Appalachian Trail Happiness, the Book

Appalachian Trail Happiness, the Book

at-happPlease forgive my shameless plug tonight but I wanted to provide all of the purchasing information for my book in one place ~ Rev Kane

Come take a thousand mile walk with me on the Appalachian Trail.

When I wrote the book I had originally included a glossary, but I incorporated it in the text, a book club I recently met with said it would be helpful so here’s the glossary.

Also, I thought it would beneficial to include some photos from the book here.

What I hope you can get out of this book is a feeling for the Appalachian Trail Community: thru-hikers, hostel owners, trail towns and trail angels who all conspire to make hiking the AT an amazing experience.  I knew the community existed, but the positive impact it had on me—the power of this community—completely caught me by surprise, a really pleasant surprise.  Sure, there will be a good bit about the trail, the geography, the weather and the mountains, but it’s mostly about the people, the culture and my own twisted brain.  The book is drawn out of three things: my journal entries, descriptions and definitions of trail terms, and the writings I undertook while hiking the trail. I also answered three questions every day; what was the most beautiful thing I encountered, what did I learn, what made me happy today?

Amazon & Kindle   – You can find both the paperback ($9.99) and ebook ($2.99) at Amazon, if you buy the paperback you get the ebook as a bonus for 99 cents if you are so inclined.

Signed Copy – If you would like a signed copy please contact me directly at happinesskane@aol.com.  For these I have to order a copy from Createspace, then sign it and ship it to you directly, due to the double shipping I charge $15 for this option.

No matter how you buy the book, I’m thankful that you have and thank you very much for supporting my work and I hope you enjoy it. A quick synopsis is below. ~ Rev Kane

Please check out my blog the Ministry of Happiness

Find us on our Facebook Pages, Appalachian Trail Happiness or The Ministry of Happiness

Checkout my photos on Instagram at @reverendmichaelkane

Find us on Twitter at @ministryofhappy

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AT Happiness: Trail Community

AT Happiness: Trail Community

The AARP gang, me, Backtrack, Kingfisher and Awesome

The AARP gang, me, Backtrack, Kingfisher and Awesome

One of the first questions I was always asked before starting the trail was, who are you hiking with on the AT?  Whenever I would answer I was solo hiking people would become concerned.

Two utterly amazing and interesting folks, Patches and Airborne.

Two utterly amazing and interesting folks, Patches and Airborne.

I would try to explain trail culture and the moving community that exists on the AT.  In reality I didn’t even fully understand how close hundreds of solo hikers could become.

Damn Yankee (grew up 20 minutes from me in NY) and Backtrack

Damn Yankee (grew up 20 minutes from me in NY) and Backtrack

First off, pace becomes a sorting mechanism and those who are on a similar pace see each other again and again at camping areas, shelters and resupply towns.

Michael Kane and John Stewart head for the AT

Michael Kane and John Stewart head for the AT

Second, only if you have done this can you really understand how hard it is and what people are going through and this creates compassion and solidarity.

Me and Tough Cookie (she's back on the trail after appendicitis surgery 6 weeks ago)

Me and Tough Cookie (she’s back on the trail after appendicitis surgery 6 weeks ago)

Finally we come to depend on each other, this community, to stay safe and informed. There is an incredible grapevine on the trail that passes on weather information, resupply info, news about friends, trail magic info as well as safety concerns.   We look out for each other, although of course this grapevine includes its share of trail gossip as well.

Backtrack and Shaggy Hobo

Backtrack and Shaggy Hobo

Here’s a recent example, Lucky Strike lost his phone.  Another hiker, Jedi picked it up. These two have never met, but Jedi took the phone, called the last number and found a way to intercept a resupply package and get the phone to Lucky Strike.

Me and the Mad Hatter

Me and the Mad Hatter

It is common for someone to leave something behind on the trail and turn around to retrieve it only to find someone carrying it up the trail to them.  That may not sound like much until you consider that we actually actively try to reduce our pack weight by ounces and we’re often heading uphill over mountains.   We lookout for each other.

Me and Cliffhanger

Me and Cliffhanger

All of this has led to trail friends quickly becoming selected family, in three weeks I’ve already made what I expect will be lifelong friends, many are in the pictures in this piece and have provided many happy days my friends – Rev Kane

Some Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Appalachian Trail Happiness: Readers’ Favorite Posts

Appalachian Trail Happiness: Precious Moments

Favorite AT Trail Photos for 2015

 

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Health, Diabetes and Happy Cooking

Health, Diabetes and Happy Cooking

Healthy eating, diabetesThe easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food.  Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all of the time. ~ Drew Carey

Well if you have read this blog regularly you know that I struggle with blood sugar regulation and at times lose that battle and end up in the range of being categorized as a Type 2 diabetic.  Over my last year traveling I quite frankly ignored this reality.  I ate what I wanted, I drank Coca Cola’s with abandoned and even though I was still quite active it meant my blood sugar was thoroughly unregulated.  I paid the price in that my numbers when I finally got back to paying attention were higher in June than they have ever been.  This is of course is a problem for a number of reasons, the most pressing for me of course is that I have a heart condition and diabetes, along with my genetically driven high blood pressure increases the risk of a heart attack.

Now for me I have two conditions that are beyond my control.  First off I have a congenital birth defect, a bifurcated aortic valve,  that has led to an aortic aneurysm and eventually will lead to open heart surgery within the next 5 years.  The second is the fact that my high blood pressure is primarily a result of a genetic condition inherited through my mother’s side of the family.  Happily modern medicine has done lots of research on this and there are medications, because my grandfather died of this condition in 1969.

However that leaves my diabetes, the predisposition also runs in the family, this time a gift from my father’s side of the hereditary tree.  But a pre-disposition is just that, it makes it easier me for to become a diabetic but it still needs my help.  The fact is three things more than anything else contribute to me having poor blood sugar, my eating habits, my weight and my level of activity.

I’ve always been a fairly active person, even at my least healthy point in life.  A point in which I wasn’t working out regularly and weighed 250 pounds, 60 pounds heavier than I currently am, I was still active.  I remember a really awesome winter hike in the Smokies back than with my friend Andrew.  We pounded a 14 mile round trip up to the summit of Mt. Leconte with about 8 inches of snow on the ground.  That was around 1998, and in the subsequent twenty years a lot of things have changed.  In a couple of successive step downs I got my weight from 250 to 230, about 5 years later from 230 to 215 and two years ago from 215 to 200.  Since coming to my new home and job I’ve dropped to 190 and my goal is to be at 175 by the end of this year.

happiness, everest

happiness, everest

At the Everest Rock Bar after the white knuckle flight to Lukla on the trail to Everest

So I’ve been steadily improving my weight and starting in 2010 as part of my preparation for hiking to Base Camp at Mt. Everest, I began working out regularly at the gym, not just walking and hiking like I did previously.  But the simple fact for me is that my eating habits have always been my weakness.  I love Coca Cola, just about the worst thing I could drink for me.  I love pizza, bread, pasta, rice, potatoes all which are not exactly things found on a low carb diet.  I know I’ll get at least one comment of how all it really takes is just to eat these things in moderation and I’ll be fine.  Unfortunately for me, that’s just not reality, but is a fallacy I’ve been willing to accept for a long time.  I often say that humans have two superpowers, rationalization and denial and I have certainly employed both when it comes to eating.

So all of this has led to where I find myself now, pretty much up against the wall in terms of my blood sugar.  If I’m not able to get this under control in the next couple of months I’m going to end up adding one more medication into my life.  And given I’m already on five related to the conditions I can’t change, I really don’t want to add a sixth for something that is essentially within my control.  So it means it’s time to get very, very serious about this.

So I’m being a bit militant about my diet right now.  This has meant adding more vegetables but not starchy vegetables like potatoes or corn.  It’s meant mirroring some aspects of a Ketogenic Diet, but not going full Keto, adding some fat, but adding a lot of fat is not the best idea for someone with a heart condition.  I’m also actually cutting down on my meat consumption a little, I eat meat most days but not everyday, and not a lot of red meat, but I’m cutting back a little.  So this means more vegetable fats, more leafy vegetables including salads and completely avoiding the high carb foods I love.  For the meantime I’m even forgoing my normal cheat day.  Finally the plan also includes intensifying my cardio workouts.  I typically workout 4-5 days a week but I’ve added two days of running into the mix.  I am not, nor do I enjoy running, but it’s the easiest way to up that intensity.  And finally to make that stick I’ve set a goal and actually running a 5k, so on April 11th I’ll be doing the Big Bunny 2020 5K in Cupertino.  I figure no matter how slow I am I should be able to outrun the children.  For those of you who know me well, I’m sure this little announcement is a shock.  I’ve always said I only run with a ball in front of me or a dog behind me.

One of the necessary and fun parts of this little journey has been looking for new things to cook.  I’ve really become enamored with Delish.com they have some great recipes and I’ve been experimenting.  I love to cook and always doctor and personalize recipes to my own taste but I’ve tried to the following in the last week and have been really happy with them.

Zucchini Au Gratin

zuchinni au gratin, scalloped zuchinni

Spaghetti Squash with homemade sauce

spaghetti squash

spaghetti squash

I’ve also been playing with some new ingredients like Shirataki Noodles, and used them with shrimp scampi.

shirataki noodles, shrimp scampi

So you may be asking what does this have to do with happiness?  The thing is that we have things in our life that reduce our happiness and poor health is one of those for me.  So what’s important in this process is the idea of constantly getting a little bit better, whether it’s your health or your happiness.  First, you have to figure out what the issue you is you want to address, you have to decide it’s something important enough to change so that you have the desire to do so.  Then you have to make a plan and work the plan, all with the goal of just doing a little better today than you did yesterday and very importantly, forgiving yourself if you don’t and then recommitting and getting better tomorrow.  If you can do that my friends you’ll have happy days.  ~ Rev Kane

health, food, quote

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Happiness and the words of Thich Nhat Hanh

Happiness and the words of Thich Nhat Hanh

“If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese born Buddhist monk with a long history of peace activism and has brought Buddhist teachings to a wide Western audience.  I link below to a piece in the Ecologist by Thich Nhat Hanh entitled, Thich Nhat Hanh: happiness is possible without simply consuming all the time.  In the piece he discusses how our western consumer based lifestyle can be an impediment to happiness and how changing this can help, give it a read.  As always, have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

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Happiness Resources

Happiness Resources

Happiness, resources

Happiness in the Fall looking over Lake George

A quick tour around the web tonight for some resources to help you live a happier life:

An interesting piece from Zen Habits on Super Health communities, communities where people can live happier, healthier lives.
http://zenhabits.net/superhealth/

The three R’s to happiness from Pick the Brain
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/the-3-r%E2%80%99s-to-total-happiness/

A bit of a sciency article on how to start happiness rolling
http://www.self.com/health/2012/04/find-happiness-in-unexpected-places

10 Simple ways to find happiness
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201204/10-simple-ways-find-happiness

Have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Other Happiness Stories!

Happy Anniversary – Ministry of Happiness: Our Best Posts
https://revkane.com/2017/07/03/happy-anniversary-ministry-of-happiness-our-best-posts-from-the-last-five-years/

 

Fear is Killing Your Happiness
https://revkane.com/2016/01/15/fear-is-killing-your-happiness/

 

Remember the Sweet Things
https://revkane.com/2011/01/23/remember-the-sweet-things/

 

Happiness is Taking Risks
https://revkane.com/2014/02/16/happiness-is-taking-risks/

 

Appalachian Trail Happiness: Acceptance is the Way
https://revkane.com/2016/07/01/appalachian-trail-happiness-acceptance-is-the-way/

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To a Happy and Passionate New Year

To a Happy and Passionate New Year

passion, happiness, quoteAs if you were on fire from within.  The moon lives in the lining of your skin.
~ Pablo Neruda

The last quarter of 2019 was a really fascinating time for me.  I believe I’ve mentioned it before but something hit me some time in October.  I was/am for the first time in my life at a point where I’m not dealing with something that is pulling on my emotions.  You would think I would immediately be ecstatic, but in fact it was a bit disconcerting.  You see when you’ve lived in a particular state of being your entire life, suddenly realizing that you’re in a completely different state, well it can even be a bit scary.

This had a very unusual effect upon me, I sort of went to sleep.  Not literally of course, but I found myself sort of sleepwalking through life for a bit.  Sure, I went to work, I handled my obligations, I kept an OK workout schedule.  But for the most part, I’ve been going to work coming home and watching TV.   Now, there’s an argument to be made that I’d earned a break in my life.  Living for 54 years with near constant emotional stress and strife, suddenly having none, it’s understandable I might just want to relax for a time.  And although that’s likely not the right answer, for the time being I’m going with it.

I’m not a resolution making kind of person, but I am a goal setter and the beginning of the year is as good a time as any to set new goals.  There are the standard annual goals, my goal for blog readership (15,000 page views), total followers (21,000), continue my pattern of completing a book a year, and visiting my 6th continent.  Those are some of the easy ongoing annual goals that have been set for a time.

On the health front I have two pretty big ones for the year, to finally get down to 175 pounds (12 to go) and to get my blood sugar back into the normal range without medication.  Oddly it seems that the last goal is the one that has snapped me out of my sleepwalking.  I made some of the similar changes I had in the past when it got high and it just didn’t come down the same way.  A lack of discipline, being at a higher level than ever before and being older all conspired against my success.  So I’ve had to jump into some more significant than usual changes.  And maybe because I have a problem to solve (I’ve always liked solving problems), I’ve found a lot more energy in my days.

happiness, responsibilityThe energy has quickly spread, I got back to work on continuing to reduce the number of my possessions.  This weekend I sold a number of books, donated several boxes of items to Goodwill and will be setting up several auctions on Ebay starting tomorrow night.  I even had more energy at work last week.  So things are good.

Not perfect, I’m quite frustrated right now, I thought 13 months out would be enough of a time cushion to book my Antarctic trip for next December, it was not.  So I’m hoping to plan a trip to Australia, Sydney and Tasmania to be precise, to hike the Overland Track and check off my 6th continent.  I’ve some quick planning to do to make that work.  But the overall good news is I seem to have a little bit of my fire back.

Without that passion, that fire inside of us, it’s hard for us to be focus and productive in what’s really important, our non-work life.  I’ve still personally got to work on dipping deeper into myself and find some deeper purpose.  But that’s for another night’s discussion.  So my friends, take some time, have those thoughts and discussions with yourself and get in touch with that passion, it will help you have more happy days.

~ Rev Kane

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Appalachian Trail Happiness: Happiness and the Three Questions

Appalachian Trail Happiness: Happiness and the Three Questions

Rev Kane on his arrival at Amicalola Falls State Park

Rev Kane on his arrival at Amicalola Falls State Park

We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. ~ Jawaharlal Nehru

What are the three questions?

What was the most beautiful thing I saw (encountered) today?

What did I learn today?

What made me happy today?
These questions were created for a couple of purposes. First, I have always been frustrated by the fact that when I travel I fall behind in my journaling then end up trying to catch up and often end up missing days during the trip. I wanted a way to capture each day in a way that I would even be willing to complete at the end of long days when I was tired and a method that I could use to easily catch up if I missed a day.

Rev Kane on his first day on the Appalachian Trail

Rev Kane on his first day on the Appalachian Trail

The three questions fit that criteria but also served an additional purpose, by recording these positive thoughts at the end of the day they act as a reminder, even on the really hard days, that good things were happening every day. And because I knew I would be answering these questions at the end of the day, it made me think more about and focus on the beautiful, happy things that I encountered throughout the day. I changed the first question from the original beautiful thing I saw each day, to the most beautiful thing I encountered. Sometimes the most beautiful thing was a sound, a smell or an act of kindness.

There were a lot of hard days on the trail and often sitting down to rest, to eat and answer these questions really put me in a much better place at the end of the day.  Here is a fleshed out version of what I wrote on my first day on the trail. Enjoy and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

March 5th – my first day on the Appalachian Trail.

The most beautiful thing that I saw today was an absolutely Tolkeinesque spot on the trail. I came around a corner and over a small rise to encounter a set of stone steps that were surrounded by bright green moss and ferns. Like a small piece of Middle Earth in the fog. I learned today that five miles on the Appalachian Trail with a forty plus pound pack is possible. What made me happy today was just finally being on the trail, after months of preparation and thinking about it, after quitting my job, traveling across the country and making my way to Georgia I’m finally doing it. That and the presence of my good friend Jim Cooper who met me at the Len Foote, Hike Inn and hiked me in on my first day. All in all a fantastic day!

3 q day 1

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Happiness in Three Weeks

Happiness in Three Weeks

sunset, beachIf you do not change direction, you may end up where  you are heading. ~ Lao Tzu

So it’s the third week of January and for most of us our New Year Resolutions have already failed.  For those of us who are regulars at the gym you can really see the pattern.  Around Christmas to New Years Day the gym begins to get really crowded, the workers are frequently giving tours and you inevitably can’t get on your favorite machine because someone is sitting there trying to figure out how it works.  About this time of year, the crowd that had been thinning day by day since the first, has now pretty much disappeared.

I wrote my New Year post this year on looking at things a little differently for your resolution and hopefully that worked for you.  If not, if you went the old usual way and got the old usual results, let me give you a little forgiveness and another chance.  Yeah, I know, I’ve got no real authority but it’s a way for you to give yourself a break.

So, let tomorrow be a do over Monday, start with a new set of resolutions.  I’ll go back to my post’s recommendation, do something you’re passionate about and want to do, instead of what you “should” do.  Either way here is some advice.

  1. Pick easy and measurable goals, something you can do quickly and easily each day.
  2. Reward yourself for success, put a dollar aside for each time you do what you’re supposed to, do buy some ice cream with the cash.
  3. Tell someone about the goal, keep them updated.
  4. Forgive yourself if you miss a day and go right back at it the next day.

Hopefully these tips will keep you going and help you achieve whatever change you were hoping to make by doing this and as always, have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

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End of the Year Happiness – 2019

End of the Year Happiness – 2019

looking back, happiness

The journey into self-love and self-acceptance must begin with self-examination… until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life. ~ Iyanla Vanzant

So I’m falling prey tonight to what happens to most writers this time of the year, the end of the year review.  Every year has good and bad, and most of the time that comes down to how we choose to perceive things.  So a little walk through the major events of the year.

I got a job

sunset, beach, photographysunset, beach

For the first half of 2019 I was wrapping up a year a travel.  I’d returned to the US and was visiting family on the east coast and also spent some time on the ocean down in Alabama.  I nice restful time of daily beach walks, lazy TV watching and gorgeous sunsets.  But it was also time to get back to work.  So I was submitting applications in January and February and then headed back west to California to start the interview process.  This job hunt was the most difficult I’ve ever had, but I’m spoiled, in the past it’s been an offer after every interview.  However this time around, I missed on the first job I interviewed for, or at least I’m pretty sure I have, they never contacted me.  First time I’ve ever been ghosted after interviewing for a job. I then had a frantic two week period where I had interviews set up for four positions.  I did the first three interviews, and was asked back for two final interviews at Skyline College.  After completed the second one I was offered the position I would end up taking, the Dean of Business , Education and Professional Programs.

sunset selfie

sunset selfie from my new campus

The job has gone very well.  The faculty and staff I’m working with have been open to my ideas and do a great job with their programs.  That all makes my life a lot easier, I have a great assistant and my relationship with my boss is excellent.  So all in all it’s been a great start to the position.

I’m living near San Francisco

I have always loved San Francisco.  It’s a vibrant city with a lot going on, lot’s of museums, events attractions and generally the weather is pretty good.  Although it’s raining like hell and colder than normal as I write this.  I’m enjoying being a 20 minute BART ride from the city and living here has another benefit.  People visit San Francisco, I’ve had more friends come to visit since I’ve lived here than maybe everywhere else I have lived  combined.  So if you’re rolling through the city by the bay my friends, drop a note.

I’ve been exploring the city a bit and having a good time but there is a lot here to see as well as a lot of hiking trails in the bay area.  I’ve also loved being so close to the ocean and have tried to get to the beach to hike at least once a week.  It’s really fun right now as some storms at sea have been driving 20 foot waves into the coast and soon the gray whale migration will be at it’s peak.

My year in health

broken heart, happinessWell, it’s been an up and down year.  My aneurysm continues to grow so I’m looking at heart surgery in the next 3-5 years.  I completely ignored my blood sugar while traveling and now I’m paying the price and working to get that back to normal and not doing a great job of it.  But I’ll get there.  In general everything else is that can be good is and I’ve been working out regularly and hiking some, so physically it’s been a good year.

I published my third book

athena's addict, rev kaneI published my third book this year, another book of poetry, Athena’s Addict.  This was definitely my most personal work and I haven’t done much to publicize it, but I’m happy with the way the book turned out. I’ve been on a pace of a book a year for the last three years and that’s a point of pride for me.

The Ministry of Happiness and Social Media

So this has been the 10th year of the Ministry of Happiness.  This project that I initially thought I would do for a year or so has turned into one of the best things that I’ve ever done.  I’ll write a bigger post later this week, but over the last ten years there have been over 145,000 page views of this blog.  I have over 225 subscribers who receive every single new post.  My social media following has grown to 20,000 followers across my social media platforms.  I’m a tiny fish on the internet, but for a personal passion project I’m damn proud of it.  The blog has helped some folks and in the end, if what I write helps someone than it’s well worth the time and effort I put forth.

My Mental Landscape

One of the more interesting things that happened this year caught me by surprise.  Shortly after arriving at my new home I made a new friend.  She’s a person who I have had some wonderful conversations with.  In talking about our mental landscapes, visualizing your emotional mind as a plain with the the mountains and hills being issues your dealing with, I realized something.  Mine was flat.  I’ve arrived at a point in my life that I was not prepared for and am still adjusting to every day.  I’m not dealing with any big issues, you know, the type of nagging things that you are constantly trying to resolve.  In fact, life is really good.  For the first time in memory I can solely focus on moving forward and that will be the focus of next week’s post.  As always, have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

 

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Happiness is Poetry: Outlaw Poets

Happiness is Poetry: Outlaw Poets

outlaw

My absolute favorite poetry collection is entitled The Outlaw Bible of American Poetry and you can read it free on the link, today several selections from that collection, wonderful reading for a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

Hiding Places ~ Jack Micheline

There are hiding places in my room
where beautiful poems are hidden
Poems hidden away in boxes
on sheets of brown paper
Poems of spirit and magic
workers hands hidden in boxes
beautiful thighs
there are blue skies hidden in my room
dolphins and seagulls
the heaving of breasts and oceans
there are skies in my room
there are flies in my room
there are streets in my room
there are a thousand nights hidden in boxes
there are drunks in my poems
there are a million stars on the roof of my room
all hidden away in boxes
there are steps down side streets
there is a crazed eye of a poet in my room
there are old Arabs exploring the desert near Escalon
there are sparrows and bluebirds and wildcats in my room
there are elephants and tigers
there are skinny Italian girls in my room
there are letters from Peru and England
and Germany and Russia in my room
There are the steps of Odessa in my room
the Volga river in my room
there are dreams in the night of my room
there are flowers
there is the dance of affirmation in my room
the steps of young poets carrying knapsacks full of poems
there are the Pictures of an Exhibition in my room
Moussorgsky and Shostakovich
and Charlie Mingus in my room
Composers and painters all singing in my room
all hidden away in boxes
one night when the moon is full
they will come out and do a dance

I’m an Emotional Idiot ~ Maggie Estep

Here’s a link to her reading it, it’s awesome:

Emotional Idiot

I’m not Mad ~ Vampyre Mike Kassel

Am I mad at you?
Of course I’m not mad, What ever gave you that idea?
Just because I’m sitting here pushing pins
into a wax doll
with a lock of your hair in it?
Just because I burned the panties you left here and buried the ashes at the crossroads at midnight?
Just because I sent the nude pictures we took of you
to Cattle Breeders Digest?
Just because I welded the doors of your car shut?
Just because I wrote your name and address
on the men’s room wall
of every bikers bar from here to Bakersfield?
Just because I made three hundred copies
of your apartment key
and handed them out to every junkie and wino in the Tenderloin?
Just because I switched your birth control pills for Ex-lax,
spiked your shampoo with Nair,
and hid an electric cattle prod inside your favorite dildo?
Just because I pitchforked your mother,
and strung out your cat on speed?
No, I’m not mad.
And by the way,
Have you got a dollar?

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