Work/Life Balance, A COVID Times update

During this extraordinary period of time in education it’s incredibly important not to lose a focus on keeping work/life balance. On this blog, the Ministry of Happiness, I’ve written pretty extensively about work/life balance.

We often give great lip service in education to work/life balance. We talk about how important it is and then turn around on a Friday and ask to have something done by Monday morning. It is easy to get caught up in the ever burgeoning amount of work and documentation that occurs in education. Whether you’re an administrator seeing the ever expanding requirements related to documenting accountability; a faculty member working on student learning and program learning outcomes as well as designing, completing and reporting on assessments of each; or a classified professional who is having to take more and more required training classes; we’re all incredibly busy.

Now throw in a global pandemic that has literally changed how we do everything. Adding to our burdens without taking any off of our plate and flat out, we are all tired and worn out. I can see it on people’s faces in meetings, I can hear it in their voices when they talk about their lives right now.

Below are the normal core tips that I usually offer in regards to maintaining a healthy work/life balance, below these are my COVID adjustments.

Tips for increasing life/work balance

Find something your passionate about – It’s important to identify those things we truly enjoy. How do you do that? Focus on things that make you lose track of time, one of those for me is photography.

No working 7 days in a row – Always make sure that one day a week you don’t work. The reason is that there is no 7 days in a row, if you work 7 you automatically add the next week and end up doing at least 12. This is the quickest way to stress and burn out.

Claim your space – Personally, I do not work at home. This means I might have to stay in the office til 10 at night but it keeps my home separate from the stresses of work and truly makes my home a sanctuary. I get that this doesn’t work for most people and if you have a family you will have to work at home. However, claim your space at home, only work in your office or in one space in one room. Don’t let your work bleed into family time or to the family dinner table. I understand that 3 year-olds obey no rules or barriers so if you’re dealing with toddlers, do the best you can.

Take mental health days – We all have sick days, note they are not called physically sick days. Don’t be afraid from time to time to just call in for a day and take a break. It’s just as important to rest and keep your mental health in good condition as it is for your body.

Take your vacation days – This drives me nuts, how is it that people can max out their vacation time and HAVE to take a day off to keep form losing time. It’s so important to give yourself a break, do something you love or just do nothing at all for a day or a week. Take your vacation days my friends.

Take real vacations – Finally, take REAL vacations. What do I mean by that? Don’t take that vacation that leaves you saying you need a vacation from your vacation when you get back home. A real vacation is one where you can completely get out of your life for at least a couple of days. This means a vacation where you cut the electronic leash that is your cell phone and where you do something that so engrosses you that you can leave your everyday life behind, it’s the only true rest you’ll ever really get. Also, if you leave town, don’t come back on Sunday and go to work on Monday. Give yourself a buffer day or two between vacation and returning to work.

COVID Times add-in tips for work/life balance

Create space at home and in your life – right now we are all in crazy work from home situations. Many of us are working from home with other adults and often with several children doing distance education as well. There are the inevitable band-width and noise issues. The child or pet who always seems to pick the worse possible moment to make an appearance. I have one colleague whose toddler loves to repeat ever thing her mom says when she’s on Zoom. So what can you do? Create space, whether physical or virtual. If you have a partner or another adult who can cover, take a walk or a drive and get some time alone, then reciprocate for your partner please. In your home, as much as you can, designate work and play spaces and hold that line as best you can. Also, if you can afford it, this is not the time to economize on bandwidth. Maximize your internet connectivity through upgrades to your connection speed or investing in additional connection points via mobile hotspots. Yes, it’s a hit on the budget, but it might be worth it for the mental anxiety it relieves.

Do a better job scheduling your life and alerts – my brother, who is working from how with three toddlers between 1 and 6, is living a bifurcated life. He gets up a 4 AM trying to get a couple of hours of work in before the kids start their day. Then, he essentially gives up for most of the day except during nap time, at least on the days when they all nap at the same time. Then, once the kids are in bed he works again for a few hours. This seems to be a common strategy, so if it’s possible try and schedule your activities to minimize conflicts of time and attention.

One of the things that really gets us these days are our alerts. You’re never truly off of the clock if your phone dings, blinks or lists all of your incoming messages and emails. So take control over your life and schedule your phone connection. I saw a huge difference when I stopped my work email alerts on my phone. Now I’m in control of when I have to see, think about and deal with issues that arrive by email. Most can wait until tomorrow, and even if you’re good about that, often just reading the subject line of the email stresses you out. How often, like me, has that subject line eaten at you until at 11PM at night you just have to jump on and reply. By taking off of the alerts I can look at email for a last time at 7PM and then truly disconnect from work for the rest of the night.

Truly unplug – in my original advice above, I talk about never working 7 days in a row. In our new environment, most of us are violating the hell out of that rule. We answer emails 7 days a week. Although that seems minor, my friends that’s working, and when you work days and weeks on end without a break you burn out. You lose your emotional reserves and you begin to struggle to focus, don’t do it. One day a week, cut the phone off, leave the laptop closed, or at least don’t pull up your email accounts and shut off those alerts. Even a single day of space each weekend will work wonders on your mental health. Ideally, shut it down from Friday night to Monday morning, but baby steps for now, at least get a day, if that seems too intimidating, pick a 12 hour period on one day a week.

Seek out beauty and positivity – It’s easy to get caught up in everything that’s going on at work, with your family, in the world and politics. Which is why I wrote a post recently entitled, Don’t forget about beauty. There are many things in the world that we all love, don’t forget they’re out there. Don’t forget to go looking for them, even just a simple sunset or sunrise. An easy way to not lose track is to ask yourself the following question every day, what is the most beautiful thing I experienced today? This question will get you to reflect on the beauty you’ve encountered and start to look for more beauty in your life.

Now I realize some of you out there have the perfect job and life situation. One that does not feel like work, a job where you wake up in the morning and can’t wait to go to do what other people feel like is a chore. If that’s you, fantastic but for the rest of us these tips can help us have more balanced and happier days. ~ Michael Kane

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Happiness Moments: My M&M Addiction

Happiness Moments: My M&M Addiction

happiness momentsI feel just like a little kid who walked into a candy store.  I think that’s something to smile about. ~ Brandon Boyd

So a new little writing experiment for the blog. I’ve been wanting to find a way to do some free writing as practice. And I’ve been wanting to capture the moments in my life that have brought me true happiness. I need that little pick me up right now with everything going on in the world and no real chance to travel. So, some writing about happy moments in my life, hope they bring you a little happiness too.

First published 10/12/2020

A couple of weeks ago I attended a work retreat, you know, education code for eight hour meeting and team building.  One of the ice breaker questions was to talk about a significant person in your life.  The person I chose was my granny and tonight’s happiness moment is about her.

happiness, granny

My granny looking cool

The reason I chose her for that retreat discussion was that she was the source of my self-esteem and confidence in my life.  My childhood was hard, it was full of stress, danger, lot’s of confusion and anger.  But no matter what, as the first grandchild, in my granny’s eyes I was always awesome.  She always doted on me, always praised me and made me feel awesome.  Although it was a small thing, one of the ways she made me feel special was to give me small bits of responsibility.

Recently on Facebook someone posted a throwback picture of Liepshutz Market.  This little market was on the corner on the opposite side of the street and on the next block from my granny’s house.  The Liepshutzes were longtime family friends and even as a little guy I knew them well, particular the store owner Sammy.

When I was 3 or 4 years old, my granny entrusted me with an errand every afternoon.  I had to go get her daily Register Star newspaper.  This meant crossing two streets and buying something at a store, which to a little kid was a huge deal, especially since I would go on my own.  It seemed like a huge adventure every day, taking that quarter and going to the store to buy the paper and my reward, a bag of M&Ms.  I would then head out, bravely cross two streets, make my purchase, cross two streets again and return home.  Now I’m sure my granny was watching me the whole way, but she never let on and was always so proud of my independence and responsibility.  I love the memory I have of opening that bag of M&Ms, sorting them by color and then eating them with a cold glass of milk. To this day, I eat M&Ms exactly the same way.

This was just one of the small but amazing things my granny did for me.  And trying to pay it forward, I try and do the same types of things for my nieces and nephews.  I think I’ll buy a bag tomorrow and treat myself. ~ Rev Kane

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Don’t forget about Beauty

sunset selfie

Beauty itself is but the sensible image of the infinite. ~ Francis Bacon

Originally posted 10/11/2020

Today, as I was struggling to figure out a topic for my Sunday night post, I did what I so often do and turned to the web. Surprisingly, often finding a topic is as easy and typing happiness into the search bar. Tonight, what I did a search for was, the elements of happiness. I scanned through several lists of what people feel are the important elements of happiness and after writing the Ministry of Happiness blog for the last 11 years, there weren’t a lot of surprises.

sunset, beach, photography

Sunset, Gulf Shores Alabama

The list almost always is composed of a few common things, smile, laugh, live in the now, reduce negativity in your life, protect your health and exercise.  What I found interesting was a single posting that looked at this idea from the perspective of the writings of Carl Jung. That article was the only one that mentioned beauty.  So tonight a simple idea, don’t forget about beauty. 

sunset, beach

Beach sunsets are the best

Throughout the post I’m integrating some of my sunset photographs.  One of the things I love most in the world, and is how I get a consistent source of beauty is watching and photographing sunsets.

writing, poetry, happiness, poem

Sunset on Chukhung in Nepal

It’s a really simple idea, but one I think it is all too easy to overlook, we need beauty in our lives.  There’s a great TED article on beauty that expresses this idea simply and quite well. We need beauty, it makes us feel better, beauty begets beauty, which is an idea I really love.  When I walked my 1000 miles on the Appalachian Trail, I asked myself three questions every day.  One of those questions was, what was the most beautiful thing I experienced today.  The question turned out to be far more powerful than I could have predicted.  Even though at times the days were incredibly hard, it made me focus everyday on all of the beauty that I was experiencing, from beautiful landscapes to flowers to sunsets and even to some of the simplest things like a birdsong or a the sound of a babbling brook.

happiness, wellness,

Sunset on the Arctic tundra

So a simple request tonight, don’t forget about beauty.  Ask yourself this question each day, what was the most beautiful thing I experienced today?  It will make you more aware of the beauty around you, make you seek out beauty constantly, and help you have happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane

 

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Random Happiness: Happiness Quotes

Random Happiness: Happiness Quotes

Tonight a few of my favorite quotes on happiness, have a read and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

happinessIf you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~Dalai Lama

Even if you don’t follow a formal meditation program, it is good to sit quietly for a little while every day.~ Deng Ming Dao

And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. ~ Lao Tzu

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.                                            ~ Martin Luther King Jr

Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind.                    ~ Mohammed

Even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own. ~ Mother Teresa

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell. ~ Buddha

I have been all things unholy. If God can work through me, he can work through anyone.    ~ Saint Francis of Assisi

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What makes a person truly happy

What makes a person truly happy

elf on the shelf, christmas, elf

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.  ~ Tom Bodett

Originally posted 2018

The picture I’ve posted at the top of the post might seem at odds with the title of the post.  You see that picture was taken as part of the Elf on the Shelf madness that one of my sister’s does for her kids.  A couple of years ago the elves took a trip and left New York to come out to Uncle Mike’s house in California.  So this picture was one of the series of photos I sent back as part of that little holiday event.

I love kids, and although I don’t have any of my own, I do have seven, soon to be eight nieces and nephews ranging in ages from minus 6 months to 16.  This year for the first time in several years I was able to visit all of them during the holidays.  This involved staying with one of my sibling’s family, and alternately enjoying and teasing her three kids into near insanity.

I also had the pleasure of playing Santa on Christmas Eve at my other sister’s house for her two kids who she really deeply wants to believe they still believe in Santa.  My niece made eye contact with me and immediately knew it was me.  Didn’t take my nephew long to figure it out either but they were good kids and played along so that their younger cousin got to see Santa on Christmas Eve.

santa selfieFinally yesterday, I got to spend part of the day with my littlest nephews, about to be three and about to be five.  I love really little kids, they haven’t started to develop the filters and concerns most of us carry around, their imaginations are still fully in tact. So when you hang with them you get unexpected truth and honesty, pure and true reaction and emotion and I get to be my true age, four.  So everything this is possible, like tree knocking brachyasaurus tails, Christmas tree camouflaged velociraptors, and  games like dinosaurs versus Lego trucks.  There is also a profusion of monkey feet attacks, tickle assaults and discussions of excavators and cranes. Honestly, I don’t think there is more stress free, enjoyable and happy time for me than hanging out with toddlers.

These are the things that makes us truly happy, not the things we buy or possess, but the experiences we have.  I pretty regularly advocate for you to have positive experiences and get out of your comfort zones.  I talk a lot about big adventures and trips but I wanted to take a few minutes tonight to remind you that I also advocate pretty heavily for the simple positive experiences as well, playing dinosaurs with toddlers, taking some time to read or listen to music or a nice long walk in nature.

Family, happiness, nieces, nephews

Picture purposely blurry to protect our identities, 🙂

My time with these tiny folks is about up, I’ll be back on the road in a couple of days.  But it’s a really wonderful way to wrap up the year, I hope you are doing the same and having happy days as we end 2018 my friends. ~ Rev Kane

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Happiness and Regrets

Happiness and Regrets

Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.   ~David Grayson

Originally posted March, 2015

I been thinking a lot lately about regrets, we all have them.  It is my sincere hope that I have fewer of them than most people.  I have tried hard to live my life in such a way as to address my desires, my fears and my ambitions.  A lot of what has driven that is the fear of regret.  We have all heard the old cliché, at the moment of their death people don’t regret the things they have done, they regret the things they haven’t.  They regret never having visited the places they always wanted to go, the things they always wanted to do, we all regret that person we didn’t ask on a date or let know we were interested in them.

Years go by in the blink of an eye and suddenly we find ourselves down the road in life, typically to a point of higher responsibility and lower freedom.  We allow these constraints to restrict the time and the amount of our dreams, this is a mistake.  Yes, the restrictions and responsibilities in our lives are walls that seemingly bind us, but in fact a door can be built into any wall and once it is there it can be opened.  Building doors can be hard work, things that matter, that are important or different are never easy to accomplish, but are often worth the effort.

So my friends, find some time to dream, metaphorically find, buy or steal some lumber and start planning a door.  Let’s make a pact tonight together that we will support each other in building those doors, marvel together at their completion, cheer for each other as we walk through them and use that as inspiration to walk through our own.  When that day finally comes, and I hope it is many, many years from today, my hope for all of us is that we face that final moment in a room full of open doors.  As always, have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. ~ Jim Rohn

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Our Best Happiness Posts for 2015

Revisiting Some of Our Best Posts & Pictures

There are Angels Among Us: A True Story of Giving & Kindness

Remember the Sweet Things

Happiness is Not Safety

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Happiness and Possessions

Happiness and Possessions

happiness, minimalism

Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It’s your masterpiece after all.            ~ Nathan W. Morris

Originally published June, 2018

So as I get ready to embark on my upcoming adventure I first have to disconnect from my current life. This means quitting my job, selling my house and packing up all of my possessions. I’ve done this before and it always hits me how much we identify with what we own. A great quote from Fight Club is that, “the things you own, end up owning you.” It seems like a natural thing that as we grow up, get older and start to own more things that these things start to get a piece of us.

You see our possessions have needs, they need space, they need companions, what’s a table without chairs? They demand our attention, you see that roaster you never use and it bugs you until you pull it out of the closet and use it. After all, you spent a lot of money on it, you really should use it right?

I have been thinking about this a lot over this weekend as I have been lifting and toting all that I own to a storage space. Basically all of my possessions will fit into a 10 x 15 foot storage space so I’m a bit of minimalist to start with. However as I’ve been stacking I’ve been taking careful note of where things are, in case I need to get to them. This is ridiculous, I’ll be thousands of miles away with no access. I’ve also agonized briefly over silly things like which t-shirts to take or leave behind, ridiculous right? A t-shirt is a t-shirt.
Part of what I’m excited about is leaving my things and this attitude behind, I won’t have my things, so I’ll adapt and get used to living without them. Even more so as I start my Appalachian Trail hike at the end of February I’ll have about 20 to 25 pounds of gear plus food and water. This will force a new level of minimalism and lack of materialism into my life and I really think I will be happier for it.

I have some reason for this belief as there is some good information out there on how reducing your possessions and a minimalist attitude in general can make you happier, here are few pieces, give them a read and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

A simple parable about minimalism and happiness.

Why minimalism brings happiness

Less is more brings happiness

Minimalism and happiness a scientific view

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Happiness Moments: Petra

So a new little writing experiment for the blog. I’ve been wanting to find a way to do some free writing as practice. And I’ve been wanting to capture the moments in my life that have brought me true happiness. I need that little pick me up right now with everything going on in the world and no real chance to travel. So, some writing about happy moments in my life, hope they bring you a little happiness too.

Happiness Moments: Petra                                                                                                         10/5/2020

Standing in front of the Treasury Building in Petra

Media often gets a bad name, movies to a degree and television to a much larger degree.  They are often considered low-brow entertainment compared to reading, theater or opera.  However the thing that people forget is that all entertainment is also information.  And information can be beneficial, I’ve certainly benefited from this information.  Back in the 90s, Red Barron frozen pizza ran an ad campaign where they sent a guy dressed as the Red Barron out to grocery stores with a dozen roses.  If you saw him and said, Red Barron take me away, he would give, to whom they expected to be a housewife, the dozen roses and you’d win $250 in grocery gift certificates.  So while I was shopping one afternoon, I saw a guy with a bomber jacket, big red scarf and roses.  I started to walk passed him when it hit me.  I quickly turned, caught up and said excuse me.  He turned and I said, Red Barron take me away.  He chuckled and a few minutes later I was being photographed with him and the store manager getting my dozen roses and my grocery gift cards.

Similarly, I found about Petra, a 2300 year-old city hidden in a valley in the Jordanian Desert.  You see the treasury building from Petra was featured in a wholly terrible Indiana Jones movie.  But once I saw it, I was obsessed with it.  I researched it, found out that of course Hollywood, had done its normal thing and the inside of the building was nothing like what was seen in the movie.  But the city and the site found a place in my psyche.  It took me decades to finally get there.

I had several incredible experiences in Petra.  The first time I went in was early in the morning.  There is a mile long slot canyon that you walk through to get into the valley that holds the city.  I walked along in the morning, in the silence, the occasional bird chirping.  The canyon, with the sun low in the sky, stayed in shade throughout my approach, at times becoming quite dark.  Walking along, you could see the remnants of the water system that existed in this city over 2000 years ago, that’s right, running water in the desert, 2300 years ago.  The anticipation built throughout the walk, and then you take a turn and there is light, as your eyes adjust, perfectly framed in the opening was the façade of the treasury building.  It was truly just like it had been in the movie and chills ran down my spine.

I would spend an amazing day with a good friend touring the city and the valley, riding a donkey up insanely steep rocks, drinking mint tea with Bedouins on the cliffs.  On the way out of the city that day there was a very old Bedouin man.  He approached, most of the Bedouin were hustling tourists.  I initially brushed him off when I realized he was trying to communicate something about the walls.  What I suddenly realized was that the entire length of wall, over a mile, of the slot canyon had once been carved.  He outlined the shape of what had been a full caravan, men, camels, horses all carved into the wall.   He showed me several others opening my eyes to an amazing detail I would have missed.  As we parted he gave me an old coin and did not accept a tip, it seems he had just wanted some company, to show his pride in his home and ancestors.  The coin is almost certainly a modern copy, I’ve never had it looked at, but it was a kind and wonderful moment and regardless of its value I treasure that coin.

Petra would provide one more amazing moment.  We had booked something called Petra at night.  Once again, this time was after sunset, we walked through the darkness of the slot canyon.  Arriving to the opening, this time there was a glowing image of the treasury building.  Emerging into the space before the treasury was amazing.  The entire area and the façade were illuminated with hundreds of candles.  Musicians played ancient music on ancient instruments, the light from the candles bounced across the façade causing shadows to dance and fade.  It was a truly magical moment and one I’ll never forget.

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10 things you can do to be happier today!

10 things you can do to be happier today!

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present ~ Jim Rohn

happiness

So I’ve been gleaming through books and online resources and thought for tonight I’d do a quick post on 10 things you can do today to be happier.  None of these are life changing events by themselves and by doing one or the other you’re not going to instantly find yourself dancing circles on the lawn, but achieving happiness is absolutely a marathon not a sprint.  However, try a couple and have a happier day my friends.

1.  Declutter your life  – This is one of those ideas that I really like because it is really scalable.  You see this as easy as organizing your kitchen drawers or straightening out those boxes in the spare room and giving or throwing away things you don’t need.  On a much larger scale this includes looking at the relationships in your lives and removing those relationships/people who bring negative energy into your life.

2.  Breathe, and slow down – Another scalable possibility, for all of us we need to take some time to wind down, we live fast-moving and stressful lives.  We are all way too scheduled for our own good and so we need to breathe and slow down.   In the moment, when things get stressful, it is really important to literally take a deep breath, beyond giving us a moment to relax and calm our thoughts deep breathing has lots of positive impacts on our body.

3.  Be more mindful – Being more mindful is a great way to focus on the immediate and be really present in your life.  Particularly in dealing with other people it benefits your interactions and makes you realize what you truly have in your life.

4.  Express some gratitude – Expressing gratitude is one of those things that on the surface doesn’t make sense, how does giving thanks to others make you happier.  However, by being thankful what you are in fact doing is giving yourself constant reminders of the good things in your life.

5.  Laugh – At some level this really needs no description, we all need to laugh, find a way to do this every day, whether it’s a morning comic, a person who makes you laugh at work or your kids or a clip of the Three Stooges, but laugh everyday my friends.

6.  Reconnect – Reconnect to what’s most important in your life, if that’s family spend more time with them, repair any damage that has been done to relationships, call your mom.  If what is important is giving, then volunteer more, if it’s being out in nature take the day and go.  The most important thing is to do something to reconnect with what’s important in your life.

7.  Exercise – Another really obvious one, exercise is just plain good for you.  Here is a link to a piece I did some time ago that lays out the benefits of exercise.

8.  Get enough sleep, eat better, but reward yourself – Sleep is so important, it impacts your mood, your health and hell if you aren’t fully awake you’re even at greater risk of getting in a car accident!  So get enough sleep, most Americans aren’t.  And eat well my friends, less sugar, less processed food, less sodium the more whole food and the more local food you eat the healthier you will be and health and happiness are absolutely linked.

9.  Limit your news consumption – I’ve recently started doing this and I have to say after a couple of months I think it really has made a difference.  Not only in my levels of happiness but also my blood pressure.  News focuses on tragedy, political divisiveness, and celebrity nonsense all of which will spike your blood pressure and make you question whether humans should exist as a species.  You can still keep up with current events by using the net, although it is getting harder and harder to find pure news sources, I recommend you take a look at the Christian Science Monitor, probably the best newspaper in America.

10.  Create some time – Time is our most valuable commodity and we bleed a lot of it away.  One of the things technology can do is allow us to do things more efficiently.  Of course that is when we are not wasting our time updating our Facebook status or tweeting what we had for dinner.  One thing I absolutely love is my DVR, it allows me to space through commercials and watch shows when I want to.  There’s a great book the Four-hour work week, which gives you tons of tips on how to streamline and in some cases outsource your life.

Then of course take the time you’ve found and use if for one of the ideas above and have a happy day my friends.  ~ Rev Kane

OTHER ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE…

Happiness and Simplicity

Happiness and the words of Thich Nhat Hanh

Happiness, the minimalist mind, and hiking the Appalachian Trail

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Right now, happiness is hard

Right now, happiness is hard

challenge, quote

I don’t think I have anything profound to say tonight. Our world is never easy, life is never easy, but right now things are harder than normal. The pandemic has changed all of our lives in so many ways. Change is always hard and most of us are experiencing huge levels of change right now. We’re seeing changes in the way we work, for many of us that means working from home. That brings it’s own set of challenges. For many, whose children are also at home, it means multi-tasking at levels you’ve never seen before. Even if you just live with one other person, you’re in each others faces far more than ever before. There are challenges with technology, shared bandwidth, shared attention. All of our relationships, whether partners, roommates or children are being stressed.

There’s also stress on relationships in the opposite direction, we’re not to be able to be face to face like we used to be able to be. So for some of our relationships this is a new stress, no chance to be close or to hug. For many of us with elderly parents, we’re unable to see them. And we may not be able to see them for some time, if your parents are elderly or not in great health, you begin to wonder if you’ll ever see them again. Even worse, for people whose parents have dementia and are in managed care, video conferencing and phone calls just don’t cut it.

Our resiliency is certainly being tested. One of the things that is missing right now, is the ability for us to do the things we need to do to recharge our batteries. For a lot of folks there just isn’t time to be alone, or to get a break. For me, what gets me back to even is the ability to travel and get new experiences. So at this time, that emotional reserve that most of us normally have is missing. That means when we face obstacles or challenges were not as able to handle them with our normal grace. We’re shorter, we explode more, we’re basically just more reactive than usual. Even writing this post tonight I had to face this. It seems that October 1st is the tech industry’s preferred change date. This week I’ve found very different looks on some websites I visit regularly. And tonight, WordPress has finally forced me into using their new editor. I don’t like it, it doesn’t allow me to do some formatting things that have become standard on my page. Navigating it tonight, I lost content, got incredibly frustrated and at one point burst out with a string of profanities. It was a brief thing but emblematic of reality right now.

Right now a lot of us are feeling less effective. We’re feeling like we’re bad parents, bad children, bad friends and it adds to how we feel right now. For me, I seem to be out of motivation. I’m doing what I have to do, but I’m finding it far to easy at the end of the workday to eat, and drop in a chair to be entertained by my computer or television. I’ve been quite upset with myself over this, I even skipped my weekly post for this blog last week, I’m sure some of you feel the same way about yourselves right now.

So my message tonight is a simple one, give yourself a break. We all need to give everyone some extra space and grace right now. We also need to extend that to ourselves. These are, as much as I’m getting to really dislike the term, unprecedented times. So it’s ok, if right now, you’re not your best self. Take a breath, relax, things will become more normal, they will get better eventually. I’m sure you’re all doing far better than you realize. It’s ok, what’s happening isn’t your fault and you’re doing the best you can, that’s enough. Be well my friends and have a happy day. ~ Rev Kane

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