Grace in COVID Times

Grace in COVID Times

beach, sunsetThe ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances. ~ Aristotle

Originally posted 8/24/2020

So this past week was the first week of school.  Normally this involves our first division meeting of the year and as the dean this is my welcome to the year meeting.  It means I typically give a short little talk in an effort to get people’s heads into the game and ready for the year.  These talks are usually short and hopefully a tiny bit inspirational.

Since there was no meeting this semester, we’re primarily online, I had to do a virtual division meeting instead.  So my little speech this year was written instead of spoken and I decided to talk about grace.  Specifically, the second definition of grace in the dictionary which is defined as courteous goodwill.

The world at this moment in time is effectively living in a pressure cooker.  I’m noticing this all over the place.  At work, people are being short with each other, answers that generally had some kindness have become strictly business.  Well, other than the ubiquitous, “hope you and your family are well.”  This phrase has become so ubiquitous that it has become the equivalent of the greeting dear in a letter.  But not including it makes you an uncaring monster is some people’s eyes so there you have it.

I see the pressure in my friends who are reacting in a variety of ways from being angry, depressed and/or anxious.  I know more than a few people who’ve started counseling since the pandemic began and I get it.  I’ve had my moments of aggravation and short-temper as well.  I replied to one very long email a couple of weeks ago with a single word, No.

I’ve noticed it in public.  I’m seeing far more people in the street dealing with mental illness issues.  I’m seeing a lot more tense interactions between people in lines and in stores.  Particularly where mask wearing discussions are involved.

We know our students therefore are also dealing with the same types of pressures and stress as the rest of us.  So this week I asked my faculty to keep the idea of grace at the front of their mind.  To pause, to breathe before they make decisions or respond.  To think about the fact that none of us are our best selves right now.  That’s what’s meant by courteous goodwill, assume good intentions, give people some extra space, be a little more flexible than you would normally be.  This is not a permanent time, no one needs to violate their values, but we can all give a little grace to others, and to ourselves.  We all need it, I know I do right now.  So extend some grace and have a happier day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

 

 

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Happiness, Mindfulness & Decisions

Happiness, Mindfulness & Decisions

rev kane

Rev Kane relaxing in the arctic snow flurries

Make bold choices and make mistakes. It’s all those things that add up to the person you become. ~ Angelina Jolie

Originally posted in 2017

It’s been a confusing couple of weeks for me, of course it’s also been an incredibly busy.  There is the standard 50 hour work week.  On top of that is my blogging work, my creative writing and of course everything related to marketing my book that just came out Appalachian Trail Happiness.  I’m not complaining, I’ve brought this all on myself as I work toward getting to my goal of transitioning to someone who makes more of my living via writing and speaking engagements.

Also, things are going well.  I’ve picked up two more speaking gigs in the last few weeks.  I’m also very excited to have finally gotten through to the permit lines for Havasu Falls and will be doing a backpacking trip into the fall in April.

Havasu Falls

Havasu Falls

I’m also looking to buy a new camera for hiking, it’s been a few years since I’ve updated my camera equipment and I realized on my Jordan trip that particularly in low light photography the technology has eclipsed what I have currently been using.  Plus I want to go to something lighter than my DSLRs.

There have been a couple of big decisions I’ve been mulling over, one pretty personal that I’ll keep to myself for now.  The second is more career oriented.  As those of you who read this blog regularly know, every five years I leave my job and take off on an adventure.  My next one is creeping up in 2019.  I’m hoping to do a really big trip if I can get sponsorship, the plan is to do a hike on each of the seven continents with a few side trips as well.   Tentatively I’m looking at Everest Base Camp, Mt. Kilimanjaro, Machu Pichu, finishing the Appalachian Trial, the overland trek in Tasmania, the Western Highland and Great Glenn Ways in Scotland and of course any place I walk on Antarctica will be utterly amazing.

The trip has been tentatively settled in my mind for a time.  The question I’ve been struggling with has been related to what position I come back to after the trip.  I’ve been sitting on the fence between, dropping into a program directorship or faculty position, jobs that would give me more personal satisfaction.  Or, come back to larger higher paying positions that have less student contact.  A lot of what has been driving my decision is how it will impact my pension at retirement based on when I’d like to retire.  After wrestling with this decision I’ve decided that the higher paying positions make more sense.  I think I’ve been at this decision for a time, but now I’m finally comfortable with it.

This is the dilemma we all deal with, we all have that idea of what would be a perfect career, but reality gets in the way and it’s hard to get to where we want to be.  The answer is to have a clearly set goal, to be patient and make progress, constantly make progress until you can finally jump fully into what you want to do.

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At the Everest Rock Bar after the white-knuckle flight to Lukla on the trail to Everest

So I’ve had all of this on my mind and I’ve been really busy.  This has led to me also being really scattered, not paying as much attention to my health and that has messed with my sleep a bit.  Which all means it’s time to do what you always have to do when you are out of sorts and come back to basics.  Sleeping right, eating right, exercising and being more mindful.  So I’ve started eating better, starting meditating as well and started focusing on being more mindful.  That point was especially driven home when a friend thanked me for the signed copy of my book I sent him, just one problem, in my scattered state I forgot to sign it.  Coincidentally I had just done a post on mindfulness so that worked out well.

I’ve also ramped up my workouts, because in a little over four weeks I’ll hit the trail to Havasu and I really can’t wait.  Tonight my friends I hope you are all busy as well, I hope you are making progress on your goals and having many happy days ~ Rev Kane

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

My Everest Base Camp Travelogue

Happiness and the Benefits of Gratitude

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Happiness is a Choice

Writing Away the Darkness

Appalachian Trail Happiness, Where to buy the Book

My Polar Bear Adventure

 

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The Best Day of his Life

The Best Day of his Life

burning man happiness

Dawn at Burning Man

Originally posted in March, 2012

So it’s been a pretty crappy day, my job has some political aspects to it and sometimes I end up in some incredibly difficult conversations and live those minutes between Scylla and Charybdis with a good bit of trepidation and anxiety.  So I decided after having such a bad day to take a trip across the web searching, “the best day of my life.”  Perhaps it was a bit of cynical and snarky search but it led to something really interesting.  We over use the term nice, but this post is really nice and should bring a smile to your face, it did for me.  The post comes from beliefnet.com and the link to the story is: http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/2010/03/The-Happiest-Day-of-My-Life.aspx?p=1

I’ve cut and pasted in the full text below and hopefully it will help you all have a happy day and gives us all a simple and elegant way to do that. ~ Rev Kane

 

The Best Day of My Life

It started innocently.

Many years ago, I worked in an office with large windows that looked out over a busy overpass. I stood by one of those windows one day, when a woman in a passing car looked up and made eye contact with me-naturally, I waved.

A chuckle escaped my lips as she turned and tried to identify me. It was the beginning of a year of window antics. When things were slow, I stood in the window and waved at the passengers who looked up. Their strange looks made me laugh, and the stress of work was washed away.

My co-workers took an interest. They stood back out of view and watched the reactions I received with amusement.

Late afternoon was the best time. Rush-hour traffic filled the overpass with cars and transit buses, and provided a wealth of waving opportunities for my end-of-day routine. It didn’t take long to attract a following-a group of commuters who passed by the window every day and looked up at the strange waving man. There was a man with a construction truck who would turn on his flashing yellow lights and return my wave. There was the carpool crowd and the business lady with her children fresh from day care.

My favorite was the transit bus from the docks that passed my window at 4:40 PM. It carried the same group every day. They were my biggest fans.

Waving grew boring, so I devised ways to enhance my act. I made signs: “Hi!”,”Hello!”, “Be Happy!” I posted them in the window and waved. I stood on the window ledge in various poses; created hats from paper and file-folders, made faces, played peek-a-boo by bouncing up from below the window ledge, stuck out my tongue, tossed paper planes in the air, and once went into the walkway over the street and danced while co-workers pointed to let my fans know I was there.

Christmas approached, and job cuts were announced. Several co-workers would lose their jobs. Everyone was depressed. Stress reached a high point. We needed a miracle to break the tension.

While working a night shift, a red lab jacket attracted my attention. I picked it up and turned it in my hands. In a back corner, where packing material was kept, I used my imagination and cut thin, white sheets of cloth-like foam into strips and taped them around the cuffs and collar, down the front, and around the hem of the lab jacket. A box of foam packing and strips of tape became Santa’s beard. I folded a red file folder into a hat and taped the beard to it. The whole thing slipped over my head in one piece.

The next day I hid from my co-workers and slipped into the costume. I walked bravely to my desk, sat down, held my belly, and mocked Santa’s chuckle. They gathered around me and laughed for the first time in weeks.

A few minutes later, my supervisor walked through the door. He took three steps, and then looked up and saw me. Pausing, he shook his head, turned, and left.

I feared trouble. The phone on the desk rang. It was my boss, and he grumbled, “Mike, come to my office!” I shuffled down the hall. The foam beard swished across my chest with each step.

“Come in!” The muffled voice replied to my knock. I entered and sat down. The foam on my beard creaked. He looked away from me. A bead of sweat rolled down my forehead. The only sound in the room was the hammering of my heart. “Mike…” That was all he managed to say. He lost his composure, leaned back in his chair, and bellowed with laughter as he held his stomach. Tears formed in his eyes, while I sat silent and confused. When he regained control, he said, “Thanks, Mike! With the job cuts, it’s been hard to enjoy the Christmas season. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.”

That evening, and every evening of that Christmas season, I stood proudly in the window and waved to my fans. The bus crowd waved wildly, and the little children smiled at the strange Santa. My heart filled with joy.

For a few minutes each day, we could forget the job losses.

I didn’t know it then, but a bond was forming between my fans and I. The next spring, I discovered just how close we had become.

My wife and I were expecting our first child. I wanted the world to know. Less than a month before the birth, I posted a sign in the window, “25 DAYS UNTIL ‘B’ DAY.” My fans passed and shrugged their shoulders. The next day the sign read, “24 DAYS UNTIL ‘B’ DAY.” Each day the number dropped, and the passing people grew more confused.

One day a sign appeared in the bus, “What is ‘B’ DAY?” I just waved and smiled.

Ten days before the expected date, the sign in the window read, “10 DAYS UNTIL BA– DAY.” Still the people wondered. The next day it read, “9 DAYS UNTIL BAB- DAY,” then “8 DAYS UNTIL BABY DAY.” My fans finally knew what was happening.

By then, my following had grown to include twenty or thirty different busses and cars. Every night, they watched to see if my wife had given birth. The number decreased and excitement grew. My fans were disappointed when the count reached “zero” without an announcement. The next day the sign read, “BABY DAY 1 DAY LATE”. I pretended to pull out my hair.

Each day the number changed and the interest from passing traffic grew. My wife was fourteen days overdue before she finally went into labor. Our daughter was born the next morning. I left the hospital at 5:30 AM, screamed my joy into the morning air, and drove home to sleep. I got up at noon, bought cigars, and appeared at my window in time for my fans. My co-workers were ready with a banner posted in the window:

“IT’S A GIRL!”

I didn’t stand alone that evening. My co-workers joined me in celebration. We stood and waved our cigars in the air, as every vehicle that passed acknowledged the birth of my daughter. Finally, the bus from the docks made its turn onto the overpass and began to climb the hill. When it drew close, I climbed onto the window ledge and clasped my hands over my head in a victory pose. The bus was directly in front of me when it stopped in heavy traffic, and every person on board stood with their hands in the air.

I was choked with emotion as I watched them celebrate my new daughter.

Then it happened-a sign popped up. It filled the windows and stretched half the length of the bus. “CONGRATULATIONS!” it read.

Tears formed in the corners of my eyes as the bus slowly resumed its journey. I stood in silence as it pulled away from view. More fans passed. They tooted their horns and flashed their lights to congratulate me. I hardly noticed them, as I pondered what had just happened.

My daughter had been born fourteen days late. Those people must have carried that sign for weeks. Each day they must have unrolled it and then rolled it back up. The thought of them going through so much just to celebrate my new baby made me cry.

I made a fool of myself in that window for eight months. I made those people smile after a long day at work. They must have enjoyed it, because on the happiest day of my life they showed their appreciation.

That day, more than twenty years ago, changed me. I just wanted to make my day better. I didn’t realize how it affected others.

Ever since then, I try to put a smile on someone’s face every day. I compliment strangers on their clothing. I start conversations in elevators. I even make jokes in crowded New York City subways. Some may think I am stupid, but I know there is a chance that I’m making someone’s day-someone who may one day hold up a sign that says “Congratulations!”.

 

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Believe in Yourself and Be Happy!

Believe in Yourself and Be Happy!

believe in yourself, quote, meme

Believe in Yourself

Believe in yourself!  Have faith in your abilities!  Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you can’t be happy or successful ~ Norman Vincent Peale

I’ve been trying to be more active on Twitter, in addition to the retweets I typically do I’ve been posting out some of my own quotes.  Little bits of advice or wisdom or things I’ve written that I feel are worth quoting.  Last night I wrote this, I know you’re scared, I know you don’t think you can do it, but I believe you, you got this.

I wrote it as much for myself as others.  I think that in order to be happy, you have to believe in yourself.  You have to develop the confidence that you can accomplish the things you want to accomplish.  How do you do that?  Well, first it helps to do little things that you can accomplish that will help build up your confidence and your feeling of accomplishment. Then  you have to push yourself, in order to be happy I have always believed you have to stretch yourself and get out of your comfort zone.

be happy, comfort zone

Do something that scares you and be happy

One of my favorite quotes is by Joe Vitale, your goals should scare you a little, and excite you a lot.  I really believe to be happy you must have goals that do this.  Most of you who are regular readers of this blog know that I’ve become a fairly accomplished long-distance hike.  I’ve walked across Scotland, done a trek to Base Camp on Mt. Everest and most recently I did a 1000 miles on the Appalachian Trail.

be happy, hiking, appalachian trail, tennessee

Rev Kane on the Appalachian Trail at the Tennessee border.

Hiking can help you believe in yourself

I’ve always been a day hiker and had even done some impressive day hikes to difficult locations and over long, single day distances.  But when I was about to turn 45 I had decided to do something bigger.  I became enamored with the idea of going to Base Camp on Mt. Everest.  This meant a 22 day supported trek in the Himalayas, where I would spend 14 days over 14000 feet.  Prior to that trip I had never been higher than 12,000 and that was being a tourist in Lhasa, Tibet not a hiker with a pack on.  So following what I talked about, I needed to do something to build my confidence.  Working out in the gym and doing some day hikes was a given.  But step two for me was to spend some time in Bryce Canyon National Park, 3 months to be exact, I’m fortunate my family has a cabin near the park.  I spent my time there doing day hikes, many at 8000 feet and once a week hiking up on Bryan Head Mountain at 10000 feet.  So I started to feel better about hiking consistently day in and day out as well as hiking at altitude.  Not quite the altitude I would be at, but higher than I had previously hiked.

Next, since I’d never done a true long-distance hike, I went off to Scotland to do a 7 day hut to hut hike in Scotland.  The huts were BnBs, so not exactly roughing it, but similar to the hike would be in Nepal.  The next jump was of course to head off to the Himalayas.  The trek went incredibly well, I spent an amazing time in the Himalayas an absolutely bucket list worthy trip of a lifetime.

happiness, everest, be happy, hiking

Rev Kane and a hiking friend

Believe in yourself and you can do anything

After the success of my trip to the Himalayas and with my impending 50th birthday I had even bigger plans.  I decided  I would thru-hike the Appalachian Trial, a nearly 2200 mile, 6 month, unsupported hike.  One of the big secrets I told no one before heading out, was that in fact, I had never done an unsupported, multi-day backtracking trip before.  I had built my confidence in Utah, Scotland and Nepal but I was still afraid.  Doing anything like this for the first time will truly scare the hell out of you, that’s how you know you’re pushing outside your comfort zone.  One of my primary goals for the hike was also that I would attempt to write a book, again something I’ve always wanted to do that scared me. I’ve posted plenty here on the blog about that trip and if you want to read about the whole adventure, I did write that book, Appalachian Trail Happiness, and you can get all of the details there.

Be Happy

So to come full circle to where I started this piece.  My evolution from occasional day hiker to occasional long-distance hiker, having now hiked all over the world, should be proof of concept.  I’m over 50, over weight and have bad knees, yet starting at the age of 40 I transformed what and how I hiked.  I have found that adventure, travel and getting out of your comfort zone is a way to be happy.  First, believe in yourself, create some small success and then take a chance.  I believe in you, you got this and I know you’ll have many happy days my friends ~ Rev Kane

Other Happiness Posts You Might Enjoy!

My Polar Bear Adventure

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Don’t be Afraid to be Happy

 

 

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Saint Mungo’s Museum

Saint Mungo’s Museum

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Originally posted August 2018

Today I visited my two favorite places in Glasgow. When I was here 13 years ago I fell in love with Saint Mungo’s Museum of Religious Life and Art.  Also, if you read this blog you know that I love photographing cemeteries and Glasgow has a spectacular one called the Necropolis.

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Tonight some photos from St. Mungos and tomorrow longer posts on the Glasgow Cathedral and the Necropolis.

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Saint Mungos is a wonderful place, great exhibits on religious life from all religions.  And always really great special exhibits. Enjoy the photos and have a happy day my friends. – Rev Kane

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Walking, thinking into happiness

Walking, thinking into happiness

san francisco, happinessSuccess is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable.     ~ John Wooden

Originally posted 8/16/2020

I went walking in San Francisco again this Saturday, not quite as long as my last two walks, just a couple of hours.  I’ve been thinking a lot recently about my retirement, where I’ll live, how I’ll live.  It’s likely, almost exactly four years away now, and so it’s both far enough away to establish some long range plans, but close enough that those plans need to be very practical as retirement is feeling all to real.  I do some of my best thinking walking and one of my favorite things about walking is the ability to let my mind wander and explore all of the thoughts that we far too often relegate to the corners of our brain.

Today’s walk very much had me contemplating time and life.  I’m a fortunate man in many ways.  Let me be very clear, I didn’t start out in life with much, my youngest years were hard, my young adult years were a bloody disaster.  I for a time was an alcoholic and addict, I failed out of college, I did so many stupid things that could of, and maybe should of, killed me or landed me in jail that it’s fairly amazing I made it to 1986.  That was a fateful year, it was the year I made the conscious choice to get my shit together.  It was the year I got clean and sober, it was the year I started the process of creating the person I am today.

san francisco, happiness

Street memorial

Make no mistake, everything I am, everything I have and have become was gained by hard work.  Nothing has ever been given to me.  But I’m a fortunate man, and that was driven home to me today.  What do I mean specifically by that?  Well, although I grew up with little I had something.  We were working class poor, at times dipping a bit below that, but I didn’t grow up in full on poverty.  There was always a roof over my head.  I’m grateful for something else as well.  Although I have dealt with severe depression, and have never been what anyone would describe as a model of mental stability and health, I’m not actually crazy.  What I mean by that is that I don’t have an extreme mental illness that precludes me from functioning in society.  I can hold a job, support myself, keep a roof over my head.

san francisco, happiness

Fancy apartments, city hall and a homeless camp

These things were on my mind today as I walked through some of the worst sections of San Francisco.   Today, as I walked by a junky heating up her heroine, I was grateful for having the good fortune and the strength to overcome my substance abuse issues.  As I passed so many people living on the street, people living in serious poverty, I was grateful for my education, my abilities and all that has led to for me.  As I went by truly crazy people I was grateful that although I have had mental health struggles, never every was I near a place where some of the people I saw today are at.  There was one poor man who was picking up and holding garbage from the street like it was his child.  He was bewildered and not operating on the same plane of reality as the rest of us.  There were so many mumbling, incoherent folks it truly broke my heart and made me thankful for my faculties and sanity.

These people also helped me solidify my decision making process on where I will live in my retirement years.  I’d already decided to move back east, to be near my brother and his family.  They live in Brooklyn and I want to provide them with an opportunity to have someplace to vacation and summer outside of the city when able.  I have played with the idea of living in a smaller city but today really made me realize I don’t want to ever live in a city again.  I’ve loved my time here in the San Francisco area for the last year or so, and I’ll be here for at least another couple of years and possibly even the full four until I retire.  But after that I’m done.  I can no longer conceive of living anywhere people have metal cages across their front doors.  Where sirens are a regular sound.  Yes, I love the availability of cultural attractions and restaurants and experiences you can only get in cities.  But I’ve been fortunate, I’ve seen a lot in my life, done a lot, more than most honestly.  And I’m ready to call it quits with society in general.  I want some land, I want to be back in nature, I want a small swimming pool to lounge in.  I really want to live on a lake or the ocean.  I want to live very simply, and to a decent extent to live a good deal off of the land.

san francisco, happiness

I will never stop traveling, I fully expect to spend my winters in Oaxaca City, Mexico.  I expect to spend my spring and early summer months on hiking trails around the world.  But I need out of our society, I can no longer handle the lack of caring for our fellow man, for systems that keep people down generation after generation, for our societies quiet acceptance with all that is wrong in order to maintain a comfortable lifestyle for ourselves.  I don’t believe myself to be above these failings, just tragically aware of them in myself and my fellow Americans.  I’ve built a life that will allow me to escape, and that in itself may be selfish, but it’s what’s needed to help me live out the rest of my life in happiness.

So tonight I would put the question to you my friends.  What will it take to live out your life in happiness? And what are you doing to make it happen?  Have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

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Happiness is Taking a Risk!

Happiness is Taking a Risk!

Happiness is the resultant of the relative strengths of positive and negative feelings rather than an absolute amount of one or the other.                                ~ Norman Bradburn

The fact of the matter is that becoming happier means two things that people are often incredibly averse too, the first is change, the second is risk.  I would argue that the reason most people don’t like the first is because of the second.  You see whatever our current situation it is a safe proposition, we know what to expect, we know how the day will turn out, usually as a result of what are expectations are when it started.  So in order to get happier, we have to give up the comfort of knowing what will happen and how things will turn out.

We have to take the risk that whatever changes we make in order to get happier may backfire and in fact, make us less happy.  We have to escape the expectations we have had like climbing the walls and escaping the castle in the photo.  If the changes you make are accompanied by the mind-set that the change will make us happier, it very often will.  So my friends, take a chance, tweak your attitude and have a happier day and take your first step to a happier life ~ Rev Kane

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Why I’m Happy Right Now!

Making Change Happen

A Happy Conversation

Cycles of Happiness

Happy Mistakes

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The Happiest Moment of your life

The Happiest Moment of your life

happiness joy

Jumping for joy in the sunshine!

To be able to look back upon one’s life in satisfaction, is to live twice ~ Kahlil Gibran

Originally posted 2016

It is important in your life and in your pursuit of happiness that you take time to reflect on how good things have been.  Sure, at times, this means digging hard for silver linings in dark grey clouds but the mining is worth the effort.  I’ve written before about keeping a jar of happiness.  It’s a good way to remind you that good things are happening.  Reminding ourselves that good things are happening, that we have happy times, makes it easier for us to believe they will return when things are dark.

Tonight I got thinking about those pinnacle moments in life, those moments that we often describe as the happiest moment of our lives.   So what were the happiest moments of your life?  For me personally there are a number than come to mind, the night my little brother was born, a perfect sports moment, standing in the Himalayas on a 15,000 foot ridge looking up at peaks still rising 10,000 feet higher, watching her strut across a restaurant floor on our first date.

A little exploration on the web and a few general categories seem to evolve, including the comments I found on each.  The comments I found centered on falling in love, the joys of childhood, travel, the birth of children, achieving something and the bonds of friendship.  So hopefully tonight’s post got you thinking about those moments, feel free to share them in the comments and as always, have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Love

My happiest moment was when I found someone to love me. It seems so horribly unoriginal but it was more than just finding a husband and falling in love it was receiving that reward of completeness. We don’t realize just how empty we are until we find that one person who helps you see how much you’re worth. 

 Childhood joy/ Travel

My happiest, or one that stands out the most, was when my grandparents took me to Disneyworld when I was 11. The joy and wonder was beyond my imagination. I was lucky to spend that time with them and make those memories, as now they are gone.

Child birth

My happiest moments were giving birth to my three children. I never felt love like that before. I was overwhelmed with emotions. It was scary, but amazing.

Achievement

The first one directly involved me, the other really didn’t. When I received my first standing ovation after a dramatic, not comedic performance

Friendship

My Happiest Moment In My Life  The most happiest moment in my life is when my best friend Aileen and i went to Bluerose and had a great bonding moment between the two of us.

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Happiness and the Benefits of Gratitude

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Happiness is a Choice

Writing Away the Darkness

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Museo de Bellas Artes de Asturias

Museo de Bellas Artes de Asturias

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Originally posted April 2018

So I’m back in Oviedo before heading up to the coast to Gijon for a few days. So I decided to catch some of the sites I missed when I was here a couple of days ago. Chief among them the Museo de Artes. The Asturias region has a really rich art history and the museum is really good. You also can’t beat the price, a museum that features pieces by De Goya, Picasso and Salvador Dali is completely free.

There was a nice spread of works from the 18th century up through modern works. Below I’ve posted some photos.  Enjoy – Rev Kane

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Happiness – On Being Alone

HappinessOn Being Alone

hiking, alone, lonely, happiness

Alone on the trail

Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone. ~ Paul Tillich

Inspiration for these posts comes from a lot of places.  Recently an old friend contacted me and said that they had a friend who was considering hiking the Appalachian Trail.  He asked me to reach out and see if I could be a source of information and support.  I’ve done this for a number of folks attempting a thru-hike, I really enjoy doing this.  I both get to be helpful, make a new friend and get to relive through them my time on the trail.  The most recent person I did this with shares a lot of similarities with me and likely the reason my other friend asked me to reach out.  They are around my age, single, a definite individual and it goes without saying since they were attempting an AT thru-hike, adventurous.

Recently they posted a little thought to the universe about being alone, they’re tired of it.  They are tired of going to dinner alone, traveling alone, hiking alone, of seeing movies alone both at theaters and at home curled up on the couch.  I didn’t respond to the post, but I get it.  So tonight when I sat down to do my Sunday night post it hit me as something worth writing about for a lot of reasons.

I have spent most of my adult life alone, to those who know me well that really isn’t a shock.  I’ve never been a settled person, a good friend in college used to say the song the Wanderer by Dion really made him think about me.  I’m someone who has always had a desire to travel, as a kid when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always not here.  Yes, I was even a smart-ass as a little kid.

People look at me and they see someone who has a successful career, who has traveled the world, I’m intelligent, well spoken and a decent human being.  Heck, and according to my granny, I’m a damn good-looking man.  So people often wonder why I’m not married.  I’ve had other people in my life, confused by my wandering, ask me what I am running from.  Other people have assumed I have a fear of commitment.  None of those really explain the big question folks have about me.

Why am I alone?

Probably the first and most important thing is that being married was never something on my life list.  Not a box I needed to check off of that list.  I really love kids, my nieces and nephews are incredibly dear to me, I had always hoped to be a father, always thought I would have been a good one.  I was always a little less sure about the idea of being married.  Honestly, although I know some people who have great ones, a see a lot of unhappy ones.  But that has never left me opposed to the idea, if the situation was right.  I have been in love, really, deeply in love three times where I thought there was a chance for something special to work out.  But it didn’t, sometimes it was that the person turned out to not be who I thought they were, usually for me it was terrible timing.

Of course I’m a tough ticket, I’m an utterly curious person and the reason that makes me a tough ticket is that it is that curiosity that drives my incessant need for travel and new experiences.  So if someone is going to be with me, they need to be of a similar mind, and have a willingness to see far enough out the box to build a life that fulfills that.  There are not a lot of people who fit that bill.

Getting older

As you get older and life gets more established, dating becomes a really difficult thing.  When you’re in college there are a lot of people to meet who are around your age and at a similar point in their lives.  Then you move into the workforce and there are some people your age but more who are older, married, settled, your options for dating, hell even for friendships begin to diminish.  For me it was more extreme, by the time I finally left grad school and was working full-time I was 38, the others in a similar position were in their twenties, not 15 years on from that point, the other single people in the same situation are still in their 20s.  I’m not complaining, I’m good with the decisions I’ve made and the path my life has taken, just stating reality.  Of course it doesn’t help that I’m also a pretty strong introvert.

Rev Kane on his first day on the Appalachian Trail

I don’t like people

This statement usually catches people off guard as they see me as a fairly social individual.  The thing is, most people usually don’t understand what being an introvert really is all about.  Introverts are people who gain energy from time alone, more importantly we get drained by spending time with people in social situations.  Now, a lot of times that pairs up with people who are also uncomfortable in social situations, so that’s where the stereotype that introverts are socially awkward comes from.  However that’s not me, I’m social but being social absolutely wears me out.  I’m someone who far prefers one on one deep conversations to social situations and small talk.  Doing small talk drains my energy at an incredible pace and I find it incredibly boring.  As such I’m not the biggest fan of people, in general they drain me.

On being alone

So given that I’m not driven to be married, that my romantic timing has been terrible, that I’m a tough ticket and that I live an unconventional life it is not particularly a shock that at nearly 54 I find myself alone.  Now I know some of my friends and family might argue the point that I’m alone, and I get that, I have great people in my life.  But because of my lifestyle those people are spread all across the country, heck, all across the world.  So like my new friend posted on Facebook, although I enjoy solitude, hiking, going to the movies, shopping, etc…alone.  At times, I too am tired of going to dinner alone, taking vacations alone, more importantly not having someone to sit and talk to at night.  Of course, I’m not even sure I could live that life, I’m incredibly set in my ways, my high need for solitude has always been a bit of a barrier for others.  But of course, that’s what the “right” person is all about, someone who fits with who you are and what you need, while being that for them.  Sure, there’s always going to be some give and take, things will never be perfect, but I’m not willing to go there unless I think the situation would be pretty special, who I am is not something I willing to comprise.  If that position means I live my entire life alone so be it.

slower pace of life, can make you happy

A slower pace of life can make you happy

Being alone is not terrible

Being alone is not terrible, sure there are times when you wish you didn’t have to do some things alone.  But there is a lot of freedom.  I’ve felt the downside a lot lately as I’ve been going through some medical procedures and you need a driver.  Many of you have someone who you automatically turn to in those situations, I don’t.  But I also have a level of freedom most people dream about.  As an introvert, I’m able to easily get the space and solitude I need for my own mental health and the life I lead (alone as I may be) has brought me to a place of happiness.  A place where I’m able to share what I’ve learned and try to help others live a happy life as well.  I’ve had a really great life, sure it’s been an absolute roller-coaster, I’ve had more than my share of pain and tragedy, mistakes that I have and still pay for, but I’ve also been very fortunate.  I’ve worked hard, been able to travel the world, experience things many people never will, I’ve been blessed to have some really amazing people to call my selected family.  And hopefully, I have a long way to go and a lot more to do.  And hopefully, sharing some of it will help you have happy days as well my friends.  ~ Rev Kane

A little post-script to the post, my favorite writer’s take on being alone.

Alone with everybody ~ Charles Bukowski

the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there’s no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills.

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