Happiness and Missing Some Perfect Days

Happiness and Missing Some Perfect Days

fix utah silouhetteI don’t like nostalgia, unless it’s mine. ~ Lou Reed

Today I’m allowing myself a bit of nostalgia, I’ve been back in the default world for a little over a month now.  I’m adapting, I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been hard.  I’ve been working through the final edit on my book, Appalachian Trail Happiness, and it’s been making me miss my time on the trail.  But that’s not what I’m specifically nostalgic for today, today I’m dreaming about my time in Utah.  When I took my first break from work a little over ten years ago my big trip was to spend 22 days hiking the high passes of the Himalayas.  In order to prep for that trip I needed to spend some time doing a little altitude training.  I’m lucky that my family has a cabin near Bryce Canyon National Park and I stayed there for three months.

fix utah red rocks

fix utah navajo 2My time in Utah was an idyllic experience, my days were absolutely perfect.  I would wake in the morning, cook breakfast, pack a lunch and then spend several hours hiking in one of the national or state parks in the region.  I’d return home, work in the yard a bit, eat a meal, read for a time and then take a late afternoon nap in my hammock.  I’d wake up, watch the sunset, eat dinner then sit down to write for a couple of hours before bed.  It was a wonderful and simple time.

fix navajo queen

fix kodachromeSo a short and simple post tonight, a little nostalgia as the default world grinds me down a bit.  But never fear my friends, I have a plan and things are moving forward and I’m having happy days my friends, I hope you are as well.  ~ Rev Kane

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Great Hikes & Treks

Happiness is Taking Risks

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Happiness is a Choice

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Happiness and Being Single

Happiness and Being Single

zMy alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude. ~ Warsan Shire

I have never been married, so funny how that feels like a confession of some kind of sin in America.  The expectation of this society is that at some point in early adulthood you should marry.  You know, settle down, have some kids and being a good little cog in society’s wheel works.  I don’t say this lightly, there is an immense pressure in America on single people to marry.  The pressure is even more so on women and there is an even greater pressure on them to have children.  This is the script of American society and we are all expected to play by the script or be cast out to the edges of society, made to feel different.  Never underestimate the potency of making someone feel like they don’t belong.

People very often succumb to this pressure and marry the “best” person they can find, the one that most fits their idea of what society wants for them when they hit the point they think they should marry.  Safety, security, the right looks, a nice enough person, an attractive enough person.  I know I sound utterly cynical but the simple statistic that 50% or more of marriages fail would seem to back up my thoughts on the subject.  Don’t get me wrong, I know of some fantastic marriages.  One of my best friends has been married nearly 30 years and has a wonderful marriage.

In talking one time to a good friend, she was utterly confused as to why I wasn’t married.  In her opinion, I was attractive, smart, fun a good person, successful and I had dated a number of women.  In questioning me she finally came to a conclusion, “you won’t settle.”  She said this to me with a mix of surprise and revelation.  No, I won’t settle, to me there has never been an imperative that I should marry.  If the circumstances are right, then sure, I’d be happy to marry.  But if marrying someone won’t make me happier than I am alone, why would I marry just to fit some societal script, or to alleviate the fear society beats into us of growing old alone.

I am not alone in this thought.  This past weekend I had long conversations with two single female friends, one never married, one who is divorced.  They have similar ideas about being single and both are incredible women.  Both, as I, have made a decision that being happy is more important that meeting societies expectations.

But all choices have their consequences

It is not easy living outside of societies expectations.  There are some huge upsides to being single, the independence, the control over your own life and decisions, but there are down sides as well.  At times, particularly if you’re not well, it can be lonely.  There is no one who will automatically be the person to pick you up at the airport or from a medical procedure, especially if you have moved to a new place, or live where there is no family nearby.  You rely on your friends and sometimes that can be awkward.

In talking with my friends, and I’m in agreement with them, I do not regret the choices I’ve made or where I find myself in life.  You make the most of the situation you find yourself in, wherever you are at.  I would have liked to have had children, but it would have never been acceptable to me to have been an unhappy parent.  Had the situation and the timing been right, it would have happened, but it didn’t.  So now I get to spoil my nieces and nephews like they are my own.

Happiness is a choice and an attitude, you need to be happy with what you have.  You need to make choices that make you happier regardless of what society expects.  So be good to yourself, true to yourself and you’ll have happy days my friends ~ Rev Kane

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Happiness and the Benefits of Gratitude

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Happiness is a Choice

Writing Away the Darkness

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Happiness, Sex & 50 Shades of Grey

Happiness, Sex & 50 Shades of Grey

love happinessWe waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. ~ Tom Robbins

So the book and soon to be movie 50 Shades of Grey have gotten a lot of press lately. Physical intimacy can be a huge component of happiness and sex can be as well. Recently I did a post on Sex & Happiness where I provided some resources off the web about this subject.

sex happinessI find all of the noise around 50 Shades of Grey interesting and not surprising. First, no I have not read the book, but have read a synopsis and seen a lot of comments about the book. My take is that the book seems to be much like a Harlequin Romance with light dominance and bondage. Something that is likely quite exciting for some bored folks with solidly vanilla lives, whereas people in the kink community are likely yawning at the “kinky” nature of the book.

Personally I think the noise around the book and the movie are fantastic if it’s inspiring open, honest discussion about sex, particularly between partners in relationships. If this discussion gives someone the courage to disclose a fantasy and if the fulfillment of that fantasy makes both of them happy and their relationship stronger and more interesting, magnificent.

I also see a lot of ridicule around the book/movie for its base nature, its simplistic plot, its mild kink but let’s face it, no one expects the book to be a high work of literature, or the movie to be Citizen Kane with handcuffs. But that’s ok, Independence Day is a great, fun movie I really like but aliens attacking earth and humans figuring out a way to win is not original or Oscar worthy but it’s a fun movie. So let anyone who would enjoy the book or the movie enjoy it, no need for anyone else to take away their enjoyment by being condescending.

happiness, bondageAs for sex, who cares what any single individual likes, as long as they are a happy, consenting adult involved with a happy, consenting adult partner – fantastic. Perhaps if more people in the world were having consensual and fulfilling sex our world would be a better place. Even a better place if everyone had deep, loving relationships where they could make love regularly and feel that type of deep intimacy, but that’s not in the cards for everyone unfortunately.

So whether you abstain from sex, are asexual, into the most vanilla sex imaginable or are the kinkiest kid in the city of San Francisco, I hope that you’re getting whatever you need to have a happy day my friend ~ Rev Kane

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Overcoming Worry

Overcoming Worry

01
People get so in the habit of worry that if you save them from drowning and put them on a bank to dry in the sun with hot chocolate and muffins they wonder whether they are catching cold. ~ John Jay Chapman

The holidays are a very stressful time for everyone and an exceptionally hard time for some.  So, until the New Year I’ll be posting a Holiday Happiness post each day to try help folks out who are struggling.  As always you can reach out to me at Happinesskane@aol.com for a kind word or someone to listen. ~ Rev Kane

fix flowersI sometimes think that worry is the number one thing that keeps people from being happy.  We spend so much time worrying about what other people think, did I make the right decision, what might happen next?  Most worry is a total and complete waste of time, what others think rarely truly matters, once a decision is made whether it was right or not is irrelevant you just have to deal with the consequences of the decision you made, and finally worrying about what might happen, well that’s an infinite well you’ll never get out of and still be happy.  So tonight a tour around the web to find you some resources and advice on how to worry less.  I’m starting with a quote I really like, give then a read and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

1When you begin to worry, go find something to do. Get busy being a blessing to someone; do something fruitful. Talking about your problem or sitting alone, thinking about it, does no good; it serves only to make you miserable. Above all else, remember that worrying is totally useless. Worrying will not solve your problem. ~ Joyce Meyer

How to Stop Worrying – This is a fantastic piece that focuses on six steps:

  1. Creating a worry period
  2. Ask yourself if the problem is solvable
  3. Learn to accept uncertainty
  4. Challenge anxious thoughts
  5. Be aware of how others affect you
  6. Practice Mindfulness

I normally posts several resources when I do my resource posts but tonight I’m just going with the one because it’s spot on.  The trick is, like with anything else, you have to work at making change.  The full article goes into detail about why you worry and how to actively work at each of the six steps above.  Practicing mindfulness is one that many people might not be familiar with so here are a couple of links related to that.

imagesWhat is Mindfulness – A very nice explanation to what the term means.

The Mindfulness Guide – As always the blog, Zen Habits hits the nail on the head with a simple guide to how to incorporate mindfulness into busy life.

Mindfulness is Daily Activities – Some interesting and simple ways to be more mindful about things you do everyday

 

Other pieces you might enjoy!

Worry the enemy of happiness

Happiness, worry & the Dalai Lama’s thoughts

Deng Ming-Dao on Worry

A mindfulness day as a way to happiness

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Happiness Resources: On Contentment

Happiness Resources: On Contentment

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough ~ Oprah Winfrey

happiness contentmentToday a quick tour around the web for resources on contentment, nothing like a deep breath, a little contentment, and a happy day my friends                ~ Rev Kane

From Zen Habits, The Incredible Power of Contentment

How to be Happy: Tips for Cultivating Contentment

5 Simple Actions for Pure Peace and Contentment

The unmistakable benefits of contentment and how to achieve it.

A surprising way to cultivate contentment

 

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Are you ready for your Appalachian Trail Thru-Hike

Are you ready for your Appalachian Trail Thru-Hike

hiking, walking, happinessYou need special shoes for hiking — and a bit of a special soul as well.
~ Terri Guillemets

So you want to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail?

First off, congratulations and good luck.  As I have written many times, if all you do is to fully prepare for the trail and make it three days to Mountain Crossings, you’ve done a bigger adventure than most other people will do in their entire lives.  Given that reality, the first thing I will tell you to do is relax and stop feeling any pressure about your hike, what you’re about to do will be amazing in ways you can’t even imagine.  So let’s get into.

Appalachian Trail, hiking, happiness

White Blazes make me happy

How should you prepare for your Appalachian Thru-hike?

The annoying and very true answer to how to prepare for a thru-hike really is to hike.  There’s no exercise that does a good job of preparing you for the combined walking stresses and weight carrying that you’ll be doing.  Unfortunately, pre-hike, few people are ever really able to go out and hike everyday with a full pack on.

So what’s the most sensible way to get ready, first, don’t do what I did for my thru-hike attempt in 2015, sit on your ass for six weeks pre-hike.  Unfortunately I had a sick family member and needed to take care of them.  So what should you do?  For most folks the answer is going to be the gym during the week and hopefully hike (weather permitting} on the weekends.  Obviously we’re talking about doing a lot of cardio, but don’t forget to work on strengthening your quads, those muscles protect your knees.  Also, some work on your glutes and hip adductors is not a bad  idea.  One thing I learned after my hike was that if you pedal backwards on the elliptical you actually hit all the muscles in your legs you activate on downhills.  This is great because most of us don’t have steep downhills to workout on, or don’t want to look like a total dork walking up and down the same hill in the local park.

So I recommend working out four days a week, heavy cardio (treadmill, stair master) including doing some reverse time on the elliptical.  Also, doing  quad, glute and hip adductor exercises twice a week, and you don’t have to go nuts, an hour a night consistently pre-hike will help get you ready.  Then on the weekends, if you can, do a 7-10 mile hike with your pack on.  If not, do a long session in the gym with the goal not of going hard but going long.  Spend a couple of hours alternating between the treadmill, elliptical and the stair master.  You’re trying to get your body used to going for a long time, trust me, on the trail, you’re going to end up going slower than you believe you will pre-hike.

I remember before my hike looking at people doing 8-10 mile a day averages and thinking how lame.  I was sure I’d end up averaging 12-15 miles per day.  Sure, I expected some short days in the beginning but c’mon.  Well, my hike, pre and post injury, ended up lasting 100 days  and I did 1002 miles, almost exactly 10 miles a day.  Now, that included days where I did over 20 miles and a lot of days early on where I did 10 or less.

The most important thing about training physically for the hike is to do something consistently almost every day.  You’re training for endurance, not for speed and that first day, no matter what you will do, will make you feel like you didn’t do enough.  That’s ok, that’s how everybody feels.

Finally, test hikes, if at all possible get out and do some test hikes, a couple of overnighters at least or better yet a couple of 3 day/2 night hikes.  If you can’t at least fill your pack, take it out into the back yard a few nights, set camp, eat trail food and sleep outside.  This will give you and idea of how well things will work, and after a few times, that thing you never used at all, leave it home.

Rev Kane on his first day on the Appalachian Trail

What’s a thru-hike really like?

There’s an old tag line for the Peace Corps, “the toughest job you’ll ever love.”  That’s what a thru-hike on the AT is like.  It’s amazing, the people are fantastic, the AT trail community is the best I’ve ever encountered.  It will be physically hard as hell, hiking through Georgia in the late-winter, early spring is just plain hard.  Wet, slippery, rocky and root filled  trails, shitty weather, you’ll be wet a lot of the time no matter how good your gear is that you’re using.  It can be really cold as well and when it’s super cold and wet you just need to embrace the suck, put your head down and push on.

The best book out there in my opinion to give you a nice picture of what a full thru-hike to Maine is like is AWOL on the Appalachian Trail.  Yes, the same AWOL who writes the trail guide you should be carrying, he’s a great guy, his book is a good read and gives you a good picture of what it’s like.  There  are tons of good trail books but AWOL’s book does the best job of hitting the day-to-day reality of the trail.  I’m also completely biased in thinking my book,  Appalachian Trail Happiness does a good job of this as well, with a little more discussion of trail characters and the community.  Read them both, you won’t be sorry.

be happy, hiking, appalachian trail, tennessee

Rev Kane on the Appalachian Trail at the Tennessee border.

What should you carry on your hike?

I’ll link out to my Appalachian Trail Resource Page and let you look at some of the gear lists out there.  Of course, pack size, what you carry will always be an individual decision but here are some good basic rules.  First, even with your winter bag, your pack should never exceed 45 pounds.  Now, I knew a guy who carried 70 pounds and finished, but I wouldn’t go that route.  If your bag is over 45 pounds, shake that bad boy down again and again.

Ok, so you packed your pack and it’s like mine was, 52 pounds, now what.  First, you have too much food.  You are really only doing a series of three-day hikes, yes, you’ll be hungry at times like you’ve never ever been before.   However, towns are accessible, especially early on, everyone is carrying too much food, hikers are awesome and will share and you can make it up to them in town.  Cut down on how much food you’re carrying and get rid of things that aren’t dehydrated or have high calorie/weight ratios.

Do you really need a zero degree sleeping bag?  I sleep hot, so I brought a 15 degree bag to use in my hammock with no under quilt.   The first night it dropped well below freezing and I sweat my ass off, which is a really bad thing.  Until I was able to swap it out for my 32 degree back I used it like a blanket and carried too much weight  for what  I was getting out of it.  Now, I sleep hot, for you a 15 degree bag might be what you need.  This is where test hikes really can help you figure things out.

You don’t need redundancy!  This was one place I really struggled.  I’m that guy who has a headlamp and a flashlight, two knives, extra socks, my rain jacket and a poncho.  I started out on the trail with two lighters.  What’s wrong with that? Well considering I don’t smoke and my Jet Boil has a striker on it I didn’t even need one lighter, much less two.  I know, people like me right now are like no, I’m carrying at least one.  I get it, but you don’t need it.  Worst case, you’re cookpot striker stops working.  Early on the trail there are plenty of people around, you can burrow a lighter, or use the matches you also brought, which is a good idea, good alternative and light weight.

Shakedown your pack, again and again and again, every single time get rid of stuff.  Ask someone else to shake down your pack.  You can do this virtually by laying  out the whole pack, taking some close up pictures and sending them to someone, hell, send them to me happinesskane@aol.com and have that person make suggestions.

hiking, happiness, appalachian trail

Overmountain Shelter on the Appalachian Trail

What should you eat on your thru-hike?

More than anything else on the trail this is a massive individual decision  and you can link to a deeper dive on this issue for a piece on Appalachian Trail Food Resources.  For example, I don’t like to cook in the morning, I like to get up, pack up and get walking, I’m not a morning person.  So in the mornings I needed something quick, high calorie that I’d be excited about eating.  So for me, when it was cold, little chocolate donuts were absolutely perfect.  When it warmed up powdered donuts and pop tarts worked.  Not the healthiest breakfast but it worked for me.  Other folks made oatmeal, or did dehydrated breakfast foods, etc…

For lunch, tortillas with all manner of fillers was really common.  Of course there was no set lunch for most of us, you eat when you’re hungry.

At camp at night, I almost exclusively ate dehydrated meals like Mountain House, of course I didn’t have a real restrictive budget.  Knorr pasta sides were popular, summer sausage, ets…

For snacks everything you can imagine was on the menu, as long as the calorie to weight ratio was pretty good.

Eventually, you get tired of the same things over and over and people get creative, even at times sacrificing the weight to calorie ratio if it got you excited about it, it was about this point when the babyfood squeezers start to show up on the trail.

Appalachian Trail, Happiness, hikinig

Appalachian Trail Happiness

What kind of schedule should I keep?

NONE!  Look I realize some people have really limited time, but most people aren’t in a bind for time.  So my advice to you is forget about pace, just do what is comfortable and works, this is one of those times when you really have to understand the journey is at least as important as the final destination.  We had great fun  at times reading Second Star’s trail guide, she’d mapped out each day all the way to Maine, needless to say, she was way off schedule and that was just fine.  I realize it’s a bit counter intuitive but worry about having good days, worry about staying healthy and taking care of your body and Maine will take care of itself.

What is the hardest part of thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail?

For most people believe it or not, the hardest part of the a thru-hike is the psychological aspect.  It’s incredibly physically hard, sure, but you were mentally ready for that.  Plus, your body starts adapting to what you’re doing.  But most of us don’t do a great job preparing mentally for a thru-hike.  There’s a great book, Appalachian Trials, that really talks about this aspect of doing a thru-hike including some exercises and ways to cope.  On the trail I watched a lot of people struggle with being away from partners, spouses and kids, if you’re leaving someone behind, get yourself ready for the separation and prepare a plan on how to deal with it.

Warner Hill, Appalachian Trail, happiness

Warner Hill

What if I decide to quit?

Quitting the Appalachian Trail can be a torturous decision for folks.  It’s really hard to give up on something you’ve likely been dreaming about for years, decades, maybe your whole life.  I  wrote a piece called Quitting the Appalachian Trail that I think addresses the issue really well.

What’s it like finishing the AT?

Unfortunately on this point I have no experience.  I’ve got around 1100 miles done, I bunched my first 1000 on my thru-hike attempt in 2015.  I’ve done some extra since then but I will need to either keep section hiking or take another big chunk off someday in the future.  But what I can say is do a Google image search for AT Kathadin and look at the faces of the people posing at the end of their thru-hike, I think  you’ll get a sense of the joy.

Appalachian Trail, hiking, happiness

A magical spot on the Appalachian Trail

How do I  prevent the post hike blues?

No matter whether you finish, quit or are forced to get off the trail, returning to regular (default) life can be a huge letdown after being on the trail.  You have lost your trail family, the greater AT community, your daily well-defined purpose, that can all really gang up on you and tank your mood.  My piece on Post-trail Depression, talks in detail about the feelings and gives some techniques for effectively dealing with them.

Above all, be excited, enjoy your time on the trail, I’m jealous, I wish I was going with you.  Have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

 

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Happiness in unexpected moments

It’s Monday and man it really is a Monday, I got to sleep late last night.  You see I did something silly, I’m moving houses and not cooking much and I yielded to temptation and at dinner had a Coke.  I’ve been pretty much off caffeine for a couple of weeks so a nice full turbo Coke at dinner time, packing boxes and too much on my mind and suddenly it’s way past midnight and I’m not asleep.

So I leap into Monday and running around, the typical thing in my job, putting out fires, dealing with people being ridiculously silly, people lying, etc…. Then as I’m passing through one of our buildings I bumped into a colleague with her little niece and nephew, 2 and 4, being shown around the museum.  I stopped over and said hi, they were really cute kids, when suddenly her little niece makes the universal child symbol for pick me up, arms extended up high.  So I put my arms out and boom she’s in my arms and for a minute we’re looking at the animals in the museum.  Her aunt says to her mom, wow she never does that.  I had to give her back, had places to go but just that little moment of connection with that little one made the whole day better.

So my challenge to you my friends, give someone that moment tomorrow, spread a little happiness and as always, have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

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A Happy Alternate to the Super Bowl

A Happy Alternate to the Super Bowl

sunset, beach, photographyI feel extraordinarily peaceful when I watch the sun set. ~ Kiefer Sutherland

So maybe you’re not so into the Superbowl.  Maybe you’re a baseball fan, maybe you hate the Patriots, maybe you’re just not into sports.  No matter what the reason I decided tonight to post up a little tranquility, some nice pictures and some links to some of the longer reads about my adventures to give you something to do a little reading.

First, a video of gentle waves and the setting sun.

 

Next, some beach sunset photos.

beach, sunset beach, sunset sunset, beach

Finally links to some of my adventures.

My Polar Bear Adventure

My Scottish Hike

My Everest Hike

 

Have a happy day and enjoy my friends. ~ Rev Kane

 

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Happiness Resources: Giving

Happiness Resources: Giving

happiness, giving

Tonight a tour around the web to give you some places and ways to give back to society.  We have talked before about how giving actually makes you happier, so tonight some resources to help you do that and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

 

First a little piece on How Giving Makes us Happy

happiness, giving

These are the top 10 charities that are supported only by private contributions

happiness, giving

A great piece from Tiny Buddha on Ways to Give Back to Your Community

happiness, giving

20 Ways Your Family Can Give Back

happiness, giving

Teaching Kids Ways to Give Back

happiness, giving

Inspiring Stories about Giving Back

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Happiness is Laughter: Funny Kid Pictures

Happiness is Laughter: Funny Kid Pictures

happiness, kids

 

 

 

 

 

So tonight to lighten up your weekend kids, well, being kids, enjoy, have a great weekend and a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

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