Holiday Happiness: You Need to Relax

Holiday Happiness: You Need to Relax

relax happinessYou have to relax when you’re shooting an arrow. You can’t be tense. And that just helps, in your day-to-day life. ~ Stephen Amell

The holidays are a very stressful time for everyone and an exceptionally hard time for some.  So, until the New Year I’ll be posting a Holiday Happiness post each day to try help folks out who are struggling.  As always you can reach out to me at Happinesskane@aol.com for a kind word or someone to listen. ~ Rev Kane

So the holidays are rolling in full on us, nine or ten days to Christmas.  You can tell, everywhere you go there are bloody Christmas carols playing incessantly.  Even doing the laundry this morning meant an hour and a half of Christmas carols.  You can also tell by parking lots, any lot where there are shopping opportunities, the lots are full.  Not just full, but also full of people who have turned parking into a bloodsport.  Constantly now there are people in their cars just sitting on that “good spot” where someone is just beginning to load their car before leaving.  Now it doesn’t matter if that person is 10 seconds or 10 minutes from leaving, they are going to sit there and completely and totally muck up traffic in order to save from having to walk another 100 feet.

The other thing that happens this time of year is parking lot stalking.  You know, as you walk out to your car, they roll ever so slowly waiting for you to get to your car so they can institute their sitting and waiting maneuver.  Heck, sometimes they’ll even get on their horn if you don’t leave soon enough.  I’m not always such a nice person and occasionally this time of year I’ll claim a little revenge on parking lot stalkers.  What I do, is that I’ll come out of a store and purposefully walk up the wrong aisle in order to get stalkers to follow me, only to cross across aisles just to watch them punch and try to rip around the aisle to get to my spot, which of course, is another aisle over from the original aisle in the opposite direction.  Like I said, not always such a nice guy.

be happy, back to the basicsFor me this mean little game is a bit of relaxation in this season.  People get really worked up, stressed out, people are hurrying around, heck on “Black Friday” there is even violence at times.  All of this hurrying and stress just adds to the pressure and bad feelings people have this time of year.  This stress can be the trigger to that dip into the well that we talked about last night.  So what’s the solution, well for me it’s scheduling time during the holidays for no other purpose than to relax.  I’ve talked before about the importance and benefits of relaxation and let me be clear what I’m talking about during the holidays.  We do lots of “relaxing” things during the holiday.  We go caroling, or tree cutting as a family, we have cookie baking parties and go to work holiday parties.  All of this, whether we want to or not, whether we enjoy it or not because it’s an obligation or a tradition.  Often some of our traditions serve no other purpose than to make one person happy and re-create the holiday stress of years passed.

So pick an afternoon, a morning or an evening, just for a couple of hours one day during the holiday season and just relax.  Go do something you really love to do, go bowling, or for a hike, sneak off to a coffee shop and watch some Netflix or read a book.  Go get a massage, that has multiple benefits.  Whatever it is, make it something that reduces your stress and just makes you feel good.  It will save your sanity a bit, make the holidays more enjoyable, maybe prevent holiday depression and help you have a happier days my friend. ~ Rev Kane

 

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Holiday Happiness: Giving

Holiday Happiness: Giving

giving kindnessIt is in giving that we receive. ~ Francis of Assisi

 

The holidays are a very stressful time for everyone and an exceptionally hard time for some.  So, until the New Year I’ll be posting a Holiday Happiness post each day to try help folks out who are struggling.  As always you can reach out to me at Happinesskane@aol.com for a kind word or someone to listen. ~ Rev Kane

Tonight I want to talk about giving.  One of my favorite things this time of year is giving gifts.  In giving, without the expectation of receiving, we truly show our ability to be kind and care for others.  I especially like, trying to find a gift that really shows the person I know who they are by finding something that connects with them.

kindness happinessThis time of year we also generally try and reach out and give to others as well, whether it is volunteering for a charity, giving money, or even dropping some change in the Salvation Army kettle.  This time of year we are good about thinking about others, about being charitable, the challenge is to find that spirit in us the rest of the year as well.  Have a happy day my friends. ~ Rev Kane

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Holiday Happiness: Tips for Happiness

Holiday Happiness: Tips for Happiness

Hello my friends, as we push through the holiday season and in our continuing attempts to make this a happy time for all of us today we continue to provide you pieces to keep you positive this time of year. Rev Kane

12

Whatever makes you happy,as long as it doesn’t hurt you or someone else,do it. Schedule pleasurable activities into your life with the same dedication, precision and priority you give less-than-pleasurable ones ~ Peter McWilliams

Tonight a really nicely written blog piece – Ten Rules for my Life

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Happiness, Exercise and Holiday Depression

Happiness, Exercise and Holiday Depression

01Jumping for joy is good exercise.  ~Author Unknown

We are now well within the so-called “holiday season” and it, at least according to every Norman Rockwell painting I’ve ever seen, is supposed to be a perfect time of family, friends and cocoa around the fireplace.  Unfortunately for some of us this is not always the case, in particular, although I love Thanksgiving, as evidenced by a previous post:

https://ministryofhappiness.wordpress.com/2010/11/25/why-thanksgiving-is-my-favorite-holiday/

I have no special affinity for Christmas.  The holiday season definitely brings its share of friends and family, parties and gatherings.  This can be wonderful, but it can also bring with it a level of stress as well.  Playing the host or hostess at parties, trying to figure out the perfect gift for a loved one or friend, renewing the old stresses of childhood at family gatherings, all of these things can be hard.

So, during the holiday season we have a tendency to do some things we don’t normally do.  We eat too much, and definitely too many sweets, we drink more than we normally do.  Additionally we are often traveling and all of this added together gets us out of our routines, particularly our exercise routine if we have one.

The holidays also bring something else to a lot of people, depression.  People can feel really alone during the holidays, particular people who have gone through a major life change in the last year.  That can often include the elderly, singles and people who do not have strong connections to family or friends.  It has even gotten its own term, holiday depression.  The link below can give you more information on the topic:

http://www.depression-guide.com/depression-holidays.htm

This brings us back around to exercise and happiness and the connection between the two in our lives.  At any time exercise has a long list of positive effects on our mood.  The list below comes from http://www.depression-guide.com/depression-and-exercise.htm  and shows all of the ways in which exercise can improve our mood and increase our happiness:

  • People have reported that, when they exercise, can think more clearly, feel happy, feel better about themselves, lose weight, develop strength, and enjoy a sense of well-being.
  • Exercise increased positive mood
  • they sleep better
  • have less nervousness and anxiety,
  • Exercise decreased negative mood
  • Exercise improved vigor
  • Exercise is effective in reducing stress, anger, fatigue
  • Many evidence proved that exercise plays a vital role in uplifting depression
  • Exercise improved the motivation and self-esteem in the person
  • Many people even report that they look and feel younger when they exercise regularly.
  • Exercise may help in increasing the feelings of coherence
  • Exercise increased the feelings of social integration
  • An exercise and depression study in which participants walked daily for even weeks found that the decrease in depressive mood and the improvement in vigor continued after five months.
  • Another exercise and depression study which compared exercise alone, medication alone, and exercise plus medication found lasting improvements after six months in participants who had exercised without medication.
  • When the participants continued to exercise the ongoing improvement was even greater. This study concluded that medication may produce quicker relief but exercise yields more long-term benefit.

For this reason having an exercise routine is always a benefit to our lives and can help us be happier individuals.  Given the stresses of the holidays it is even more important this time of year to continue or start an exercise program.  I can attest to the fact that the gym is pretty empty this time of year.  Besides if you are exercising you feel a lot less guilty about those cookies that you just ate, or that glass of egg nog you’re going to have tonight.  So, get out there, walk, jog, go to the gym, whatever it takes to burn a few calories, raise your heart-rate, burn off some cortisol and release some endorphins.  In the end you will feel better and probably live a longer, happier life.

I’m including a couple of resource articles on the various aspects of exercise and happiness for those who want to read a little more.  Happy Holidays!

Article on exercise and happiness from the psychological perspective:

http://www.exploringwomanhood.com/mindbodysoul/happiness-exercise.htm

It is exercise alone that supports the spirits, and keeps the mind in vigor.  ~Marcus Tullius Cicero

Other Posts You Might Enjoy!

How Travel Makes You Happier

Fear is Killing Your Happiness

Our Best Happiness Posts of 2015

My favorite Appalachian Trail Photos of 2015

Why I’m Happy Right Now!

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Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays

lonely christmas tree

A big part of depression is feeling lonely, even if you are in a room full of a million people. ~ Lily Singh

Good evening my  friends, this weekend starts my least favorite time of the year.  The “Holiday Season” is without a doubt the time of year I feel the most alone and isolated from the world.  It is the time of the year I have to work the hardest to fight off my natural inclination to depressing thoughts.  I know where this all comes from, I did that work years ago.  Growing up we are all bombarded with the images of the perfect Christmas, the wonderful New Years party.  We see images of children opening perfectly wrapped presents that are always exactly what they wanted.

happy christmas

Unfortunately, that was not my experience as a child.  The holidays were always super high tension.  Drunk relatives getting in arguments, worries about money, not getting the gift you really wanted.  Grouchy babysitters who could care less if you were there.  It always was the most tense and lonely time of the year.  My escape was always to go outside, to walk, hike or even just sit on the porch.  But during the holidays it was almost always alternately rainy and cold or just bitter cold.  The one shining star in the middle of it were my granny’s peanut butter chocolate drop cookies.

Being someone who is most often alone, through most of the year it’s fine.  But because those societal expectations have been driven in so deep, this time of the year it’s just a little harder to stay positive.  It’s a little too cold, a little dark, a little too lonely.  But life is good for me these days, I have the resources to change my  location, to travel to see those I wish too, if I choose to.  So these days I mostly focus on spoiling my nieces and nephews and reaching out through this blog to others, who like me, find this time of year kind of tough.

christmas tree

So tonight my holiday kickoff is to start that outreach by reminding all of the rest of you, that while this time of year might be festive and wonderful for you, others around you are smiling and suffering.  By no means diminish your own joy, but reach out a little more perhaps than normal, be a little more inclusive in your festivities, extend some extra kindness, give an unexpected gift.  Not only will it help them, but it will help you have happier days my friends. ~ Rev Kane

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My Best AT Posts from the Last Year

My Best AT Posts from the Last Year

Kingfisher celebrating in Hot Springs.

Kingfisher celebrating in Hot Springs.

Today is the birthday of one of my hiking partners from last year, Kingfisher.  The picture above is our belated celebration we held at the Laughing Heart Hostel in Hot Springs, NC.  So today I decided to go back and post some of my favorite and a few of what I hope will be useful posts for current thru-hikers.

Useful posts

AT food information & recipes

Thru-hike FAQ’s

Thru-hiking Gear Lists

Appalachian Trail Resources

 

My favorite posts

Appalachian Trail: Precious Moments

My favorite AT photos from 2015

Appalachian Trail Happiness: The Book

My favorite Little Hiker

Appalachian Trail Community

Quitting the Appalachian Trail

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My Annual Thanksgiving Hike

My Annual Thanksgiving Hike

thanksgiving, hikeBe thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more.  If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you’ll never have enough.                            ~  Oprah Winfrey

As I’ve written about before, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  Over the last two Thanksgivings I was traveling.  And while particularly last year, Thanksgiving in Oaxaca was wonderful, it’s been three years since I was able to check off my Thanksgiving traditions.  This is one of the few times that I try and parallel traditions from my youth.  When I was younger Thanksgiving meant hunting with my grandpa in the morning, home for a big breakfast and a nap.  Back out hunting in the afternoon and return home at sunset for dinner, football and often a second nap.  Dinner always meant turkey, mashed potatoes, lasagna, corn, cranberry sauce and pies.

For me these days, particularly like this year when I’m just cooking for me, my traditions are simple and comfortable.  A morning hike, this year it was cold and had been raining so I delayed it to a little bit later in the morning but took a walk along the beach and up to Mori Point.  Not a strenuous hike but the waves were cranking today.

 

I returned home to do some cooking, turkey, stuffing, potatoes, cranberry sauce and of course a little chocolate pudding pie.  Dinner was great.

thanksgiving dinner

After dinner, I relaxed watching football, taking a break for my required Thanksgiving Holiday movement listening, the full massacre in four part harmony.

Alice’s Restaurant

I snuck in a lovely little nap during the games after which I awoke to dive into the pie.  Pretty much a perfect holiday for me.  I hope yours was good as well and you had a happy day my friends.  Happy Thanksgiving. ~ Rev Kane

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Happiness is Thanksgiving Dinner

Happiness is Thanksgiving Dinner

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations. ~ Oscar Wilde

thanksgiving-food

So as my favorite eating holiday of the year approaches, I thought I would do a post on Thanksgiving Dinner because a good Thanksgiving Dinner is certainly a good day my friends.  ~ Rev Kane

Traditional Turkey Dinners (we’ll get more ALT down below)

For those of you who want all your info in one post:

How to buy, thaw, stuff and cook a turkey from What’s Cooking America

To start:

Tips on buying a turkey from the LA Times

Another piece on what turkey to buy

For those of you considering heirloom birds a little info

Cooking tips and guides:

The simplest easiest way to make a good turkey

For the gourmet types among you, from Saveur – The Perfect Bird 

The side dishes:

Perfect mashed potatoes

Fancy mashed potatoes with cream cheese

And for the fancy pants cooks, Duchess Potatoes

Three words, Green Bean Casserole

We have 83, yes 83 side dish and stuffing recipes from Southern Living 

Dessert

From the Food Network, 50 classic dessert recipes 

But my favorite, buy a Keebler Graham pie shell, a banana, instant chocolate pudding and some rainbow sprinkles.  Take the shell, cut the banana into slices on the bottom of the shell, make the pudding and pour over it, shake the sprinkles on top, refrigerate – heaven.

Non-traditional Dinners

Calvin Trillin’s Alternative Thanksgiving Dinners  http://busycooks.about.com/od/thanksgiving/a/Trillinthanksgi.htm

Three anti-turkey Thanksgiving dinners, sure it’s blasphemy but the recipes look great and one is vegetarian  http://www.thedailymeal.com/three-anti-turkey-thanksgiving-menus

For our Vegan friends:

We have 44 Vegan recipes for Thanksgiving  http://greatist.com/health/vegan-thanksgiving-recipes

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Happiness is Poetry: Adrian Manning

Happiness is Poetry: Adrian Manning

happiness, poetry

I’m starting to the think Adrian and Hosho have a mutual admiration society in the works

Another recommendation tonight from our friend Hosho McCreesh, I really like Adrian Manning’s work and particular this first piece.  Check out Concrete Meat Press as well, fabulous stuff.  Have a read, enjoy and have a happy day my friends ~ Rev Kane

 

AT THIS MOMENT

Darkness envelops this house,

rain has begun to fall.

Air is heavy and ominous here.

I see your face in the window

and the tears

of the centuries

run from your reflected eyes,

slow at first they gain

on each other.

I have done some bad

and useless things.

When the rain

and darkness are gone

they will still be

bad and useless things.

Silence will remain

to remind me,

building a wall

between us

as unavoidable

as history.

************************

SHARP

walking the streets

of san Francisco .

see that apartment up there?

that’s where Buk stayed

when he read here once

A.D. tells me.

the wild party, the broken window.

it’s legendary, I’ve read of it.

looking down, I see a

broken shard, like the old guy

himself, still sharp after

all these years

*******************************

RELIGION

by Adrian Manning

they come to the door

peddling their manifestos

and offering their reading

material.

I am not interested.

I tell them I worship at the 

Church of Bukowski

and I have plenty to read.

they look confused.

they don’t understand.

but you do

don’t you? 

**************************

You might like these as well…

Happiness is Poetry: Bukowski Again

Happiness is Poetry: Doug Draime

Happiness is Poetry: Suzanne Burns

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Happiness is Poetry: Great American Poems

Happiness is Poetry: Great American Poems

happiness

 

Tonight, a collection of several great American Poems, enjoy my friends and have a happy day ~ Rev Kane

 

 

I start of course with my favorite poet, Charles Bukowski, a brutal little piece about the pretty people.

What’s the Use of A Title?

They dont make it 
the beautiful die in flame- 
sucide pills,rat poison,rope what- 
ever... 
they rip their arms off, 
throw themselves out of windows, 
they pull their eyes out of the sockets, 
reject love 
reject hate 
reject,reject. 

they do'nt make it 
the beautiful can't endure, 
they are butterflies 
they are doves 
they are sparrows, 
they dont make it. 

onetall shot of flame 
while the old men play checkers in the park 
one flame,one good flame 
while the old men play checkers in the park 
in the sun. 

the beautiful are found in the edge of a room 
crumpled into spiders and needles and silence 
and we can never understand why they 
left,they were so 
beautiful. 

they dont make it, 
the beautiful die young 
and leave the ugly to their ugly lives. 

lovley and brilliant: life and suidcide and death 
as the old men play checkers in the sun 
in the park.

 

One of Langston Hughes’ simple, short and powerful pieces.

I Too Sing America

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides, 
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.

 

One of my favorite pieces by Maya Angelou

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Allen Ginsberg’s and anthem for the beat generation and one that still reads with great impact.

Howl

 I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by 
              madness, starving hysterical naked, 
       dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn 
              looking for an angry fix, 
       angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly 
              connection to the starry dynamo in the machin- 
              ery of night, 
       who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat 
              up smoking in the supernatural darkness of 
              cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities 
              contemplating jazz, 
       who bared their brains to Heaven under the El and 
              saw Mohammedan angels staggering on tene- 
              ment roofs illuminated, 
       who passed through universities with radiant cool eyes 
              hallucinating Arkansas and Blake-light tragedy 
              among the scholars of war, 
       who were expelled from the academies for crazy & 
              publishing obscene odes on the windows of the 
              skull, 
       who cowered in unshaven rooms in underwear, burn- 
              ing their money in wastebaskets and listening 
              to the Terror through the wall, 
       who got busted in their pubic beards returning through 
              Laredo with a belt of marijuana for New York, 
       who ate fire in paint hotels or drank turpentine in 
              Paradise Alley, death, or purgatoried their 
              torsos night after night 
       with dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares, al- 
              cohol and cock and endless balls, 
       incomparable blind; streets of shuddering cloud and 
              lightning in the mind leaping toward poles of 
              Canada & Paterson, illuminating all the mo- 
              tionless world of Time between, 
       Peyote solidities of halls, backyard green tree cemetery 
              dawns, wine drunkenness over the rooftops, 
              storefront boroughs of teahead joyride neon 
              blinking traffic light, sun and moon and tree 
              vibrations in the roaring winter dusks of Brook- 
              lyn, ashcan rantings and kind king light of mind, 
       who chained themselves to subways for the endless 
              ride from Battery to holy Bronx on benzedrine 
              until the noise of wheels and children brought 
              them down shuddering mouth-wracked and 
              battered bleak of brain all drained of brilliance 
              in the drear light of Zoo, 
       who sank all night in submarine light of Bickford's 
              floated out and sat through the stale beer after 
              noon in desolate Fugazzi's, listening to the crack 
              of doom on the hydrogen jukebox, 
       who talked continuously seventy hours from park to 
              pad to bar to Bellevue to museum to the Brook- 
              lyn Bridge, 
       lost battalion of platonic conversationalists jumping 
              down the stoops off fire escapes off windowsills 
              off Empire State out of the moon, 
       yacketayakking screaming vomiting whispering facts 
              and memories and anecdotes and eyeball kicks 
              and shocks of hospitals and jails and wars, 
       whole intellects disgorged in total recall for seven days 
              and nights with brilliant eyes, meat for the 
              Synagogue cast on the pavement, 
       who vanished into nowhere Zen New Jersey leaving a 
              trail of ambiguous picture postcards of Atlantic 
              City Hall, 
       suffering Eastern sweats and Tangerian bone-grind- 
              ings and migraines of China under junk-with- 
              drawal in Newark's bleak furnished room, 
       who wandered around and around at midnight in the 
              railroad yard wondering where to go, and went, 
              leaving no broken hearts, 
       who lit cigarettes in boxcars boxcars boxcars racketing 
              through snow toward lonesome farms in grand- 
              father night, 
       who studied Plotinus Poe St. John of the Cross telep- 
              athy and bop kabbalah because the cosmos in- 
              stinctively vibrated at their feet in Kansas, 
       who loned it through the streets of Idaho seeking vis- 
              ionary indian angels who were visionary indian 
              angels, 
       who thought they were only mad when Baltimore 
              gleamed in supernatural ecstasy, 
       who jumped in limousines with the Chinaman of Okla- 
              homa on the impulse of winter midnight street 
              light smalltown rain, 
       who lounged hungry and lonesome through Houston 
              seeking jazz or sex or soup, and followed the 
              brilliant Spaniard to converse about America 
              and Eternity, a hopeless task, and so took ship 
              to Africa, 
       who disappeared into the volcanoes of Mexico leaving 
              behind nothing but the shadow of dungarees 
              and the lava and ash of poetry scattered in fire 
              place Chicago, 
       who reappeared on the West Coast investigating the 
              F.B.I. in beards and shorts with big pacifist 
              eyes sexy in their dark skin passing out incom- 
              prehensible leaflets, 
       who burned cigarette holes in their arms protesting 
              the narcotic tobacco haze of Capitalism, 
       who distributed Supercommunist pamphlets in Union 
              Square weeping and undressing while the sirens 
              of Los Alamos wailed them down, and wailed 
              down Wall, and the Staten Island ferry also 
              wailed, 
       who broke down crying in white gymnasiums naked 
              and trembling before the machinery of other 
              skeletons, 
       who bit detectives in the neck and shrieked with delight 
              in policecars for committing no crime but their 
              own wild cooking pederasty and intoxication, 
       who howled on their knees in the subway and were 
              dragged off the roof waving genitals and manu- 
              scripts, 
       who let themselves be fucked in the ass by saintly 
              motorcyclists, and screamed with joy, 
       who blew and were blown by those human seraphim, 
              the sailors, caresses of Atlantic and Caribbean 
              love, 
       who balled in the morning in the evenings in rose 
              gardens and the grass of public parks and 
              cemeteries scattering their semen freely to 
              whomever come who may, 
       who hiccuped endlessly trying to giggle but wound up 
              with a sob behind a partition in a Turkish Bath 
              when the blond & naked angel came to pierce 
              them with a sword, 
       who lost their loveboys to the three old shrews of fate 
              the one eyed shrew of the heterosexual dollar 
              the one eyed shrew that winks out of the womb 
              and the one eyed shrew that does nothing but 
              sit on her ass and snip the intellectual golden 
              threads of the craftsman's loom, 
       who copulated ecstatic and insatiate with a bottle of 
              beer a sweetheart a package of cigarettes a can- 
              dle and fell off the bed, and continued along 
              the floor and down the hall and ended fainting 
              on the wall with a vision of ultimate cunt and 
              come eluding the last gyzym of consciousness, 
       who sweetened the snatches of a million girls trembling 
              in the sunset, and were red eyed in the morning 
              but prepared to sweeten the snatch of the sun 
              rise, flashing buttocks under barns and naked 
              in the lake, 
       who went out whoring through Colorado in myriad 
              stolen night-cars, N.C., secret hero of these 
              poems, cocksman and Adonis of Denver-joy 
              to the memory of his innumerable lays of girls 
              in empty lots & diner backyards, moviehouses' 
              rickety rows, on mountaintops in caves or with 
              gaunt waitresses in familiar roadside lonely pet- 
              ticoat upliftings & especially secret gas-station 
              solipsisms of johns, & hometown alleys too, 
       who faded out in vast sordid movies, were shifted in 
              dreams, woke on a sudden Manhattan, and 
              picked themselves up out of basements hung 
              over with heartless Tokay and horrors of Third 
              Avenue iron dreams & stumbled to unemploy- 
              ment offices, 
       who walked all night with their shoes full of blood on 
              the snowbank docks waiting for a door in the 
              East River to open to a room full of steamheat 
              and opium, 
       who created great suicidal dramas on the apartment 
              cliff-banks of the Hudson under the wartime 
              blue floodlight of the moon & their heads shall 
              be crowned with laurel in oblivion, 
       who ate the lamb stew of the imagination or digested 
              the crab at the muddy bottom of the rivers of 
              Bowery, 
       who wept at the romance of the streets with their 
              pushcarts full of onions and bad music, 
       who sat in boxes breathing in the darkness under the 
              bridge, and rose up to build harpsichords in 
              their lofts, 
       who coughed on the sixth floor of Harlem crowned 
              with flame under the tubercular sky surrounded 
              by orange crates of theology, 
       who scribbled all night rocking and rolling over lofty 
              incantations which in the yellow morning were 
              stanzas of gibberish, 
       who cooked rotten animals lung heart feet tail borsht 
              & tortillas dreaming of the pure vegetable 
              kingdom, 
       who plunged themselves under meat trucks looking for 
              an egg, 
       who threw their watches off the roof to cast their ballot 
              for Eternity outside of Time, & alarm clocks 
              fell on their heads every day for the next decade, 
       who cut their wrists three times successively unsuccess- 
              fully, gave up and were forced to open antique 
              stores where they thought they were growing 
              old and cried, 
       who were burned alive in their innocent flannel suits 
              on Madison Avenue amid blasts of leaden verse 
              & the tanked-up clatter of the iron regiments 
              of fashion & the nitroglycerine shrieks of the 
              fairies of advertising & the mustard gas of sinis- 
              ter intelligent editors, or were run down by the 
              drunken taxicabs of Absolute Reality, 
       who jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge this actually hap- 
              pened and walked away unknown and forgotten 
              into the ghostly daze of Chinatown soup alley 
              ways & firetrucks, not even one free beer, 
       who sang out of their windows in despair, fell out of 
              the subway window, jumped in the filthy Pas- 
              saic, leaped on negroes, cried all over the street, 
              danced on broken wineglasses barefoot smashed 
              phonograph records of nostalgic European 
              1930s German jazz finished the whiskey and 
              threw up groaning into the bloody toilet, moans 
              in their ears and the blast of colossal steam 
              whistles, 
       who barreled down the highways of the past journeying 
              to each other's hotrod-Golgotha jail-solitude 
              watch or Birmingham jazz incarnation, 
       who drove crosscountry seventytwo hours to find out 
              if I had a vision or you had a vision or he had 
              a vision to find out Eternity, 
       who journeyed to Denver, who died in Denver, who 
              came back to Denver & waited in vain, who 
              watched over Denver & brooded & loned in 
              Denver and finally went away to find out the 
              Time, & now Denver is lonesome for her heroes, 
       who fell on their knees in hopeless cathedrals praying 
              for each other's salvation and light and breasts, 
              until the soul illuminated its hair for a second, 
       who crashed through their minds in jail waiting for 
              impossible criminals with golden heads and the 
              charm of reality in their hearts who sang sweet 
              blues to Alcatraz, 
       who retired to Mexico to cultivate a habit, or Rocky 
              Mount to tender Buddha or Tangiers to boys 
              or Southern Pacific to the black locomotive or 
              Harvard to Narcissus to Woodlawn to the 
              daisychain or grave, 
       who demanded sanity trials accusing the radio of hyp 
              notism & were left with their insanity & their 
              hands & a hung jury, 
       who threw potato salad at CCNY lecturers on Dadaism 
              and subsequently presented themselves on the 
              granite steps of the madhouse with shaven heads 
              and harlequin speech of suicide, demanding in- 
              stantaneous lobotomy, 
       and who were given instead the concrete void of insulin 
              Metrazol electricity hydrotherapy psycho- 
              therapy occupational therapy pingpong & 
              amnesia, 
       who in humorless protest overturned only one symbolic 
              pingpong table, resting briefly in catatonia, 
       returning years later truly bald except for a wig of 
              blood, and tears and fingers, to the visible mad 
              man doom of the wards of the madtowns of the 
              East, 
       Pilgrim State's Rockland's and Greystone's foetid 
              halls, bickering with the echoes of the soul, rock- 
              ing and rolling in the midnight solitude-bench 
              dolmen-realms of love, dream of life a night- 
              mare, bodies turned to stone as heavy as the 
              moon, 
       with mother finally ******, and the last fantastic book 
              flung out of the tenement window, and the last 
              door closed at 4. A.M. and the last telephone 
              slammed at the wall in reply and the last fur- 
              nished room emptied down to the last piece of 
              mental furniture, a yellow paper rose twisted 
              on a wire hanger in the closet, and even that 
              imaginary, nothing but a hopeful little bit of 
              hallucination 
       ah, Carl, while you are not safe I am not safe, and 
              now you're really in the total animal soup of 
              time 
       and who therefore ran through the icy streets obsessed 
              with a sudden flash of the alchemy of the use 
              of the ellipse the catalog the meter & the vibrat- 
              ing plane, 
       who dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space 
              through images juxtaposed, and trapped the 
              archangel of the soul between 2 visual images 
              and joined the elemental verbs and set the noun 
              and dash of consciousness together jumping 
              with sensation of Pater Omnipotens Aeterna 
              Deus 
       to recreate the syntax and measure of poor human 
              prose and stand before you speechless and intel- 
              ligent and shaking with shame, rejected yet con- 
              fessing out the soul to conform to the rhythm 
              of thought in his naked and endless head, 
       the madman bum and angel beat in Time, unknown, 
              yet putting down here what might be left to say 
              in time come after death, 
       and rose reincarnate in the ghostly clothes of jazz in 
              the goldhorn shadow of the band and blew the 
              suffering of America's naked mind for love into 
              an eli eli lamma lamma sabacthani saxophone 
              cry that shivered the cities down to the last radio 
       with the absolute heart of the poem of life butchered 
              out of their own bodies good to eat a thousand 
              years. 

                           II 

       What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open 
              their skulls and ate up their brains and imagi- 
              nation? 
       Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unob 
              tainable dollars! Children screaming under the 
              stairways! Boys sobbing in armies! Old men 
              weeping in the parks! 
       Moloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the 
              loveless! Mental Moloch! Moloch the heavy 
              judger of men! 
       Moloch the incomprehensible prison! Moloch the 
              crossbone soulless jailhouse and Congress of 
              sorrows! Moloch whose buildings are judgment! 
              Moloch the vast stone of war! Moloch the stun- 
              ned governments! 
       Moloch whose mind is pure machinery! Moloch whose 
              blood is running money! Moloch whose fingers 
              are ten armies! Moloch whose breast is a canni- 
              bal dynamo! Moloch whose ear is a smoking 
              tomb! 
       Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows! 
              Moloch whose skyscrapers stand in the long 
              streets like endless Jehovahs! Moloch whose fac- 
              tories dream and croak in the fog! Moloch whose 
              smokestacks and antennae crown the cities! 
       Moloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch 
              whose soul is electricity and banks! Moloch 
              whose poverty is the specter of genius! Moloch 
              whose fate is a cloud of sexless hydrogen! 
              Moloch whose name is the Mind! 
       Moloch in whom I sit lonely! Moloch in whom I dream 
              Angels! Crazy in Moloch! Cocksucker in 
              Moloch! Lacklove and manless in Moloch! 
       Moloch who entered my soul early! Moloch in whom 
              I am a consciousness without a body! Moloch 
              who frightened me out of my natural ecstasy! 
              Moloch whom I abandon! Wake up in Moloch! 
              Light streaming out of the sky! 
       Moloch! Moloch! Robot apartments! invisible suburbs! 
              skeleton treasuries! blind capitals! demonic 
              industries! spectral nations! invincible mad 
              houses! granite cocks! monstrous bombs! 
       They broke their backs lifting Moloch to Heaven! Pave- 
              ments, trees, radios, tons! lifting the city to 
              Heaven which exists and is everywhere about 
              us! 
       Visions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstasies! 
              gone down the American river! 
       Dreams! adorations! illuminations! religions! the whole 
              boatload of sensitive bullshit! 
       Breakthroughs! over the river! flips and crucifixions! 
              gone down the flood! Highs! Epiphanies! De- 
              spairs! Ten years' animal screams and suicides! 
              Minds! New loves! Mad generation! down on 
              the rocks of Time! 
       Real holy laughter in the river! They saw it all! the 
              wild eyes! the holy yells! They bade farewell! 
              They jumped off the roof! to solitude! waving! 
              carrying flowers! Down to the river! into the 
              street! 

                           III

       Carl Solomon! I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you're madder than I am 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you must feel very strange 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you imitate the shade of my mother 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you've murdered your twelve secretaries 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you laugh at this invisible humor 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where we are great writers on the same dreadful 
              typewriter 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where your condition has become serious and 
              is reported on the radio 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where the faculties of the skull no longer admit 
              the worms of the senses 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you drink the tea of the breasts of the 
              spinsters of Utica 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you pun on the bodies of your nurses the 
              harpies of the Bronx 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you scream in a straightjacket that you're 
              losing the game of the actual pingpong of the 
              abyss 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you bang on the catatonic piano the soul 
              is innocent and immortal it should never die 
              ungodly in an armed madhouse 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where fifty more shocks will never return your 
              soul to its body again from its pilgrimage to a 
              cross in the void 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you accuse your doctors of insanity and 
              plot the Hebrew socialist revolution against the 
              fascist national Golgotha 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where you will split the heavens of Long Island 
              and resurrect your living human Jesus from the 
              superhuman tomb 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where there are twenty-five-thousand mad com- 
              rades all together singing the final stanzas of the Internationale 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where we hug and kiss the United States under 
              our bedsheets the United States that coughs all 
              night and won't let us sleep 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              where we wake up electrified out of the coma 
              by our own souls' airplanes roaring over the 
              roof they've come to drop angelic bombs the 
              hospital illuminates itself imaginary walls col- 
              lapse O skinny legions run outside O starry 
              spangled shock of mercy the eternal war is 
              here O victory forget your underwear we're 
              free 
       I'm with you in Rockland 
              in my dreams you walk dripping from a sea- 
              journey on the highway across America in tears 
              to the door of my cottage in the Western night 

 

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