The Dalai Lama on Countering Stress and Depression

This is from a post on the Dalai Lama’s page:

At a fundamental level, as human beings, we are all the same; each one of us aspires to happiness and each one of us does not wish to suffer. This is why, whenever I have the opportunity, I try to draw people’s attention to what as members of the human family we have in common and the deeply interconnected nature of our existence and welfare.

Today, there is increasing recognition, as well as a growing body of scientific evidence, that confirms the close connection between our own states of mind and our happiness. On the one hand, many of us live in societies that are very developed materially, yet among us are many people who are not very happy. Just underneath the beautiful surface of affluence there is a kind of mental unrest, leading to frustration, unnecessary quarrels, reliance on drugs or alcohol, and in the worst case, suicide. There is no guarantee that wealth alone can give you the joy or fulfilment that you seek. The same can be said of your friends too. When you are in an intense state of anger or hatred, even a very close friend appears to you as somehow frosty, or cold, distant, and annoying.

However, as human beings we are gifted with this wonderful human intelligence. Besides that, all human beings have the capacity to be very determined and to direct that strong sense of determination in whatever direction they like. So long as we remember that we have this marvellous gift of human intelligence and a capacity to develop determination and use it in positive ways, we will preserve our underlying mental health. Realizing we have this great human potential gives us a fundamental strength. This recognition can act as a mechanism that enables us to deal with any difficulty, no matter what situation we are facing, without losing hope or sinking into feelings of low self-esteem.

I write this as someone who lost his freedom at the age of 16, then lost his country at the age of 24. Consequently, I have lived in exile for more than 50 years during which we Tibetans have dedicated ourselves to keeping the Tibetan identity alive and preserving our culture and values. On most days the news from Tibet is heartbreaking, and yet none of these challenges gives grounds for giving up. One of the approaches that I personally find useful is to cultivate the thought: If the situation or problem is such that it can be remedied, then there is no need to worry about it. In other words, if there is a solution or a way out of the difficulty, you do not need to be overwhelmed by it. The appropriate action is to seek its solution. Then it is clearly more sensible to spend your energy focussing on the solution rather than worrying about the problem. Alternatively, if there is no solution, no possibility of resolution, then there is also no point in being worried about it, because you cannot do anything about it anyway. In that case, the sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be for you. This formula, of course, implies directly confronting the problem and taking a realistic view. Otherwise you will be unable to find out whether or not there is a resolution to the problem

Taking a realistic view and cultivating a proper motivation can also shield you against feelings of fear and anxiety. If you develop a pure and sincere motivation, if you are motivated by a wish to help on the basis of kindness, compassion, and respect, then you can carry on any kind of work, in any field, and function more effectively with less fear or worry, not being afraid of what others think or whether you ultimately will be successful in reaching your goal. Even if you fail to achieve your goal, you can feel good about having made the effort. But with a bad motivation, people can praise you or you can achieve goals, but you still will not be happy.

Again, we may sometimes feel that our whole lives are unsatisfactory, we feel on the point of being overwhelmed by the difficulties that confront us. This happens to us all in varying degrees from time to time. When this occurs, it is vital that we make every effort to find a way of lifting our spirits. We can do this by recollecting our good fortune. We may, for example, be loved by someone; we may have certain talents; we may have received a good education; we may have our basic needs provided for – food to eat, clothes to wear, somewhere to live – we may have performed certain altruistic deeds in the past. We must take into consideration even the slightest positive aspect of our lives. For if we fail to find some way of uplifting ourselves, there is every danger of sinking further into our sense of powerlessness. This can lead us to believe that we have no capacity for doing good whatsoever. Thus we create the conditions of despair itself.

As a Buddhist monk I have learned that what principally upsets our inner peace is what we call disturbing emotions.  All those thoughts, emotions, and mental events which reflect a negative or uncompassionate state of mind inevitably undermine our experience of inner peace. All our negative thoughts and emotions – such as hatred, anger, pride, lust, greed, envy, and so on – are considered to be sources of difficulty, to be disturbing. Negative thoughts and emotions are what obstruct our most basic aspiration – to be happy and to avoid suffering. When we act under their influence, we become oblivious to the impact our actions have on others: they are thus the cause of our destructive behaviour both toward others and to ourselves. Murder, scandal, and deceit all have their origin in disturbing emotions.

This inevitably gives rise to the question – can we train the mind? There are many methods by which to do this. Among these, in the Buddhist tradition, is a special instruction called mind training, which focuses on cultivating concern for others and turning adversity to advantage. It is this pattern of thought, transforming problems into happiness that has enabled the Tibetan people to maintain their dignity and spirit in the face of great difficulties. Indeed I have found this advice of great practical benefit in my own life.

A great Tibetan teacher of mind training once remarked that one of the mind’s most marvellous qualities is that it can be transformed. I have no doubt that those who attempt to transform their minds, overcome their disturbing emotions and achieve a sense of inner peace, will, over a period of time, notice a change in their mental attitudes and responses to people and events. Their minds will become more disciplined and positive. And I am sure they will find their own sense of happiness grow as they contribute to the greater happiness of others. I offer my prayers that everyone who makes this their goal will be blessed with success.

The Dalai Lama

December 31, 2010

Published in the Hindustan Times, India, on January 3rd, 2011



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Connecting with others and selected families

Connecting with others and selected families

happiness, family

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.  ~Marcel Proust

Although your personal happiness depends first and foremost on you, others can help you along your path to happiness.  This can be accomplished by consciously connecting with others who can help you on the path.  Now there are a myriad of people in our lives, friends, family, coworkers and all the people we run into on a daily basis.  Our initial expectation is that those who are closest to us are the people who are most responsible, after ourselves, for helping us move forward on the path to happiness.  Unfortunately this is often not the case and in fact, sometimes they are the very people who can inhibit us from moving farther down the path.  This is not a condemnation of those close to us, they have their own path to follow and their own mountains to climb.  Sometimes the process that they must undertake can make our own journey more difficult.  This is not to say you should become selfish and not assist them as best you can, in fact helping them can actually help you.  Helping others is something we have discussed before and this is a great opportunity to put those thoughts into action.

However, you should also not sacrifice yourself for the mistakes of others.  Your biological family was decided for you, but your friends, or as I like to call them your selected family was not.  In creating your selected family it is important to choose people who bring you positive energy, make you feel good about yourself but do so in an honest manner.  No one who always tells you only good things for fear of hurting your feelings is helping you.  The best friends are those who will support you and when need be, honestly and compassionately let you know when you’ve gone astray.

I also highly recommend that in your selected family that you have people who make you laugh, the importance of laughter in our lives is huge.  I think we all have made the mistake of including people in our circle of friends, or our selected family, who are consistently negative and bring us down.  Although it can be stressful, or cause a confrontation, it is important to work these negative forces out of our lives.  Any removal of negativity reasonably improves our situation and moves us down the path to happiness.

So in order to improve our happiness we need to have the appropriate people around us.  Our selected family should be composed of positive, honest and upbeat people who can make us laugh.  Those people who are negative, that for whatever reason you can’t remove from your life, need to have their impact minimized.  Interact with them as little as possible and on a regular schedule so you know when the interactions will happen and limit the interactions to only necessary discussions.  For those you have to remove from your life, do so as quietly and compassionately as you can, but make the break quickly and fully.  If you leave them in your life at any level the negativity can creep back in.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
~ Mother Teresa

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Thank You

A quick note today my friends to thank you for being supportive of our joint endeavor to have happier lives.   If you have enjoyed and/or found value in what we post, please share it with your friends and help us to continue to bring more happiness to those we care about.

Over the last year we have produced 42 posts that have ranged from the simple wisdom of the Dalai Lama, to the articulate words of Deng-Ming Dao and hopefully have provided you with some practical advice on how to increase the happiness in your life.

We endeavor to post this blog every Monday with occasional additional posts of small bits of wisdom as they are encountered by this author.   As always your comments are welcomed and if anyone has ideas for subjects they would like to see covered, please contact us and let us know what they are.  Here’s to another great year.

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse.  I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.  ~J.D. Salinger

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Looking Back

 Looking Back

 Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.  ~William Feather

Taoist philosophy often speaks about the importance of the cycles of nature and life, even cycles within these cycles. Today we end an old year and as with any ending, we begin something new. It is important at these times to look back and see what we accomplished in the past cycle and plan for the next. The wisest among us, in anticipation of the end of any cycle, have already planned for the next but then again, they are few and far between. Unfortunately in our society the way we have a tendency to look back is by producing a list of the 10 most ridiculous reality show moments, or the top 10 news stories, etc…  This is not truly looking back; this is book-keeping without any analysis.

What we need to do as we end a cycle is to analyze what progress we’ve made, our successes and our setbacks.  In your quest for greater happiness, what did you do over the last year that made you happier?  Perhaps you became more fit, lost weight, lowered your stress levels and found a consistent way to reward yourself for being a good person.  Of course you may have also failed to address an ongoing source of stress in your life, did nothing to get out of the job you hate, or make any effort to help others and give back in any way.

The most important thing to understand about this analysis is that it is not done to pat yourself on the back or to punish yourself for not making advances.  In fact it is not a judgmental process, but an accounting of what has happened so that you can do better. Dieters who have the most success are the ones who can’t let go of the fact that they didn’t eat properly the day before, dieters who beat themselves up and obsess over a previous day’s error end up eating to assuage their guilt in a self-defeating circle.

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So don’t beat yourself up over what you didn’t accomplish, take what you did well, build upon it and in this cycle create a year that you’ll be proud to look back on. Be realistic, simple goals breed success that you can build on.  I am not talking about the grandiose New Year’s Resolutions most people make.  However the one thing that should be in common with them is that you should tell people what you plan to do, it provides an outside watchdog to help you when you lose your resolve.

On that note I’m putting forward one of the things I am hoping to improve in the next cycle and would invite you to share your own in the comments section.  This will help all of us support each other and give others ideas about things they can do as well.  My plan, in relation to one of my recent posts will be to more regularly meditate.  Over the past year I have created a nice little altar area in my home and my hope is to sit down daily, if only for a few minutes and humble myself and meditate at that altar, wish me luck, and may your New Year be filled with happiness.

 

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. ~ Lao Tzu

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Happiness Resources, Positivity, Kindness & Gratitude

Stories of Kindness

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The Dalai Lama on Compassion

The Dalai Lama on Compassion

happiness compassion

My basic belief is that first you need to realize the usefulness of compassion, that’s the key factor. Once you accept the fact that compassion is not something childish or sentimental, once you realize that compassion is something really worthwhile and realize its deeper value, then you immediately develop an attraction towards it, a willingness to cultivate it.  ~ Dalai Lama

 

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Happiness, Worry & the Dalai Lama’s Thoughts

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The Beauty of Christmas

 

Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys.  If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.  ~Fyodor Dostoevsky

Hello my friends, as we come to the end of the year and move into the holiday season it’s always a good idea to look back on our journey and see what progress we have made.  We’ll do that a little more in-depth next week but today I want to talk about the beauty of Christmas.  While many people will find joy in this season related to its religious nature, or the gifts they receive, or even a coating of snow on the morning of December 25th I of course would like to talk about how the holiday can help on our quest to be happier.

We’ve talked about a lot of ways to increase our happiness this year and this holiday season allows us to do a number of things that make us happier.  Christmas allows us to do many of the things we have talked about before and one large one we have not, spending time with the ones you love.  Love and acceptance are what we expect from the people who are dear to us.  Hopefully the holidays allow you to both give that to, and receive it from others.  Christmas and family gatherings can be very stressful and it is easy to fall into old patterns of behaviors and old arguments, but that is a choice you make.  When you feel that beginning, step back, breathe and make the choice to be the compassionate and kind one in this relationship, however unfair that may be.  That choice, even if it is just for the holiday can be your greatest gift to yourself and your family.  Remember to hug everyone, that physical act of love and acceptance is more powerful than you realize.  Happy Christmas and as a reminder of all the ways you can continue your journey to a happier life, I’ve linked back to several that we have presented and that you can practice over the next few days.

To be present and be in the moment and not thinking about work or responsibilities:

https://ministryofhappiness.wordpress.com/2010/11/22/on-being-present-in-your-life/

Focus on the good things, forget, at least for the day, the old rivalries, fights and slights:

https://ministryofhappiness.wordpress.com/2010/11/15/111/

Notice the small things, pay attention to the smile in a child’s eyes, or the lights of the tree reflected in the window:

https://ministryofhappiness.wordpress.com/2010/12/06/happiness-exercise-and-holiday-depression/

Be grateful that you can be where you want to be:

https://ministryofhappiness.wordpress.com/2010/11/03/being-grateful/

Slow down and take it easy breathe and relax, don’t spoil your happiness rushing around:

https://ministryofhappiness.wordpress.com/2010/10/25/slow-down/

Exercise, yes, exercise, even on Christmas go sledding or skating with the little ones or just take a quiet walk on Christmas day:

https://ministryofhappiness.wordpress.com/2010/12/06/happiness-exercise-and-holiday-depression/

 

The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mode of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.  ~Charles L. Morgan

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The Dalai Lama on Attitude

People often expect the other person to respond first in a positive way, instead of taking the initiative to create that possibility. I feel that’s wrong; it can act as a barrier that just promotes a feeling of isolation from others. To overcome feelings of isolation and loneliness, your underlying attitude makes a tremendous difference – approaching others with the thought of compassion in your mind is the best way. ~ Dalai Lama

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The Internal Minefield

If you regularly read this blog you know that I post weekly each Monday on our mutual quest for happiness and then occasionally bring in other small posts particularly from the Dalai Lama or Deng Ming-Dao.  As it happened today I experienced a small piece of synchronicity as I encountered a new statement from his holiness that matched up very well with today’s daily meditation by Deng Ming-Dao, so I thought I would provide them both together. 

Both are expression of acceptance of what is inside each of us, the good and the bad.  The Dalai Lama asks us to eliminate the negative. Deng Ming-Dao guides us just a bit further by explaining that we must express the negative to remove it.  I will humbly add my own advice to this esteemed company and talk a little bit about how to do that. 

First the Dalai Lama:

True happiness comes from having a sense of inner peace and contentment, which in turn must be achieved by cultivating altruism, love and compassion, and by eliminating anger, selfishness and greed. ~Dalai Lama

 

Now Deng Ming-Dao from Daily Meditations: The 365 Day Tao

Express yourself
That is meaning

Ask yourself each day, “What remains unexpressed within me?”

Whatever it is, bring it out.  But be judicious.  The rantings of mad people do not yield greater freedom.  Those who are with Tao use expression to find greater understanding of themselves and so find liberation from ignorance and circumstance.

All that is good and unique in you should be brought out.  If you do not do this, you will be stunted.  Never hold back, thinking that you will wait for a better time.  The good in you is like the water in a well:  The more you draw from it, the more fresh water will seep in.  If you don’t draw from it, the water will only become stagnant.

What is dark, perhaps even evil, inside you must be expressed in a proper way too.  Lust, hatred, cruelty, and resentment – these must all be carefully taken out of yourself, like finding a bomb and taking it to be detonated harmlessly.  Your heart may be quite a mine field, but you must persevere in clearing if you are to plant crops and frolic without concern.

Ask yourself each day, “What remains unexpressed within me?”  Unless you can express it, you will not clarify your inner nature.

And finally me:

I love the daily meditation above, but it raises an immediate question, how do I do this?  How do I take those negative and frightening things out of myself like the bombs that they are and diffuse them?  For me there have always been two mechanisms, fantasy and writing.  First I think it’s ok to allow the negative within you to be expressed in your mind, fantasizing about screaming at your boss or the rude waiter is ok, this is particularly good for those things that may be considered evil within you.  As long as it doesn’t transition from fantasizing to planning.

A more effective way for me is writing, many writers explain that when you write you remove the energy behind what you write as you lay it down on paper.  It is similar for me, when I put my thoughts, this energy down on paper it gives me the chance to rethink it, analyze my emotions and come to a better understanding.  This is what works for me but there are many ways to deal with the negative; some remove this energy by being physical, through exercise or recreation; others through meditation, tai chi or yoga; and finally many others through art.  The method is irrelevant, what is important is to find a method by which you can express yourself, that also allows you while in the process, to find the mental space to consider your thoughts and come to a happier place.   Of utmost importance is that you come to know what is within you, cultivate that which is good, and work to remove that which is not.  Have a great day.

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Notice the Small Things

Notice the Small Things

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. ~ Mother Teresa

happiness calvin hobbes

It’s a rainy cold day and I’ve bundled up on the couch, so it’s a good time to talk about noticing the small things.  As we grudgingly roll out of bed and blast into our daily routine, commute, and start our work day, it is all too easy to do this in a haze; after all it’s just a another day.  But tomorrow, is another day you’re alive, another day that this magic thing that is life is occurring and we should be thankful and enjoy it.  We need to find the joy in the standard and the routine for that is the majority of our time.  One way to do that is notice the small things.  Take a second to return the smile of someone you encounter, notice the sunrise/sunset during your commute, or take a moment to see the new hairstyle someone is wearing in your office.

Noticing these things may not do anything in themselves to increase your happiness, but may increase the happiness of others, which in the end will increase yours.  So have a happy day my friends, take your time, remember to breathe, stay positive and notice the small things. ~ Rev Kane

Do not consider any act of kindness insignificant, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face. ~ Mohammed

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Our Best Happiness Posts of 2015

My favorite Appalachian Trail Photos of 2015

Why I’m Happy Right Now!

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Why Thanksgiving is my Favorite Holiday

Why Thanksgiving is my Favorite Holiday

I am grateful for what I am and have.  My Thanksgiving is perpetual. ~ Henry David Thoreua

I love Thanksgiving, it may be the only holiday I truly love.  Why?  Well mostly because it’s unaffiliated, it’s not a religious holiday or a patriotic holiday, there is no abstract reasoning to this holiday.  This is a holiday that is solely about what is near and dear to us and an opportunity to say thanks for all of it.  I would point out that I’ve hosted, and been part of a lot of orphan Thanksgivings in my time, but never an orphan 4th of July or Christmas.  One of the beauties of Thanksgiving is that you chose who is your family that day whether they are blood relatives or not.

Another reason I love this day are the traditions that exist, happy get togethers, food, lots of food and football.  For me when I was young the tradition was just a little different in that it started with deer hunting, and particularly when my grandfather was still alive, it was a day to go out and spend some time in the woods with him.  Now I know those of you opposed to hunting won’t get this, but a big part of the reason you’re out there is the quiet moments of the early mornings out in nature, and to have my grandpa along, so much the better.  So we would wake early, go out for a couple of hours, come home and eat a huge breakfast.  Then we’d walk in the mid-day and come home to warmth and football and a feast.  Being an Irish-Italian family that meant the standard Turkey dinner with  the addition of lasagna, meatballs, sausage and maybe a bit of venison thrown in, heaven.

I know that a lot of folks don’t like the excess of Thanksgiving and think this day of what might legitimately be called gluttony is obscene when people are homeless and hungry.  I disagree, I think if we always stay focused on people less fortunate you remain perpetually unhappy.  In my opinion taking one day a year to spoil yourself, eat too much and revel in whatever excess you have is not only sensible but necessary.  We have 364 additional days to help others, what would be wrong is if you didn’t take any of those other days to help.

rev kane, slower pace of life, can make you happy

A slower pace of life can make you happy

So Happy Thanksgiving friends, enjoy your day, your family, your friends and your feast, relax and have a happy day. ~ Rev kane

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