Christmas isn’t a season, it’s a feeling. ~ Edna Ferber
Merry Freakin Christmas
So the image above is a perfect image to represent how I feel about Christmas. First, I really don’t like Christmas, this is old territory for long-time blog readers and I apologize for the retread ground. Basically, Christmas for me, is like Christmas for Phoebe Cates’ character in Gremlins. The one where she talks about her father disappearing on Christmas, only to find out that he got stuck in the chimney playing Santa and they found his body a couple of days later. Kind of wrecked the holiday for her. Mine, not so dramatic, but I have honestly had few good Christmases. The root of it for me is this, Christmas is built up as this ideal in your head as a child. Big tree with lights, lots of presents, happy family around the table for Christmas dinner, you know, Hallmark Family Christmas. And of course it always snows Christmas Day.
But like the reality of snow, on TV it’s all pretty fluffy white, but in reality, it’s wet and heavy and shoveling snow is a ton of work. It’s a great way to pull out your back or have a heart attack. Then in a couple of days it’s muddy, nasty slush, mixed with road salt and dog urine. I get that almost no one has the Hallmark Family Christmas, and maybe that image of Christmas was the death of my optimism, the birth of my cynical nature. as I didn’t get the presents I asked for, as I watched drunken family fight and tumble Christmas trees and storm out of Christmas dinner. Christmas for me long ago became the lonely season.
It is the time of year I feel more disconnected from everyone than any other time of year. The early, long, cold dark nights don’t help at all. It’s especially bad if I’m back in upstate New York where I grew up. Driving around there feels like the deepest, darkest cold I can imagine, almost like being alone in outer space, it’s devastating for my psyche. Ironically, I love giving gifts, love making the effort to give someone a gift they truly love, that shows that they mean something to me. Unfortunately, that rarely happens for me. So the holiday is always a mixed bag.
And it’s why the picture above is so perfect for me. The Grinch for the obvious reasons, given my feelings for the holiday I’ve been called a Grinch more than once and it’s a representation I wear well. The other character, if you don’t know, Yukon Cornelius! My favorite character, from my favorite Christmas show, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Even as a little kid, a story full of misfits who hang out with bigfoot (the Bumble) and save the day resonated with me. The Island of Misfit Toys was where I wanted to live because frankly I always knew I was one of them. And Yukon Cornelius cracks me up, I love that character. And, honestly one of my first really great dates as a freshman in college included watching Rudolph, peppermint schnapps and a really amazing peppermint kiss. I often wonder where Kari Lodico is these days, and god I hope she’s well.
During my 20’s and 30’s, my near clinical depression period, Christmas was horrible. It wasn’t until I really figured out how to make Christmas work for me, that it became tolerable. Now, I retreat and embrace my solitary and nomadic nature. I typically retreat to the desert, the last decade or so it’s been the Mojave. Nice warm, sunny, if unfortunately short days, and dark cold nights with skies full of stars above a campfire. I sleep amazingly well in the desert, wake up early, and where I go now, usually to a herd of bighorn sheep walking through my camp. I can avoid people, hike naked in the desert, nap in my hammock in the sun and just be…
This year has been brutal, I haven’t had a vacation in over a year. This year I went through open-heart surgery, my former boss trying to get me fired, my mother’s multiple illnesses and eventual passing last week. It’s been a stressful year like no other and I need some damn downtime. I need to just let go for a bit and be off the grid, I’m looking forward to it like no other year.
The thing is, I know I’m not alone in the way I feel about Christmas. Many, many people suffer this time of year, many more people are alone this time of year than you realize. Many are caught between the desire to be with others and feeling like they just don’t fit when they are, and feel worse with them, than without. So be kind my friends, not because it’s the holiday, but be kind because this time of year so many people are struggling and could use just a little extra grace. So be kind, give them grace and everyone can have happier days. ~ Rev Kane
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. ~ Norman Cousins
Sometimes you just go numb
The last two years have been hard. I went from being in a place where I had a planned retirement date, I had a post retirement plan, I was still traveling a little bit, sure my job was killing me, but there was an end date, and I’ve always said you can handle almost anything if you know when it’s going to end.
Then things kind of went upside down. Not Stranger Things upside down, but upside down none-the-less. First, my heart surgery that I thought would be a couple of years off suddenly wasn’t. Then it bounced from on again, off again, on again to delayed and finally to happening. So that meant a year delay in all of my plans, but I could start moving again this fall. So I was just starting to get things moving again and my mom’s illness took a pretty nasty turn, more about this in my last post, Happiness and Loss. So things went on hold again and my mom has passed now, but it’s the holidays and I need to be moving to a job after I retire in order to have insurance, given the horrid state of insurance coverage in this country. And in terms of the higher education hiring cycle November to mid-January is the absolute slowest hiring time of the year. And given issues with the federal government and it’s impact on higher education right now that has tamped down hiring even more than usual.
So the overwhelming thing that I’ve been dealing with is this feeling that I’m stuck in limbo. I’m not happy in my current life situation and I know how to change and improve it, but things just keep sticking me in amber until I can’t move.
The quote at the start of the piece is really meaningful to me, I’m looking at where I currently am, right at this moment as the end of the last chapter. Well, at least after next week when I have my six month post-surgery appointment with my cardiologist. The good news is that she’s already emailed me to tell me the results of all the tests look good, so I believe I’m rightfully optimistic it’s a clean appointment.
So, as I’m resolving my mom’s estate and moving forward with my heart health, it’s time to turn a page.
This is something at times we all have to do, I’ve done it a number of times already. My first chapter was my twisted childhood. Chapter two was leaving for college and becoming an alcoholic and and addict. Chapter three was recovery and depression. Chapter four was adventure and healing. Chapter five was COVID and limbo. Let’s hope Chapter six will be the flight of the Phoenix.
Starting over is never easy, but honestly, it’s always resulted in moving forward. I’ve focused a lot in the past in helping, leading and taking care of others. My sixth and likely final chapter needs to be a bit more selfish. It has to be this way, because at the end of the day we’re always alone, always the only one responsible for our own happiness. Achieving it, often requires hard work and sacrifice, but is almost always worth the effort.
On to Chapter six and no longer feeling numb. ~ Rev Kane
Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life. ~ Anne Roiphe
Happiness and Loss
So, if you’re a regular reader of this blog, first off thank you, you likely have noticed that the posts haven’t been as regular as they usually are lately. For the last few months my mother has been fighting a battle with cancer. Actually, it was her third battle with cancer. She’d asked us not to be public at all with the earlier fights, but over the last four years, she fought lung cancer twice, had a couple of small strokes and finally lost her battle when the cancer spread to her brain. My mother and I had an atypical relationship, in many ways, at a very young age I became her emotional support. I’ve joked often that I’ve been an orphan (parentless) since 1971, even though I had two living parents. My mother did a great job of raising us as kids, she was tough as hell, worked hard as a single mom to make sure we had at least the bare essentials of life. There were times she fell short, sure, no one is perfect. But without her, I would not be where I am today. As such, I swore my mother would never want for anything, I believe I kept that promise. Happily, my mother retained her personality up to the end, wasn’t in pain, and went rather quietly in her sleep.
Loss and grief are crazy things, they dance around and hit when you least expect it, and they hit in ways you don’t expect. But grief can also be a defining point to the end of one chapter in your life, and hopefully the start of a new and happier chapter, let’s hope so.
The header is the nice picture of my mom, I’ve included her obituary below and a picture of her showing her feisty nature, she flipped me off at her 83rd birthday party from her bed at the nursing home. The nicer picture, really maybe the best picture of my mother ever, was shot by my brother.
We are sad to announce the death of our mother, Harriett C Kane of Hudson, NY on December 5, 2025. She passed after a several year battle with cancer. Happily, throughout her extended illness she retained her feisty nature and sense of humor including flipping us the bird on her last birthday.
She was born November 9, 1942 near Cincinnati, OH to Leonard and Harriett Cordato (both now deceased) but lived the majority of her life in and around Hudson, NY. She was the oldest of four children and is survived by her sister Mary and brothers Tony and George.
She worked a number of jobs throughout her life including: as a clerk for the State of New York; several positions for the Grand Union supermarket chain; and as the clerk for the Hudson Police Department where, until her retirement she did her very best to keep the officers and chiefs she worked with in line. The officers of the department were a great comfort to her in retirement and in particular William Osuch who provided her with great support and friendship throughout her illness.
She is survived by William Kane, her former husband who she had a lifelong bond with and remained close with until her death. She was mother to and survived by three children and their spouses, Michael Kane, Maureen Zito (husband, Dino) and Mark Ho-Kane (wife, Doris) and step-mother to Lynn Clark. She was grandmother to six – Molly, Daniel, Mckayla, Ogden, Lucian and Djuna. In her final years, she was greatly supported by the extraordinary efforts of her daughter, Maureen, who was physically nearby to assist her, take her to appointments and provide loving and supportive care.
Per her wishes, there will be no services at this time. Given her lifelong love of animals, in lieu of flowers or cards please either donate to an animal charity of your choice or simply take a long walk in nature and think of her. Per her wishes the family will be spreading her ashes at a later date in a place she dearly loved, Cape Cod. The family wishes to thank the many people who called, sent cards and came to visit her during her illness, it was obvious she touched many people’s lives and will be dearly missed. We would also like to thank the staff at Pine Haven Home for the excellent care they provided during her last weeks.
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~ Aesop
Level Down Your Kindness
I’ve been quiet on here for a good reason, life has been complex and difficult recently. I was standing in the hall at school this past week and a faculty member I like mentioned he hadn’t seen me in a while and asked if everything was ok. Things most certainly are not ok right now and I proceeded to tell him what was going on with my parent’s health and the whole process of getting everything together as my mother goes through the end of her life. We talked for another minute and I entered the restroom nearby and as I did, a student who must of overheard our conversation came up to me and expressed his sympathy for what was happening with my family and wished me well. This student was an absolute stranger to me and what he did was very kind.
This interaction has had me thinking for days. First, on the level of how kind people can be when you’re going through something significant. Us humans are great at supporting each other when the big things happen. As my mother is dying, my father struggling, when I went through my open heart surgery six months ago, people have been great around all of these things.
The other thought I had though, was how that is completely at odds with how people are on a day to day basis. What I’ve observed over my life is that people seem to have become increasingly self-centered and nearly oblivious to the needs of others. So while it’s great that we are kind to each other when the big things happen, it’s time we all start to level down our kindness. Sure, at the upper level when things are significant we should be kind, but we need to level that down to the more ordinary day to day interactions in life as well. We need to be kinder to each other all of the time. A quote we all know:
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle ~ Ian MacLaren
The quote sums it up well and there will happier days for all of us if we can be just a little kinder to each other. ~ Rev Kane
If you’re out there can you touch me Can you see me I don’t know If you’re out there can you reach me And lay a flower in the snow
– Robbie Robertson, Fallen Angel
Isn’t the Garden Enough?
Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? ~ Douglas Adams
The Douglas Adams quote above feels particularly relevant to me right now. First, a side note on why I love Douglas Adams so much. He was an individual who was just weird enough, just at enough of a different angle from the the rest of us, that he was able to see us and our behavior in it’s truest form and then promptly, make complete fun of us. But he did it all in the most magnificent and imaginative way. If you have never read the Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy series, you are truly missing out on some of the most imaginatively original literature ever written.
Right now I’m spending a lot of time contemplating life, watching both of your parents decline, both likely soon to be gone, while being six months out from open heart surgery will do that to a boy. And I feel much like the whale from Hitchickers, the whale, snapped into existence, while falling from a great distance, only to work a bit of it out before it goes splat. That’s exactly how I feel right now, like that poor whale, figuring just a few things out, caught in the falling reality of inevitability and obligation and about to hit the ground and go splat!
I’d love to tell you that this situation has given me some sort of new perspective on life, that it’s allowed me as I careen toward the ground to figure things out, it hasn’t. My current situation has left me a zombie, sleep walking through obligation and becoming as numb to everything as I have ever been.
In this darkening fog I have only one piece of advice, the darker and the harder it becomes, the more important it is to bring light and happiness to others. A very simple example from my last week of what I’m talking about. My hotel was across the street from a Cracker Barrel restaurant. I had scanned the menu on line and decided what I wanted to have for dinner so I drove over. It was really cold in NY this last week and I’d decided on a steak and shrimp plate for dinner, but more than that I wanted a salad and I was really excited about a bowl of chicken soup with crackers. One of my absolutely comfort foods and after several days of bureaucracy, paperwork and dealing with my mother’s declining condition, I just wanted a comfortable meal. I went in, the waitress working my section was insanely busy and working hard. When she made her way to me I gave her my order and when I got to the chicken soup she said, “we don’t have it tonight.” I told her she just ruined my night, it was why I was there, and then I laughed and explained it was par for the course the way my week was going. She seemed truly sorry and when my meal came asked if there was anything else I needed and I asked for a couple of pats of butter for my potato. When she came out she dropped an entire bowl of butter pats on my table, giggled and I don’t know why but I found this hysterical and burst out laughing. I also realized in that moment that it was the first time that I laughed in days. I wanted to repay that little kindness and I tipped her $20 and thanked her for giving me a laugh.
The harder it gets for you, the nicer you should be to others. ~ Rev Kane
The real spiritual progress of the aspirant is measured by the extent to which he achieves inner tranquility. ~ Swami Sivananda
In the end, we hope for comfortand peace
At the end of our lives there is not much to hope for, gone is the physicality we counted on for so much of our life. If you live long enough, many of your friends have moved on before you. Your children if you have any, have moved on either geographically or with lives and likely children of their own. No one wants to die, it scares the hell out of all of us. For much of our lives we cling like hell to this existence like a tick on a hound. Watching someone make the transition from hanging on to letting go is difficult when it’s someone close to you.
In the end, what we hope for, for anyone, is that they come to terms with the end, that they in some way, can find peace and comfort in moving on. Not an easy thing for anyone to do but hopefully we all are able to get there and move on easily. I’m in this process right now and comfort and peace is all I can hope for, for them and all of us.
I’m tired, there’s a level of guilt in even having that thought, much less putting it in writing. At a time like this you want to be fully focused on the person going through the process of ending their life. But it is naive to think that there aren’t impacts that ripple out from this event like a rock landing in a pond. We beat ourselves up for considering ourselves and our own needs during these times, but that’s not right, or fair to ourselves. Like they say on the airplane, put your mask on first before you help others.
No matter what you may be dealing with right now, and we’re all dealing with something, never forget that it’s equally important to take care of yourself as well. ~ Rev Kane
Hope is being able to see that there is light, despite all of the darkness ~ Desmond Tutu
Hope and Happiness
I heard about a really interesting study while listening to NPR this morning, the study was about the impact of watching inspirational videos on stress and anxiety. The study was pretty straight forward, take five groups of people, have one look at standard social media, a group watching inspirational videos, a group doing no media, and a group meditating, all for five minutes at the beginning of their day. They did pre and post surveys on the level of anxiety people were feeling. It turned out that the group that watched the inspirational videos had considerably less stress. They described the videos as inspirational and underdog type of videos where people beat the odds or overcame obstacles. The group that did this had the same level of stress reduction as the meditation group. So I took two things out of this, one, it’s probably a good idea for all of us to focus at least some of of our social media time, and preferably at the start of your day on inspiring and hopeful content. Also, by starting your day searching for this type of content, you start to train the algorithm to give you more of that type of content on your feed.
Here’s a link to some inspirational stories to get you started:
Secondly, the benefits of meditation continue to stack up and be proven to be highly beneficial. I’ve written several previous posts on meditation including one on the benefits of meditation with resources. So starting a meditation program can really be beneficial and I really need to get back to mine.
Put a little hope and inspiration in your lives and you’ll have happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane
Right now I am trying to be in a place of calm, a place where I can chill out and then handle the chaos of life better. You don’t just get it overnight; you have to work at it. It’s a daily struggle. ~ Jackee Harry
Chasing Happiness in 2025
What a fucking year!
So tonight I’ll reveal some personal things that have been going on as well as things you already know about, but what a year. So, initially I was going to retire in February, but my October cardiac assessment showed I was likely going to need heart surgery this year. As you are all aware and if you’re a new reader go to the category link and click on the Rev Kane’s Wild Ride category, my most recent post was about my 90 days post surgery, I ended up scheduling my open heart surgery for August. Then some complications made me reconsider that date. First, the federal government was being completely unpredictable and honestly, I worried that the CEO of Kaiser could anger the president and it could impact their funding which could impact services. Secondly, my boss at the time obviously hated me and was actively trying to cause me problems. So, lack of stability in a lot of ways made me decide to move the date up to May. My surgery in May happily went well and my recovery, I’m a little over five months out now, is going well.
One of the things I haven’t talked about a lot was the mental toll the surgery took on me. It was of course stressful, amazingly stressful. In fact, for me, the mental part of it was far harder than the physical process. This was NOT a surprise to me, it’s something I’ve learned doing long distance hikes, it’s always the mental part that’s actually harder than the physical challenge. And the mental part this time involved a really deep fear of dying. I’m a trained scientist and a logical son of a bitch, so I deal with fear with measurement and data. And even the data at times terrified me, being tachycardic for a few weeks after surgery terrified me, it’s potentially a symptom of atrial fibrillation, which is a big risk after heart surgery and can kill you. I had a lot of instances of nearly fainting because we were, and still to some degree are dealing with issues of low blood pressure. Not a bad thing, it’s a huge improvement form the high blood pressure issues I had pre-surgery, but almost passing out kind of sucks and can be terrifying in it’s own right. Like I said, still dealing with this and trying to get my meds appropriately dialed in, almost fainted driving home one night last week, took my BP right after it was 95/60. Again, easily dealable but in the moment pretty scary. I also had one night with some crazy physical symptoms that forced me to call 911, they found no reason for what happened, which in itself is also a bit scary. But the symptoms have happily not returned. My head is getting back to normal around my health, especially now that I’m back to fully working out.
Returning to work has sucked! I have a new boss who I like a lot, but the job still sucks for all the reasons it sucked pre-surgery. So I’m in a job hunt, and lucky me, I’m looking for a job in one of the worst times to look for a job in education in ages. I’m also complicating it, were I looking for another dean’s gig in the California Community College System, I’d be fine, but I don’t want to be a dean anymore, I have no desire to manage faculty. Twenty plus years of that stress is enough. Don’t get me wrong, I always have had and currently do have some amazing faculty that I get to work with, folks who truly care about students. But unfortunately the pleasure of working with them doesn’t outweigh the bullshit you deal with generated from bad, uncaring faculty and just people who are assholes. Our system has a lot of faculty job protections and limited accountability, things that should exist to a degree to protect important ideas like academic freedom. However it also provides protections for people to be nightmares, cause chaos for everyone and still retain their jobs.
So I’m looking for a lower level position, something closer to working with students. This means that I’m moving from a much higher position, moving across the country, taking a massive pay cut, I’m older and this allows for a lot of potential red flags. I’ve run literally hundreds of hiring committees and there always seem to be one person who flags people for things they “believe” about candidates. A good chair points out that most of these concerns aren’t valid, things like “they don’t really want this job”, “they won’t stay in the position”, “I don’t know why they’re applying” when in fact the job of the first level committee review is only about whether or not the candidate is qualified and to move on those most qualified who are also a best fit for the requirements. I’m also applying for some positions that are more student service oriented and while I do student service functions nearly every day, the position titles I have in student services were earlier in my career. And yes, I explain most of this in my cover letter.
Additionally, colleges nationally are being hammered on grant funds, federal support programs etc… and worse there is no predictability around these funds, so many colleges have slowed their hiring to be able to deal with internal openings caused by sudden changes in their funding. So things have been moving slowly, or at least more slowly than I would like and this has taken a toll on me as well.
All of the above and me feeling like my life is utterly and completely in limbo has really hammered my mental state. Honestly, I’ve been about as deep in the well as I have been in fifteen years. I’m ok, and that’s completely down to what I’ve been doing with this blog for the last fifteen years. Fifteen years ago, this level of depressive pressures would have me completely paralyzed and a total mess, I know, I’ve been there. Instead now it presents more like languishing, and a flatness to everything I experience and feel.
Things have recently ramped up on the family front. I had a few years of quiet, enjoyed it, and knew it wouldn’t last and it hasn’t. Something I haven’t talked about online, because she didn’t want me to, has been my mother’s health issues. But, I’m going to piss her off because I am now. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer a few years ago. She went through radiation treatment and it held the cancer at bay. About a year or so ago it returned, and much more aggressively. She did a round of chemotherapy that they told her would slow but not stop it. Of course they didn’t take into account she’s half hillbilly and hillbilly blood is some miraculous shit. Seriously, those appalachian hillbillies are nearly impossible to kill. I think it comes from generations of selective pressures, basically if you survived past the age of five you were tough as hell. Generations of that selection pressure has made those people damn near invincible. And as a half-hillbilly, her cancer has basically again, stopped progressing for the last year or so. Well, until now. When I was home recently for an interview, I noticed some memory issues she was having, others had mentioned them as well. This week, my sister brought her to the ER regarding some dizziness and headaches and what we found out a couple of days ago is that she has a mass on her brain. She’s in the hospital and it’s been rough and I’ll leave it at that and we still don’t have all the details of what it will mean for her.
This has all been especially hard on my sister, because she’s also the primary caretaker for my father. And he has his own issues that have led to him recently taking a couple of falls, one that resulted in a broken hip and leg, the other a cracked open skull. He’s had two stints in nursing home rehabs and my sister has been supporting all of that as well.
All of this adds another layer of chaos and decisions that need to be made and even have me possibly reconsidering what my current next steps should be, limbo, giant fucking limbo!
So I’m walking the walk and doing the things I’ve talked about so many times before, and no, I won’t go back over them tonight. But one of the big things you need to do is find calm and recharge, find things that you can fall into, loose time and just step out of the world. Things that you enjoy doing and the two big ones for me are hiking and cooking. But by hiking I mean hiking off the beaten path, long distance walking and in the bay area that’s just not an option. There are plenty of great trails, unfortunately you can’t go ten minutes without seeing other hikers and far too often hikers who are trail tourists and annoy the hell out of me. So tonight, after a little urban hiking and the no kings protest in San Francisco, and of course some pizza I came home to cook. Tonight it was all about making bone broth and then a huge pot of chicken and tortellini soup. And man, it may be the best pot I’ve ever made.
So this post is only about two things, the first incredibly selfish. The main ways I process are to talk and write. I have few people anymore to talk to, so I write and tonight this is me processing. The second thing is to remind you all to find those things you can fall into and get lost in, to find those ways to recharge. The world is crazy right now, we all need to find ways to escape and recharge and I hope you’re finding ways to do that, it leads to happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane
Pizza makes me think anything is possible. ~ Henry Rollins
Happy Pizza Find in Syracuse
So recently I had a trip to Syracuse for a job interview. What will come as a surprise to no one who knows me or regularly reads this blog, prior to heading to Syracuse I googled, best pizza in Syracuse. There were several places that came up, but overwhelming it seemed that people were pretty high on a place in Mattydale, just north of the city, a place called Paladinos.
I’ll post this review onto the Pizza Page soon but wanted to drop it here first. I popped over in the late afternoon and the first thing I noticed was the atmosphere was completely right. It was a smallish place, not fancy and just felt right for NY pizza place. There were working class guys eating lunch, and a couple of old guys arguing nonsense with each other over slices. It was busy, fast pace and the women working the counter were both nice and complete wise-asses, I definitely felt at home in this place. One look at the slices and I knew I was going to be happy, but of course, looks aren’t everything.
The first bit of happiness was that my favorite combination, pepperoni and mushrooms, which is never available in slices was there. So I got two and a cheese slice (the standard by which I judge all slices), a coke and settled in. I immediately noticed something that made me very happy.
There were granulated garlic shakers on the table. It’s one of my biggest complaints is a lack of granulated garlic available at a lot of pizza places.
When my slices arrived they looked even better warmed up.
The toppings were amazing, well crisped pepperoni, the right kind of mushrooms. The cheese was well portioned and the sauce was quite tasty. My only complaint I have, and it’s a very tiny one, is that the crust was not as crisp as it could have been. They were really great slices, a solid 9.8 out of 10. Which should have been of no surprise because as you can see from above, this pizza place has won a very impressive pizza award.
The next day after my interview I decided to stop in again for lunch since Paladinos sits right next to I-90, I would be rolling right by on my way back to Albany. Lunch was really pizza and the slice selection was a bit lower because they were turning over slices really quickly. So no pepperoni and mushroom and I decided to get one of each, a pepperoni, a mushroom and a cheese.
I was even more impressed this time, apparently the pies the day before had just been pulled early as the crust on these was perfect. The one complaint I have is that they use the absolute cheapest paper plates, but everything else was spectacular, the best slices I’ve had outside of Brooklyn.
You can’t fix yourself out of a mental health issue. You can’t wake up and say, ‘Today I’m not being depressed!’ It’s a process to get well, but there is recovery. ~ Margaret Trudeau
I’ve Got Nothin!
I’ve been writing this blog for fifteen years and this has been the hardest week to come up with a post, and honestly I haven’t. I’m snake bit right now, hence the image. This image comes from an amazing day, my second day in the famous Jemaa El-Fna square in the old city, Marrakesh, Morocco. It’s an absolutely wild place, an amazing and old Islamic culture running face first into the modern world, tourists from everywhere in a soup of French, Arabic, English and lord knows how many other languages. The old city in Marrakesh is an intense place, the hustlers are on you constantly. Walking the winding and confusing corridors is one of the most intense travel experiences I’ve ever had. You’re walking in a maze, GPS is a waste of time, every three feet some new person is offering to guide you, sell you something or hustle you in some way. And a share of them will come at you when you turn them down, it’s some of the most aggressive hustling I’ve ever experienced. And it’s a full-on sensory experience! You’re dusty and thirsty and the smells are out of control, from spices to foods to incenses it’s really overwhelming. The peace of the inner walls of your riyadh is heaven compared to the madness, and of course, I loved it.
The square is one of the most famous tourist destinations on the planet and it’s absolutely magnificent. From snake charmers to musicians to pick-pockets and all manner of tourists there is a constant buzz. Food of every type imaginable and of course I tried the camel burger, it wasn’t half bad. But the day in this image was spent doing something I’ve always wanted to do, sit in a cafe in Morrocco, sip mint tea with old Morroccans and watch the world go by and that’s exactly what I did. I picked the least touristy, least welcoming cafe on the square, one where I did not see a single white face. As I walked in, old men scowled or looked at me quizzically. I took a seat at the edge of the square, greeted the waitress in Arabic and ordered a pot of mint tea. I then spent two hours and went through two pots of tea just watching the square and it was everything I hoped it would be, couldn’t have been better short of Indiana Jones, Rick from Casablanca sitting down for a chat.
My favorite thing that I saw that day was a scam being run by a huge Morroccan dude with a very well-trained monkey. He was hanging out in the square and when he saw a loving couple walking through the square he would toss the monkey on the man’s back. The monkey was trained to scramble up and sit on the man’s head. He would then run up and say, “how cute, take a picture.” He would then offer to take a picture of the couple with the monkey on the guy’s head, they of course always did it. Then, this very large, and very scary looking guy would hold out is hand with a gnarly look on his face and say, $20. While of course holding their phone and with the monkey having two full hands of the man’s hair. So of course they paid, seriously, every single time they paid and I saw no negotiating. He then would make a hand signal and the monkey would leap off and climb up on his shoulder. I watched him run this dozens of times over the two hours, he had to have made several hundred dollars.
There are always snake charmers in the square and they really don’t pay enough attention to their snakes. They draw huge crowds and have a dozen snakes, cobras and desert rattlesnakes and other various forms of slithering death. I watched at one of their shows, while I was sipping my tea, when one of the desert rattlesnakes slithered off at a random direction, they had no idea. They were so focused on playing with the cobras and hustling the tourists that they didn’t see as this snake just kept going. It was amazing to watch as the crowds split along the path of the snake like the parting of the Red Sea. Eventually one of the snake charmers realized what was happening and went running after and retrieved the snake.
I had decided I wanted a picture with a cobra, so I went over to one of the groups. Now, I’m not really cool with snakes but the world’s most dangerous reverend has to do, what he has to do. So I went over and watched the show and then started working towards getting my photo and I made one small mistake, I didn’t get the price settled and paid first. So this guy gets this huge cobras attention while holding my phone and tells me to squat behind it. As I do, the snake starts to turn my way and this is a frightening moment, this snake is solidly five to six feet long and can easily strike the full distance. To get the snakes attention focused back on him, he whacks him right in the head with my phone, which does the trick happily for me and then he takes the photo above. Right after that he gathers up the snake and is holding it and my phone as he tells me the price. It was at that moment I learned two things, one, I’m fairly brave, and two, my bravery has a limit. And it’s where I came up with the adage, never negotiate with a man holding a cobra. Seriously, they fleeced me for this photo, it cost me like $40. They were happy, I was happy, in fact they were so happy they were willing to throw in a bonus, they were willing to hang six, yes six, non-venomous water snakes around my neck and take another picture. I absolutely declined, and we all had a good laugh.
So, the message tonight, there is no message, just a memory of a really great day, from one of my travels. I’m honestly in the deepest well I’ve been in, in nearly fifteen years and I’m completely snake bit. Right now, nothing, absolutely nothing is going right. So while I have a final level interview on Friday there is absolutely no pressure, because given the way this week is going, there’s no way I’ll get the job. This actually makes it kind of an easy gig, and while it will cost me a bunch of money to fly to NY to do the interview, I’ll also get a chance to see some family and friends and of course, eat some real NY pizza.
So this week my friends, I have no advice, I have no energy, honestly, I’ve got nothin, so I just hope that you can do your best to have a happy day. ~ Rev Kane
The Ministry of Happiness 