things have seemed pretty dismal, but in the span of a few days things have turned.  My friends illness may not be as bad as previously thought, she’s recovering well from her surgery.  Some opportunities have presented themselves and my plans again don’t feel so far away or as unachievable as they once did.  Even at their worst, things will get better these are the cycles of happiness.  Remember this and remember to have a happy day my friends.  ~ Rev Kane

Other Posts on Happiness!

TED Talks on Happiness

Acceptance, Patience and Persistence

Happiness can be a Rollercoaster

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Fun and Funny Posts

Fun and Funny Posts

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Kids explain Santa & Christmas

Fun Internet Memes

The Onion & The Oatmeal

Funny Kid Pictures

Happiness is Laughter: Funny Signs

Happiness is Star Wars

Amazing Festivals for your Bucket List

Funny Baby Images

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Happiness Resources: DIY Happiness

Happiness Resources: DIY Happiness

Maybe the truth is, there’s a little bit of loser in all of us. Being happy isn’t having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it’s about stringing together all the little things. ~ Ann Brashares

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A quick tour around the web and a bit of a focus DIY happiness, sites with specific tips on what to do to have happier days my friends ~ Rev Kane

How to be happy, tips for cultivating happiness from the Mayo Clinic

How to be happy, 11 steps you can take to be happier from WikiHow

The habits of supremely happy people from the Huffington Post, a really detailed and interesting piece

Six unconvential scientific ways to be happier from LifeHacker

Also from LifeHacker, Want to be happier, stop doing these things now!

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Our Best Happiness Resources Posts

Our Best Happiness Resources Posts

happy 9Tonight a collection of our best Happiness Resources posts, enjoy and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

 

Resources to Boost Your Mood

On Being More Mindful

Resources for Overcoming Loss

The Power of Hugs

How to be Happy

Habits for Happiness

Resources on Meditation

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Happiness and Passion

Happiness and Passion

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. ~Harriet Tubman

I have hit a certain point in my life that calls for reflection, you see I’ve been relatively successful.  I have achieved many of the things in my life I had hoped to achieve, in some ways I’ve exceeded rational expectations for someone coming from my beginnings.  I have a good career, respect, I’ve traveled, I speak a couple of languages and have had a range of experiences that would make many people enviable.  I enter at this point in my life what many people would call middle age and it brings on a certain of level of contemplation.  You see at this point in life you have a history, you have made mistakes, but more importantly you have made lots and lots of decisions.  All decisions have consequences and once you have enough time, you can see what the consequences of those decisions have wrought.

At this age you begin thinking about purpose and mortality, you delve into a strong mixture of fear and a need for seeing a purpose to your life.  Within the depths of this I completely and totally understand the two outcomes, the two paths that lay open to me in life.  Those paths are either hedonism or significance.  The first path is the cliché of the mid-life crisis, the stereotypical chasing of material things and pleasures.  There is a pointlessness you can find in life if you look hard enough and a hedonistic response does not seem unreasonable facing that reality.

However, if you take a look beyond yourself, use a wider lens if you will, think about a longer timeline, I don’t thing hedonism is the answer.  You see either path calls for passion and passion spent on hedonism has always felt more than a little empty to me, I took that train in my twenties, I didn’t like where it went.  So it’s time for passion in the pursuit of significance and for many people this is an easy call, they pour their passion into their children.  Raising their children becomes the passionate pursuit for significance in their life and quite a worthy one in my opinion.

So my question tonight, and for me, at this time in my life as someone without children, is where to put my passion?  So my question for you tonight my friends is the same, what is your passion and how is it directed, find that and happiness won’t be too far behind.  As always, have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Some Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Our Best Happiness Posts for 2015

Revisiting Some of Our Best Posts & Pictures

Readers Favorite Appalachian Trail Posts

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What is your Calling?

What is your Calling?

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Lonely desert highway

Career is what you are paid for. Callings is what you are made for?                   ~ Ed Young

What do you want to be when you grow up?

One of the questions people are most familiar with is, what do you want to be when you grow up? I really don’t like this question, I circumvent it with a really easy answer, I’m not planning to grow up?  Now as flippant an answer there is, there is some underlying wisdom that I accidentally stumbled upon.  You see, it is in childhood that we are able to get lost in something we love.  Remembering playing as a kid I can remember hours playing sports, building dams on streams, playing with toys in my room or just walking in the woods.

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Dramatic skies in the Mojave Desert

I’ve worked in education for over 25 years and a lot of that time I’ve worked with students in helping them find their way to a major and direction in college.  One of the ways we first try to help students do this is by asking them what they are interested in.  One way to do that is to think about the types of things you do where you lose track of time.  So if you can lose track of time while drawing and painting for hours a career in the arts might be something you’ll enjoy.

For students, honestly, the process isn’t that hard.  You establish what they like, you find out what their aptitudes are and those two pieces of information really narrows down the possibilities.  You can’t  be an engineer if you’re terrible at and dislike math, no matter how much you like building and designing things.  But you might be a great construction worker, welder or project manager.  So after narrowing the field, a student can explore a bit by taking classes or other activities and come to a pretty solid decision on where their career will start.  We also recognize that people will change jobs multiple times over their lifetime.

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Floating lights

Making a change in life

The tougher job is of course when you’re trying to help someone in their 30’s, 40’s or 50’s find their way.  Even harder when the person you’re trying to help is looking back at you in the mirror. As we get older we all accumulate obligations, our decisions have a tendency to impact more than just ourselves, we have debts.  All of our obligations make the process of pursuing our calling that much harder even when we can identify that calling.  It can still be done, it just takes a lot more planning, work and negotiation with those whose lives we’re intertwined with and of course patience.

Finding your calling

I’m in the midst of all of this myself.  This week while on a business trip I was working with a company that has a software package that helps students identify their calling.  While talking to one of their people about my adventures over the last couple of years he said, “you’ve found your calling.”  He was referring of course to traveling, writing, photographing and speaking about my adventures.  Without a doubt this is my calling.

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The PCT as it leaves the deserts and enters the Sierras

If I were in my 20’s its an easy call, flat-out jump in with both feet.  Of course I’m in my 50’s, I have a significant student loan debt ($800/month) and then there’s retirement looming.  I have a good life, a good job, I make good money, I have health insurance and if I put enough time into my retirement system I’ll have a decent pension.  My job is ok, I like what I do, but the question, in such a short life, do I wake up in the morning excited to go to work, no.  It is a job, a good one, but a job.  Would I be excited to get up everyday to hike, and cycle, to write and photograph what I do, to go out and be a speaker to help motivate people to make positive change in their life, absolutely.

Retirement Planning

The retirement issue is probably my largest obstacle, I wasn’t in a position early on to start saving for retirement the way I should have, and worse, not wise enough to do the minimum that would have absolutely paid dividends through the miracle of compound interest.  But that didn’t happen, so you make the best of where you are and that is the first step, having a positive attitude.

So I do what I can, it’s partially the reason I take significant time off every 5 years.  My book is being edited and will hopefully be published before the end of the year.  I have a couple of speaking engagements lined up and plans for a couple of other books that I’m already working on.  I look forward to my next leave in about three years and try to find ways to the things I love in between.  Of course I’m always looking for a crack, a way to make a significant change that will work and that hope is part of what sustains me day-to-day.

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Light festival in Spokane

So that’s the process my friends, for those of us who are older and more obligated.  Find your calling, and start to develop a path.  Find incremental ways to test the waters and to feed your soul.  Plan for the time you can jump full-time but always be on the look out for that lucky break, if you get that shot and you’ve been planning, it’s that much more likely to be successful.  Finally, be prepared to be a little bit fearless, life is short and the last thing anyone wants to do, is to be laying on their deathbed regretting never have taken their shot.  So feed your soul, plan, be positive, be fearless and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Happiness and the Benefits of Gratitude

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Happiness is a Choice

Writing Away the Darkness

 

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We are all damaged, but we can be happy!

We are all damaged, but we can be happy!

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Defensiveness is usually someone silently screaming that they need you to value and respect them in disguise. When you look for deeper meanings behind someone’s pain you can then begin to heal not only yourself, but others. ~ Shannon L Alders

It is funny how often ideas come to me while driving, and while on the way to the gym today something hit me. I was thinking about a past relationship and how what I really couldn’t get past in the relationship was her damage. She was a great girl, but in her life she had been hurt too many times by other men. This manifested in ways that I could not accept, that kept us from being at peace in our relationship. This is not blame, only recognition; I have plenty of damage of my own. For me, I’ve been somewhat slow in my emotional growth and as a loner I have a hard time bonding with others. Add to that terrible timing in my relationships and for a very long time an inability to be fully open or trusting and you might not be surprised to know I’m not married. However to be fair, being married has never been a significant goal of mine, if it happens that would be great, but I won’t do it unless it truly feels right.

We are all damaged, the real trick is to understand and know ourselves well enough to know how we are damaged. Some of us can do this work on our own, some of us need counseling or other help to understand these issues. Once you know where and how you are damaged, that’s when the work begins because you have to work to fix these things. I’ve done a lot of work over the years, a lot of my damage has been repaired. Many of the things that doomed my previous relationships have been dealt with to my satisfaction but I’m still working and still on the path.

So my friends the keys are to know yourself, do your work and also try to be as accepting as you can be of the damage that exists in others. We are all in this together and forgiveness and acceptance are powerful acts. So understand, work, accept, forgive and have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

 

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